(no subject)
so yesterday i bombed my history final. fack. but then i went to zoe vrabels house and it was fun. she has a record player! we used to have one, but then my dad went all digital and my mom sighed and said, "oh, your father and his toys....boys will be boys..." i don't really know what that means, i think it means that my father enjoys shiny, overpriced items. my downstairs neighbor will never let me touch her record player, and i greatly enjoyed zoes.
so yesterday in the locker room me, caitlin and sarah decided to take an obnoixiously long time to get dressed and something very interesting happened. ready? here i go...
caitlin asked me if i was really good friends with julia. i took a while to reply, because i realized that i dont know what that means. did she mean have i ever hung out with her outside of school? or would i call her if i was upset about something? or do i have her screen name? or have i memorized her phone number? very strange. (and julia, if youre reading this, sorry that i'm using you as my example.) caitlin said that she considered us(meaning hockey people) to be her friends. that suprised me, because then im even more confused about the definition of a friend. i have friends that are friends by association, meaning that i hang out wioth their friends, and sometimes them. i dont necessarily enjoy their company, but i dont dislike it at all. i dont mind them, and they are fun, but i wouldnt feel like something was missing if they werent there. its so weird that i can spend all this time with people that i'm not sure if i consider them to be a friend. i guess if i like them then that is enough. maybe thats what its really about.
it just really shocked me that caitlin said she considered me a friend. i always thought that the term "friend" required a mutual understanding from all involved parties of where they sand for each other. can i have a friend that doesnt consider me a friend? strange...
so later, i got home and had a really interesting conversation wiht jules about olim. for you who werent in olim, which is everyone except for ya'ara but i dont think she reads this, that is the oldest unit at eisner camp, for people who entering their sophmore year. she said something about how she didnt realize "how cool [i] was until the end of the first session" which is when i went home. that should have made me feel good, but it didnt. because she was a bitch to me. she was really mean and made me feel like crap. and then this past summer she spent the whole time trying to be really nice. it was weird. it was like the meaner i was to her, the nicer she was to me. i dont understand poeple like that. it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. and i didnt realize all of this until after israel, so now i wish that i knew her better. i talk to her online sometimes, but its not the same. i fee like i only im her when no one else is online, nd vice versa.
so after that, alissa, emily, and jet/jett came over, later joined by shelly. it was really fun. so, jet/jett just movied here from san fransisco or l.a., i forget which. but i asked him if he missed his friends, and he said he was ready for a change. ok, thats awesome. in the beginning of the year i wanted nothing more than to move away from brookline, go to someplace totally random and just start over. i found out over the summer that i have the ability to make new friends, which is something that i never really knew before. and i've been in brookline for so long, i just wanted to go someplace where no one knew me, and i could be whatever i wanted to be. i would make the friends that i wanted to make, and not worry about the stupid petty things that consume my everyday life. but this year, i've been hanging out with different people, and i stopped spending time with people that i dont like. its kind of hard though. i still would like to move someplace. i think in the beginning of the year it was intesified because emily had just left spain and was having a great time with great friends, much like the ones that i missed so much from israel. jet/jett said something baout friends, family, and buddies. i was too busy kicking shelly's ass at the time, but later alisa said somthing about it, and it sounds very true. different people serve different purposes in eveyones lives. i dont think its selfish to have surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. i think it will let you grow up in a very sheltered environment, but thats your problem. but why would you spend tme with people that make you feel bad about yourself? it doesnt make sense.
and lastly, alissa and emily slept over, and alissa kept being like "its so weird that im sleeping, we really only became friends like 4 hours ago"
im really glad that she said it, that she didnt think that just because we are on the same hockey team and we have hung out together at shelly's house that it means that we're friends. but we are now, and im really glad. she's a lot cooler than i ever gave her credit for being.
well, if youve lasted this long, id be really interested in hearing how you feel about eveything that ive just said. im so glad that i got that off my chest. and if i mentioned you in here and you feel that you been unfairly misrepresented, im sorry.
its funny though, because karen, my english teacher, keeps saying how memory is truth, even if what you remember isnt actually what happened. because thats how you remembered it, so thats what it meant to you. so i guess that you all said things that i needed to hear, even if thats not really what you said. you know?
so yesterday in the locker room me, caitlin and sarah decided to take an obnoixiously long time to get dressed and something very interesting happened. ready? here i go...
caitlin asked me if i was really good friends with julia. i took a while to reply, because i realized that i dont know what that means. did she mean have i ever hung out with her outside of school? or would i call her if i was upset about something? or do i have her screen name? or have i memorized her phone number? very strange. (and julia, if youre reading this, sorry that i'm using you as my example.) caitlin said that she considered us(meaning hockey people) to be her friends. that suprised me, because then im even more confused about the definition of a friend. i have friends that are friends by association, meaning that i hang out wioth their friends, and sometimes them. i dont necessarily enjoy their company, but i dont dislike it at all. i dont mind them, and they are fun, but i wouldnt feel like something was missing if they werent there. its so weird that i can spend all this time with people that i'm not sure if i consider them to be a friend. i guess if i like them then that is enough. maybe thats what its really about.
it just really shocked me that caitlin said she considered me a friend. i always thought that the term "friend" required a mutual understanding from all involved parties of where they sand for each other. can i have a friend that doesnt consider me a friend? strange...
so later, i got home and had a really interesting conversation wiht jules about olim. for you who werent in olim, which is everyone except for ya'ara but i dont think she reads this, that is the oldest unit at eisner camp, for people who entering their sophmore year. she said something about how she didnt realize "how cool [i] was until the end of the first session" which is when i went home. that should have made me feel good, but it didnt. because she was a bitch to me. she was really mean and made me feel like crap. and then this past summer she spent the whole time trying to be really nice. it was weird. it was like the meaner i was to her, the nicer she was to me. i dont understand poeple like that. it kind of makes me feel uncomfortable. and i didnt realize all of this until after israel, so now i wish that i knew her better. i talk to her online sometimes, but its not the same. i fee like i only im her when no one else is online, nd vice versa.
so after that, alissa, emily, and jet/jett came over, later joined by shelly. it was really fun. so, jet/jett just movied here from san fransisco or l.a., i forget which. but i asked him if he missed his friends, and he said he was ready for a change. ok, thats awesome. in the beginning of the year i wanted nothing more than to move away from brookline, go to someplace totally random and just start over. i found out over the summer that i have the ability to make new friends, which is something that i never really knew before. and i've been in brookline for so long, i just wanted to go someplace where no one knew me, and i could be whatever i wanted to be. i would make the friends that i wanted to make, and not worry about the stupid petty things that consume my everyday life. but this year, i've been hanging out with different people, and i stopped spending time with people that i dont like. its kind of hard though. i still would like to move someplace. i think in the beginning of the year it was intesified because emily had just left spain and was having a great time with great friends, much like the ones that i missed so much from israel. jet/jett said something baout friends, family, and buddies. i was too busy kicking shelly's ass at the time, but later alisa said somthing about it, and it sounds very true. different people serve different purposes in eveyones lives. i dont think its selfish to have surround yourself with people that make you feel good about yourself. i think it will let you grow up in a very sheltered environment, but thats your problem. but why would you spend tme with people that make you feel bad about yourself? it doesnt make sense.
and lastly, alissa and emily slept over, and alissa kept being like "its so weird that im sleeping, we really only became friends like 4 hours ago"
im really glad that she said it, that she didnt think that just because we are on the same hockey team and we have hung out together at shelly's house that it means that we're friends. but we are now, and im really glad. she's a lot cooler than i ever gave her credit for being.
well, if youve lasted this long, id be really interested in hearing how you feel about eveything that ive just said. im so glad that i got that off my chest. and if i mentioned you in here and you feel that you been unfairly misrepresented, im sorry.
its funny though, because karen, my english teacher, keeps saying how memory is truth, even if what you remember isnt actually what happened. because thats how you remembered it, so thats what it meant to you. so i guess that you all said things that i needed to hear, even if thats not really what you said. you know?