Crazy randomness......
For some reason I just haven't felt like sleeping. No matter how tired I am I stay up. I didn't go to sleep at all last night. I stayed up until around noon today and I fell asleep for about an hour and a half I took another nap from about 6 to 7:30. Liana called and woke me up. It's weird b/c she called the main line to my house and my mom brought the phone to me. Kinda unusual. My mom will usually just tell whoever calls that I'm sleeping. She must've been in a good mood. Liana and I talked for a while and Josh called so I got off the phone with Liana. I was wondering if that's wrong or not. I chose him over her. She didn't seem to mind though. She asked me to call her tomorrow. I'm gonna see if she wants to do something tomorrow evening. Why do I keep saying tomorrow. It's already wednesday. I'm going crazy not having a car. Those bastards better hurry up and fix the car so I can get out of this freakin house. When I was talking to Liana her sister Sarah said she needed to use the phone and Liana said she was talking to me. Then I remember that I was supposed to call Sarah and I didn't. Oops. Sarah and I were talking earlier online and she asked me if I wanted to do something. Then she told me to call her. I hope she's not mad that I didn't call. So anyway I was talking to Josh and it seems like whenever I talk to him I get sad. He asked me why I always seem unhappy when I talk to him and I told him that sometimes I just have a really difficult time dealing with our situation. He's so far away and it's difficult not being able to spend time with him. I care about him so much and all I have is a phone/internet relationship with him and it's really difficult. He said he'll be back in MD in about 2 months. It's driving me crazy waiting for that to happen. He's so incredibly sweet that it seems kinda unreal at times. Whenever I'm feeling down he can always tell and he always makes me feel better. He'll either say something completely stupid that will make me crack up laughing or he'll say something so sweet that will make me feel all tingly inside. Part of me is afraid to get too close b/c all of my experiences with guys have always turned out negative. I have the hardest time trusting guys so to keep myself from getting really hurt I always try to keep my distance. But see the thing with Josh is I don't feel the need to protect myself. I'm not to the point where I'm completely open with him but I'm pretty damn close. It scares me that I'm so trusting of him. We're so far apart yet I believe him when he's says he only wants to be with me. I trust that he's not doing anything with anyone else. I never thought I would be able to do that. Funny how love does that. Did I say love? WTF? Am I stupid to love someone that I never see? He loves me too and that's a good feeling. It's funny b/c I never thought anything would come of Josh and I. It's been almost a year since we first met. It's kinda hard to believe. I wish that I would've realize how much I cared about him when he was in MD. I'm positive things would be completely different. I don't think he would've went to FL. But of course I was too stupid to recognize a good thing when it was right in front of my face. I'm an idiot, I know. Thankfully Josh doesn't give up. When I pushed him away that didn't stop him from trying to talk to me. He never stopped caring even though I was a bitch at times. Sometimes I look at things I've done and I wonder if I try to make myself unhappy. Know how people work toward happiness? It's like I work toward unhappiness. I think I definitely have a new perspective on life. I've gotten rid of all the negatives and I'm focusing on the positives. Good idea huh? I think so. Let's see what else is on my mind. Oh yeah my mom is pissing me off so bad. She's supposed to help me with my resume so I can get myself a J-O-B but it's taking her forever to help me. I made the resume already but she says we need to tweek it lol. Well so far it's been a week and a half and she hasn't looked at my damn resume one time. I was thinking of being a smart ass and print my resume out a bunch of times and taping them all over the house. Maybe she would get the hint then. Ooh I can't wait until Aug. 9th. Triple X comes out with Vin Diesel. You best be believing I'm going to see that ish. The other day my mom and I were in the kitchen and we have a tv in there (as should every American family) and the preview for XXX came on. I said to my mom "Damn Vin Diesel is hot" and she said "Yeah he is. He's not really handsome though but there's something about him" and I said "Yeah he's a sexy bastard" and laughed and said "Oh yeah." Kinda hard to believe me and my mom agree on that. We never agree on anything. Jonathon Brandis looks crazy freaky in the new Korn video Thoughtless. Wow I just started feeling really dizzy. That's weird. I just thought of something. The lead singer from Dashboard Confessional is mad hot. Damn I love guys with tattoos. I had this thing for Josey Scott from Saliva until I heard him talk. He is a country bumpkin. Never would've guess. Ahh well he's still hot as long as he keeps his mouth closed lol. I'm gonna try to add a quote to my profile but I don't have enough room. I'll make room damn it. It's a really awesome quote that made me think of my friend Mary Ann "we weren't sisters by birth..but we knew from the start..fate brought us together to be sisters at heart." Sometimes I don't think Mary Ann knows how much she means to me. I have much love for her. Anyway I'm gonna get to fixing up my profile.