(no subject)
Here in Savannah and full of anxiety. Yeargh.
#1 Worry: genkitozuku, please check your facebook messages. ;___; Basically I'm a huge flake about room shit and I have been hardcore guilting all the way down here. aughkildjgkldh.
#2 Worry: still stressing about summer plans. Need to figure out several flights and get plans nailed down very soon so I can stop worrying.
#3 Worry, aka the only one legitimately worth worrying about:
So, yeah. My parents have been here ("here" being my grandparents house for those just tuning in) since Wednesday and briefed me on current goings-on on the way here from the airport. Grandma's doing well. That's different from getting better, because she isn't and she won't. But she's in less pain, and apparently the hospice service that have been taking care of her and Grandpa are stellar. Mom commented that it takes really amazing people to be in the profession of helping people die, comfortably and with dignity.
The chaplain (give me a break I had to ask what that was) of the hospice service came to talk to my parents and Grandma and Grandpa tonight and.. well, keep in mind we're in the south, so there's a heavy religious influence in groups like this. However, also note that Dad's side of the family is Jewish. Apparently, she talked not about God or the afterlife or anything, but a lot about spirituality and the soul and soulmates, referring to Elaine and Joe. As soon as Mom started talking about this I started tearing up. I really don't think I could've handled being there, I would've lost it. The chaplain started asking Grandpa things, like if he was angry. Joey's been declining mentally for a while now and it frustrates him, but things have been especially hard for him lately because of Grandma's rapidly declining health. Apparently he said that yes, he was angry about the whole situation. The chaplain encouraged him to go on, because Grandma thought he meant he was angry at her. He said he was angry because he didn't want to be left alone. He was angry because she promised she wouldn't go before him. Oh god I'm crying just writing and thinking about this, I would have been such a mess if I had been there. Grandma (who, in the past few years has gotten a bit crankier and more brittle, as Dad described it.. though all that has completely stopped since she's been home and medicated and now she's just sweet all the time) started talking about how they've been married for over sixty years now, and the way she sees it, they've been sixty pretty damn good years. She said she's sorry that she's going to go before him, apparently something like "I'm going, and I'm sorry, but you're going to have to accept it." Ohhh god I am such a weepface right now I could not have handled hearing her say that. Anyway, I don't know. Mom said it was like it was written for a movie and the whole thing was incredibly moving. The people taking care of her (well, them) seem to be pretty amazing, and that's really a comfort to know.
Sooo I'm here now. Came in and met the nighttime hospice nurse, who seems sweet. Grandma sleeps at strange hours, so she was awake when we got here. She's a lot thinner and her voice is still so damaged, but the bruises all over that she had last time I was here are all gone. She's hooked up to oxygen all the time now. She still gave me a good hug. Mentally she seems cloudier than I've ever seen her.. but she told me how glad she was that I'm here. I'm glad I am too. When we came in January, I worried that'd be the last time. It's so hard to know we're losing her, but I'm glad she's not hurting right now. I'm just so worried about Grandpa. They really are soulmates.
Aaand now I am full of cries. I wish I were better at telling her how much I love her, because I want her to know in case this weekend is the last time I get to say it. Hopefully it won't be, but there's really no way to know.
Death sucks. Dear flist, go hug your family members. I want a Momhug so bad right now but my parents have already gone to bed. So close, and yet so far. ;__;
#1 Worry: genkitozuku, please check your facebook messages. ;___; Basically I'm a huge flake about room shit and I have been hardcore guilting all the way down here. aughkildjgkldh.
#2 Worry: still stressing about summer plans. Need to figure out several flights and get plans nailed down very soon so I can stop worrying.
#3 Worry, aka the only one legitimately worth worrying about:
So, yeah. My parents have been here ("here" being my grandparents house for those just tuning in) since Wednesday and briefed me on current goings-on on the way here from the airport. Grandma's doing well. That's different from getting better, because she isn't and she won't. But she's in less pain, and apparently the hospice service that have been taking care of her and Grandpa are stellar. Mom commented that it takes really amazing people to be in the profession of helping people die, comfortably and with dignity.
The chaplain (give me a break I had to ask what that was) of the hospice service came to talk to my parents and Grandma and Grandpa tonight and.. well, keep in mind we're in the south, so there's a heavy religious influence in groups like this. However, also note that Dad's side of the family is Jewish. Apparently, she talked not about God or the afterlife or anything, but a lot about spirituality and the soul and soulmates, referring to Elaine and Joe. As soon as Mom started talking about this I started tearing up. I really don't think I could've handled being there, I would've lost it. The chaplain started asking Grandpa things, like if he was angry. Joey's been declining mentally for a while now and it frustrates him, but things have been especially hard for him lately because of Grandma's rapidly declining health. Apparently he said that yes, he was angry about the whole situation. The chaplain encouraged him to go on, because Grandma thought he meant he was angry at her. He said he was angry because he didn't want to be left alone. He was angry because she promised she wouldn't go before him. Oh god I'm crying just writing and thinking about this, I would have been such a mess if I had been there. Grandma (who, in the past few years has gotten a bit crankier and more brittle, as Dad described it.. though all that has completely stopped since she's been home and medicated and now she's just sweet all the time) started talking about how they've been married for over sixty years now, and the way she sees it, they've been sixty pretty damn good years. She said she's sorry that she's going to go before him, apparently something like "I'm going, and I'm sorry, but you're going to have to accept it." Ohhh god I am such a weepface right now I could not have handled hearing her say that. Anyway, I don't know. Mom said it was like it was written for a movie and the whole thing was incredibly moving. The people taking care of her (well, them) seem to be pretty amazing, and that's really a comfort to know.
Sooo I'm here now. Came in and met the nighttime hospice nurse, who seems sweet. Grandma sleeps at strange hours, so she was awake when we got here. She's a lot thinner and her voice is still so damaged, but the bruises all over that she had last time I was here are all gone. She's hooked up to oxygen all the time now. She still gave me a good hug. Mentally she seems cloudier than I've ever seen her.. but she told me how glad she was that I'm here. I'm glad I am too. When we came in January, I worried that'd be the last time. It's so hard to know we're losing her, but I'm glad she's not hurting right now. I'm just so worried about Grandpa. They really are soulmates.
Aaand now I am full of cries. I wish I were better at telling her how much I love her, because I want her to know in case this weekend is the last time I get to say it. Hopefully it won't be, but there's really no way to know.
Death sucks. Dear flist, go hug your family members. I want a Momhug so bad right now but my parents have already gone to bed. So close, and yet so far. ;__;