LOG: Maybe acquaintances. Possibly friends.

[kasadel]

Date: Day 11, Month 2, Turn 23
Location: K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Synopsis: K'del and Teris come to some kind of an agreement.


K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Rank certainly has its privileges, and among them are amply appointed apartments. The short flight of stairs from the Weyrleader's Complex opens up into the larger of two chambers, formally decorated and clearly designed to cater as much to important guests as the occupant's personal living. Old, but obviously expensive, llama wool rugs dyed blue-and-black cover the stone floor, leading towards the second chamber, the stairs, and the rush-filled dragon couch and ledge beyond it. A formal seating arrangement - a sofa and chairs, all blue-and-black - sits around a large, tiled fireplace, whilst along the other wall, a finely made, if now somewhat antique, desk sits between a bookshelf and a tall cupboard to which tack-hooks have been attached, riding gear arranged neatly inside. Two tapestries hung from the high walls depict overdone splendour for High Reaches Weyr, one a long view of the snow-covered bowl, and the other a hazy impressionist piece of dragons flaming over a springtime countryside.

The inner weyr, made up of a sleeping cavern and a private bathing area, is smaller and cosier and distinctly less ostentatious. An oversized wooden sleigh bed fills much of the space, the mattress piled high with overstuffed down pillows and comforter, their covers dyed in varying shades of navy blue, light blue and bronze. There's a nightstand on either side, both with reading lamps, and against one of the other walls, a tall, heavy wardrobe made from a dark wood that matches the bed. The bathing area is part of the same cavern, a folding screen shielding the toilet and slightly raised, double-sized bathtub built into the stone, and a small shelf holding toiletries, shaving equipment, and clean towels.

It's getting later and it's been snowing most of the day. With all the weyrlings basically doing things that they'll be doing as full riders, Teris has spent a lot of her time doing more or less what she did before Iskiveth found her. It doesn't leave a lot of room for interaction with anyone she'd consider her friend (not that there are many of these people around in general). Maybe she's lonely or maybe she's bored but one way or the other, Teris is helping to K'del's weyr with a coat over her nightdress and a bottle of the wine he gifted her when she got her own weyr. "I really hope you don't have some floozy over because they're going to have to leave if you do," she calls from the door in lieu of greeting.

"What, you think I'd kick out a perfectly good floozy for your bitchy company?" Whatever his words suggest, K'del's tone is cheerful enough, inviting Teris in without actually saying as much. The Weyrleader is spread out on the couch, socked feet dangling over the far end, his shirt untucked and his belt abandoned to-- somewhere else out of sight. He /is/ alone, though, unless there's someone hiding in the bedroom (which seems unlikely, right?). The fire crackles and pops on the hearth: it is cozily warm in here. "Not that I'm complaining, but I didn't think we were friends. Unless this is a business visit?" He's tilted himself up just enough to get a look at her. A business visit. In her nightgown. Of course.

"/I/ would kick her out," Teris assures him as though she thinks she could even do such a thing. But she continues in with a brief glance around anyway and finally ends up near his couch, sitting against the edge of the end where his feet are dangling over. "We aren't friends." There's a slight emphasis on the middle word, reaffirming this idea, then, "But you're right here and I'm-- there's not really anyone else I can walk in on. So here I am." She lifts up the bottle she has slightly. "I know you aren't particularly thrilled by wine, but do you want some?"

"/Would/ you now," says K'del, digging his elbows into the cushions of the couch so that he can watch Teris as she seats. "Sure, I'll have some wine. Glasses over there. I can shove over, if you want some room?" On the couch, presumably. He ignores the rest of what she says, ignores the reconfirmation of their lack of friendship, but he does say, after a moment, "Glad I'm at least good enough to be dropped in on when you're feeling lonely. Though you're lucky there /isn't/ someone else in here." Since there usually is, this time of night.

"Don't bother," says Teris as she rises back up and sets the bottle down long enough to take off her coat. Then she's going to get glasses and pour the wine, no skimping in that department. "I didn't say I was lonely," she adds even if that was more or less the implication. Evidently not what she wants him to be thinking. Back with the wine, she settles herself down beside him on the edge of the couch and makes to set his glass down on him. "I'm sure they would've left. Unless they were-- anyway, lucky that I didn't have anyone over either, then. So I could come visit with neither of us busy." Her smile is entirely too pleasant to be real.

Amusement lingers in K'del's expression, unbidden. He takes his wine, twirling the glass idly in his hand as he remarks, idly, "Because, of course, you often come and visit someone else when you already have someone over." If it's a jab, it's not intended to be too harsh; he keeps his tone light. "But, since we're people who can drop in on each other unannounced, but not friends, why don't we toast to that, mm? And then you can tell me how you are, and how things have been going, and who knows what else. While we drink wine made from my family's grapes."

Teris gives him a sharp look, then looks at her glass. "Sure. Toast whatever you like. It is good wine, by the way. I'd wondered if it was your family's." She lifts up her glass without an insane amount of enthusiasm for anything along the lines of toasting, then takes a sip. She bends an elbow against her crossed legs and rests her head against the back of her hand to consider him a little more gently. "I'm fine. Things have been fine. You'll notice that Iskiveth hasn't done anything of particular note recently."

"To not being friends, but still being around when we need each other," says K'del, as he lifts his glass. It's entirely possible that he's mocking something as he says that, but instead of lingering on it, he says, "Had noticed that. Good for her. For you? For both of you, maybe. Whatever. Whichever." Perhaps he was drinking something else, earlier-- or maybe he's just in a mood. "Glad you like the wine, anyway. I'll pass that on to them. They'll be tickled, probably. Start boasting to everyone that High Reaches' newest Junior likes their wine. A sales tactic."

"When I need you, you mean." Teris says it with just a hint of something sad or defeated or something but it's covered quickly by another drink of her wine as she straightens somewhat, then draws in a deep breath. "Good for both of us," she decides of the various options presented. Her blue eyes linger on that wine, "And it's nice to think that someone somewhere might appreciate my opinion on something. Even if it's just wine." She doesn't seem to trust the comment at face value, though, likely assuming he's being sarcastic or whatever.

"No, seriously," says K'del. "Anything that might impress someone is worthwhile as a sales tactic. My parents don't actually make the wine, but it's all in the extended family, and it works out. Really will tell them." He keeps his voice quiet, gentle, somehow; his eyes linger on Teris with a faintly concerned edge to their gaze, matched in the way he twists his lips together. "I'm always here if you need me, Teris. You're the one who decided we weren't friends. I've always considered you to be one. Whether you like it or not."

That motion in her lips doesn't ever quite become a smile as she considers what he says while watching the way the wine swirls in her glass when she moves her hand. "You make me so angry," she admits after a moment, voice quiet, but that's when she stands up and moves to pace slowly toward the hearth. Then, louder; "And I can't deal with the reasons that you /make/ me so sharding angry. I thought it would all get better if--" She doesn't finish the thought and takes a drink instead. "But it didn't. Clearly. You're still you and I'm still me. And never the two shall meet." The last is said with somewhat more of her usual confidence in herself.

K'del shifts his head, and then his whole body, so that he can watch Teris pace from a more comfortable position. His smile has disappeared; he looks, if anything, /sad/. "Why does it make you so angry? What?" He keeps his tone quiet. Chances are, he knows exactly what she's talking about - but he'll try and get her to spell it out, anyway. "Can't help being anything but what I am, Teris. Can only give what I have to give." His wine gets set down on the table, leaving his hands free, though all they do is sink into the cushions of the couch, worked into fists.

Teris doesn't look back at him right away and even when she does, her gaze doesn't linger on him for very long. But there's nothing demure about the way her eyes shift toward the floor, cool as they are. "I know you can't," she admits. "But neither can I." She turns to pace closer again. "I hate you for making me feel like a fool all the time. I hate you for not being what I want. And I don't /want/ to hate you." That's frustrated, but the rest is even more so. "I want you to want me. I want you to stop being a stupid kid and get over your stupid... whatever." She must figure he knows what she's talking about. And she seems to have more to say but she just sighs instead, turning to head back toward the fire before she gets too close to him.

It's hard to know what K'del feels about all of this, the way emotions tangle in his expression until all he looks is mixed up and unhappy - which is probably a good start. He sucks in a breath, finally, reaching out one hand then dropping it again, back to the cushions, back to the fist. "Wish I knew what I could say to that to-- well, at all. Wish… I don't know." He pauses, taking in another breath, and then, "I do want you. I care about you. Just... not as much as you want me to. Not to the exclusion of everyone. And there's the problem, right?" Closing his eyes, he shakes his head. "Wish I knew what I could say," he repeats.

"For all you show it, you don't at all," counters Teris, turning toward him even while she continues backing several steps toward the hearth. "Even if you would just shut up about them or /pretend/ every once in awhile that you want me or care about me just a little more than some random other person. Or stop talking about how you think you love that--" She pauses and the way she looks at him turns a little more tense. "/This/ is why I can't be friends with you, you know. But maybe if I started screwing everything around me with the right equipment, I could treat people the way that you do, too. Then maybe we could." There's a decided lack of venom in her words but at the end she still takes a long drink from her glass.

K'del is silent, throughout all of that, silent and impassive. When she drinks, he finally opens his mouth, speaking slowly and quiet. "You mention them more than I do. But even if that weren't the case… I'm barely sleeping with anyone these days, Teris. And I only say that now because it's relevant to your accusations. I didn't agree to sleep with you because you had the right equipment and I was in the mood. I don't pick up girls in bars, most of the time, these days." Mostly. "Don't give just anyone graduation gifts. Don't go out of my way to make friends with just everyone. Feels like all you can see is what you want to see." He sounds-- sad, by the end of that, staring into his glass moodily. "Does it make you feel better, making me the villain?"

"Yes," says Teris with a little more force than necessary to his last question. Or maybe it's not so much with force as it is with a stomped foot. That's clearly her lifemate's influence. Not something she would have done nearly eleven months ago now. For a moment she might even look like she wants to throw her glass at him. Instead she decides to go put more wine in it, even if it's not quite empty yet. "No," she admits, then, apparently to the same question. She even looks ever so slightly guilty, maybe, when she glances at him again. "What do you see?" asks the weyrling, finally. "When you look at me."

There isn't much for K'del to say to either answer to his question: he meets both, one after the other, with only silence, though his gaze tracks every move she makes, all the way to the bottle and the refilling of her glass. Her question, though - that's something he has an answer to, though it still takes him a moment or two to phrase his thoughts. "Teris. I see Teris. Who is brave and smart and beautiful and bitter and confused and /confusing/, but incredible, too. Because... I don't know. Because you are."

Whatever Teris might have expected him to say, it's hard to tell if he says it or not. She seems vaguely uncertain how much of that she should believe but she starts making her way back toward where he's sitting on the couch and, if he doesn't stop her, she's liable to sit down next to him and try curling up under an arm. "I'm sorry," she murmurs, sounding almost oddly awkward in using those words. It doesn't happen all that often. "Do you mean it?"

K'del's arm goes so far as to wrap further around her, so that's probably a 'sure, please do cuddle up next to me'. The other hand lifts across his body so that he can lean in and stroke her hair. "Of course I do," he says, bypassing the apology to answer the question. "Not in the business of saying things I don't mean. It's messy, and leads to hurt. Care about you. I don't want to hurt you. I never have." Almost never, and as if he's just had that thought himself, he flinches slightly, expression apologetic.

"I have a hard time believing that," says Teris, tilting her head to rest somewhere between his shoulder and chest as she gets comfortable, slippers left on the floor so she can fold her legs up partially under her. "How's your hand doing?" she asks, like this is somehow related to him wanting to hurt her. "You think I'm brave?" is asked kind of as an afterthought, not lifting her head but tilting it slightly to look up at him.

K'del tilts his head downwards so that he can meet Teris' gaze as she looks up at him. "Which part do you have trouble with?" he wants to know, his voice pitched low. "It's fine. All better, no permanent damage. Though my ego may take longer to heal." He takes longer to answer her question, and now, his gaze turns away, staring off at the wall opposite them rather than look at her when, finally, "Sure I do. You're fearless, for the most part. Or you let people believe it, at any rate. I admire that. I wear my heart on my sleeve too much, maybe."

"You've never wanted to hurt me." Teris doesn't say it with any accusation. Just an answer to his question. She reaches out one of her free hands to touch the hand that he'd hurt, tracing lines over skin with no particular pattern since she keeps the majority of her attention on K'del. "I'm not sure anyone's ever said that before. About me." But she likes it. "A bit much, yes. Perhaps if you'd just insisted up front that you didn't like me or want me or any of that nonsense, we'd have been better off. By all rights, you should hate me, I think."

"I've /almost/ never wanted to hurt you," is the correction K'del offers, admitting his guilt without specifying further than that. His gaze does track back to her, lingering on the lines she's tracing onto his hand. Thoughtful silence follows, his lips drawn in consideringly. "Rreally think that would have helped? If I'd pretended otherwise. Thing is... You were a challenge. You didn't react the way most girls do. Always appreciated that." He's more quiet, though, when he adds, a few moments later, "Maybe that's why I don't hate you. Or because it's not the way I work, maybe. Infuriating, yes. But not worth hating."

"I've wanted to hurt you," Teris tells him quietly, but she seems to know that that's probably rather obvious and it reflects in the tone of her voice. There's no guilt there, though. "Not worth hating," she repeats with a slight emphasis in the middle but little other reaction. Maybe it's the wine. And, as though that reminds her that she's still holding onto her glass with that other hand of hers, she takes another drink. "Have you ever hated /any/ girl or woman, K'del?" Pause. "I do think it would have helped. Me, at least. I'm not sure I like the way I like you."

The faintest forward inclination of K'del's head makes a nod that confirms Teris' admission: he knows. It doesn't seem to bother him too much - not now, anyway. Maybe there were previous moments when it did. "No," is his answer to her actual question. "Never. No man or boy, either. And me saying not worth hating-- didn't mean that the way it sounded. Just not sure that you've done anything that should make me hate you." He doesn't leave any silence at the end of that, continuing on without pause to say, "Sorry I didn't, then. If it would've helped. Since it's too late for that... /is/ there anything I can do to help? What do you want to do about it?"

"I hate B'mel." Teris says it with a certain sort of seriousness that might lead one to think she doesn't hate anyone quite on the same level that she hates her father. "It must be nice, though, not to feel that way." She doesn't linger on how he meant what he'd said and instead considers the rest over another sip, her free hand drawing away from his. "I'm not sure there's anything to be done about it. I don't know." She gives her head a small shake to emphasize that point somewhat. She usually has some sort of opinion on everything but for this she's at a loss.

K'del considers this for a moment, and then allows, "I'd probably hate him, too, if he were my father." She's allowed, then. Which must, of course, but a nice thing to know. "No. Suppose maybe there isn't anything to be done." He's at a loss, too. He watches her, though, as if by doing so as intently as he is, he'll find some new gem of wisdom, something that will sort this whole mess out. He reaches for his wine glass in the end, instead. "We can go back to avoiding each other, if you like. Or try and just be civil acquaintances. Or friends. Maybe if we decide, it'll help."

Teris pulls her legs under her somewhat more and sits up a little straighter when K'del reaches for his glass, still pressed alongside him. "Is that what you want?" she wonders. "To avoid each other? I don't think it works very well. Maybe when someone else catches Iovniath we could manage that better, though." She quiets long enough to finish off most of the rest of her glass and then she reaches to set it aside. "Maybe acquaintances. Possibly friends. I can't promise I won't want to use you again." The last is said as she leans closer once more, lips nearly against his cheek with a smile pulling at them.

K'del's "No," could easily be mistaken for an answer to Teris' last remark, except for the way he uses the arm still snaked around her to draw her even closer, if he can. "No, I don't want to avoid you. Remember what I said about caring about you?" He hasn't managed to take a drink from his newly reclaimed wine glass, even, and now it's probably in the way, his hand hovering awkwardly above them. "You can want anything you like. Won't mean it'll happen, though I think your chances are pretty good." Beat. "I'd rather be friends. Let's just... deal."

"Don't forget the part where you think I'm smart. And beautiful." The way Teris says that is almost playful, she's definitely smiling though she leans in closer so he probably can't see it. Is she drunk? It's difficult to say. "I think my chances are pretty good," she repeats what he says, a little more confidently. "Friends, then. And I'll try not to barge in whenever I feel like it, I suppose." As though to test just how good her chances are, Teris leans closer to brush her lips against his jaw or neck, or maybe even both.

"Haven't forgotten," laughs K'del, though there's a definite note of seriousness in there. He watches her, for a moment, as best he can given the position she's moved herself into, and then his glass gets set down again, and be reaches in an attempt to draw her more into his lap. Whether that works or not (clearly, this is more an exercise of 'if you want to be there, I'm all for it, but if not, that's cool, too'), he tells her, "Can always get Iskiveth to ask Cadejoth if I'm free. If I am - well, you're always welcome. Friends always are."

Teris doesn't protests the way that K'del kind of encourages her into his lap. In fact, she pulls up the end of her nightgown enough to twist toward him and swing her leg so that she's straddling him. Throughout, her attention doesn't stray far from his neck and ear and jaw. "That's what I was thinking. Iskiveth. She could ask. They're handy like that. Why is it that you so rarely come to visit me, hmm?" That question could be more harsh but there's really no trace of anything like that in it right this moment.

K'del seems to find this most acceptable, dropping one hand so that it can run idly up her thigh, while the other lingers around her shoulder, fingers tangling lightly up into her hair. "Didn't think it was polite to drop in on people who aren't my friends." Beat. "Or claim they aren't. Shall I make the effort to do so more often?" Despite the surface question to that, he doesn't seem to have any doubt of the answer, as lightly and teasingly as it's said.

"You didn't even before then," Teris counters with a small nip at the side of his neck, one of her hands curling up into his hair while the other settles on his shoulder like it's planning on staying free just in case it's needed. "But I think I'd like that. You ought to make sure I don't have company or anything first, though." Because she just has /so/ much of that. "Would you let me stay here with you tonight?"

A protest forms on K'del's lips, but dies before it gets anywhere, probably both because Teris is right on this one, and also, because she continues talking and after that, there are other things to respond to. "Promise. Always check, first." His hand slides down her shoulder, now, down her arm. Maybe the answer to her question is obvious (or maybe not), but he answers it in words, anyway, this time: "Of course." Beat. Then, teasingly, "So long as you don't snore, anyway. Do you?"

Her grip in his hair tightens somewhat, not sharply but most likely noticeably. Teris is smiling when she draws her head back to look at him more easily. "Of course I don't snore. Though I can't make any promises if I have anymore wine." Which she clearly doesn't plan on. The blonde shifts her hips to roll against him and she watches his face as she asks open-endedly, "Even if we don't...?"

Noticably - and noticed. It makes K'del raise his eyebrows, though he doesn't verbally question it. She's smiling, after all. The combination of her rolling hips and her words makes him squirm slightly, though only just barely. "Even if we don't." Firmly. "Though if you keep teasing me like that we might have to have words on boundaries, and playing nice. Though, come to think of it, you never do play nice, do you?" Poor K'del! But, more cheerfully, "Luckily for you, I'm a gentleman." And he is.