"I was drunk."
Recently, an acquaintance of mine shared this story... Her boyfriend has "messed around" with another guy (perhaps half-jokingly, but that is not really certain) while both were drunk at a party. After doing so, he posted the pictures of them "messing around" using an internet webcam and website, in order to show them to some out-of-state girl (and whoever else might happen upon them). After having been "found out," the boyfriend's response was, "I'm sorry, I was drunk." The following opinions and statements came up in a discussion with various friends... which leads now to this rant of sorts. :-P
**Is it any kind of excuse at all to say, "I was drunk?"**
I don't think it's an excuse at all... an explaination, but certainly not a good or complete one. Many times, what it means when one uses such a statement to get off the hook is, "I'm not responsible enough to own up to my past actions, take complete credit for them, and apologize in full. I am shoving the blame onto a product and state of being that I am actually the cause of as well. However, I will make it seem as if the alcohol controlled me, while I was really the one in control, having made the choice to start drinking and then continue to the point where I was doing incredibly asinine things (partly or mainly) because of my intoxication level."
I do not consider a physical/mental state that the individual themselves creates to be an excuse for poor behavior. Unless they were under duress (were somehow being *forced* to consume the alcohol) or the alcohol was given to them without their knowledge, then no excuse lies in the statement, "I was drunk."
I get very irritated when someone does something stupid, obnoxious, or hurtful when they are drunk. And I think you'd kind of have to be an idiot to be unaware *before* drinking, that alcohol is known for reducing people's judgment faculties or precipitating inappropriate behavior.
Not only does alcohol affect one's judgement and ability to reason, but it drastically lowers your inhibitions. It makes you more likely to act on the things that you want to do instead of holding back for whatever reason holds you back when you're not drunk (i.e., social embarassment, health risk, etc.).
So if somebody picks a fight when they're drunk, it's because they would have wanted to pick a fight when they weren't drunk but didn't for some (probably good) reason.
If your best friend and your boyfriend have sex when they're drunk, it's because they wanted to have sex when they weren't drunk but didn't (probably because they wanted to maintain a friendly relationship with you).
That's not referring to the unpleasant physical effects, of course. If somebody throws up on your shoes when they're drunk, they probably didn't actually want to throw up on your shoes when they weren't drunk. But then, maybe you have really ugly shoes (and they really hated them but didn't want to tell you). :-P
I can sort of understand the *first* time that someone gets trashed, because they really won't deeply understand the effect of alcohol on their mind until they've experienced it. I can understand a little bit if some aspect of it catches them off guard, or sneaks up on them. For instance, at the moment you take a drink, you may not be as intoxicated as you will be in a few minutes... sometimes people will take a second drink before the first has affected them fully, or a third before the second, etc.
However... I don't think there's many people who *begin* drunk. Unless they are an autoalcoholic, they're sober when they take the first drink.
And if someone can't handle it, they shouldn't drink. Period.
It's not drinking that I can't stand, it's people who drink when they can't hold their liquor, basically. It's when people use it as an excuse.
Now, there are times when a person may *choose* to take an intoxicant for the express purpose of lowering their own inhibitions, if they believe that their inhibitions are hurting them or holding them back. That's fine, I supppose (although it certainly doesn't say much positive of their personal strength, will, or confidence).
But using alcohol as an excuse for obnoxious behavior isn't okay with me, especially when someone does it over and over.
If someone tells me, "I do these bad things when I am drunk," my response is, "then don't drink, asshole."
And regardless of what alcohol might "make" someone do (note the quotes), I believe, generally, in a policy of making the consequences for anything a person does under the influence of drink the same, or worse, than if they did the same thing sober. And I feel that anyone who isn't comfortable with the idea of there being consequences for drunken actions should not drink.
If a person throws up on my rug because they are sick and can't make it to the bathroom, I'll feel sorry for them. But if they do it because they drank too much, I'm just going to be annoyed and kick them out afterwards.
I'm not against alcohol and other mind-altering substances. But I expect that everyone involved in an experience be comfortable with the idea of being responsible for themselves, or that I be comfortable with the possible consequences of what anyone I'd be around would do under the influence. There are some people whose heads I would hold out of the toilet, but that's largely because I'd be completely surprised at the idea that they'd ever need me to, and I'd expect it to have to be a surprise to them too, if that makes any sense.
Using an intoxicated state as an excuse is like when someone says, "oh, I just say nasty things like that because I'm a bitch." Or when their "reason" for something is, "oh, I'm stupid," or, "I'm like that because I'm cowardly."
My knee-jerk response is usually something like, "well, then don't be a bitch/stupid/coward, or accept the consequences of acting as one."
Sometimes, someone is willing to accept the consequences of doing something because they have a weakness, idiosyncrasy, character trait or a flaw. A person may decide that shying away from rewards in life because it's easier to do than to get over cowardice is the decision they choose to make, and they are willing to live with the consequences.
By the same token, a person may decide "I like being drunk enough that I'm willing to have people be mad at me for behaving like a dumbass when I'm drunk."
But what that means is, that if a person expects you to respect their "right" to get drunk, they should also be willing to accept the fact that you may claim the "right" to punish them for their behavior while drunk.
I once went to a party, where a friend of mine got really trashed and was acting like a jerk. He kept saying really crude things, hanging on me, babbling in my face about how he liked me but had never had the courage to tell me until now, and just plain acting pathetic. He also kept acting belligerent when I and other people told him to stop.
Finally, I told him to "just get away from me". He started blithering that I was being mean and heartless and not taking him seriously. He stumbled on saying how much he cared about me, blah blah blah. I told him that I didn't care that he was drunk, and that because he was drunk and I wasn't, that he wouldn't even remotely be able to defend himself, and that I would take advanatage of that when I kicked his ass. I then advised the hostess that if he wasn't disposed of, that either I would have to leave, or I was going to injure him.
I finally decided to leave after it was made apparent that it wasn't going to be an easy task for someone (people did attempt it) to drag this guy out and drive him home.
So, I went upstairs to retrieve my coat... and he decided to follow me up there. Once there, the same disgusting behavior was repeated plus some additional lovely crap. To make the story short... it ended with me breaking a chair over his head, screaming at him, and a couple of my other guy friends running upstairs, knocking him to the floor, and then picking him up hauling him out.
Later, I saw the guy again, and he wanted to know why I was so "mean" to him when he was drunk, why I didn't take him seriously because he really did like me, that he was very sorry, and why I didn't understand that he was "just drunk at the time." And I told him that if he'd acted as he had sober, that I'd probably have kicked his ass faster.
These days, it's less likely I'd consider violence as a solution, but that's my personal choice. I still stand by the idea that his drunken state was not an excuse for his behavior, or a reason for him not to face consequences for it.
If you know you are a sloppy drunk, then either don't drink, drink only around people who don't mind, or accept whatever happens to you as a result of your drunk-ass behavior.
Some people seem to use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to not have to own or take responsibility for their behavior and it's consequences. I'm sorry... but even if drugs or alcohol do impair your judgment, they weren't impairing your judgment before you took them.
My personal take on it is that drinking doesn't feel exciting or pleasurable enough for me to think it's worth acting like a drunk-ass slob who gets liver trouble. And the pleasure I *might* get out of it is not so incredible that it is worth the irritation me being drunk might bring to others.
Basically, to sum it up shortly (using a random example), it's like this:
1: "So, you screwed around last night at that party. I can't believe you!"
2: "Sorry, I was drunk."
1: "You were drunk..."
2: "Yeah."
1: "And whose fault is that?"
I rest my case. :-P
To know joy without knowing pain is akin to understanding the pangs of hunger that infest the famished when you are overweight and have never missed a meal. Yes, you can be hungry, but you do not understand true hunger. Thus it is with joy, you cannot truly appreciate its candor until you have known the depths of depravity that life can lead you to in suffering. Happiness comes to all, but true joy can only be fostered by those unfortunate souls who have been awash in the turbulent crashing of life’s most debilitating events.
Good and evil are mearly by-products of morality, nothing more. There's no such thing as forces of Good or Evil, pure evil, enemies of humanity etcetra. There are only the stereotypes of what society as a whole perceives to be right and wrong. One man's poison is another man's pride. Morality, the source of Good and Evil, is merely human conceptualisation and conditioning of what society considers to be right and wrong, allowed and not allowed, accepted and frowned upon; some of the biggest influences of morality being desires, socialization, religion, politics, survival, money and power. So, in essence, what one person may consider to be a demonic animal, another person may consider to be their guardian angel, and vice versa.
This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I feel listless. Lost, confused. I just want to sleep until happily ever after finally arrives. Living within a body and environment feeling not at all fitting, I scream, cry, howl... and yet still remain unheard and unanswered. So I stay... yearning for this to dissolve and reform into a reality I know only in my heart to be true. And now I lay here incomplete.
**Is it any kind of excuse at all to say, "I was drunk?"**
I don't think it's an excuse at all... an explaination, but certainly not a good or complete one. Many times, what it means when one uses such a statement to get off the hook is, "I'm not responsible enough to own up to my past actions, take complete credit for them, and apologize in full. I am shoving the blame onto a product and state of being that I am actually the cause of as well. However, I will make it seem as if the alcohol controlled me, while I was really the one in control, having made the choice to start drinking and then continue to the point where I was doing incredibly asinine things (partly or mainly) because of my intoxication level."
I do not consider a physical/mental state that the individual themselves creates to be an excuse for poor behavior. Unless they were under duress (were somehow being *forced* to consume the alcohol) or the alcohol was given to them without their knowledge, then no excuse lies in the statement, "I was drunk."
I get very irritated when someone does something stupid, obnoxious, or hurtful when they are drunk. And I think you'd kind of have to be an idiot to be unaware *before* drinking, that alcohol is known for reducing people's judgment faculties or precipitating inappropriate behavior.
Not only does alcohol affect one's judgement and ability to reason, but it drastically lowers your inhibitions. It makes you more likely to act on the things that you want to do instead of holding back for whatever reason holds you back when you're not drunk (i.e., social embarassment, health risk, etc.).
So if somebody picks a fight when they're drunk, it's because they would have wanted to pick a fight when they weren't drunk but didn't for some (probably good) reason.
If your best friend and your boyfriend have sex when they're drunk, it's because they wanted to have sex when they weren't drunk but didn't (probably because they wanted to maintain a friendly relationship with you).
That's not referring to the unpleasant physical effects, of course. If somebody throws up on your shoes when they're drunk, they probably didn't actually want to throw up on your shoes when they weren't drunk. But then, maybe you have really ugly shoes (and they really hated them but didn't want to tell you). :-P
I can sort of understand the *first* time that someone gets trashed, because they really won't deeply understand the effect of alcohol on their mind until they've experienced it. I can understand a little bit if some aspect of it catches them off guard, or sneaks up on them. For instance, at the moment you take a drink, you may not be as intoxicated as you will be in a few minutes... sometimes people will take a second drink before the first has affected them fully, or a third before the second, etc.
However... I don't think there's many people who *begin* drunk. Unless they are an autoalcoholic, they're sober when they take the first drink.
And if someone can't handle it, they shouldn't drink. Period.
It's not drinking that I can't stand, it's people who drink when they can't hold their liquor, basically. It's when people use it as an excuse.
Now, there are times when a person may *choose* to take an intoxicant for the express purpose of lowering their own inhibitions, if they believe that their inhibitions are hurting them or holding them back. That's fine, I supppose (although it certainly doesn't say much positive of their personal strength, will, or confidence).
But using alcohol as an excuse for obnoxious behavior isn't okay with me, especially when someone does it over and over.
If someone tells me, "I do these bad things when I am drunk," my response is, "then don't drink, asshole."
And regardless of what alcohol might "make" someone do (note the quotes), I believe, generally, in a policy of making the consequences for anything a person does under the influence of drink the same, or worse, than if they did the same thing sober. And I feel that anyone who isn't comfortable with the idea of there being consequences for drunken actions should not drink.
If a person throws up on my rug because they are sick and can't make it to the bathroom, I'll feel sorry for them. But if they do it because they drank too much, I'm just going to be annoyed and kick them out afterwards.
I'm not against alcohol and other mind-altering substances. But I expect that everyone involved in an experience be comfortable with the idea of being responsible for themselves, or that I be comfortable with the possible consequences of what anyone I'd be around would do under the influence. There are some people whose heads I would hold out of the toilet, but that's largely because I'd be completely surprised at the idea that they'd ever need me to, and I'd expect it to have to be a surprise to them too, if that makes any sense.
Using an intoxicated state as an excuse is like when someone says, "oh, I just say nasty things like that because I'm a bitch." Or when their "reason" for something is, "oh, I'm stupid," or, "I'm like that because I'm cowardly."
My knee-jerk response is usually something like, "well, then don't be a bitch/stupid/coward, or accept the consequences of acting as one."
Sometimes, someone is willing to accept the consequences of doing something because they have a weakness, idiosyncrasy, character trait or a flaw. A person may decide that shying away from rewards in life because it's easier to do than to get over cowardice is the decision they choose to make, and they are willing to live with the consequences.
By the same token, a person may decide "I like being drunk enough that I'm willing to have people be mad at me for behaving like a dumbass when I'm drunk."
But what that means is, that if a person expects you to respect their "right" to get drunk, they should also be willing to accept the fact that you may claim the "right" to punish them for their behavior while drunk.
I once went to a party, where a friend of mine got really trashed and was acting like a jerk. He kept saying really crude things, hanging on me, babbling in my face about how he liked me but had never had the courage to tell me until now, and just plain acting pathetic. He also kept acting belligerent when I and other people told him to stop.
Finally, I told him to "just get away from me". He started blithering that I was being mean and heartless and not taking him seriously. He stumbled on saying how much he cared about me, blah blah blah. I told him that I didn't care that he was drunk, and that because he was drunk and I wasn't, that he wouldn't even remotely be able to defend himself, and that I would take advanatage of that when I kicked his ass. I then advised the hostess that if he wasn't disposed of, that either I would have to leave, or I was going to injure him.
I finally decided to leave after it was made apparent that it wasn't going to be an easy task for someone (people did attempt it) to drag this guy out and drive him home.
So, I went upstairs to retrieve my coat... and he decided to follow me up there. Once there, the same disgusting behavior was repeated plus some additional lovely crap. To make the story short... it ended with me breaking a chair over his head, screaming at him, and a couple of my other guy friends running upstairs, knocking him to the floor, and then picking him up hauling him out.
Later, I saw the guy again, and he wanted to know why I was so "mean" to him when he was drunk, why I didn't take him seriously because he really did like me, that he was very sorry, and why I didn't understand that he was "just drunk at the time." And I told him that if he'd acted as he had sober, that I'd probably have kicked his ass faster.
These days, it's less likely I'd consider violence as a solution, but that's my personal choice. I still stand by the idea that his drunken state was not an excuse for his behavior, or a reason for him not to face consequences for it.
If you know you are a sloppy drunk, then either don't drink, drink only around people who don't mind, or accept whatever happens to you as a result of your drunk-ass behavior.
Some people seem to use alcohol or drugs as an excuse to not have to own or take responsibility for their behavior and it's consequences. I'm sorry... but even if drugs or alcohol do impair your judgment, they weren't impairing your judgment before you took them.
My personal take on it is that drinking doesn't feel exciting or pleasurable enough for me to think it's worth acting like a drunk-ass slob who gets liver trouble. And the pleasure I *might* get out of it is not so incredible that it is worth the irritation me being drunk might bring to others.
Basically, to sum it up shortly (using a random example), it's like this:
1: "So, you screwed around last night at that party. I can't believe you!"
2: "Sorry, I was drunk."
1: "You were drunk..."
2: "Yeah."
1: "And whose fault is that?"
I rest my case. :-P
To know joy without knowing pain is akin to understanding the pangs of hunger that infest the famished when you are overweight and have never missed a meal. Yes, you can be hungry, but you do not understand true hunger. Thus it is with joy, you cannot truly appreciate its candor until you have known the depths of depravity that life can lead you to in suffering. Happiness comes to all, but true joy can only be fostered by those unfortunate souls who have been awash in the turbulent crashing of life’s most debilitating events.
Good and evil are mearly by-products of morality, nothing more. There's no such thing as forces of Good or Evil, pure evil, enemies of humanity etcetra. There are only the stereotypes of what society as a whole perceives to be right and wrong. One man's poison is another man's pride. Morality, the source of Good and Evil, is merely human conceptualisation and conditioning of what society considers to be right and wrong, allowed and not allowed, accepted and frowned upon; some of the biggest influences of morality being desires, socialization, religion, politics, survival, money and power. So, in essence, what one person may consider to be a demonic animal, another person may consider to be their guardian angel, and vice versa.
This is the beginning of the rest of my life. I feel listless. Lost, confused. I just want to sleep until happily ever after finally arrives. Living within a body and environment feeling not at all fitting, I scream, cry, howl... and yet still remain unheard and unanswered. So I stay... yearning for this to dissolve and reform into a reality I know only in my heart to be true. And now I lay here incomplete.