Catch you if I can.
Back at school.
Katie and Jesse made it official over break and they already went off and had sexytimes in his room (I am so lucky he has a single), Erika got drunk and threw up the first night back.. yeah. I'd say nothing new or different here.
Teaspoon is still kind of a jerk. I realized something: I am such a needy human that I need pets that are emotionally responsive so I don't get paranoid that they don't like me. How sad is that?! But I don't know, it's a pet ownership learning experience. I definitely prefer dogs or cats that seek out and enjoy my attention. But I still has a Teaspoon, and I'm going to do my best to be nice to her and socialize her so she becomes less of a jerk over time.
On the subject of pets, it was nice seeing my cats this weekend. Kaze is exactly the same (a huge bitch but wonderful and loving anyway) but I'm seeing changes in Kami and Tiger since Cody's death. Kami's changes have been only positive; she's been less on edge, because Cody used to not recognize her and accidently chase her a little sometimes which always freaked her out. So she's been more mellow, which is really nice because she's nothing but sweet now. Tiger, however.. we half-joke that Cody's OCD has been passed onto her. She used to be the most chill cat ever, but since Cody's death she's gotten really into barbering, which is like.. chewing the hair on her back near the base of her tail all short. It's been making her sick in the tummy. We're really worried about her. The vet says cats usually start barbering because of stress or because of an emotional change.. so we're wondering if Cody's absence is affecting her that much. Anyway, I'm worried about my baby.. I hope she stops that soon.
I started listening to an album on the way here that I wore the fuck out of back in like, freshman year.. The All-American Rejects' debut thing. Yeah, shut up. I hadn't listened to it in years but I still like it. I also determined that like, 9 of 11 songs on the album are relevant to my emo relationship poops right now. Fun times.
I don't like this state of limbo that I am left in. I feel like I'm suspended in jelly and I can't go up or down or grab onto anything, I can only flail my arms and kick wildly and hope something changes before I drown.
When I came back, I told Katie a bit about recent happenings. She said "You know, there comes a time where it gets to the point where you've got to let something like this go."
I said "Yeah, but I'm not there yet."
I don't like being so in the dark about all this, but I know things are no more clear on the other end and I just don't want to be a burden right now. So I'm going to try and keep my chin up, respect wishes for a couple days, hope that things get better because I obviously can't do anything to help and just.. hope. I just have to keep trying and keep hoping.
I sound like a broken record. But at least it's a hoping-against-all-odds broken record at this point.
My ass is asleep. The rest of me needs to be too. Tomorrow is a new day. Less than two months until summer. Keep trying, keep hoping, keep smiling.. be ready to be someone to be proud of, should minds change. Just stay positive.. things will work out for the best, things will be alright.. keep hoping. Keep going.
Edit Also I tried my hand at iconmaking again. It's really faggy but I still love this particular scene in Gravitation. I think something having to do with my aching and longing to help and make things better but inability to do so made me remember it. Mmf.
Katie and Jesse made it official over break and they already went off and had sexytimes in his room (I am so lucky he has a single), Erika got drunk and threw up the first night back.. yeah. I'd say nothing new or different here.
Teaspoon is still kind of a jerk. I realized something: I am such a needy human that I need pets that are emotionally responsive so I don't get paranoid that they don't like me. How sad is that?! But I don't know, it's a pet ownership learning experience. I definitely prefer dogs or cats that seek out and enjoy my attention. But I still has a Teaspoon, and I'm going to do my best to be nice to her and socialize her so she becomes less of a jerk over time.
On the subject of pets, it was nice seeing my cats this weekend. Kaze is exactly the same (a huge bitch but wonderful and loving anyway) but I'm seeing changes in Kami and Tiger since Cody's death. Kami's changes have been only positive; she's been less on edge, because Cody used to not recognize her and accidently chase her a little sometimes which always freaked her out. So she's been more mellow, which is really nice because she's nothing but sweet now. Tiger, however.. we half-joke that Cody's OCD has been passed onto her. She used to be the most chill cat ever, but since Cody's death she's gotten really into barbering, which is like.. chewing the hair on her back near the base of her tail all short. It's been making her sick in the tummy. We're really worried about her. The vet says cats usually start barbering because of stress or because of an emotional change.. so we're wondering if Cody's absence is affecting her that much. Anyway, I'm worried about my baby.. I hope she stops that soon.
I started listening to an album on the way here that I wore the fuck out of back in like, freshman year.. The All-American Rejects' debut thing. Yeah, shut up. I hadn't listened to it in years but I still like it. I also determined that like, 9 of 11 songs on the album are relevant to my emo relationship poops right now. Fun times.
I don't like this state of limbo that I am left in. I feel like I'm suspended in jelly and I can't go up or down or grab onto anything, I can only flail my arms and kick wildly and hope something changes before I drown.
When I came back, I told Katie a bit about recent happenings. She said "You know, there comes a time where it gets to the point where you've got to let something like this go."
I said "Yeah, but I'm not there yet."
I don't like being so in the dark about all this, but I know things are no more clear on the other end and I just don't want to be a burden right now. So I'm going to try and keep my chin up, respect wishes for a couple days, hope that things get better because I obviously can't do anything to help and just.. hope. I just have to keep trying and keep hoping.
I sound like a broken record. But at least it's a hoping-against-all-odds broken record at this point.
My ass is asleep. The rest of me needs to be too. Tomorrow is a new day. Less than two months until summer. Keep trying, keep hoping, keep smiling.. be ready to be someone to be proud of, should minds change. Just stay positive.. things will work out for the best, things will be alright.. keep hoping. Keep going.
Edit Also I tried my hand at iconmaking again. It's really faggy but I still love this particular scene in Gravitation. I think something having to do with my aching and longing to help and make things better but inability to do so made me remember it. Mmf.
