Life is...
Haha wow. Randomly looking through pictures on Facebook, I realize that I suddenly miss BootyCon, of all things. Fuck, that weekend was so good. Except when it was bad. Which was only for a bit. Oh fuck I miss everyone now.
I can't believe we're seriously having BootyCon '08 in Vegas. I am kind of maybe incredibly excited. I'm coming up on my third year of being on OB and every so often I'm still like "Wow, this website is awesome."
It occurred to me tonight how VERY NOT FAR AWAY New York Anime Fest is. Ordered my Simon goggles and wig. I don't think I'll worry about surprisealt!Haruko for NYAF and just wear regular Haruko again. I want to fix my boots and actually get the bracelet done this time, because I should have my Rick if all goes well. ♥ Then fabric shopping on Sunday.. I should be okay.
And now, some srs biz introspection.
A friend recently had a bit of a self-diagnosis revelation in their livejournal and I think I may have to have a similar one. Depression-- very mild depression-- would explain a whole lot in regards to the past year in general but specifically the past five months or so. My eating and sleeping habits are out of whack (I forget to eat some days and end up having maybe one small meal [eg today], I'm exhausted all day but never at night), my sex drive has been mostly kaput for a while now, I'm still not so cool with who I am, and I've almost always got this constant, deep ache of general discontent and almost.. dread? Even when things are making me happy, it's there. And I'm getting really sick of this feeling of hopelessness. I realized that I'm also stuck in this retarded cycle of having all this stuff to do which stresses me out, but feeling down this much makes it so hard to get started on everything. A nice little rut.
I don't think it's any big deal. Thanks, Ninamori. I don't think it's necessarily a chemical imbalance or anything I should be medicated for or even treated for by a therapist, but it's something to be aware of. I wouldn't be surprised if it's genetic, I know Mom dealt with depression for a hell of a long time (and I think she still does now sometimes.)
I get moods of optimism and positivity and drive and all this (which I write about a lot but very little comes from, as I'm sure you guys have noticed) but they don't last nearly as long as they should, or as they need to for me to get all this shit done. It's frustrating, and I'm just frustrated with myself at the end of the day for being such a procrastinator. Like right now? By writing this entry I am putting off a shower that I should've taken a couple hours ago so I could be sleeping by now.
I think all this will work itself out in time.. I really do. But then again, I was hoping to have most of this shit done by like, the end of September. And it's now mid November. I go back to school in two and a half months but I know it'll be here before I know it. I have so much I want to get settled and worked out with myself before then. But bringing myself to get started is pathetically and insanely difficult for me and I don't fucking understand why like, at all.
I don't know. Things will get better someday. I know I can work through this eventually. I just hate feeling like I do most of the time, even if the rest of me is happy. There's this nagging part of my heart that's just always sort of.. aching.
I want to change my hair. I think it's time to really try bangs for real in spite of my cowlicks and widow's peak and wavy hair, because I am getting so sick of seeing this damn forehead all the time.
Edit Here are some more cats to offset more complaining! asianschoolboy uploaded YCon photos and this picture is cute as hell! I loves and miss me some Lauren+Tasu+Sey(+AAAAAMEEEEE ;o;+Juumouuuuu+EVERYBODY.)
Why am I so very awake at this hour. Dx
I can't believe we're seriously having BootyCon '08 in Vegas. I am kind of maybe incredibly excited. I'm coming up on my third year of being on OB and every so often I'm still like "Wow, this website is awesome."
It occurred to me tonight how VERY NOT FAR AWAY New York Anime Fest is. Ordered my Simon goggles and wig. I don't think I'll worry about surprisealt!Haruko for NYAF and just wear regular Haruko again. I want to fix my boots and actually get the bracelet done this time, because I should have my Rick if all goes well. ♥ Then fabric shopping on Sunday.. I should be okay.
And now, some srs biz introspection.
A friend recently had a bit of a self-diagnosis revelation in their livejournal and I think I may have to have a similar one. Depression-- very mild depression-- would explain a whole lot in regards to the past year in general but specifically the past five months or so. My eating and sleeping habits are out of whack (I forget to eat some days and end up having maybe one small meal [eg today], I'm exhausted all day but never at night), my sex drive has been mostly kaput for a while now, I'm still not so cool with who I am, and I've almost always got this constant, deep ache of general discontent and almost.. dread? Even when things are making me happy, it's there. And I'm getting really sick of this feeling of hopelessness. I realized that I'm also stuck in this retarded cycle of having all this stuff to do which stresses me out, but feeling down this much makes it so hard to get started on everything. A nice little rut.
I don't think it's any big deal. Thanks, Ninamori. I don't think it's necessarily a chemical imbalance or anything I should be medicated for or even treated for by a therapist, but it's something to be aware of. I wouldn't be surprised if it's genetic, I know Mom dealt with depression for a hell of a long time (and I think she still does now sometimes.)
I get moods of optimism and positivity and drive and all this (which I write about a lot but very little comes from, as I'm sure you guys have noticed) but they don't last nearly as long as they should, or as they need to for me to get all this shit done. It's frustrating, and I'm just frustrated with myself at the end of the day for being such a procrastinator. Like right now? By writing this entry I am putting off a shower that I should've taken a couple hours ago so I could be sleeping by now.
I think all this will work itself out in time.. I really do. But then again, I was hoping to have most of this shit done by like, the end of September. And it's now mid November. I go back to school in two and a half months but I know it'll be here before I know it. I have so much I want to get settled and worked out with myself before then. But bringing myself to get started is pathetically and insanely difficult for me and I don't fucking understand why like, at all.
I don't know. Things will get better someday. I know I can work through this eventually. I just hate feeling like I do most of the time, even if the rest of me is happy. There's this nagging part of my heart that's just always sort of.. aching.
I want to change my hair. I think it's time to really try bangs for real in spite of my cowlicks and widow's peak and wavy hair, because I am getting so sick of seeing this damn forehead all the time.
Edit Here are some more cats to offset more complaining! asianschoolboy uploaded YCon photos and this picture is cute as hell! I loves and miss me some Lauren+Tasu+Sey(+AAAAAMEEEEE ;o;+Juumouuuuu+EVERYBODY.)
Why am I so very awake at this hour. Dx