10 Day Meme - Day One
I haven't posted in three months! I'll play catchup another day. Right now, I need this. I wrote this up for therapeutic purposes, and I am absolutely terrified to post it for quite a number of reasons, but I don't even remember the last time I was bold on my livejournal. So, this.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1. I haven't the slightest idea of what caused this to resurface after a year of silence, but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know that you're still hurting over this. At the same time, I'm less than thrilled by my name being mentioned so candidly in that sort of context when I haven't so much as spoken to you in well over a year. Even after everything, there is no part of me that hates or even strongly dislikes you. Go figure.
2. I would have gone if you'd asked me.
3. I'm proud of myself for shrugging and saying "it's none of my business what you do," because while true, there's so much more I could have said. I cannot even begin to fathom what you've gotten yourself into. Initial shock was followed by disgust, which has since sort of settled into a morbid curiosity. I honestly wish you all the best, I guess, though I admit I can't foresee this ending particularly well down the road.
4. I am amused that you almost apologized to me until it was made clear that we're not going to ever let ourselves give a shit about you again. I'm proud of her for that, although I'll admit I was pretty curious about what you would have said.
5. It's my hope that you will learn with age and time that being affected by and in touch with one's emotions is not indicative of one's maturity, or in this case, lack thereof. The ability to shut off or at least forcefully silence one's strong feelings is not one of those things that eventually comes to everyone with age, nor is it a trait I would choose to learn if I had the capacity. I like feeling what I feel, and I'm not quick to forget how I've felt. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I won't ever be able to quite properly explain how my heart works to you, and the time that it was worth trying has now ended, so I've given up. Except for this meme, I suppose.
6. I avoid seeing you partially because I am afraid of what I might feel. It's just so much easier not to deal with that at all. Sorry.
7. I hope you're not crazy.
8. I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS I really hope you don't think I'm weird and overenthusiastic or awkward or whatever. I just think you're cool, okay. (this could apply to like, a million people.)
9. I wish you could love yourself the way we love you. And I wish she loved you that way, too. So much so that it hurts more than it has any reason to.
10. I hope you're able to be strong, because I don't know that I have all that much strength to spare these days.
*edit* 11. HI TIM. SECRETLY: GUNDAMNS AND TOUHOUS AND ALL THOSE THINGS YOU LIKE. THE END.
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Comments screened, just in case.
Day One: Ten things you want to say to ten different people right now
Day Two: Nine things about yourself.
Day Three: Eight ways to win your heart.
Day Four: Seven things that cross your mind a lot.
Day Five: Six things you wish you’d never done.
Day Six: Five people who mean a lot (in no order whatsoever)
Day Seven: Four turn offs.
Day Eight: Three turn-ons.
Day Nine: Two smileys that describe your life right now.
Day Ten: One confession
1. I haven't the slightest idea of what caused this to resurface after a year of silence, but I'm more sorry than you'll ever know that you're still hurting over this. At the same time, I'm less than thrilled by my name being mentioned so candidly in that sort of context when I haven't so much as spoken to you in well over a year. Even after everything, there is no part of me that hates or even strongly dislikes you. Go figure.
2. I would have gone if you'd asked me.
3. I'm proud of myself for shrugging and saying "it's none of my business what you do," because while true, there's so much more I could have said. I cannot even begin to fathom what you've gotten yourself into. Initial shock was followed by disgust, which has since sort of settled into a morbid curiosity. I honestly wish you all the best, I guess, though I admit I can't foresee this ending particularly well down the road.
4. I am amused that you almost apologized to me until it was made clear that we're not going to ever let ourselves give a shit about you again. I'm proud of her for that, although I'll admit I was pretty curious about what you would have said.
5. It's my hope that you will learn with age and time that being affected by and in touch with one's emotions is not indicative of one's maturity, or in this case, lack thereof. The ability to shut off or at least forcefully silence one's strong feelings is not one of those things that eventually comes to everyone with age, nor is it a trait I would choose to learn if I had the capacity. I like feeling what I feel, and I'm not quick to forget how I've felt. I wouldn't trade that for anything. I won't ever be able to quite properly explain how my heart works to you, and the time that it was worth trying has now ended, so I've given up. Except for this meme, I suppose.
6. I avoid seeing you partially because I am afraid of what I might feel. It's just so much easier not to deal with that at all. Sorry.
7. I hope you're not crazy.
8. I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS I really hope you don't think I'm weird and overenthusiastic or awkward or whatever. I just think you're cool, okay. (this could apply to like, a million people.)
9. I wish you could love yourself the way we love you. And I wish she loved you that way, too. So much so that it hurts more than it has any reason to.
10. I hope you're able to be strong, because I don't know that I have all that much strength to spare these days.
*edit* 11. HI TIM. SECRETLY: GUNDAMNS AND TOUHOUS AND ALL THOSE THINGS YOU LIKE. THE END.
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Comments screened, just in case.