thoughts...
i have a lot running through my head right now...and i dont know where a lot of it came from...and i cant even articulate it a lot. i guess it just kinda hit me tonight. a lot hit me tonight. ...dont know where thats going at the moment so i think im just going to leave it.
hung out with alisha tonight. havent seen her since may when she came to central to visit me. i hadnt realized how much i missed her. it was so good to see her. we just hung out and talked and looked at pictures and i ripped music of hers to my computer since i have none at the moment. (damn stealing bastards that have my computer and cds...) i got to talk to her mom and stepdad too...i really like them. her brother too...wow...he grew up. i was like...that is not little andrew. he certainly changed since the last time i saw him.
everythings changing.
one of the only things i thought would be stable and regular and blessedly dependable in my life...changed last week. theres no going back ever either. and i dont know how i feel about that.
wow. im leaving. in like 9 freaking days. holy shit.
*katie*
(im so not ready. i need to pack. i need to get everything in order. i need to get my brain and heart in order. i guess that would mean understanding whats out of order, huh?)
...dammit. why cant things just stay normal and good for like 5 seconds? no. things are good. (maybe its that the happy times are when my brain refuses to let me figure life out and i pretend like nothing is bothering me, where i block out all the stresses til i cant anymore. no, i dont think thats necessarily the case either.) and im happy. or at least something close to it. im not unhappy. i just wish my brain would take the happy at face value and not delve into all the other emotions below it. not to say i want to be shallow...im just sick of thinking too much and feeling too much. i mean, i dont want to be unfeeling...ok. i quit. enough of the meager attempt at an explanation. i dont have one, ok? :)
hung out with alisha tonight. havent seen her since may when she came to central to visit me. i hadnt realized how much i missed her. it was so good to see her. we just hung out and talked and looked at pictures and i ripped music of hers to my computer since i have none at the moment. (damn stealing bastards that have my computer and cds...) i got to talk to her mom and stepdad too...i really like them. her brother too...wow...he grew up. i was like...that is not little andrew. he certainly changed since the last time i saw him.
everythings changing.
one of the only things i thought would be stable and regular and blessedly dependable in my life...changed last week. theres no going back ever either. and i dont know how i feel about that.
wow. im leaving. in like 9 freaking days. holy shit.
*katie*
(im so not ready. i need to pack. i need to get everything in order. i need to get my brain and heart in order. i guess that would mean understanding whats out of order, huh?)
...dammit. why cant things just stay normal and good for like 5 seconds? no. things are good. (maybe its that the happy times are when my brain refuses to let me figure life out and i pretend like nothing is bothering me, where i block out all the stresses til i cant anymore. no, i dont think thats necessarily the case either.) and im happy. or at least something close to it. im not unhappy. i just wish my brain would take the happy at face value and not delve into all the other emotions below it. not to say i want to be shallow...im just sick of thinking too much and feeling too much. i mean, i dont want to be unfeeling...ok. i quit. enough of the meager attempt at an explanation. i dont have one, ok? :)