VIGNETTE: I Wish I Knew
Date: Day 19, Month 5, Turn 21
Location: Infirmary, Healer Hall
Synopsis: K'del goes to see a healer about one of the issues on his mind.
Yes, it's another Bodily Functions vignette. And with incestuous characters! I think I liked this better in concept than execution, but I give up: this'll have to do.
Sitting in the waiting area of the infirmary, K'del kept his head lowered: if he didn't make eye contact with anyone, maybe they wouldn't really notice him. Maybe he could past without rumours spreading around the weyr that he was dying, or depressed, or-- whatever.
The truth would probably be worse than that; he tried not to think about it.
When his name was called, he nearly fled: when he'd decided to come in, he'd had this idea in his head that he'd get a male healer, someone nice and approachable, and instead… he lifted his head to meet Madilla's expectant gaze and wanted to die.
"Weyrleader? If you'll come this way?"
What choice did he have?
So he followed, ignoring the glances in his direction, as the Apprentice led him to one of the furthest cubicles, and, after motioning him in, closed the curtains. He wondered vaguely, at the back of his mind, whether it was normal for people like him to get one of the apprentices; he ended up forgetting about it, concentrating instead on sitting awkwardly in the chair provided, lifting his gaze, finally, back towards the healer.
She smiled at him, as she took her own seat, drawing out his chart and reaching for a pen. That made it worse. K'del remembered that she'd smiled at him that night they'd been out together, though ultimately, it had been a disaster. She obviously didn't hold it against him… but maybe that was just professionalism?
"What seems to be the problem?"
He faltered, and turned his gaze towards his feet again.
"Weyrleader?"
"K'del-- please? You know me. As a person."
"K'del, then."
She waited. He let the silence continue; so did she.
Finally; "Need to know why none of the women I'm sleeping with are getting pregnant."
Another pause, then he added, hurriedly, "With my kids, anyway. Want to know how I can"
The silence continued further. K'del hazarded a glance upwards, and realised that Madilla was flushing scarlet, and-- there was something else?
Frankly, if he didn't know better, he'd say it looked like she was well tempted to throw herself at him then and there.
Weird.
"I've embarrassed you… this is stupid. I'm sorry. I'll go."
"No!"
He'd already been half out of his seat; now, he sat down again.
"You're--" She hesitated. "Sure that it's something wrong with you?"
"Couple of them have gotten pregnant with other people. There's only one baby that might have been mine, but…"
Her nod reminded him that she probably knew all about that baby. She looked wretched.
"Just seems… been sexually active - that's how it gets put, isn't it? - for four turns or something. And I mean… daily. Except when I couldn't, as a candidate and weyrling. So it's not as though… just seems like maybe there's something wrong with my stuff, if it hasn't happened."
The words flooded out of him, and then died; the silence returned.
Madilla met his gaze squarely, and though there was still some element of discomfort there, she kept her tone more or less even. "We've no way of really testing the-- virility of your ejaculate," she told him. "But I can give you a few tips on improving your chances."
This was embarrassing. It was… beyond embarrassing.
But he nodded.
Mostly, it was easy:
Exercise? He always intended to get more anyway, so sure.
Less drinking? Probably also a good idea.
Avoid hot baths? Pity, but sure, okay.
But some of it… avoid stress? How was he supposed to do that?
And as for the last… he nearly died when Madilla told him, in that calm, professional-but-awkward manner of hers, that he ought to be having sex less often…
Awkward!
And also, kind of unwelcome. Less sex? Why not more? More would be better.
More would-- Teenage boy! he accused himself, managing not to laugh at himself, not in front of Madilla, who was looking at him so earnestly.
"Give it a try, I guess," he said, finally.
"Are you that desperate to have children?" she wanted to know, quiet, but confident. "Or is it just that you'd like to know that you can?"
He hesitated.
Finally; "I wish I knew."
Location: Infirmary, Healer Hall
Synopsis: K'del goes to see a healer about one of the issues on his mind.
Yes, it's another Bodily Functions vignette. And with incestuous characters! I think I liked this better in concept than execution, but I give up: this'll have to do.
Sitting in the waiting area of the infirmary, K'del kept his head lowered: if he didn't make eye contact with anyone, maybe they wouldn't really notice him. Maybe he could past without rumours spreading around the weyr that he was dying, or depressed, or-- whatever.
The truth would probably be worse than that; he tried not to think about it.
When his name was called, he nearly fled: when he'd decided to come in, he'd had this idea in his head that he'd get a male healer, someone nice and approachable, and instead… he lifted his head to meet Madilla's expectant gaze and wanted to die.
"Weyrleader? If you'll come this way?"
What choice did he have?
So he followed, ignoring the glances in his direction, as the Apprentice led him to one of the furthest cubicles, and, after motioning him in, closed the curtains. He wondered vaguely, at the back of his mind, whether it was normal for people like him to get one of the apprentices; he ended up forgetting about it, concentrating instead on sitting awkwardly in the chair provided, lifting his gaze, finally, back towards the healer.
She smiled at him, as she took her own seat, drawing out his chart and reaching for a pen. That made it worse. K'del remembered that she'd smiled at him that night they'd been out together, though ultimately, it had been a disaster. She obviously didn't hold it against him… but maybe that was just professionalism?
"What seems to be the problem?"
He faltered, and turned his gaze towards his feet again.
"Weyrleader?"
"K'del-- please? You know me. As a person."
"K'del, then."
She waited. He let the silence continue; so did she.
Finally; "Need to know why none of the women I'm sleeping with are getting pregnant."
Another pause, then he added, hurriedly, "With my kids, anyway. Want to know how I can"
The silence continued further. K'del hazarded a glance upwards, and realised that Madilla was flushing scarlet, and-- there was something else?
Frankly, if he didn't know better, he'd say it looked like she was well tempted to throw herself at him then and there.
Weird.
"I've embarrassed you… this is stupid. I'm sorry. I'll go."
"No!"
He'd already been half out of his seat; now, he sat down again.
"You're--" She hesitated. "Sure that it's something wrong with you?"
"Couple of them have gotten pregnant with other people. There's only one baby that might have been mine, but…"
Her nod reminded him that she probably knew all about that baby. She looked wretched.
"Just seems… been sexually active - that's how it gets put, isn't it? - for four turns or something. And I mean… daily. Except when I couldn't, as a candidate and weyrling. So it's not as though… just seems like maybe there's something wrong with my stuff, if it hasn't happened."
The words flooded out of him, and then died; the silence returned.
Madilla met his gaze squarely, and though there was still some element of discomfort there, she kept her tone more or less even. "We've no way of really testing the-- virility of your ejaculate," she told him. "But I can give you a few tips on improving your chances."
This was embarrassing. It was… beyond embarrassing.
But he nodded.
Mostly, it was easy:
Exercise? He always intended to get more anyway, so sure.
Less drinking? Probably also a good idea.
Avoid hot baths? Pity, but sure, okay.
But some of it… avoid stress? How was he supposed to do that?
And as for the last… he nearly died when Madilla told him, in that calm, professional-but-awkward manner of hers, that he ought to be having sex less often…
Awkward!
And also, kind of unwelcome. Less sex? Why not more? More would be better.
More would-- Teenage boy! he accused himself, managing not to laugh at himself, not in front of Madilla, who was looking at him so earnestly.
"Give it a try, I guess," he said, finally.
"Are you that desperate to have children?" she wanted to know, quiet, but confident. "Or is it just that you'd like to know that you can?"
He hesitated.
Finally; "I wish I knew."