Vivah (the movie)
Sooraj Barjatya needs help.
I've seen some real bad movies.. James for instance and a lot of Fardeen Khan 'thrillers'. But the thing about these movies is there is something happening most of the time. There are some crooks, some policemen or a bad politician.. you get the picture. The problem with Vivah is that nothing ever happens throughout the movie. You're sitting there waiting for something to happen.. may be a bad man will pop up from somewhere, or may be the bridegrooms father will turn evil or may be brides mother has one last trick up her sleeve... something.. ANYTHING! But all you get are the credits at the end with the most painful of songs Mujhe haq hai... playing in the background.
Lets try and analyze the star cast of this movie.. may be it'll throw some light on why Vivah is such a pathetically boring movie...
Shahid Kapoor: Let's face it, the dude can't act. And thankfully he doesn't try either. And we have to give credit to Mr.Barjatya for that. All he's got to do in the movie is to put up this sickeningly nice face and ask dumb questions to Amrita Rao. Thankfully though, Amrita cares a damn about his questions and sticks to giving one word answers... a bit like how my sanskrit answers used to be in school. Apart from that, the only action our hero gets is to see Amrita through a binoculars!
Amrita Rao: This lady takes up much of the screen time in this movie. But sadly it's a complete waste of time and effort. Its really hard to say if she can act or not based on this performance. Watching her is a bit like watching the Sunday afternoon deaf and dumb news on Doordarshan. If she's happy- she smiles, she's sad-she cries or puts up a sad face, and if she's feeling shy-she just turns and runs away. :| And the chaste hindi she speaks.. MANNN! "Jal"??? EXCUSE ME! If someone comes up to me and asks me if I want some "Jal".. I swear I'm going to freak out! And guess what, Shahid also learns some chaste hindi words to impress her.. none that I can remember and reproduce for you guys. Sorry! :| Go watch the movie. And the clothes she wears just don't suit her.. I mean in those huge sarees and stuff.. its like sticking up Shakil O'neil's shirt on a lil hanger! Jeezz! Madhuri Dixit, anybody??? :/ But Amrita Rao can drag me to any movie! ;) I only wish this one was running on mute!
Oh and there is Amrita's step mom who hates Amrita because she's fairer than her real daughter! Mahhn!! Wake up Mr.Barjatya. On the one hand people seem to be outraged at whats happening to Shilpa Shetty and on the other we portray stuff like this is our own movies!?
The rest of the characters are.. well.. spotlessly nice and good people too. They just unload loads and loads of sugar down your gullet.
What happens when you eat a box of sweets and another is placed in front of you to finish??
Yup, that exactly how this movie leaves you feeling...
P.S: The good thing though is that it gave me something else to suffer with for a few hours, which was nice and a bit of a relief.
And no I didn't choose to see this movie, it was played on the bus from Hyderabad to Bangalore. duh.
I've seen some real bad movies.. James for instance and a lot of Fardeen Khan 'thrillers'. But the thing about these movies is there is something happening most of the time. There are some crooks, some policemen or a bad politician.. you get the picture. The problem with Vivah is that nothing ever happens throughout the movie. You're sitting there waiting for something to happen.. may be a bad man will pop up from somewhere, or may be the bridegrooms father will turn evil or may be brides mother has one last trick up her sleeve... something.. ANYTHING! But all you get are the credits at the end with the most painful of songs Mujhe haq hai... playing in the background.
Lets try and analyze the star cast of this movie.. may be it'll throw some light on why Vivah is such a pathetically boring movie...
Shahid Kapoor: Let's face it, the dude can't act. And thankfully he doesn't try either. And we have to give credit to Mr.Barjatya for that. All he's got to do in the movie is to put up this sickeningly nice face and ask dumb questions to Amrita Rao. Thankfully though, Amrita cares a damn about his questions and sticks to giving one word answers... a bit like how my sanskrit answers used to be in school. Apart from that, the only action our hero gets is to see Amrita through a binoculars!
Amrita Rao: This lady takes up much of the screen time in this movie. But sadly it's a complete waste of time and effort. Its really hard to say if she can act or not based on this performance. Watching her is a bit like watching the Sunday afternoon deaf and dumb news on Doordarshan. If she's happy- she smiles, she's sad-she cries or puts up a sad face, and if she's feeling shy-she just turns and runs away. :| And the chaste hindi she speaks.. MANNN! "Jal"??? EXCUSE ME! If someone comes up to me and asks me if I want some "Jal".. I swear I'm going to freak out! And guess what, Shahid also learns some chaste hindi words to impress her.. none that I can remember and reproduce for you guys. Sorry! :| Go watch the movie. And the clothes she wears just don't suit her.. I mean in those huge sarees and stuff.. its like sticking up Shakil O'neil's shirt on a lil hanger! Jeezz! Madhuri Dixit, anybody??? :/ But Amrita Rao can drag me to any movie! ;) I only wish this one was running on mute!
Oh and there is Amrita's step mom who hates Amrita because she's fairer than her real daughter! Mahhn!! Wake up Mr.Barjatya. On the one hand people seem to be outraged at whats happening to Shilpa Shetty and on the other we portray stuff like this is our own movies!?
The rest of the characters are.. well.. spotlessly nice and good people too. They just unload loads and loads of sugar down your gullet.
What happens when you eat a box of sweets and another is placed in front of you to finish??
Yup, that exactly how this movie leaves you feeling...
P.S: The good thing though is that it gave me something else to suffer with for a few hours, which was nice and a bit of a relief.
And no I didn't choose to see this movie, it was played on the bus from Hyderabad to Bangalore. duh.