A little bit of history repeating
Just spent the last hour reading past posts. I know it's been a LONG time since I posted on here but this post should remind me in another few years that things never change.
Last few years have been pretty crazy. I guess my last post on here was the high before the inevitable downward spiral that I was on. Things did get better for a time. I got promoted to a new store in 2010 as the guru thanks to Vicks n sunny for alerting me to the job. As with anything it started of great but as I got older and was still in the same place and working conditions for worse I just drove deeper into my own world. Toward the end I was drinking 8 cans of beer a night or half a bottle of pastis. I was still drunk my mid day and could hardly eat a thing. At the time a lass called Jorjia was flirting with me all the time. Yeah it was just because it made her feel good and she used it to get what she wanted. Yes she was a bit of a bitch. But in the end she helped save me. At the crunch point she was the one who got me to admit my problem. Got me to admit that I needed help. Not today that the next few months were rosey. They really weren't. I tried very hard but the new manager really didn't like me. In the end I was pretty much framed. Ended up having to either walk or face a long dissaplinary and being fired. So. I walked. Hardest thing I've ever done. Pretty much the only time I've cried in front of friends. I hugged Jorjia saying goodbye and she told me I was silly we'd still be friends, yeah I was right ;).
But then a mirical happened. That night a friend and colleague who'd moved on Heard what happened and said he'd talk to his boss the next day. By the end of the next day I had an interview on the Friday. 6 weeks later I'm walking through the most famous building in the UK as I have done since.
I'm really proud of what happened. To go from ruin to smoking a fag up against the most iconic building I the UK. It's awesome. I've met so many fantastic people in the last year n a bit.
But
Ya know
I've been reading my previous posts
And history really does repeat itself....
Vicks was someone that I instantly got a connection with back when I first spent two weeks at the Maidstone branch. I've always gotten on better with women and she was my sort of person. Then I was the guru for a month before the fat man got the job and I got on with her still. When finally she and sunny told me that the fat man had asked for a transfer it was brilliant as I could finally apply for the job I wanted. During the early days her n Carly were friends. The only two at work that I actually looked forward to seeing but not exactly close to the stage of socialising. We'd talk about stuff but not really that close. There was a point where we got closer and talked about personal stuff but it was always a light friendship. And then I went downhill. I blocked off everyone including Vicks. To the stage where we never had an argument but I still remember her saying how we had grown apart and not talking anymore after I'd given up alcohol.
After I walked out of O2 and was awaiting my new job she was the only one I still saw. My working life was fantastic and hers was just getting worse and worse. I really wanted to help her as a mate. I tried and failed and the hardest thing was telling her that my boss had given someone else the job I thought she'd be able to apply to apply for.
Eventually he was forced to pull out. I walked up from the station trying to stress to her that the job might turn into more than six months and was really pleased when she applied for it.
Gimme sympathy once all of this is gone
I don't know how or why but we got close. She has been a friend for years. Someone I cared about but not someone id want to be more with. So really I don't know it happened. We'd go to lunch everyday. We'd talk on the train and text each other frequently. We'd go to the pub and talk. She'd be more open with me about her life than anyone else. I'd tell her things I've not told anyone. And when we weren't talking we were ok with silence. "It's so nice to know someone that your ok with comfortable silences." Her words but I agree.
I never really understood how much I cared. It sort of sneaked up on me. Id spend weekends wondering if she'd text but I thought it was just stock home syndrome. As I said been friends for years and I've never thought of her that way.
The sadest thing of all is knowing that the moment I realised how much I care was the moment she said "I seriously need a pint" and terry said something a long the lines of "well come with me". On leaving Vicks said she'd see me on the 6.30. My heart sank. On the way to the station I got a gin n tonic. Text Vicks. The response I got made me crush the can before fully drunk. I knew what would happen. She'd spend the night with him. Nothing but a snog and a hotel room. Took three days of jealous texting and a Sunday spent drinking with her to get that.
Nothing going on
Me in a few years. Right now I regret that she split with Elliot after that. At least Elliot was a good man. A bit away with the faries but not an alcoholic who had 4 kids and was technically was with someone. How ever I feel and however hard this feels.
She would text terry a lot over the next week. Was sort of pleased that he wasn't coming out to our drinks. Till he did. Had a long convo with him outside while drunk. All I remember was having a go at him and him saying "if you want to go for it go for it but you've got to really want it". I realise he meant cos if you don't I am.
I woke up in my hotel room. No memory of how I got there. I stumbled in the state I was to pick up my phone. Vicks had text me about getting out around 7.30 and I saw the bubbles that she was texting so I rang her "hey no idea how I got here but let's get out of here. Meet you in five" or something like that.
So started the best day of my life. I did the walk of shame back to work. Not having a clue what's happened other than those words of Terry's but not getting it.
Felt so amazing to get changed I must say but I knew I said some things so computer on. Find his number and text him I don't remember anything and to not tell anyone about our conversation.
We walked to trafalga square. Chatting all the way. I mentioned that Camden was in that direction and Vicks took that as a challenge. We walked to Camden. Found the most awesome food market and had some great food. Walked through Regent's Park and Hyde park to finally find a pub where we spent hours chatting.
She said the faitful words that will go a long side charlottes "everything i do is for you", by saying "today's been amazing it's like the planets alignd". They really had. Mercury earth and Jupiter.
Even today she repeated those words after texting that it'd been the best day ever.
And the she spends the rest of the day texting terry.
I really don't think I'll understand how I feel so close to her. And she'll never understand how bad she's made me feel today and since. I'd love to say it's about terry being an arsewhole alcoholic who has 4 kids and a technical girlfriend but it really isn't. It's because I've never had some as close as her. Never let anyone into my life like her. She knows more about me than anyone. She made me happy. She made me know that I'm not a lone.
Last few years have been pretty crazy. I guess my last post on here was the high before the inevitable downward spiral that I was on. Things did get better for a time. I got promoted to a new store in 2010 as the guru thanks to Vicks n sunny for alerting me to the job. As with anything it started of great but as I got older and was still in the same place and working conditions for worse I just drove deeper into my own world. Toward the end I was drinking 8 cans of beer a night or half a bottle of pastis. I was still drunk my mid day and could hardly eat a thing. At the time a lass called Jorjia was flirting with me all the time. Yeah it was just because it made her feel good and she used it to get what she wanted. Yes she was a bit of a bitch. But in the end she helped save me. At the crunch point she was the one who got me to admit my problem. Got me to admit that I needed help. Not today that the next few months were rosey. They really weren't. I tried very hard but the new manager really didn't like me. In the end I was pretty much framed. Ended up having to either walk or face a long dissaplinary and being fired. So. I walked. Hardest thing I've ever done. Pretty much the only time I've cried in front of friends. I hugged Jorjia saying goodbye and she told me I was silly we'd still be friends, yeah I was right ;).
But then a mirical happened. That night a friend and colleague who'd moved on Heard what happened and said he'd talk to his boss the next day. By the end of the next day I had an interview on the Friday. 6 weeks later I'm walking through the most famous building in the UK as I have done since.
I'm really proud of what happened. To go from ruin to smoking a fag up against the most iconic building I the UK. It's awesome. I've met so many fantastic people in the last year n a bit.
But
Ya know
I've been reading my previous posts
And history really does repeat itself....
Vicks was someone that I instantly got a connection with back when I first spent two weeks at the Maidstone branch. I've always gotten on better with women and she was my sort of person. Then I was the guru for a month before the fat man got the job and I got on with her still. When finally she and sunny told me that the fat man had asked for a transfer it was brilliant as I could finally apply for the job I wanted. During the early days her n Carly were friends. The only two at work that I actually looked forward to seeing but not exactly close to the stage of socialising. We'd talk about stuff but not really that close. There was a point where we got closer and talked about personal stuff but it was always a light friendship. And then I went downhill. I blocked off everyone including Vicks. To the stage where we never had an argument but I still remember her saying how we had grown apart and not talking anymore after I'd given up alcohol.
After I walked out of O2 and was awaiting my new job she was the only one I still saw. My working life was fantastic and hers was just getting worse and worse. I really wanted to help her as a mate. I tried and failed and the hardest thing was telling her that my boss had given someone else the job I thought she'd be able to apply to apply for.
Eventually he was forced to pull out. I walked up from the station trying to stress to her that the job might turn into more than six months and was really pleased when she applied for it.
Gimme sympathy once all of this is gone
I don't know how or why but we got close. She has been a friend for years. Someone I cared about but not someone id want to be more with. So really I don't know it happened. We'd go to lunch everyday. We'd talk on the train and text each other frequently. We'd go to the pub and talk. She'd be more open with me about her life than anyone else. I'd tell her things I've not told anyone. And when we weren't talking we were ok with silence. "It's so nice to know someone that your ok with comfortable silences." Her words but I agree.
I never really understood how much I cared. It sort of sneaked up on me. Id spend weekends wondering if she'd text but I thought it was just stock home syndrome. As I said been friends for years and I've never thought of her that way.
The sadest thing of all is knowing that the moment I realised how much I care was the moment she said "I seriously need a pint" and terry said something a long the lines of "well come with me". On leaving Vicks said she'd see me on the 6.30. My heart sank. On the way to the station I got a gin n tonic. Text Vicks. The response I got made me crush the can before fully drunk. I knew what would happen. She'd spend the night with him. Nothing but a snog and a hotel room. Took three days of jealous texting and a Sunday spent drinking with her to get that.
Nothing going on
Me in a few years. Right now I regret that she split with Elliot after that. At least Elliot was a good man. A bit away with the faries but not an alcoholic who had 4 kids and was technically was with someone. How ever I feel and however hard this feels.
She would text terry a lot over the next week. Was sort of pleased that he wasn't coming out to our drinks. Till he did. Had a long convo with him outside while drunk. All I remember was having a go at him and him saying "if you want to go for it go for it but you've got to really want it". I realise he meant cos if you don't I am.
I woke up in my hotel room. No memory of how I got there. I stumbled in the state I was to pick up my phone. Vicks had text me about getting out around 7.30 and I saw the bubbles that she was texting so I rang her "hey no idea how I got here but let's get out of here. Meet you in five" or something like that.
So started the best day of my life. I did the walk of shame back to work. Not having a clue what's happened other than those words of Terry's but not getting it.
Felt so amazing to get changed I must say but I knew I said some things so computer on. Find his number and text him I don't remember anything and to not tell anyone about our conversation.
We walked to trafalga square. Chatting all the way. I mentioned that Camden was in that direction and Vicks took that as a challenge. We walked to Camden. Found the most awesome food market and had some great food. Walked through Regent's Park and Hyde park to finally find a pub where we spent hours chatting.
She said the faitful words that will go a long side charlottes "everything i do is for you", by saying "today's been amazing it's like the planets alignd". They really had. Mercury earth and Jupiter.
Even today she repeated those words after texting that it'd been the best day ever.
And the she spends the rest of the day texting terry.
I really don't think I'll understand how I feel so close to her. And she'll never understand how bad she's made me feel today and since. I'd love to say it's about terry being an arsewhole alcoholic who has 4 kids and a technical girlfriend but it really isn't. It's because I've never had some as close as her. Never let anyone into my life like her. She knows more about me than anyone. She made me happy. She made me know that I'm not a lone.