In that sleep of death...
I got No Country for Old Men and Stargate: The Ark of Truth today. Ark of Truth wasn't that bad, I didn't fall asleep watching it so thats a good thing(I guess). It was a just ending to the Ori story that they had going in the TV show. No Country... I saw in the theaters back in january of the year and I really liked it. Although the ending is abrupt and odd or different, it does catch you off guard. Still its a good film.
Over the last couple of days I've been waking up in the morning, I would do my business(feed the birds), and then fall back asleep, and not waking until midday or later. During such falling outs I would experience long heavy dream sequences. Most nights before I would go to sleep earlier too, so its not like I'm staying up late or anything. I just wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and wish I had an answer. At least with an answer I can figure out what to do from there, maybe.
Today I found myself stuttering or tripping over my words. When I'm alone in my room and I'm speaking out loud--which I do to logicially work out a thought or problem: its one thing to think a thought, its another and richer thing to hear it, see it(writing it down) et cetera--I don't trip or stutter at all on words I know. I probably sound like a fool when I'm talking to others.
Oh, there was a fire in my building, on my floor, on monday coming from sunday around 1am. No one was hurt, two apartments burned, one was empty, the other the people probably have to move. It was the empty apartment that the fire started from too. Wrote a post for it on monday when the cable came back on(we were the only ones to lose service,) but I just couldn't post it for some reason.
I was feeling rather well, for a while earlier today, if not momentarily. I was thinking about Nell and Cresent and that book, thought about "The Sound of Drums", and Kafka and Allegra in general.(I want to give Kafka a coat like Virgil's from Devil May Cry 3, I was playing it the other day and just thought it was so fucking cool.) Another thing was I couldn't remember what I used to name/describe the bag Allegra has, 'bottomless satchel' I was thinking but I'm not sure, either way it will stay like that for now.
Even though I feel horrible, terrible, right now, I hope tomorrow I can get something written.
Its getting harder to live with myself lately, having no confidence and zero selfesteem of any kind. I just can't do anything right, not even live.
I have names for two new short stories(I tend to think of them as short stories for now):
"Kismet Shuffle",and "State Death" or "Death State". Kismet Shuffle will probably be about fate or destiny as the title implies, maybe I'll throw in my concept of the gravity of fate in it too. With Death State I want to explore the idea of death and consciousness. Like when we sleep do we actually die, and when we wake its just a copy of memory and thought loaded up, never knewing its a new you and your merely an instantance of a existence. That could be the whole thing right there. They're just ideas, things to put on a shelf, and watch gather dust.
Its almost 4am and I don't know if I'm not tired or just don't want to go to sleep.
Oh but what dreams will come...
Over the last couple of days I've been waking up in the morning, I would do my business(feed the birds), and then fall back asleep, and not waking until midday or later. During such falling outs I would experience long heavy dream sequences. Most nights before I would go to sleep earlier too, so its not like I'm staying up late or anything. I just wonder what the fuck is wrong with me and wish I had an answer. At least with an answer I can figure out what to do from there, maybe.
Today I found myself stuttering or tripping over my words. When I'm alone in my room and I'm speaking out loud--which I do to logicially work out a thought or problem: its one thing to think a thought, its another and richer thing to hear it, see it(writing it down) et cetera--I don't trip or stutter at all on words I know. I probably sound like a fool when I'm talking to others.
Oh, there was a fire in my building, on my floor, on monday coming from sunday around 1am. No one was hurt, two apartments burned, one was empty, the other the people probably have to move. It was the empty apartment that the fire started from too. Wrote a post for it on monday when the cable came back on(we were the only ones to lose service,) but I just couldn't post it for some reason.
I was feeling rather well, for a while earlier today, if not momentarily. I was thinking about Nell and Cresent and that book, thought about "The Sound of Drums", and Kafka and Allegra in general.(I want to give Kafka a coat like Virgil's from Devil May Cry 3, I was playing it the other day and just thought it was so fucking cool.) Another thing was I couldn't remember what I used to name/describe the bag Allegra has, 'bottomless satchel' I was thinking but I'm not sure, either way it will stay like that for now.
Even though I feel horrible, terrible, right now, I hope tomorrow I can get something written.
Its getting harder to live with myself lately, having no confidence and zero selfesteem of any kind. I just can't do anything right, not even live.
I have names for two new short stories(I tend to think of them as short stories for now):
"Kismet Shuffle",and "State Death" or "Death State". Kismet Shuffle will probably be about fate or destiny as the title implies, maybe I'll throw in my concept of the gravity of fate in it too. With Death State I want to explore the idea of death and consciousness. Like when we sleep do we actually die, and when we wake its just a copy of memory and thought loaded up, never knewing its a new you and your merely an instantance of a existence. That could be the whole thing right there. They're just ideas, things to put on a shelf, and watch gather dust.
Its almost 4am and I don't know if I'm not tired or just don't want to go to sleep.
Oh but what dreams will come...