For A Horse With Wings 6/?
Title: For a Horse With Wings
Author: kashoku_yoshiko
Word count: WIP
Spoilers: Just know who Dean and Castiel are
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU, Mental Health Issues
Summary: Dean has worked with horses all his life, but work as a ranch hand doesn’t pay the bills to put his brother through school. When a job opportunity to be the groom at Golden Gate Farms for one of the most decorated eventers of the time pops up, Dean hops on the chance. Unfortunately, Castiel Novak turns out to be a huge dick.
Author's Note: I finally republished my LiveJournal account! So I will now be posting chapters to my account and posting snippets/drabbles and such to my journal so definitely come friend me! This chapter is a little shorter than normal, but I wanted to keep my updates frequent. I got a LOT of flack for having the 'sudden' action between Dean/Cas....I had my reasons for it, and hopefully it'll start becoming a little clearer. I've had this idea in my head since the beginning and we're finally here for it to surface. But if flamers feel the need to flame, who am I to stop them?
Previous: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5
“I just don’t understand it. His pediatricians said it was a normal phase that all children went through, but I feel like it’s just gotten worse, Dr. Barnes.”
“Well, in many cases they were right to assume he would grow out of it, Mrs. Novak, but there are rare cases where it develops into something more. I’d have to sit down with Castiel and talk to him myself, but I’d bet my degree that he’s developed Separation Anxiety Syndrome,” Dr. Pamela Barnes explained coolly.
Mrs. Novak clutched at her heart and looked at the doctor with pleading eyes, “What can we do?”
“Well, the good news is that even those with severe SAD grow out of it in their teens, but we will have to deal with it in the meantime. The best thing would be to find something to occupy him while you and his father are gone; something to keep his mind engaged. I hear equine therapy does wonders for anxiety…..”
“….I don’t understand!” Anna shouted angrily at Dr. Barnes. “You told my mother this would go away! He’s 18 and it’s only getting worse!”
“Miss Novak, please,” Dr. Barnes sighed. “There are always extreme circumstances, and unfortunately your mother’s passing has shoved Castiel further into his anxiety. He’s developed Adult Separation Anxiety Syndrome and I’m very sorry to say that once it’s reached that level there is no full recovery from it. It’ll always be there.”
“There has to be something we can do! I can’t go anywhere without him for fear he’ll hurt himself emotionally or physically in my absence. The only thing he has that keeps him calm is the horses, and my brother is already threatening to take them away.”
Dr. Barnes shifted her weight with annoyance. “There are some anti-anxiety medications we can try. Let’s set up some sessions as well. It’s not possible to get rid of ASAD completely, but we can definitely contain it with some work. We can work on desensitizing him when he has to be separated from you or the horses.”
Anna ran her fingers over her temple and clenched her jaw before crossing her arms in front of her chest. “What are the long-term problems he faces with this....?”
“….Castiel, do you understand what is going on with you?”
“Yes,” Castiel responded as he kept his eyes glued to the carpet beneath Dr. Barnes’s feet.
“How did it make you feel when you read that pamphlet I gave you on ASAD?”
“Upset.”
“Why is that?”
“I exhibit most of the symptoms.”
“Why don’t you tell me which symptoms you feel you have?”
With a deep breath Castiel began listing them, “I fall in to all the categories that people with ASAD normally are in. I have no higher education, I have never been in a relationship, and for all intense and purposes I am unemployed. My peers at riding school would also argue I exhibit the likely mood disorders that come with ASAD as well.”
“What do you mean?”
“It said in the pamphlet that people with ASAD often develop antisocial tendencies. Well…I’m rather antisocial….”
“….Elaine quit today,” Castiel spoke somberly as he stared out the window.
“I thought you told me Elaine wasn’t very good at her job?” Dr. Barnes questioned.
“She wasn’t.”
“Then why are you so upset she left?”
“Because I’m alone again…”
Castiel woke with a start at the sound of his alarm blaring on the nightstand of the hotel room. There was a sudden flash of light that had him hissing in pain as his eyes struggled to adjust. Dean was already up and stretching from his position on the floor. He had refused to share a bed and after much insistence took his place below the beds.
“Rise and shine!” Dean grinned.
“You’re far too cheery in the morning, you know that?” Chuck groaned.
Castiel let himself sink back into the bed as his dreams raced through his brain. He could hear Dr. Barnes’s voice in his head warning him to not get attached, but the rider knew that was far from late. Dean infuriated him most of the time, but he was also the first groom he had ever had other than Chuck that was patient and unrelenting. Curling himself into a slight ball he regretted ever having kissed Dean the night before. It would make it that much harder when the inevitable happened and Dean left.
“Hey,” Dean rocked Castiel’s shoulders underneath the covers, “Come on, man. You’re the last person who gets to be lazy. It’s time for you to go win blue ribbons.”
“I’m up,” Castiel groaned in a deeper than normal tone. Throwing off the covers he made straight for the bathroom making sure he locked the door behind him. Rummaging through his toiletry bag he pulled out the orange bottle of pills and opened the lid.
/*/
Dean was an idiot. A Grade-A idiot. It was hardly unusual for Dean to have sex with people he fucking despised, but this - THIS - was off the deep end. And to think he had foreshadowed further occurrences to Castiel about it. It was the most reckless thing he had probably ever done under employment.
But that wasn’t even the thing that bothered him the most. It was the fact that Castiel was so sincere. To be honest, Dean hadn’t taken much of that in during the time because - hello - frottage. It wasn’t much of a secret that the Winchester loved to think with his dick and that was pretty much what had happened. And shit…he had teased at another incidence. Was Castiel just in on the hate-sex or was there actually something there and the man just had the absolute worst way of showing it?
With a heavy sigh Dean rubbed at his face and decided he’s confront Castiel about it later when the show wasn’t on his mind. Balthazar’s dressage test was first and he had to focus on getting him ready to ride. Braids were perfect and tack was shining by the time Castiel took the reins from Dean and mounted.
“Make sure to listen for my name being called to be on-deck. I will do my best to keep track of time, but I may be preoccupied,” Castiel spoke as he settled himself in the saddle.
Dean nodded, “Ok.” His notice wasn’t needed, though, as Castiel arrived precisely on time to ride his test.
There was very little that Dean actually understood about Dressage, but it was very obvious to even him the difference between the way Balthazar and Inias moved. Both horses rode the same test, but they were entirely different tests. Balthazar went through the motions and tried to fight it whereas Inias simply floated across the ground.
When the scores were announced, though, Dean was a bit confused. Balthazar had ridden a 38.5, but Inias had ridden a 23.4. “I could have sworn Inias had the better ride,” he commented as Castiel dismounted and handed Dean the reigns.
Castiel gave a perturbed glance in Dean’s direction. “He did. I would have thought you would have at least figured out by now that the lowest score wins.”
Dean could feel his cheeks flush red. “I knew that…You and Inias looked great.” It was a poor attempt to divert the conversation, but Dean tried none-the-less.
Castiel took a minute, but eventually responded, “Thank you.”
Dean waited to see if Castiel would say anything else, but he remained silent. His effort was proving futile. “So…is that it for the day?”
“Yes,” Castiel responded. “Make sure to wrap them both and put electrolytes in their waters. I need everything they have for tomorrow. We can feed around three and call it an early day. I would like to watch the other competitors in the mean time.”
“Would you mind if I tagged along after I get Inias and Balthy situated?”
Castiel’s brow furrowed skeptically for a moment before hesitantly answering, “I…suppose it would be alright.”
It was a very awkward silence for Dean sitting in the stands next to Castiel as they watched the other riders. Every once-in-a-while Dean would glance over and see the pure concentration on his boss’s face. With a flick of his tongue over his lips he leaned in and asked, “So mind going in to a bit of detail as to what’s going on down there?”
Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he sat there in contemplation long enough Dean figured the answer was ‘no’. The rider surprised him though as he began describing the movements taking place, “From B to M the horse and rider must conduct a shoulder-in movement. You can’t simply turn your horse’s head to the inside to force his shoulders over. His whole body must move at an angle.”
“So what’s the judge looking for when he scores it?”
“There’s a column in the scoring that tells you what the judge was looking for precisely on each movement. With this he’s looking for a quality moving trot, the angle, and a correct bend. You should always be able to see just the corner of your horse’s eye.” Castiel paused as the rider began his next movement. “An extended trot. They want to seem as if they are gliding across the ground. The judge wants to see clear extension.”
“He doesn’t seem like he’s covering much ground,” Dean murmured as he watched.
Castiel hummed in agreement. “The horse has no impulsion. He’ll receive a 6 perhaps…”
Dean shifted his weight and sat up straighter. “I’ve seen a lot of horses that don’t seem to be that great at Dressage.”
“Yes,” Castiel agreed, “But then that is the thing about Eventing, is it not? A horse that excels in all three is a rare thing indeed. To succeed at Dressage you must have suppleness, smoothness, and complete obedience. To reach the finish line of cross-country you must have speed, endurance, and most of all courage. Show Jumping tests stamina and recovery. All these horses are good at every event, but only the winner is great.”
Dean’s eyes watched the changes in Castiel’s expression as he continued to watch. They were small, but the Winchester knew that despite it all the rider did have more than one emotion. There was a hidden passion beneath it all. Licking his lips he contemplated bringing up the previous night but decided to push it to the side for later. There was no need to cause his boss to lose his concentration.
After all the rides had concluded Balthazar sat comfortably in 8th place while Inias sat above them all in 1st. Dean praised the rider, but Castiel only seemed more worried about it.
“I don’t like being in first after Dressage,” Castiel stated as they began making their way to the truck to head back to the hotel for the night.
“Why? It’s awesome. You even won a ribbon for highest score…er lowest I guess,” Dean said as he swung his bag into the backseat next to Chuck.
“He feels like it’s too much pressure,” Chuck answered.
“Oh, so go for 1st, get 2nd and you’re a failure. Go for 10th and get 9th and you’re an overachiever. Makes sense,” Dean rolled his eyes as he hopped into the driver’s seat. But truthfully…Dean understood the notion quite well. He remembered plenty of times that he had been in a good position at cutting competitions and suddenly screwed everything up because of his nerves.
“Just once I’d like to win the entire weekend on Inias,” Castiel sighed over the roaring start of the engine.
“So just don’t look at the score,” Dean shrugged.
Castiel’s brow knitted itself together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, stop looking at your Dressage score. Stop looking at all the scores. If you need to check time changes or whatever I can do it. Stay away from the score sheets. That way there’s no pressure if you don’t know where you stand.” Dean looked over towards the passenger seat and locked eyes with Castiel.
It wasn’t until a cough from Chuck that the two turned back to the road and fell back into an easy silence.
Cas sucked in a deep breath through his nose and let his forehead rest against the cool glass of the truck as they drove in silence….
“…He’s infuriating.”
“If he upsets you so much, why did you hire him Castiel?” Dr. Barnes asked as she tapped her pen against the paper.
Castiel rolled his shoulders back and clenched his jaw. “He was the only one who had applied…I was so desperate…”
“To fill the position or to have someone to be around?”
“…Both, I suppose.”
Dr. Barnes scribbled something on the paper before offering up a smile and asking, “So what is it about Dean that’s so infuriating?”
“He’s…different. Unconventional. Stubborn.”
Dr. Barnes laughed, “So he’s not like you? He doesn’t always listen to what you say, am I right?”
“Dean always has to have an opinion and make it known,” Castiel huffed.
“So do you,” she pointed out with amusement. “Do some of his opinions turn out to be good ones…?”
Reluctantly Castiel gave a nod, “There have been times they have proved useful.”
“Well, that’s a first. Look at you taking someone else’s advice. This is good, Castiel.”
“I fail to see the ‘good’ in it. I can’t let go of an attachment to someone who irritates me.”
Dr. Barnes gave a sly smile, “If he irritates you so much, why do you pay so much attention to him?”
Author: kashoku_yoshiko
Word count: WIP
Spoilers: Just know who Dean and Castiel are
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: AU, Mental Health Issues
Summary: Dean has worked with horses all his life, but work as a ranch hand doesn’t pay the bills to put his brother through school. When a job opportunity to be the groom at Golden Gate Farms for one of the most decorated eventers of the time pops up, Dean hops on the chance. Unfortunately, Castiel Novak turns out to be a huge dick.
Author's Note: I finally republished my LiveJournal account! So I will now be posting chapters to my account and posting snippets/drabbles and such to my journal so definitely come friend me! This chapter is a little shorter than normal, but I wanted to keep my updates frequent. I got a LOT of flack for having the 'sudden' action between Dean/Cas....I had my reasons for it, and hopefully it'll start becoming a little clearer. I've had this idea in my head since the beginning and we're finally here for it to surface. But if flamers feel the need to flame, who am I to stop them?
Previous: Chapter 1 / Chapter 2 / Chapter 3 / Chapter 4 / Chapter 5
“I just don’t understand it. His pediatricians said it was a normal phase that all children went through, but I feel like it’s just gotten worse, Dr. Barnes.”
“Well, in many cases they were right to assume he would grow out of it, Mrs. Novak, but there are rare cases where it develops into something more. I’d have to sit down with Castiel and talk to him myself, but I’d bet my degree that he’s developed Separation Anxiety Syndrome,” Dr. Pamela Barnes explained coolly.
Mrs. Novak clutched at her heart and looked at the doctor with pleading eyes, “What can we do?”
“Well, the good news is that even those with severe SAD grow out of it in their teens, but we will have to deal with it in the meantime. The best thing would be to find something to occupy him while you and his father are gone; something to keep his mind engaged. I hear equine therapy does wonders for anxiety…..”
“….I don’t understand!” Anna shouted angrily at Dr. Barnes. “You told my mother this would go away! He’s 18 and it’s only getting worse!”
“Miss Novak, please,” Dr. Barnes sighed. “There are always extreme circumstances, and unfortunately your mother’s passing has shoved Castiel further into his anxiety. He’s developed Adult Separation Anxiety Syndrome and I’m very sorry to say that once it’s reached that level there is no full recovery from it. It’ll always be there.”
“There has to be something we can do! I can’t go anywhere without him for fear he’ll hurt himself emotionally or physically in my absence. The only thing he has that keeps him calm is the horses, and my brother is already threatening to take them away.”
Dr. Barnes shifted her weight with annoyance. “There are some anti-anxiety medications we can try. Let’s set up some sessions as well. It’s not possible to get rid of ASAD completely, but we can definitely contain it with some work. We can work on desensitizing him when he has to be separated from you or the horses.”
Anna ran her fingers over her temple and clenched her jaw before crossing her arms in front of her chest. “What are the long-term problems he faces with this....?”
“….Castiel, do you understand what is going on with you?”
“Yes,” Castiel responded as he kept his eyes glued to the carpet beneath Dr. Barnes’s feet.
“How did it make you feel when you read that pamphlet I gave you on ASAD?”
“Upset.”
“Why is that?”
“I exhibit most of the symptoms.”
“Why don’t you tell me which symptoms you feel you have?”
With a deep breath Castiel began listing them, “I fall in to all the categories that people with ASAD normally are in. I have no higher education, I have never been in a relationship, and for all intense and purposes I am unemployed. My peers at riding school would also argue I exhibit the likely mood disorders that come with ASAD as well.”
“What do you mean?”
“It said in the pamphlet that people with ASAD often develop antisocial tendencies. Well…I’m rather antisocial….”
“….Elaine quit today,” Castiel spoke somberly as he stared out the window.
“I thought you told me Elaine wasn’t very good at her job?” Dr. Barnes questioned.
“She wasn’t.”
“Then why are you so upset she left?”
“Because I’m alone again…”
Castiel woke with a start at the sound of his alarm blaring on the nightstand of the hotel room. There was a sudden flash of light that had him hissing in pain as his eyes struggled to adjust. Dean was already up and stretching from his position on the floor. He had refused to share a bed and after much insistence took his place below the beds.
“Rise and shine!” Dean grinned.
“You’re far too cheery in the morning, you know that?” Chuck groaned.
Castiel let himself sink back into the bed as his dreams raced through his brain. He could hear Dr. Barnes’s voice in his head warning him to not get attached, but the rider knew that was far from late. Dean infuriated him most of the time, but he was also the first groom he had ever had other than Chuck that was patient and unrelenting. Curling himself into a slight ball he regretted ever having kissed Dean the night before. It would make it that much harder when the inevitable happened and Dean left.
“Hey,” Dean rocked Castiel’s shoulders underneath the covers, “Come on, man. You’re the last person who gets to be lazy. It’s time for you to go win blue ribbons.”
“I’m up,” Castiel groaned in a deeper than normal tone. Throwing off the covers he made straight for the bathroom making sure he locked the door behind him. Rummaging through his toiletry bag he pulled out the orange bottle of pills and opened the lid.
/*/
Dean was an idiot. A Grade-A idiot. It was hardly unusual for Dean to have sex with people he fucking despised, but this - THIS - was off the deep end. And to think he had foreshadowed further occurrences to Castiel about it. It was the most reckless thing he had probably ever done under employment.
But that wasn’t even the thing that bothered him the most. It was the fact that Castiel was so sincere. To be honest, Dean hadn’t taken much of that in during the time because - hello - frottage. It wasn’t much of a secret that the Winchester loved to think with his dick and that was pretty much what had happened. And shit…he had teased at another incidence. Was Castiel just in on the hate-sex or was there actually something there and the man just had the absolute worst way of showing it?
With a heavy sigh Dean rubbed at his face and decided he’s confront Castiel about it later when the show wasn’t on his mind. Balthazar’s dressage test was first and he had to focus on getting him ready to ride. Braids were perfect and tack was shining by the time Castiel took the reins from Dean and mounted.
“Make sure to listen for my name being called to be on-deck. I will do my best to keep track of time, but I may be preoccupied,” Castiel spoke as he settled himself in the saddle.
Dean nodded, “Ok.” His notice wasn’t needed, though, as Castiel arrived precisely on time to ride his test.
There was very little that Dean actually understood about Dressage, but it was very obvious to even him the difference between the way Balthazar and Inias moved. Both horses rode the same test, but they were entirely different tests. Balthazar went through the motions and tried to fight it whereas Inias simply floated across the ground.
When the scores were announced, though, Dean was a bit confused. Balthazar had ridden a 38.5, but Inias had ridden a 23.4. “I could have sworn Inias had the better ride,” he commented as Castiel dismounted and handed Dean the reigns.
Castiel gave a perturbed glance in Dean’s direction. “He did. I would have thought you would have at least figured out by now that the lowest score wins.”
Dean could feel his cheeks flush red. “I knew that…You and Inias looked great.” It was a poor attempt to divert the conversation, but Dean tried none-the-less.
Castiel took a minute, but eventually responded, “Thank you.”
Dean waited to see if Castiel would say anything else, but he remained silent. His effort was proving futile. “So…is that it for the day?”
“Yes,” Castiel responded. “Make sure to wrap them both and put electrolytes in their waters. I need everything they have for tomorrow. We can feed around three and call it an early day. I would like to watch the other competitors in the mean time.”
“Would you mind if I tagged along after I get Inias and Balthy situated?”
Castiel’s brow furrowed skeptically for a moment before hesitantly answering, “I…suppose it would be alright.”
It was a very awkward silence for Dean sitting in the stands next to Castiel as they watched the other riders. Every once-in-a-while Dean would glance over and see the pure concentration on his boss’s face. With a flick of his tongue over his lips he leaned in and asked, “So mind going in to a bit of detail as to what’s going on down there?”
Castiel’s eyes narrowed and he sat there in contemplation long enough Dean figured the answer was ‘no’. The rider surprised him though as he began describing the movements taking place, “From B to M the horse and rider must conduct a shoulder-in movement. You can’t simply turn your horse’s head to the inside to force his shoulders over. His whole body must move at an angle.”
“So what’s the judge looking for when he scores it?”
“There’s a column in the scoring that tells you what the judge was looking for precisely on each movement. With this he’s looking for a quality moving trot, the angle, and a correct bend. You should always be able to see just the corner of your horse’s eye.” Castiel paused as the rider began his next movement. “An extended trot. They want to seem as if they are gliding across the ground. The judge wants to see clear extension.”
“He doesn’t seem like he’s covering much ground,” Dean murmured as he watched.
Castiel hummed in agreement. “The horse has no impulsion. He’ll receive a 6 perhaps…”
Dean shifted his weight and sat up straighter. “I’ve seen a lot of horses that don’t seem to be that great at Dressage.”
“Yes,” Castiel agreed, “But then that is the thing about Eventing, is it not? A horse that excels in all three is a rare thing indeed. To succeed at Dressage you must have suppleness, smoothness, and complete obedience. To reach the finish line of cross-country you must have speed, endurance, and most of all courage. Show Jumping tests stamina and recovery. All these horses are good at every event, but only the winner is great.”
Dean’s eyes watched the changes in Castiel’s expression as he continued to watch. They were small, but the Winchester knew that despite it all the rider did have more than one emotion. There was a hidden passion beneath it all. Licking his lips he contemplated bringing up the previous night but decided to push it to the side for later. There was no need to cause his boss to lose his concentration.
After all the rides had concluded Balthazar sat comfortably in 8th place while Inias sat above them all in 1st. Dean praised the rider, but Castiel only seemed more worried about it.
“I don’t like being in first after Dressage,” Castiel stated as they began making their way to the truck to head back to the hotel for the night.
“Why? It’s awesome. You even won a ribbon for highest score…er lowest I guess,” Dean said as he swung his bag into the backseat next to Chuck.
“He feels like it’s too much pressure,” Chuck answered.
“Oh, so go for 1st, get 2nd and you’re a failure. Go for 10th and get 9th and you’re an overachiever. Makes sense,” Dean rolled his eyes as he hopped into the driver’s seat. But truthfully…Dean understood the notion quite well. He remembered plenty of times that he had been in a good position at cutting competitions and suddenly screwed everything up because of his nerves.
“Just once I’d like to win the entire weekend on Inias,” Castiel sighed over the roaring start of the engine.
“So just don’t look at the score,” Dean shrugged.
Castiel’s brow knitted itself together. “What do you mean?”
“I mean, stop looking at your Dressage score. Stop looking at all the scores. If you need to check time changes or whatever I can do it. Stay away from the score sheets. That way there’s no pressure if you don’t know where you stand.” Dean looked over towards the passenger seat and locked eyes with Castiel.
It wasn’t until a cough from Chuck that the two turned back to the road and fell back into an easy silence.
Cas sucked in a deep breath through his nose and let his forehead rest against the cool glass of the truck as they drove in silence….
“…He’s infuriating.”
“If he upsets you so much, why did you hire him Castiel?” Dr. Barnes asked as she tapped her pen against the paper.
Castiel rolled his shoulders back and clenched his jaw. “He was the only one who had applied…I was so desperate…”
“To fill the position or to have someone to be around?”
“…Both, I suppose.”
Dr. Barnes scribbled something on the paper before offering up a smile and asking, “So what is it about Dean that’s so infuriating?”
“He’s…different. Unconventional. Stubborn.”
Dr. Barnes laughed, “So he’s not like you? He doesn’t always listen to what you say, am I right?”
“Dean always has to have an opinion and make it known,” Castiel huffed.
“So do you,” she pointed out with amusement. “Do some of his opinions turn out to be good ones…?”
Reluctantly Castiel gave a nod, “There have been times they have proved useful.”
“Well, that’s a first. Look at you taking someone else’s advice. This is good, Castiel.”
“I fail to see the ‘good’ in it. I can’t let go of an attachment to someone who irritates me.”
Dr. Barnes gave a sly smile, “If he irritates you so much, why do you pay so much attention to him?”