LOG: Pretend The World Didn't Exist
Date: Day 16, Month 4, Turn 19
Location: Bowl/K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Synopsis: Milani needs a shoulder. K'del's conveniently, is available.
Log totally stolen from milaninc
It's been a full seven since Milani and K'del last talked, other than the odd flyby in the corridors. And then Satiet died and it's been ... difficult all around for everyone and the headwoman has been extremely busy trying to keep things under control. There's a memorial being planned for the following day and it's kept Milani very occupied around various other things. Today though, with the last bit of planning done and the office locked up, the headwoman walks across the night-dark bowl. It's late, pushing midnight but not quite there and Milani stops out there in the dark and looks up and up towards the ledges in the bowl wall. She takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, then coaxes Puddle, a warm brown lump on her shoulder down. "Go on," she murmurs to him softly and sends him up to attract Cadejoth's attention, focusing strongly on the idea that Milani is down in the Bowl and would like to see K'del.
Cadejoth presses, very firmly, into the mind of that young, brown firelizard that they will be down directly. In the end, it takes a few minutes before the bone-pale bronze can be seen lunging from his ledge and circling down. K'del looks not as though he's been asleep, but at least as though he's been in bed, his clothes thrown on in apparent disarray, his coat wrapped tight about him against the night-time chill. The strapless bronze lands, not so far from where Milani stands, and K'del slides down to the ground, heading instantly towards her. "Millie. Hey."
Puddle wings back down to Milani, mind holding onto the impression of 'coming' as long as he can before it slips away and he drapes himself in her arms all tired out from such a big important mission! Millie just scratches his head fondly and waits. K'del and Cadejoth's arrival sees her moving forward through the dark to meet K'del and she tips a look up at him, smile faint and a little odd. "Take me home with you?" she asks in a soft voice that's a little hoarse and worn after these last three exhausting days.
"Oh, /Millie/," says K'del, and there's no way to describe the depth of emotion there, except that he's so, so sorry, and can probably only begin to imagine how hard these past few days must have been for her. "Of course, come on. You'll have to hold on - no straps." /That/ would've taken too long. He reaches for her hand, to draw her back towards Cadejoth with him, where the bronze reaches his head down, and lets out a low, sad sound. He climbs his way up, then reaches down to help her, and, once she's safely aboard, up they'll head.
It's perhaps the tone in his voice that does her in. Milani shuffles Puddle into the crook of her arm and is easily drawn in. Cadejoth gets a brief scritch under the jaw and then Millie is leaning against K'del to sigh for a moment, before she climbs up. On board, her droopy lizard is re-arranged yet again, so she can curl into the bronzerider, holding on tight for the ride up.
K'del puts his arm around her, secure, as she leans in to him, and presses his hand over hers once they're safely aboard for that short trip. Cadejoth is careful - so, so careful - to keep his wingbeats slow and steady, until he lands gently upon the ledge, and K'del draws away, to climb down, and then offer an arm for Milani. He doesn't say anything more, intent upon leading her on inside, where there's a low-burning fire in the hearth, the glow lamps still lit.
Milani takes that arm and urges Puddle to take care of himself. The brown lazily wings away to curl up in front of K'del's hearth. Millie walks in silence into the weyr, her arm wound around K'del's, her head leaning on his shoulder. Shoes are promptly kicked off and she gives his arm a squeeze, shoulders off the sweater she was wearing, drops it carelessly to the floor and steps forward, dressed only in a sleevless top and flannel trousers to stand in front of that low fire, hands rubbing up along her arms. She finally speaks, voice low. "The day after she -- went. He came. He held me and kissed me. And then said it was over. For now."
K'del pulls off his coat, draping it lazily across the back of his chair, then moves to join her near the fire. Her words seem to act as if a physical strike; he flinches. "/Millie/. Oh, shells. For now? What kind of thing is that to say." He hesitates, moving for a moment as though he intends to take her into his arms and hold her, then stops, hanging back. "Do you need a drink? I have--" There's still half a bottle of peach brandy, sitting on his desk.
"He said he loves me. I told him I love him. But it's not enough," Milani says all the more quietly, not responding to the questions K'del has asked. She turns her head then though, shakes her head about the brandy. Instead one of her hands frees itself from her arm and is held out to him. She doesn't say anything, just lifts both brows in invitation.
K'del doesn't seem to expect answers to his questions, or, at least, doesn't push for them. What he does do is nod, and then, at her invitation, reach out with both arms to draw her into them. "I'm so sorry," he tells her, his sincerity clearly audible. "Oh, Millie."
Milani lets K'del fold her up in his arms and leans back against him, sighs softly and closes her eyes. "I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time, Kas. Between ... you know," her voice hitches, "Satiet. And Tiriana. And poor N'thei and --" she breaks off, swallows hard. "And this. I don't even really have time to think about it, which is maybe a good thing, but it hurts. It hurts ... bad."
"I know," he says, in a voice that is probably intended to be soothing, but edges towards awkward, anyway, though he holds her tight. "Oh, shells, Millie. I can only imagine how it feels. And it's awful timing, and..." He breaks off, apparently unable to find the words. A moment later, "And you're doing an incredible job. Given... everything."
"I probably shouldn't be here, crying on you," Milani says in a muffled voice, sniffling a little in between. "It's not fair to cry on you about another man. Is it?" She sighs again, does it anyway. "I just don't want to be alone again tonight," she says hollowly and burrows her face into his neck and shoulder. He's one of few men she knows tall enough for her to do that with. "I want to actually sleep and not think about him or missing him, or how weird and awkward things are going to be for a while."
"Don't be silly," says K'del, firmly. "Told you I'd always be here for you, and I will be. Even when it's about another man." He lifts up a hand, and strokes her hair with it, adding in a quiet voice, "I don't want you to be alone again, either. If I'd known..." But he didn't. "You're always welcome to come here, if you need to."
Up comes Millie's face and there's tears there, firelight making them glisten. "And here you are," she says softly, smiling up at him through those tears. "I wish I could just hide up here for a seven and not come out. But I can't," she says and takes a deep shuddering breath. "But I'd like to come up. Every night. Would that be okay?"
K'del reaches out with one hand to trace those tears, perhaps intending to wipe them away, his expression one of pure and simple empathy. "I wish you could, too," he tells her. "Just pretend the world didn't exist for a while. But yes, of course, you're welcome to sleep here for as long as you want or need to."
"Thanks Kas." Milani's been saying that a lot the last little while. Her arms slide up around his neck then and she leans up a little, to kiss him very gently. It's not a kiss meant to last though as she drops her head back down to his shoulder. "Tell me how you've been? Tell me about what you've been up to?"
This time, unlike that last kiss, a sevenday or so previous, K'del returns it - but again, just gently, as he returns both arms to rest around her. His expression remains sombre at her question, and it takes him a moment, like he's struggling to think of something to say. "It's-- I've been okay. Keeping busy. Took one of the healers to make her--" He breaks off from that one: positive things, K'del, positive! "Visited home a few times. The kids. My eldest niece, completely charming. For a one-turn-old."
"Oh right, the journeywoman," Milani nods a few times, brings one hand down to pass over her eyes. "Everyone's just so ..." she breaks off and sighs. "A lot of sad people. Some people whispering not so nice things. But mostly everyone's kind of down, if only because of the dragons. They're starting to forget though, aren't they? Is Cadejoth?" She smiles a little though as he changes subjects and talks about home. "That must have been fun. Are you teaching them to climb that tree?" Yes. That tree.
"Mm. It's like the whole Bowl is just overflowing with it all the time," Milani says with a sigh. "People were sad about I'daur, but this is worse. A lot worse," she murmurs and tightens her arms around him. Her head settles against his chest again, ear pressing down where she can hear the steady rhythm of his heart beating. "Good that he's forgetting, that they all are ... it might help the riders a little. So it's less ..." she breaks off and looks into the fire for a little while. "I'm glad you will. Teach them. There should always be tree climbing," Millie says with a faint return of her usual quirky humor. "I'm tired Kas ..." she murmurs next, tilts her head up just a little bit, so she can ghost a kiss for his chin. "Take me to bed?"
"I'daur was, but-- yeah. Satiet inspired a lot of things in people, I think," concludes K'del, slowly. "I hope so. It gives me reason not to think too deeply about it, you know? Hope it's the same for other people." Despite the mix of subjects, he can grin for the tree climbing, even nod enthusiastically, but he leaves the topic as it is, instead, after that ghost of a kiss, drawing his arms away so that he can again take her hand, and, as directed, lead her towards the bed. "Your wish is my command, of course. Let's see if we can't get you some sweet dreams."
"She did," Milani agrees a little belatedly as she follows along, her hand curled warmly, trustingly in his. "It's a different place without her," she murmurs softly. And there's the bed, familiar bed and Millie turns to perch on the edge, scoots backwards, tugging on his hand as she goes. "Hold me?" she suggests with a little smile that's fond, affectionate. But she's clearly not asking for more than that. Just the company, the comfort.
"It is, and it's going to take some getting used to," K'del agrees in return, following Milani onto the bed as she tugs him after her, though he pauses a moment to kick off his unlaced-boots. He draws back the covers with his free hand, then slides beneath them, wrapping her arms about her as they settle. "All night," he promises. He doesn't seem to have expected anything more than this; he'll press a kiss to her cheek, but after that, it's just a solid presence next to her, to keep her safe all night.
"A lot of getting used to," Millie murmurs sleepily and cuddles into that embrace, fingers threading through his again as she slowly relaxes for the first time in days. "All night ..." she echoes muzzily and just smiles again as she drifts off and finally sleeps like a log for a full eight hours, safe and sound indeed.
Location: Bowl/K'del's Weyr, High Reaches Weyr
Synopsis: Milani needs a shoulder. K'del's conveniently, is available.
Log totally stolen from milaninc
It's been a full seven since Milani and K'del last talked, other than the odd flyby in the corridors. And then Satiet died and it's been ... difficult all around for everyone and the headwoman has been extremely busy trying to keep things under control. There's a memorial being planned for the following day and it's kept Milani very occupied around various other things. Today though, with the last bit of planning done and the office locked up, the headwoman walks across the night-dark bowl. It's late, pushing midnight but not quite there and Milani stops out there in the dark and looks up and up towards the ledges in the bowl wall. She takes a deep breath, lets it out slowly, then coaxes Puddle, a warm brown lump on her shoulder down. "Go on," she murmurs to him softly and sends him up to attract Cadejoth's attention, focusing strongly on the idea that Milani is down in the Bowl and would like to see K'del.
Cadejoth presses, very firmly, into the mind of that young, brown firelizard that they will be down directly. In the end, it takes a few minutes before the bone-pale bronze can be seen lunging from his ledge and circling down. K'del looks not as though he's been asleep, but at least as though he's been in bed, his clothes thrown on in apparent disarray, his coat wrapped tight about him against the night-time chill. The strapless bronze lands, not so far from where Milani stands, and K'del slides down to the ground, heading instantly towards her. "Millie. Hey."
Puddle wings back down to Milani, mind holding onto the impression of 'coming' as long as he can before it slips away and he drapes himself in her arms all tired out from such a big important mission! Millie just scratches his head fondly and waits. K'del and Cadejoth's arrival sees her moving forward through the dark to meet K'del and she tips a look up at him, smile faint and a little odd. "Take me home with you?" she asks in a soft voice that's a little hoarse and worn after these last three exhausting days.
"Oh, /Millie/," says K'del, and there's no way to describe the depth of emotion there, except that he's so, so sorry, and can probably only begin to imagine how hard these past few days must have been for her. "Of course, come on. You'll have to hold on - no straps." /That/ would've taken too long. He reaches for her hand, to draw her back towards Cadejoth with him, where the bronze reaches his head down, and lets out a low, sad sound. He climbs his way up, then reaches down to help her, and, once she's safely aboard, up they'll head.
It's perhaps the tone in his voice that does her in. Milani shuffles Puddle into the crook of her arm and is easily drawn in. Cadejoth gets a brief scritch under the jaw and then Millie is leaning against K'del to sigh for a moment, before she climbs up. On board, her droopy lizard is re-arranged yet again, so she can curl into the bronzerider, holding on tight for the ride up.
K'del puts his arm around her, secure, as she leans in to him, and presses his hand over hers once they're safely aboard for that short trip. Cadejoth is careful - so, so careful - to keep his wingbeats slow and steady, until he lands gently upon the ledge, and K'del draws away, to climb down, and then offer an arm for Milani. He doesn't say anything more, intent upon leading her on inside, where there's a low-burning fire in the hearth, the glow lamps still lit.
Milani takes that arm and urges Puddle to take care of himself. The brown lazily wings away to curl up in front of K'del's hearth. Millie walks in silence into the weyr, her arm wound around K'del's, her head leaning on his shoulder. Shoes are promptly kicked off and she gives his arm a squeeze, shoulders off the sweater she was wearing, drops it carelessly to the floor and steps forward, dressed only in a sleevless top and flannel trousers to stand in front of that low fire, hands rubbing up along her arms. She finally speaks, voice low. "The day after she -- went. He came. He held me and kissed me. And then said it was over. For now."
K'del pulls off his coat, draping it lazily across the back of his chair, then moves to join her near the fire. Her words seem to act as if a physical strike; he flinches. "/Millie/. Oh, shells. For now? What kind of thing is that to say." He hesitates, moving for a moment as though he intends to take her into his arms and hold her, then stops, hanging back. "Do you need a drink? I have--" There's still half a bottle of peach brandy, sitting on his desk.
"He said he loves me. I told him I love him. But it's not enough," Milani says all the more quietly, not responding to the questions K'del has asked. She turns her head then though, shakes her head about the brandy. Instead one of her hands frees itself from her arm and is held out to him. She doesn't say anything, just lifts both brows in invitation.
K'del doesn't seem to expect answers to his questions, or, at least, doesn't push for them. What he does do is nod, and then, at her invitation, reach out with both arms to draw her into them. "I'm so sorry," he tells her, his sincerity clearly audible. "Oh, Millie."
Milani lets K'del fold her up in his arms and leans back against him, sighs softly and closes her eyes. "I don't know if I'm coming or going half the time, Kas. Between ... you know," her voice hitches, "Satiet. And Tiriana. And poor N'thei and --" she breaks off, swallows hard. "And this. I don't even really have time to think about it, which is maybe a good thing, but it hurts. It hurts ... bad."
"I know," he says, in a voice that is probably intended to be soothing, but edges towards awkward, anyway, though he holds her tight. "Oh, shells, Millie. I can only imagine how it feels. And it's awful timing, and..." He breaks off, apparently unable to find the words. A moment later, "And you're doing an incredible job. Given... everything."
"I probably shouldn't be here, crying on you," Milani says in a muffled voice, sniffling a little in between. "It's not fair to cry on you about another man. Is it?" She sighs again, does it anyway. "I just don't want to be alone again tonight," she says hollowly and burrows her face into his neck and shoulder. He's one of few men she knows tall enough for her to do that with. "I want to actually sleep and not think about him or missing him, or how weird and awkward things are going to be for a while."
"Don't be silly," says K'del, firmly. "Told you I'd always be here for you, and I will be. Even when it's about another man." He lifts up a hand, and strokes her hair with it, adding in a quiet voice, "I don't want you to be alone again, either. If I'd known..." But he didn't. "You're always welcome to come here, if you need to."
Up comes Millie's face and there's tears there, firelight making them glisten. "And here you are," she says softly, smiling up at him through those tears. "I wish I could just hide up here for a seven and not come out. But I can't," she says and takes a deep shuddering breath. "But I'd like to come up. Every night. Would that be okay?"
K'del reaches out with one hand to trace those tears, perhaps intending to wipe them away, his expression one of pure and simple empathy. "I wish you could, too," he tells her. "Just pretend the world didn't exist for a while. But yes, of course, you're welcome to sleep here for as long as you want or need to."
"Thanks Kas." Milani's been saying that a lot the last little while. Her arms slide up around his neck then and she leans up a little, to kiss him very gently. It's not a kiss meant to last though as she drops her head back down to his shoulder. "Tell me how you've been? Tell me about what you've been up to?"
This time, unlike that last kiss, a sevenday or so previous, K'del returns it - but again, just gently, as he returns both arms to rest around her. His expression remains sombre at her question, and it takes him a moment, like he's struggling to think of something to say. "It's-- I've been okay. Keeping busy. Took one of the healers to make her--" He breaks off from that one: positive things, K'del, positive! "Visited home a few times. The kids. My eldest niece, completely charming. For a one-turn-old."
"Oh right, the journeywoman," Milani nods a few times, brings one hand down to pass over her eyes. "Everyone's just so ..." she breaks off and sighs. "A lot of sad people. Some people whispering not so nice things. But mostly everyone's kind of down, if only because of the dragons. They're starting to forget though, aren't they? Is Cadejoth?" She smiles a little though as he changes subjects and talks about home. "That must have been fun. Are you teaching them to climb that tree?" Yes. That tree.
"Mm. It's like the whole Bowl is just overflowing with it all the time," Milani says with a sigh. "People were sad about I'daur, but this is worse. A lot worse," she murmurs and tightens her arms around him. Her head settles against his chest again, ear pressing down where she can hear the steady rhythm of his heart beating. "Good that he's forgetting, that they all are ... it might help the riders a little. So it's less ..." she breaks off and looks into the fire for a little while. "I'm glad you will. Teach them. There should always be tree climbing," Millie says with a faint return of her usual quirky humor. "I'm tired Kas ..." she murmurs next, tilts her head up just a little bit, so she can ghost a kiss for his chin. "Take me to bed?"
"I'daur was, but-- yeah. Satiet inspired a lot of things in people, I think," concludes K'del, slowly. "I hope so. It gives me reason not to think too deeply about it, you know? Hope it's the same for other people." Despite the mix of subjects, he can grin for the tree climbing, even nod enthusiastically, but he leaves the topic as it is, instead, after that ghost of a kiss, drawing his arms away so that he can again take her hand, and, as directed, lead her towards the bed. "Your wish is my command, of course. Let's see if we can't get you some sweet dreams."
"She did," Milani agrees a little belatedly as she follows along, her hand curled warmly, trustingly in his. "It's a different place without her," she murmurs softly. And there's the bed, familiar bed and Millie turns to perch on the edge, scoots backwards, tugging on his hand as she goes. "Hold me?" she suggests with a little smile that's fond, affectionate. But she's clearly not asking for more than that. Just the company, the comfort.
"It is, and it's going to take some getting used to," K'del agrees in return, following Milani onto the bed as she tugs him after her, though he pauses a moment to kick off his unlaced-boots. He draws back the covers with his free hand, then slides beneath them, wrapping her arms about her as they settle. "All night," he promises. He doesn't seem to have expected anything more than this; he'll press a kiss to her cheek, but after that, it's just a solid presence next to her, to keep her safe all night.
"A lot of getting used to," Millie murmurs sleepily and cuddles into that embrace, fingers threading through his again as she slowly relaxes for the first time in days. "All night ..." she echoes muzzily and just smiles again as she drifts off and finally sleeps like a log for a full eight hours, safe and sound indeed.