CodeGeass Flashfic: The half killed
It was dark outside. He knew it was somewhere in the middle of the night, perhaps near morning but he couldn’t tell because the curtains were shut. He could feel a shift next to him and looked to his side, the hand that gripped his arm pulled him closer and he could feel the other lean on him even more. Steady breathing but still remainders of tears and he couldn’t help himself any longer, his free hand passed over him and carefully he moved over those wet marks, whipping them away with his thumb. Purple eyes partly opened before dozing off again. He looked upwards and sighed lightly but in the passing seconds he couldn’t resist it any longer and as he first tried to fight it, by taking heavy breaths, was he soon beaten by his own insecurity and as he tried to remain quiet tears ran down his own face, he raised his hand again to cover his eyes. He didn’t know where he was going and he hated that.
“You two, what will you do now?”
He had witnessed what Charles’s initial plan was and was equally surprised when he saw Lelouch’s mother in the flesh. Although he didn’t know her personally he did know that Lelouch held a large grudge against the person who had killed her. The shock was there and he became confused at that very moment, because up until now what had he been fighting for? Euphemia’s death and now Nunnally’s death as well, was that justice?
But in the midst he still raised his sword to meet his face, the face of a murderer and above all perhaps something even worse.
“Yes... Lelouch is Euphie’s murderer”
He said coldly towards his enemy. Yes Lelouch was his enemy, he would always be his opposite and his nemesis and as long as he still lived the world would remain unchanged. But there came that thought again, justice. What good would it bring the world if he killed Lelouch now, in what way would he be satisfied if his sword were to be stained with blood that very instance. There was no answer.
“And what of it?”
Came a blunt reply together with enraged eyes. He looked at them again and he was remembered of the moment they had at his family’s shrine, the eyes of a person who gives up everything and hides his suffering and punishment away in secrecy. He could see more though, there was no anger, there was no hate and he realised then that they both shared the same thoughts. What had they been fighting for all this time.
Slowly he lowered his sword and looked down at the ground, he couldn’t bear those eyes any longer.
“Why won’t you kill me..?.”
There was no justice in it. That was what he wanted to say at the moment but he hadn’t and now they were in each other’s presence again. He didn’t know why but he stayed, there was nothing for them now in this world and to be honest he was too much of a chicken to run away. The first days were awkward, they avoided each other in this beach house somewhere along the coast of southern Japan. The house of course couldn’t be called a house, it was more of a villa owned by some poor noble who just happened to come across them at the wrong time and place. Lelouch had done this with the mention that he needed rest, no they both needed rest, they both needed time to clear their heads and think of their next move. And this was why he avoided him, because he was still confused about this ‘their’ part, there was no ‘their’ or so he still persisted. He still persuaded himself that there was no connection between the two, that he couldn’t smile in the other’s presence and that the only reason why Lelouch was still alive was because he hadn’t killed him yet.
Day after day he merely sat near one of the windows and stared out towards the ocean, thinking and contemplating on what was actually happening in the world. Lelouch did the same, but he figured that he must be mourning, because after all it wasn’t his fault that Nunnally was now gone. He looked at his hand, finger mimicking the button he pushed at the time and imagining seeing this giant wall of light coming towards him. If only it came then he would be at peace.
When night came, and he had eaten in solitude again, he went and made himself ready for bed. He stared up at the ceiling like he did every night, painted in a champagne colour with the edges curved and curled in gold. He sighed heavily before turning to his side and slowly falling asleep. His sleep however was interrupted by someone, a hand traced over his cheek, pale skin and white feathered sleeve but when he opened his eyes it was gone and he sat up abruptly thinking that this might be some kind of attack or arrest. The door of his bedroom opened and he recognised the person walking inside, long green hair now standing out on the sides and cheese-kun in one hand as the other rubbed an eye.
“You...”
She groaned and glared at him, she looked as if she hadn’t slept properly in days.
“Shut him up...”
He was confused but before he could say anything in response the covers on the other side of his bed were raised and she moved next to him in bed, he tried to stop her though.
“Ooy you can’t-”
He was proven the opposite when he was nearly bumped out of his own bed and now stood next to it. C.C. turned and looked at him, smiling as she traced her eyes over his outfit, he was wearing nothing but his old uniform’s trousers at the time.
“Sleep in my room... and if you’re annoyed shut him up, I’ve had it”
He didn’t know what she meant by that but he walked over to the lose chair back in the corner and grabbed the rest of his clothing as well as his sword and with them left.
C.C.’s bedroom was on the other end of the mansion and across of it was Zero’s lair which stood secluded several feet down the hallway. Because he avoided the other’s presence he had chosen a room far away from theirs. He walked into his new bedroom, the smell of pizza still in the air and the first thing he did was open a window. His clothes were ditched on a chair and he moved the empty pizza boxes to the hallway, he stopped for a moment though to listen and perhaps find an explanation to what was going on but everything was quiet and he went to bed. His hands were now folded behind his head and he stared up at the ceiling, a different colour and a different pattern and in the midst of it he heard something, a breaking sound followed by more crashes and he sat upright in bed not out of worry of Lelouch getting hurt but because something told him to check it out, call it instinct but after being on his own for days he really had no idea what was happening on the other end of this villa.
Carefully he walked down the hall on his bare feet, the wooden floor cold beneath his feet. He stood in front of the door and as his hand passed over the paint his ear leaned closer to listen, but there was no sound nothing at all but then in the midst of it he heard a loud bang and it caught him off guard and not only that he stepped back in response because something was thrown at the door and had smashed to pieces. He leaned closer and again silence, he tried to leave thinking that it wasn’t any of his business but again he stopped because he still cared, after all that had happened he still wanted to see if Lelouch was alright and if he needed him. His hand rose and softly he knocked against the wooden frame, of course there was no response he hadn’t been waiting for one anyway because shortly after knocking his hand already lowered to the doorknob and carefully he turned it, the door wasn’t locked and he was free to enter on his own will.
The room was dark, there was still light coming through the windows from the moon and he looked down as he entered, the glass that lay on the ground flashed in the moonlight, their parts lightened by its rays. He stepped around them and as he did he noticed a fair trail of glowing glass leading to the bed. And there he was slumped down at the side as some pathetic creature hiding in the shadows, this was Zero, this was a former Prince, now broken down by grief caused by both of them.
“Lelouch...”
Suzaku tilted his head and walked forward, again carefully passing through the glass and as he walked he noticed something on the carpeting in the moonlit pattern, a dark spot in fact as he went on it became a trail and he knew what it was. Leaning down he passed his finger over one of the marks, raising it up he could see that his skin was tainted dark, the blood was still fresh.
“Did you cut yourself?”
He asked while still feeling that he was at loss of words, there was nothing comforting in a situation like this.
He walked closer and kneeled down in front of the former Prince and the mere sight of him made a shiver run down his spine. The blackness under his eyes, the exhaustion he could see in them as well as the lack of emotion, he would be very surprised if Lelouch would actually respond to him. He could see the one of his hands was pressed against his chest, the other was lying next to him, with his own hands he carefully grabbed the chest located hand, it was cold and so he rubbed both hands against it in hope that it would get him a little warmer or at leased aware of his presence. The last was then proven when geass wearing eyes snapped further open and the hand he was holding was rapidly pulled out of his grasp. He placed his hands on Lelouch’s shoulders, with the hope that he would calm down, there was so much glass lying around that he could cut himself even more if he struggled too much, but the moving didn’t stop and as a foot kicked out he could hear a painful gasp escaping the former Prince his lips, another cut.
“Calm down, Lelouch!”
He yelled and the struggling stopped, Lelouch now starred right at him, breaths uneasy and still fastened but slowly they were calming down.
“Suzaku...”
He mumbled before his eyebrows knitted together again and his eyes turned to slits, he raised his hands to his chest and turned away from the Japanese. Suzaku pulled away from him and leaned back, Lelouch merely sat there in front of him, his face towards the wall and his hands shaking. A moment of silence, Suzaku’s green eyes darted off to the blood seeping from Lelouch’s foot but he made no move to treat his wound.
“Why...”
A shaking voice called out and he looked up at Lelouch again, he was still not making an effort to look at him but his expression is what caught him off guard, his eyes were full of terror perhaps, or maybe grief. The mark that had now spread to both eyes glowed only slight in the dark, but in the moonlight he could see it, like the glass his tears were also glowing up.
“Why won’t you kill me!”
With eyes shut he yelled this, the tears streaming down his cheeks and his hand now griped the fabric of his clothing even tighter.
“Why...”
He finally turned to face him, his eyes opening again but this time without grief or sadness, no this time they carried rage.
“I could be with Nunnally now!”
Nunnally, the innocent flower that had been at his side since the beginning of everything, the whole reason why he started this rebellion and why he wanted to change the world, it was for her but like all flowers she withered and died. She had died by his hands. He was confused now, he thought that Lelouch was grieving, what an idiot he was for thinking that.
“I was waiting, you know?”
“Night after night, I was waiting, imagining you coming in through that door, your hand carrying the sword you have, you eyes without emotion because you know what it is to kill a person...”
The former Prince looked up, an ironic smile but Suzaku was looking back at him with shock, still he laughed and continued.
“I, the person who took Euphemia away from you, you are right I deserve nothing better than death. And it is then that you kill me”
“You were waiting for me to...?”
Suzaku managed to get out, his eyes wide open as he looked for a sign of seriousness.
“Yes, right here...”
Lelouch raised his hand up to his chest.
“This is where you kill me...”
He couldn’t bear hear more, he was enraged by this stupidity and launched himself forward. He pushed Lelouch down on the ground, his hands holding onto him so tightly that it probably hurt but the former Prince didn’t move, he showed no pain.
“And what of it!”
He yelled.
“So what if Nunnally is gone! So what if Euphemia is gone as well! This world will not change!”
He tilted him up from the ground and rather roughly knocked him back again. He couldn’t stand hearing these words, this selfishness. Their death wouldn’t end in vain, he would never let that happen. Even if he were indeed the person who had killed Nunnally, even if Lelouch was the actual murdered of Euphemia he would never let their ideals pass in the sands of time.
“You wanted to change this world for her didn’t you! So what if she is gone! What will happen to her dream! Euphie’s dream...”
Again he lost it and after that last sentence couldn’t help but cry himself, he leaned forward against Lelouch’s chest and after a deep inhale he continued but now in a somewhat friendlier way.
“I will never forgive you... If you die then I will never forgive you! Nunnally and Euphie’s, they both still count on you!”
Looking down he could see that he was getting through to him, but he wasn’t finished yet.
“You once said that Zero causes miracles, even if it is based on chance you can do it!”
“Zero is gone...”
Came a low whisper from below, but he wasn’t discouraged by it, he already knew what would happen next.
“Then go on! Continue as yourself, continue as Lelouch vi Britannia!”
Shock, the geass filled eyes widened at this mention and his mouth mimicked what he just said.
“Lelouch vi...”
“You said Zero was just an instrument, it was nothing more but a tool to use for your own bidding...”
Leaning back he looked down again and with a calm voice added.
“What do you do when you lose it...?
Finally the eyes beneath him turned to normal and his mouth changed to a somewhat sinister smirk.
“You continue with your bare hands...”
--
Still in the darkness the two boys sat together on the bed, one leg raised into the air as the other placed a bandage on top of the cut, his fingers first pressing the parted side together which caused a painful cry to leave Lelouch’s lips.
“Stay still...”
The hand was already bandaged, Suzaku had left to retrieve a first aid kit from the kitchen, which was standing next to them on the bed. Lelouch was still quiet and he could see him staring off into space as he placed everything back into the first aid kit. Again those eyes.
“What are you thinking off now?”
With a blink Lelouch looked up, but before he could say anything he was pushed back again, his head hitting the pillow and he looked up to see Suzaku hovering over him. He became nervous at this action, but even more when a hand wrapped itself around his neck and pressed itself even tighter, a short gasp escaped his lips as he tried to breath.
“Su...Suzaku...”
He managed to squeal out in between, but as he looked up he could see those eyes again, the same eyes Suzaku had given him when he had handed him over to his Father.
“You wondered why I won’t kill you, right?”
The hand tightened and it became ever more difficult to breath, his head started to feel lighter. He was going to die and now his own hands rose up to try and get Suzaku off him, but he wasn’t strong enough. The hand however was removed from his neck and he took a deep breath, welcoming air into his lungs as unknowingly Suzaku leaned closer and in the midst of breathing he could feel it, tender lips against his own pushing forward and as they left again he opened his eyes and looked upwards. Bedazzled and reddened he now looked at Suzaku who was sitting on his chest.
“That is the reason...”
He had been wrong. Through all the bloodshed, through all the sadness and betrayal there was still a ‘we’. Looking down he realised that he was just lying to himself, they had always been together, had always been friends ever since that summer at the shrine. Even through sacrifice would they end up together, it wasn’t chance, it wasn’t predictable either, no this was fate. He leaned down again, their foreheads nearly touching as he looked into those geass marked eyes.
“You understand don’t you...?”
Even if Lelouch didn’t understand he would still show him what he meant by it and one hand slowly passed over his clothing and carefully stripped back the edge so that it could run bare over his skin. He could feel a shudder and let his hand pass over his chest. He could feel Lelouch’s fast breaths, he could feel them against his still wet lips and he leaned down again to kiss him as his hand slowly passed down from his chest to his pants.
--
He had lost track of time shortly after, his mind still filled with fogged taints of pleasure. He could feel a shift next to him and looked to his side, the hand that gripped his arm pulled him closer and he could feel the other lean on him even more. Steady breathing but still remainders of tears and he couldn’t help himself any longer, his free hand passed over him and carefully he moved over those wet marks, whipping them away with his thumb. Purple eyes partly opened before dozing off again. He looked upwards and sighed lightly but in the passing seconds he couldn’t resist it any longer and as he first tried to fight it, by taking heavy breaths, was he soon beaten by his own insecurity and as he tried to remain quiet tears ran down his own face, he raised his hand again to cover his eyes. He didn’t know where he was going and he hated that.
“Euphie...”
He whispered out between the coming sobs.
They stayed in bed for a couple more days, he noticed a change in Lelouch. Whenever he wouldn’t be sleeping, eating or spending time with him he was once again secluded from everyone's presence, Suzaku had checked up on him on several occasions but the former Prince was either busy writing or thinking of something and then a week later when they were once again lying next to each other in the same bed.
“Let’s head to Pendragon...”
“Pendragon, why?”
“Lets us begin this final chapter, Suzaku. For Nunnally’s and Euphie’s sake let us rebuild it together”
He could only stare back at him, too confused by the possible meaning that his words might carry, but deep inside he knew what Lelouch meant, it meant that he had figured out a way to end everything.
“Britannia stands without an Emperor, I wonder what their reaction would be...”
Then he knew, he knew what that smile meant and those words but he was shocked by them. If somehow Lelouch would manage to take over the throne then it would still be impossible for everyone to accept him, after all he had been disbanded from being in line long ago. But he had forgotten something, no matter how impossible the situation might seem Suzaku should never forget that Lelouch had managed to do the impossible already, and he would do so again with the strength given to him, geass.
“What do you say...?”
Lelouch looked at him and smiled and he replied with a determined answer.
“Yes your Highness!”
--
The world had now changed, the former tyrant was now gone and replaced by a true queen of purity and justice. He stood next to her side day after day and witnessed how the world was now changing after the final day of Zero Requiem.
“Lets us begin this final chapter, Suzaku. For Nunnally’s and Euphie’s sake let us rebuild it together”
It was all a lie, nothing less and nothing more. He was sitting now in a bedroom he would be using for the week, the mask lying on the table in front of him together with some papers of tomorrow's schedule. It had been a year now, he had outgrown the then made Zero attire and the new outfit was not yet completed. Nunnally had to deal with the rest on her own, like she had been doing for the past couple of days, but she managed and even though she knew his identity he still hid it from her. Never had she seen his face up close and even now he couldn’t show her, he couldn’t show her how bitter he had become in order to be her guardian. Lelouch was now gone, but he hadn’t left his heart, he still kept his promise and remained Zero in the days that came after, grieving during the nights and remaining cold during the day.
He had imagined killing Zero before believing that he actually was Lelouch, but it was different from what he had imagined back then and in comparison the real thing was a lot more cruel and heavier on his heart. He could still smell the blood when his mind thought about it, but he wasn’t sad anymore, instead he accepted it and regained his composure to lead on. He grabbed the mask and carried it with him to his bed, ditching it on the nightstand and knocking over a book that was close to the edge, the small black book fell over on the ground and as Suzaku sat down he leaned forward and grabbed it. It was nothing more but an old, used poetry book but even though he hated reading it he kept it because it was the only thing that Lelouch had left him at the time.
“I want you to have this...”
Something was thrown at him and he was barely able to catch it.
“A book...?”
“Keep it, it’s my favourite. I’ll kill you if you lose it!”
Kill you, as if he would be able to do that now. His fingers zipped through the pages, each passing one by one until he saw something unfitting, something red. He stopped and slowly went back again, carefully he turned each page until he came to the one that had caught his eyes. One page, black but unlike the other texts this one was hand written in red, it didn’t make sense because none of the other pages were red and also because this piece was hand written. He read the lines and shock over came him.
--
Faster, he urged himself. His body moving swiftly through grass plains, their long sprouts pushed out of his way as he passed them. In his hands a book, black it was with covers curled of old age and use.
‘He has to be there’
His feet now raced over the stone streets, the houses of the old village he was passing through still in a collapsing state and the sun above him shinned brightly up in the light blue sky with white clouds. The village was still unchanged, frozen in a state brought down years ago when Britannia invaded Japan.
‘He has to!’
He came to familiar steps, a long stone stairway up the mountain side that led up to a familiar place. He knew this place well. He took a deep breath and even though he was exhausted from running such a long way he still refused to stop and went on.
‘That lying bastard!’
He ran up the steps, nearly tripping over his own feet before being able to see the bright red gate that stood on top carrying his family’s name still with pride above a village of ash and rubble. Kururugi, the shrine where he had grown up and where they had first met.
Let’s meet again at the den, Suzaku...
It had said, red letters on a blank page between two chapters. It carried his handwriting, he was sure of it but also because he mentioned the den, which was a place only they knew about. Hiding underneath a great oak overlooking the sunflower field, a place where they stayed with Nunnally and shared secrets and fairytales. A place that up till this day he had never mentioned to anyone.
He stopped for a moment at the top of the shrine, his breath fast and sweat dripping down the side of his head. The books was still in his hand and both were now on his knees as he leaned forward and stared at the old pathway. Before him stood the old shrine and as he regained his composure and stood up straight once more he opened his mouth and yelled out.
The letters in red, crossing the blank page in between two chapters. It had been Lelouch’s handwriting, it just to be. The den they had been playing when they were children, it was near the family shrine and now he was at the top overlooking the shrine where he used to live and unlike the areas down below it was still in a good state. He caught his breath but then used it all again for a single yell.
“Lelouch!”
The loudness of his voice allowed his words to be carried away like the wind and somewhere along the way, near a tree that stood high on a hill in a field of sunflowers he had heard it. Suzaku took several more breaths to get air before he continued forward, his feet running down the old stone path on the shrine grounds before passing through woods, he could see the field of yellow flowers ahead of him and slowed down as he got to the edge of the forest, his hands pushing away branches here and there so that he could pass more quickly but when he had entered the long field he stopped because he could see something up ahead, a figure in the middle of this yellow sea and this figure was moving towards him.
With his breath still heavy he looked at him in shock, the black book in his hands nearly crushed by his grip as he bit his lip because he now recognised this person and he couldn’t help but start crying. The tears he had held back now ran down his cheeks and dripped down on the soil beneath him, a year after the former Emperor’s blood had stained his sword was he now standing in front of him, his eyes violet once more and a mark of geass spread around his neck.