LOG: Nobody Else's Dragon Is Psychotic
Date: Day 20, Month 6, Turn 22
Location: K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Synopsis: P'ax needs a favour. He and K'del catch up.
Dragon> To Cadejoth, Yyth is just a little darker than usual, a little more sullen. << Cadejoth? >> Her mind swirls around the name. << Mine asks if yours is available. >>
Dragon> To Yyth, Cadejoth's mind is full of a view of the weyr, the one he's taken so fondly to, nestled along the rim, battered by the wind. << Yyth, >> he exults, as though sheer enthusiasm will make up for her sullenness. << He's at home. Yours can go straight in. >>
After Yyth has landed on Cadejoth's ledge, P'ax hops down. His eyes are dark like he has been sleeping poorly. Or not at all. "K'del?" he calls, entering the living space.
Inside, K'del's propped up on the couch, flicking through papers in an idle kind of fashion. P'ax's footsteps, and his call, draw his head up; he gives the greenrider a long, appraising glance. "P'ax," he greets, beckoning him in with a wave of the hand. "Shells-- you look /awful/."
P'ax snorts and rubs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well... it matches how I feel." He chuckles limply and folds himself into one of the chairs. "I need a favor."
K'del shifts his position so that he's sitting more upright, those his socked feet remain on the sofa, his knees bent. "You know I'll help if I can," he tells the greenrider, setting down his hides so as to give him his full attention. "What is it?"
P'ax chews his lower lip for a moment. "Yyth is getting out of hand. I was hoping you could get Iovniath to just... make her stop for awhile. Until I've got her under control." He leans forward and puts his chin in his hands, fingers spreading up his cheeks. "If I can ever get her under control."
K'del meets this with silent, the seriousness of his expression the only thing giving away his reaction to P'ax's request. Eventually, he gives a short, slow nod, and exhales heavily. "Of course," he says, firmly. "I'll talk to Tiriana." Beat. "But I need you to work with one of the weyrlingmasters. Get their help. Didn't realise this was still so much of a problem." And he looks guilty for it.
P'ax bobs his head in rapid agreement. "That was the idea, yes. I've just let her get away with too much. But I can't -- she's been upsetting Pterath especially. I know better. Of course I know better, and I would never --" h scowls and stops babbling. "It will be okay once I can shut her out better." He considers that guilty look and sighs. "It's not your fault, you know. You have plenty on your plate without worrying about me too. Nobody else's dragon is psychotic."
"Should've paid more attention, though," says K'del, levelly, shaking his head. "Good Wingleader would." And while it's obvious he doesn't consider himself to be a good Wingleader, he doesn't dwell on that, instead moving on to say, "Good. Glad you're-- you know, taking action. Being proactive. Will talk to Tiriana soon as I can, and if there's anything else... you know I'll do anything I can?"
P'ax makes another dismissive gesture. "You're a fine wingleader. Fine Weyrleader, too. You just take on too much." He makes a face. "That's all I really wanted."
The compliments make K'del look down at his knees rather than P'ax, though he gives a hesitant nod all the same. "Appreciate it," he murmurs, before he can look at the greenrider again. "Right. Okay. I'll let you know how I go with Tiriana, I guess. Don't think it'll be a problem, though." Beat. "Aside from... her. How're you doing?"
P'ax snorts at K'del's reaction. "Why? It's not false praise." He sinks down in the chair, stretches his legs out. "Aside from my bid to systematically destroy or alienate everything good in my life?" he asks sarcastically.
"Maybe not. I'm just... anyway, doesn't matter." K'del brushes aside his own insecurities to frown at P'ax, brows raising slightly. "That good, huh?" he asks, sounding genuinely disappointed to hear it.
P'ax makes a face. "Mostly. I think I picked the one man in the Weyr who will actually put up with my bullshit... and I keep pushing it." He reaches up to run a hand through his hair, elbow rested on the side of the chair. "What's /wrong/ with me, you know?
K'del makes a face, wrapping his fingers around the side of each knee as he shuffles his position again. "What's wrong with any of us?" he counters, after a moment, sounding more thoughtful than anything. "Plenty of fucked up people in this world. Plenty of fucked up relationships. Guess he must really love you, your weyrmate."
"E'dre? Yeah. I really love him too." P'ax lets his head slump into his hand again, supporting his jaw. "Problem is... think I sort of love G'brion also. But... how can you be in love with two people? It's just not right." He gives K'del a long look. "Never mind. How are you handling Terror-is?"
K'del's brows disappear into his hairline at mention of G'brion, but his answer is more level; "Don't think there's anything wrong with loving more than one person. Just... you know, working out the logistics. And obeying weyrling rules, right?" He doesn't seem /too/ concerned about the last bit, at least. "Teris? Wish you-- people, anyway-- wouldn't talk about her like that. She's-- well. Can't be easy for her."
P'ax doesn't seem too concerned on obeying weyrling rules either. Not enough to comment on it. "It bothers Pterath. I... try to avoid him." He presses his lips together and snorts in amusement. "Talk about her what way? She's fun. I tried to hit on her once...but she sort of took offense to me implying I only liked her because her tits were small. We're...sort of friendly now at least. If anyone was going to Impress the daughter to Iovniath, I reckon it's fitting it went to Tiriana's mini-me."
"Lot seems to bother Pterath, from the reports I've been getting," says K'del, but evenly. "Terror-is. Suppose if it's affectionate... I dunno. Not sure she's actually /really/ like Tiriana. Tiriana's fiery. Teris is more... ice. Guess they're opposites, between them and their dragons. Anyway, reckon Iskiveth is a pretty hard dragon to live with. Different way to Yyth, but still. And Teris is just so... stubborn. Hard to really get her to talk to you, you know?" Beat. "Teris has perfectly nice tits. But maybe you wouldn't know that." /That/ is teasingly said.
"I wouldn't bother to make her up a cute nickname if it wasn't affectionate." P'ax, full of reason! An eyebrow lifts. "Spend much time staring at her chest, Kas? and anyway, why does 'small' seem to mean bad? There's nothing wrong with her tits, she's just not going to be smothering anyone with them."
K'del agrees with a slow, "Suppose not," that gets a rueful, and slightly embarrassed grin. "No, there's nothing wrong with her tits. I suspect. Never seen them, alas. This is /me/, remember. When do I not stare at women? Teris is just-- she's a tease, so she sticks out a bit."
P'ax shakes his head, looking totally amused. "You're as bad as I am. At least you weren't dumb enough to attempt a commited relationship too." His head tilts and he asks, "A tease? she been in here teasing you?"
"Reckon I don't think I'd ever try and do a commited relationship-- at least, not in the sense I think you're talking. Not built for monogamy." K'del muses through this, his gaze flicking up towards the ceiling; eventually, it slides back towards P'ax. "Not recently. She's been in here, like... once since she Impressed. There's not really anything between us or anything. One kiss, once. Some hugs."
P'ax leans forward and gets the fresh gossip look on his face. "You /kissed/? You dog, you," he teases with a wink. "Was it good?"
/That/ reaction seems to surprise K'del, who turns his gaze away again. "It was... ages ago. Months and months and months and months, even. But... yeah, I guess it was. Do it again, if she was interested."
"You don't think she's interested?" P'ax asks. "In my experience, a woman wouldn't hang around teasing if she wasn't still interested."
"We're... friends." K'del has to hesitate before finishing that sentence. Then, he shakes his head. "I don't know. If I knew, conclusively, she wasn't interested, that'd be fine. We'd just be friends. But it's-- more complicated. Anyway. Doesn't really matter. Guess I'll just be happy with whatever she gives me. Friendship, whatever."
P'ax snorts, looking and sounding disappointed. "That's a cop out, K'del. You should ask her how she feels. In a few months, you know. When you can do something about it.:
After blowing out a heavy puff of air, K'del shakes his head. "It's not that simple," he tells his clutchmate, firmly. "She knows how I feel. Told her I'd never push. And I won't... don't. So it's entirely up to her. Unless she changes something, we're friends. Had to fight pretty hard to just get that much, so I'm not complaining."
P'ax exhales slowly. "You're too nice. Nice guys always finish last." Except being a jerk isn't getting P'ax too far in life either.
"Coming from you..." But K'del laughs, rolling his eyes. "Basically, we're both kind of screwed, maybe. Except with the not being screwed. And-- oh, whatever. You know. Anyway. Don't claim to be in love with Teris. Might not even be all that fussed about screwing her, if she wasn't so-- well. Oh well."
P'ax laughs too, because he knows he's been caught. "i get screwed plenty. Too much, maybe." His face falls at that, looks a little... haunted, perhaps. "You mean if she wasn't withholding?"
K'del lifts a hand, agreeing, "Point taken. I do, too, at that. Meant... anyway, doesn't matter what I meant." If he's noticed the expression on P'ax's face - and he probably has - he sidesteps asking about it. Instead; "Right. withholding. There's something kind of enticing, you know?"
P'ax scratches his head. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I do. There's been a few I wanted just because I couldn't have them."
K'del rather pointedly does /not/ look at P'ax after the greenrider makes that remark. "It's probably pretty universal," he declares, finally. "Wanting what you can't have, I mean."
P'ax actually sounds a little annoyed when he says, "Not /you/, K'del. You were convenient and I was naive." He nods a few times lazily after that. "Covetry is quite natural, yes."
"Conveniently disinterested?" K'del wants to know, turning his attention back to the greenrider, maybe a little pink around the corners. "Guess we were pretty young. Nearly five turns ago." Which is only a slight exaggeration. "Yeah. We'd probably all be better off if we just settled with what was easy, though."
P'ax rolls his eyes and grins. "Be flattered, it just means you're hot, okay? Well, you were. Before you got all old and wrinkly." He drops another wink. "Better off, sure, and bored as a dragon stuck in the shell. Let's face it, 'easy' is just too...easy."
It makes K'del laugh, at least. "Old and wrinkly. Well... just wait until /you/ hit twenty. Not long to go!" He worries at his lip with his front teeth before he adds, "Guess you're probably right. Easy is fine-- /nice/ knowing I can always get some, you know? A known quality, too. But... Variety is good, too. And fantasizing about what something /might/ be like is even better."
P'ax grimaces. "Yeah. 20. Faranth, there's a scary number." He laughs weakly and falls silent. "Yeah. Variety. I like variety. It's not even that, you know, one person isn't /enough/... it's just...they aren't going to change. You can change a lot of things about the sex, but you can't change the /person/." He wags a finger like he's tapping on the right answer. "That...that is the thing, right there."
"From my vantage point," K'del offers, cheerfully, "Twenty isn't so bad. So far, anyway. You'll be fine. Kind of nice, not being the teenage Weyrleader anymore." He's slower to respond to the rest of it, breaking off to look thoughtful, to frown. "Because they're not the person you want? Or because in the end, it's still that person, and it's still-- the same, even when it's not?"
"Sorry, K'del, you're still practically a kid." P'ax has a good time telling him that, grinning big. But he still gives the question some serious thought. "He still...feels the same...smells the same. Him on top, me on top, don't matter, because it's /him/. And it's not that I don't love him or want him. But there's something...I dunno... hot...about changing it up a little and knowing it's /not/ him."
K'del, perhaps intentionally proving the point, sticks out his tongue at P'ax. "At least I'm not a /teenager/, though. Two or three more turns, and maybe no one will raise an eyebrow at my age." Unlikely. He obviously doesn't /really/ want to know the ins and outs of P'ax's sex life, but doesn't glance away, either - even nods, thoughtfully. "Right. Get that. The /differentness/."
P'ax says, "Sure, sure, not a teenager. I think people will take you seriously when they have faith in you, twenty or fifty, it's not your age, it's what pops out of your mouth. Old men can still be fooled, and young men can be wise, it's just a matter of how you present it." He doesn't seem inclined to inflict too many of the gory details on K'del, either. "Exactly. Differentness. Shouldn't want it. But I do."
K'del makes a face, but nods, anyway. "Yeah. Wish there was a magic age when they started taking me seriously, though, you know? Wake up one morning and it stop being an issue. Three turns in, and I'm still trying to win people over." But he's not dwelling! No: there'd be less smiling, if he was. "What does E'dre think?"
P'ax opens his mouth and closes it again. "He doesn't understand. Not really," he finally admits, drawing it out with a slight puase in between. " It hurts him that I can't just...take what he gives me and be happy with it. I honestly wish I could. I'm trying. It's just Gabe now, it's not like I'm haring off with everyone I run into. Well...and I'm not anymore at all...with Gabe. Well. You know." He swishes his hand. "Sorry. You don't want to know, really, I know that."
K'del is silent for a long time after that, though eventually, he shakes his head. "Don't mind hearing. Friends, right? S'what we do." He rubs at his cheek, then runs his fingers through his hair before he admits, "Wish I knew what to tell you. Wish anyone did. Sucks. Glad I don't really have that problem, I guess. Which is... not helpful."
P'ax shrugs limply. "I know it's not your thing is all." He licks his lips. "You know? I wouldn't want your problems though, relationship wise. How, uh... are you and Milani?"
K'del's shrug is slightly exaggerated, as though he's going out of his way to imply that he's grown out of that. Or something. "We're fine," is his prompt response. "Really good. I... she's special, you know? Love her. May not be exclusive, or whatever, but I love /her/, and not the others."
"And the baby?" asks P'ax, clasping his hands together over his knees and looking at them. "How are you handling all that?"
K'del takes a breath, pauses, and then opens his mouth again. "It's okay. It's-- fine. Really. I guess I'm used to it? Doesn't matter so much now. I dunno. Just... it's okay. Weird, how things change. Turn ago, it was all freaking me out, still."
P'ax hums thoughtfully. "I don't much like kids but... I know how much having them means to you. Did you ever...you know...talk to a Healer about having one?"
K'del's eyes roll, and he bites at his lip before he manages to say, "Yeah. I did. Not much help, really... that is, sure, got some tips on maybe improving my chances, but no one has showed up claiming to be pregnant with my kid yet, you know? So... who knows."
P'ax nods and shrugs. "Well. Can't help you much with that. I spend a good amount of time covering my ass. Shards, now I'm covering E'dre's niece, too. The last thing I need is for /her/ to get pregnant and E'dre's crazy sister show up here to lay the smack-down on all of us."
K'del gives another little shrug, as though he doesn't actually care /that/ much-- liar, liar-- though all he says is, "Sounds complicated." For E'dre's niece, and the rest of it. Sighing, he stretches his legs out, drawing himself up into a straighter position. "/Ought/ to get back to work," he says, then, reluctantly. "Need this stuff looked over before-- anyway."
"Ah, yeah. I've taken up too much of your time anyway. It's just nice... to talk to someone who's not part of the drama or whatever." He sighs and pushes on his knees to get to his feet and then stretches slowly. "Think I'll go leave a note for Meara in her office, see if she can make some time for me."
"I'm always here," promises K'del, visibly apologetic for having to call the conversation to a close. "Anyway: good plan. And I'll talk to Tiriana. Hopefully, we'll get you and Yyth sorted out in no time." Beat. "Look after yourself, P'ax."
P'ax offers K'del a small smile of reassurance. "Thanks, K'del. Appreciate it, really. You're a good friend. I'll see you at drills." He waves and then puts his hands in his pockets, heading out for the ledge.
Location: K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Synopsis: P'ax needs a favour. He and K'del catch up.
Dragon> To Cadejoth, Yyth is just a little darker than usual, a little more sullen. << Cadejoth? >> Her mind swirls around the name. << Mine asks if yours is available. >>
Dragon> To Yyth, Cadejoth's mind is full of a view of the weyr, the one he's taken so fondly to, nestled along the rim, battered by the wind. << Yyth, >> he exults, as though sheer enthusiasm will make up for her sullenness. << He's at home. Yours can go straight in. >>
After Yyth has landed on Cadejoth's ledge, P'ax hops down. His eyes are dark like he has been sleeping poorly. Or not at all. "K'del?" he calls, entering the living space.
Inside, K'del's propped up on the couch, flicking through papers in an idle kind of fashion. P'ax's footsteps, and his call, draw his head up; he gives the greenrider a long, appraising glance. "P'ax," he greets, beckoning him in with a wave of the hand. "Shells-- you look /awful/."
P'ax snorts and rubs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, well... it matches how I feel." He chuckles limply and folds himself into one of the chairs. "I need a favor."
K'del shifts his position so that he's sitting more upright, those his socked feet remain on the sofa, his knees bent. "You know I'll help if I can," he tells the greenrider, setting down his hides so as to give him his full attention. "What is it?"
P'ax chews his lower lip for a moment. "Yyth is getting out of hand. I was hoping you could get Iovniath to just... make her stop for awhile. Until I've got her under control." He leans forward and puts his chin in his hands, fingers spreading up his cheeks. "If I can ever get her under control."
K'del meets this with silent, the seriousness of his expression the only thing giving away his reaction to P'ax's request. Eventually, he gives a short, slow nod, and exhales heavily. "Of course," he says, firmly. "I'll talk to Tiriana." Beat. "But I need you to work with one of the weyrlingmasters. Get their help. Didn't realise this was still so much of a problem." And he looks guilty for it.
P'ax bobs his head in rapid agreement. "That was the idea, yes. I've just let her get away with too much. But I can't -- she's been upsetting Pterath especially. I know better. Of course I know better, and I would never --" h scowls and stops babbling. "It will be okay once I can shut her out better." He considers that guilty look and sighs. "It's not your fault, you know. You have plenty on your plate without worrying about me too. Nobody else's dragon is psychotic."
"Should've paid more attention, though," says K'del, levelly, shaking his head. "Good Wingleader would." And while it's obvious he doesn't consider himself to be a good Wingleader, he doesn't dwell on that, instead moving on to say, "Good. Glad you're-- you know, taking action. Being proactive. Will talk to Tiriana soon as I can, and if there's anything else... you know I'll do anything I can?"
P'ax makes another dismissive gesture. "You're a fine wingleader. Fine Weyrleader, too. You just take on too much." He makes a face. "That's all I really wanted."
The compliments make K'del look down at his knees rather than P'ax, though he gives a hesitant nod all the same. "Appreciate it," he murmurs, before he can look at the greenrider again. "Right. Okay. I'll let you know how I go with Tiriana, I guess. Don't think it'll be a problem, though." Beat. "Aside from... her. How're you doing?"
P'ax snorts at K'del's reaction. "Why? It's not false praise." He sinks down in the chair, stretches his legs out. "Aside from my bid to systematically destroy or alienate everything good in my life?" he asks sarcastically.
"Maybe not. I'm just... anyway, doesn't matter." K'del brushes aside his own insecurities to frown at P'ax, brows raising slightly. "That good, huh?" he asks, sounding genuinely disappointed to hear it.
P'ax makes a face. "Mostly. I think I picked the one man in the Weyr who will actually put up with my bullshit... and I keep pushing it." He reaches up to run a hand through his hair, elbow rested on the side of the chair. "What's /wrong/ with me, you know?
K'del makes a face, wrapping his fingers around the side of each knee as he shuffles his position again. "What's wrong with any of us?" he counters, after a moment, sounding more thoughtful than anything. "Plenty of fucked up people in this world. Plenty of fucked up relationships. Guess he must really love you, your weyrmate."
"E'dre? Yeah. I really love him too." P'ax lets his head slump into his hand again, supporting his jaw. "Problem is... think I sort of love G'brion also. But... how can you be in love with two people? It's just not right." He gives K'del a long look. "Never mind. How are you handling Terror-is?"
K'del's brows disappear into his hairline at mention of G'brion, but his answer is more level; "Don't think there's anything wrong with loving more than one person. Just... you know, working out the logistics. And obeying weyrling rules, right?" He doesn't seem /too/ concerned about the last bit, at least. "Teris? Wish you-- people, anyway-- wouldn't talk about her like that. She's-- well. Can't be easy for her."
P'ax doesn't seem too concerned on obeying weyrling rules either. Not enough to comment on it. "It bothers Pterath. I... try to avoid him." He presses his lips together and snorts in amusement. "Talk about her what way? She's fun. I tried to hit on her once...but she sort of took offense to me implying I only liked her because her tits were small. We're...sort of friendly now at least. If anyone was going to Impress the daughter to Iovniath, I reckon it's fitting it went to Tiriana's mini-me."
"Lot seems to bother Pterath, from the reports I've been getting," says K'del, but evenly. "Terror-is. Suppose if it's affectionate... I dunno. Not sure she's actually /really/ like Tiriana. Tiriana's fiery. Teris is more... ice. Guess they're opposites, between them and their dragons. Anyway, reckon Iskiveth is a pretty hard dragon to live with. Different way to Yyth, but still. And Teris is just so... stubborn. Hard to really get her to talk to you, you know?" Beat. "Teris has perfectly nice tits. But maybe you wouldn't know that." /That/ is teasingly said.
"I wouldn't bother to make her up a cute nickname if it wasn't affectionate." P'ax, full of reason! An eyebrow lifts. "Spend much time staring at her chest, Kas? and anyway, why does 'small' seem to mean bad? There's nothing wrong with her tits, she's just not going to be smothering anyone with them."
K'del agrees with a slow, "Suppose not," that gets a rueful, and slightly embarrassed grin. "No, there's nothing wrong with her tits. I suspect. Never seen them, alas. This is /me/, remember. When do I not stare at women? Teris is just-- she's a tease, so she sticks out a bit."
P'ax shakes his head, looking totally amused. "You're as bad as I am. At least you weren't dumb enough to attempt a commited relationship too." His head tilts and he asks, "A tease? she been in here teasing you?"
"Reckon I don't think I'd ever try and do a commited relationship-- at least, not in the sense I think you're talking. Not built for monogamy." K'del muses through this, his gaze flicking up towards the ceiling; eventually, it slides back towards P'ax. "Not recently. She's been in here, like... once since she Impressed. There's not really anything between us or anything. One kiss, once. Some hugs."
P'ax leans forward and gets the fresh gossip look on his face. "You /kissed/? You dog, you," he teases with a wink. "Was it good?"
/That/ reaction seems to surprise K'del, who turns his gaze away again. "It was... ages ago. Months and months and months and months, even. But... yeah, I guess it was. Do it again, if she was interested."
"You don't think she's interested?" P'ax asks. "In my experience, a woman wouldn't hang around teasing if she wasn't still interested."
"We're... friends." K'del has to hesitate before finishing that sentence. Then, he shakes his head. "I don't know. If I knew, conclusively, she wasn't interested, that'd be fine. We'd just be friends. But it's-- more complicated. Anyway. Doesn't really matter. Guess I'll just be happy with whatever she gives me. Friendship, whatever."
P'ax snorts, looking and sounding disappointed. "That's a cop out, K'del. You should ask her how she feels. In a few months, you know. When you can do something about it.:
After blowing out a heavy puff of air, K'del shakes his head. "It's not that simple," he tells his clutchmate, firmly. "She knows how I feel. Told her I'd never push. And I won't... don't. So it's entirely up to her. Unless she changes something, we're friends. Had to fight pretty hard to just get that much, so I'm not complaining."
P'ax exhales slowly. "You're too nice. Nice guys always finish last." Except being a jerk isn't getting P'ax too far in life either.
"Coming from you..." But K'del laughs, rolling his eyes. "Basically, we're both kind of screwed, maybe. Except with the not being screwed. And-- oh, whatever. You know. Anyway. Don't claim to be in love with Teris. Might not even be all that fussed about screwing her, if she wasn't so-- well. Oh well."
P'ax laughs too, because he knows he's been caught. "i get screwed plenty. Too much, maybe." His face falls at that, looks a little... haunted, perhaps. "You mean if she wasn't withholding?"
K'del lifts a hand, agreeing, "Point taken. I do, too, at that. Meant... anyway, doesn't matter what I meant." If he's noticed the expression on P'ax's face - and he probably has - he sidesteps asking about it. Instead; "Right. withholding. There's something kind of enticing, you know?"
P'ax scratches his head. "Yeah, yeah, I know. I do. There's been a few I wanted just because I couldn't have them."
K'del rather pointedly does /not/ look at P'ax after the greenrider makes that remark. "It's probably pretty universal," he declares, finally. "Wanting what you can't have, I mean."
P'ax actually sounds a little annoyed when he says, "Not /you/, K'del. You were convenient and I was naive." He nods a few times lazily after that. "Covetry is quite natural, yes."
"Conveniently disinterested?" K'del wants to know, turning his attention back to the greenrider, maybe a little pink around the corners. "Guess we were pretty young. Nearly five turns ago." Which is only a slight exaggeration. "Yeah. We'd probably all be better off if we just settled with what was easy, though."
P'ax rolls his eyes and grins. "Be flattered, it just means you're hot, okay? Well, you were. Before you got all old and wrinkly." He drops another wink. "Better off, sure, and bored as a dragon stuck in the shell. Let's face it, 'easy' is just too...easy."
It makes K'del laugh, at least. "Old and wrinkly. Well... just wait until /you/ hit twenty. Not long to go!" He worries at his lip with his front teeth before he adds, "Guess you're probably right. Easy is fine-- /nice/ knowing I can always get some, you know? A known quality, too. But... Variety is good, too. And fantasizing about what something /might/ be like is even better."
P'ax grimaces. "Yeah. 20. Faranth, there's a scary number." He laughs weakly and falls silent. "Yeah. Variety. I like variety. It's not even that, you know, one person isn't /enough/... it's just...they aren't going to change. You can change a lot of things about the sex, but you can't change the /person/." He wags a finger like he's tapping on the right answer. "That...that is the thing, right there."
"From my vantage point," K'del offers, cheerfully, "Twenty isn't so bad. So far, anyway. You'll be fine. Kind of nice, not being the teenage Weyrleader anymore." He's slower to respond to the rest of it, breaking off to look thoughtful, to frown. "Because they're not the person you want? Or because in the end, it's still that person, and it's still-- the same, even when it's not?"
"Sorry, K'del, you're still practically a kid." P'ax has a good time telling him that, grinning big. But he still gives the question some serious thought. "He still...feels the same...smells the same. Him on top, me on top, don't matter, because it's /him/. And it's not that I don't love him or want him. But there's something...I dunno... hot...about changing it up a little and knowing it's /not/ him."
K'del, perhaps intentionally proving the point, sticks out his tongue at P'ax. "At least I'm not a /teenager/, though. Two or three more turns, and maybe no one will raise an eyebrow at my age." Unlikely. He obviously doesn't /really/ want to know the ins and outs of P'ax's sex life, but doesn't glance away, either - even nods, thoughtfully. "Right. Get that. The /differentness/."
P'ax says, "Sure, sure, not a teenager. I think people will take you seriously when they have faith in you, twenty or fifty, it's not your age, it's what pops out of your mouth. Old men can still be fooled, and young men can be wise, it's just a matter of how you present it." He doesn't seem inclined to inflict too many of the gory details on K'del, either. "Exactly. Differentness. Shouldn't want it. But I do."
K'del makes a face, but nods, anyway. "Yeah. Wish there was a magic age when they started taking me seriously, though, you know? Wake up one morning and it stop being an issue. Three turns in, and I'm still trying to win people over." But he's not dwelling! No: there'd be less smiling, if he was. "What does E'dre think?"
P'ax opens his mouth and closes it again. "He doesn't understand. Not really," he finally admits, drawing it out with a slight puase in between. " It hurts him that I can't just...take what he gives me and be happy with it. I honestly wish I could. I'm trying. It's just Gabe now, it's not like I'm haring off with everyone I run into. Well...and I'm not anymore at all...with Gabe. Well. You know." He swishes his hand. "Sorry. You don't want to know, really, I know that."
K'del is silent for a long time after that, though eventually, he shakes his head. "Don't mind hearing. Friends, right? S'what we do." He rubs at his cheek, then runs his fingers through his hair before he admits, "Wish I knew what to tell you. Wish anyone did. Sucks. Glad I don't really have that problem, I guess. Which is... not helpful."
P'ax shrugs limply. "I know it's not your thing is all." He licks his lips. "You know? I wouldn't want your problems though, relationship wise. How, uh... are you and Milani?"
K'del's shrug is slightly exaggerated, as though he's going out of his way to imply that he's grown out of that. Or something. "We're fine," is his prompt response. "Really good. I... she's special, you know? Love her. May not be exclusive, or whatever, but I love /her/, and not the others."
"And the baby?" asks P'ax, clasping his hands together over his knees and looking at them. "How are you handling all that?"
K'del takes a breath, pauses, and then opens his mouth again. "It's okay. It's-- fine. Really. I guess I'm used to it? Doesn't matter so much now. I dunno. Just... it's okay. Weird, how things change. Turn ago, it was all freaking me out, still."
P'ax hums thoughtfully. "I don't much like kids but... I know how much having them means to you. Did you ever...you know...talk to a Healer about having one?"
K'del's eyes roll, and he bites at his lip before he manages to say, "Yeah. I did. Not much help, really... that is, sure, got some tips on maybe improving my chances, but no one has showed up claiming to be pregnant with my kid yet, you know? So... who knows."
P'ax nods and shrugs. "Well. Can't help you much with that. I spend a good amount of time covering my ass. Shards, now I'm covering E'dre's niece, too. The last thing I need is for /her/ to get pregnant and E'dre's crazy sister show up here to lay the smack-down on all of us."
K'del gives another little shrug, as though he doesn't actually care /that/ much-- liar, liar-- though all he says is, "Sounds complicated." For E'dre's niece, and the rest of it. Sighing, he stretches his legs out, drawing himself up into a straighter position. "/Ought/ to get back to work," he says, then, reluctantly. "Need this stuff looked over before-- anyway."
"Ah, yeah. I've taken up too much of your time anyway. It's just nice... to talk to someone who's not part of the drama or whatever." He sighs and pushes on his knees to get to his feet and then stretches slowly. "Think I'll go leave a note for Meara in her office, see if she can make some time for me."
"I'm always here," promises K'del, visibly apologetic for having to call the conversation to a close. "Anyway: good plan. And I'll talk to Tiriana. Hopefully, we'll get you and Yyth sorted out in no time." Beat. "Look after yourself, P'ax."
P'ax offers K'del a small smile of reassurance. "Thanks, K'del. Appreciate it, really. You're a good friend. I'll see you at drills." He waves and then puts his hands in his pockets, heading out for the ledge.