Fic: Taking It Back (8/8, possible epilogue to follow)
Title-Taking It Back
Rating- NC-17 (for this chapter, in particular
Summary- After the meeting at Scandals, Dave and Kurt attempt a friendship, much to the behest of everything around them.
Pairings- Kurtofsky, Klaine, Seblaine, Santofsky, others
Warnings (for this chapter)- Language, sexual situations between teenagers
A/N: So guess who updated this friggin' story? Yes, I realize it's been a year and a half since the last update...and I'm so sorry for those of you that had gotten used to my regular updates that year and a half ago- and, of course, for those of you who have legitimately enjoyed this and have wanted a satisfying ending. I have to admit that I went through a rather lengthy period of time believing my days for writing Glee were over, but thanks to some lively role-playing and fic reading, I found my muse again for this story enough to write something that might make a suitable conclusion. When I originally started this story, I'm fairly sure I planned to cover the whole of Kurt's senior year, but as I wrote this chapter, it more or less drew to a close on it's own. I have, however, considered writing an epilogue/conclusion-ary chapter if folks really feel like there needs to be a better denouement. If you'd like something more final, be sure to let me know and I'll see what I can do about an end follow up. In the meantime, I hope this chapter makes up for all the time lost- and considering that it gets pretty steamy I should think that it does. So be warned that this chapter is NSFW and has upped the story's rating to an M. Included are sexual situations between teenagers -nothing penetrative or even oral, but still sexual- so please be aware.
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Would've been better if it was, though that's not saying much.
Dave woke up the next morning to the softest pitter-pat of a knock on his bedroom door. How that had successfully woken him, one of the heaviest sleepers in the world, he would never really know.
That is, until he asked who it was and the meek voice that answered back was undeniably Kurt's.
He quickly scrambled to put on a t-shirt, assured himself his boxers were coverage enough for someone who was coming into his bedroom right when he had woken up -as well as the fact that his room really wasn't that messy- and opened the door.
"Good morning!" Kurt greeted with tentative enthusiasm. "I…didn't wake you up…did I?"
Dave stifled a yawn because he sure his morning breath would be killer. "Well, just a little. It was kind of a long night last night."
This was confirmed by the sheer ache of every muscle in his body when he tried to move. Kurt, on the other hand, looked unrealistically good for someone who had gone to bed completely drunk and distraught.
"Sorry, I just really want to talk to you about what happened last night and I was tired of waiting for you to show up downstairs. May I come in?"
Dave gingerly stepped aside, admittedly giddy at the idea of having Kurt his room but not so much the fact that he would have to see that it looked like a tornado of dirty laundry hit it.
Kurt didn't seem concerned with any of this in the slightest, or if he was, he was doing an excellent job of hiding it. He promptly sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for Dave to join him.
"I'm already aware of how cruel I was to you last night," he said in a near whisper. "I could blame it all on the alcohol and pretend that I didn't remember doing any of it, but I've had that done to me before and I know how it feels, so I won't return the favor. I just wanted to formally tell you that I'm sorry."
Dave knew full-well this apology was coming. Kurt fancied himself a forgiving, rational person, after all, so it would make sense that in the cold, sober light of day he would once more put on those airs. It wasn't polite to turn it down, and he knew that a more reasonable person would just accept it at face value, but Dave was utterly tired of the bullshit.
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and leaned up against his headboard.
"No you're not." He said simply.
Kurt just stared at him a moment, incredulously. "Wait, what?"
"You're not sorry- not for the fact that you assumed I already knew about Blaine and had just been lying to you. If we're totally honest with each other here, which I think we should be, you've been waiting this whole time for me to fuck up and hurt you somehow. Haven't you?"
Kurt sort of gaped, as if trying to search for something to rally back but was coming up dry.
"I mean, it's not like I blame you. I treated you like shit for the better part of a year. Hell, I threatened to kill you and I made you transfer schools. It's fine that you don't trust me. It makes all the sense in the world. I just wish you would admit to yourself."
"David…" Kurt sighed, staring at the rumpled bed cover. "That's really not what it's about. I was upset…and drunk…and just an all around hot mess. My instinct, flawed as it was, was to put the blame of betrayal on you more than anyone because yours would have been the only one that surprised me."
Dave had to do a double-take.
"Wait, what do you mean? The fact that Blaine has actually been seeing Sebastian wasn't news to you?"
Kurt shook his head and smiled sadly.
"I'm not an idiot. I know what it means when someone retreats from a relationship randomly and then just as sporadically comes back in and completely overcompensates for seemingly no reason at all. I was seeing how long I could delude myself about it, just like I've been doing with everything in my life lately."
The sudden moment of clarity caught them both a bit off-guard, so they were silent as the reality of the situation sank in.
"This whole school year has been absolutely ridiculous," he continued. "…and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I don't know why, but I thought maybe things would be different this time. Maybe, instead of everything utterly sucking like it always has, the universe would grant me the very generous gift of having an amazing Senior year where everything just went the way I wanted it to. I'd get to go to New York, I'd get the lead role in the last high school play, I'd have an amazing relationship with a perfect boyfriend…I guess when all of those other things just crashed and burned I held onto Blaine for dear life. He was supposed to salvage everything, somehow. Our relationship was my…consolation prize, I guess. But when I woke up this morning, I realized that our relationship is over. I may not have formally broken up with him yet, but it's as good as over for both of us and…I don't feel anything. I'm not sad, I'm not devastated, I'm just…neutral, somehow. I mean…I don't know, I always thought if anything ever broke us up it would be dramatic and sad and tragic, but it's not. At all."
"Maybe you're relieved," Dave offered. "And you feel guilty for it, so you've managed to repress it."
Kurt nodded. "That could certainly be it. I don't know. I'm beginning to think I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I thought I was."
He then looked up at Dave after a brief moment of silence had passed.
"So do you forgive me for last night?"
"Yeah…of course. But you know, Kurt, I have to be totally honest about something here. I think you've set your standards for this year way too fucking high."
Kurt giggled. "But it was my Senior year! Am I not entitled to everything simply because it's my last year of high school?"
"Uh, no?" Dave chuckled. "What gave you that idea in the first place? It's still high school. It still sucks."
"Are you suggesting that your idea to just get through high school is somehow better than mine?" Kurt asked with feigned incredulity.
"Well, I don't know. I mean, here I am, no worse or better off than I was when this year started…well, maybe a little better off, actually. And then there's you, who's had everything crumble around him like the fucking Berlin Wall. What do you think I'm suggesting?"
Kurt grinned to himself and nodded.
"Anyway," Dave continued. "You don't need all of that. The Kurt Hummel I've always known wouldn't rely on other people to get what he wants. He would have just said 'fuck it', and made his own way of things. Don't you think?"
Kurt suddenly looked at him then, fixedly, his eyes seemingly welling up with tears. Dave was rather intimidated by this -considering especially that nothing he had said to him then seemed especially poetic or touching- until Kurt took his hand and held it tightly.
"Yeah, I do."
He then allowed himself to crawl beside Dave on the bed and lie down, still clutching their hands together.
"Thank you for believing in me," he whispered, cuddling close to Dave's arm.
Truthfully, Dave didn't quite know how to react to this, already feeling rather tense from having Kurt so close to him. He decided, instead, to make an effort to relax into the moment, however futile it might have been.
"I just realized it's the New Year," Kurt mentioned quietly into the silence. "Funny, how I thought I'd have someone to kiss at midnight this time."
Dave squeezed his hand, which he had already noticed was lean and smooth, but nowhere near as delicate and fragile as he thought it would be.
"Yeah, you were a bit too drunk for that."
"Also my boyfriend was likely kissing someone else."
"Well…there's that."
Kurt then propped himself up on his elbow, turning to look at Dave squarely. The latter of the two of them avoided eye contact.
"Is there any chance I could get my New Year's kiss from you?"
Dave's eyes widened. "Wha- me? No- I mean…I've already taken one from you, haven't I?" He could feel himself starting to disgustingly perspire.
Completely composed, Kurt cupped his cheek. "Then let me take it back."
And with that, their lips were suddenly meeting and Dave could see stars bursting behind his eyes while strings of heat coursed down to his toes and churned in his stomach. It may not have been their first, but it certainly felt like it was, given the fact that it was slow and leisurely and completely consensual.
Though at first unable to move, Dave finally found the will-power to bring his opposite hand to the back of Kurt's head, carding fingers through his unbelievably silky locks. For a split second he wondered if Kurt would mind him messing up his hair like that, but when their kiss suddenly deepened and it seemed as if the boy above him was seeking more, he couldn't care less either way- not about that, and not about the possibility that his breath was possibly vile.
When they finally pulled apart, it became clear that Kurt didn't really care whether Dave had brushed his teeth or not yet, as he was smiling rather disbelievingly and sighing in awe.
Dave's hand slid from the back of Kurt's head to his cheek.
"What just happened?" he asked, genuinely curious though his voice was misty with intimacy.
Kurt sighed again, their mouths only slightly less close than they had been.
"It would seem that I've kissed you…for the New Year."
It was added as an afterthought, but it was no less a necessary return-to-reality for both of them.
"Right. For the New Year. Thanks, Kurt."
Dave then took his hand away and rose from the bed.
"So, I should probably get dressed," he said decisively, trying his best to shake off what had just transpired. "And then I can drive you home."
Though he may have tried, he could not for the life of him avoid seeing Kurt looking neglected and awe-struck, still in a semi-lounge on his bed. Admittedly, it was not an optimum situation for either of them.
"Right? Don't you think you better get home?"
Kurt nodded slowly and looked down -seemingly with confusion- at the mattress before rising from Dave's bed and making his way to the door.
"Right, of course. Sorry."
The two looked at one another a moment before Kurt closed the door behind him, and Dave knew in that instance that it was not only he who had felt something when they kissed.
To say things were awkward after this kiss would be just about accurate, if not a bit of an understatement. On the drive home immediately after, neither of them said a word- and it certainly wasn't in companionable, comfortable silence, either, but much the opposite. They were both aware of the conversation sitting impatiently between them that they weren'thaving, but neither of them could find the strength or the will-power to even acknowledge it.
They didn't ignore each other in the days afterward, but correspondence was limited and brief. Dave supposed he had hoped that maybe, eventually, Kurt would move on from what had happened New Year's Day on his bed and then he could too…or at least pretend that he had. But even he could read the tension in the few short texts and IMs he would get from Kurt every couple of days. They always asked him how he was. Dave would give a short answer, something neutral, ask Kurt the same, and then let him do the talking before the conversation would dissipate.
It was terrible, if he was honest, probably worse than the time they had stopped speaking to each other altogether.
January went by anyway in its usual dull, grey haze. Dave tried to convince himself that it was just the low point of winter, when the snow and the cold had lost all novelty and school seemed to drag on forever. He didn't let himself consider the possibility that it might be because he was losing a friend…maybe, potentially, something more. He never really wanted to let himself think of Kurt in terms of anything beyond friendship because he was convinced that'd only end in disappointment and heartbreak for him…but that fucking kiss. Not the one in the locker room, the one that Kurt had instigated. What was he supposed to do with that?
He didn't know. And to be truthful, he didn't really have the balls to ask.
January was drawing to a close when he made the fateful wander into the Lima Bean. Why he hadn't chosen another coffee joint he really didn't know. Sure, it was quiet, a good place to study and one of the only options in town aside from Starbucks, but everyone went there, especially Kurt Hummel. As it so happened, they seemed to have the same idea that evening, as their eyes met the moment Dave walked in.
So escaping was a non-option. Great.
Kurt didn't seem at all keen to make a break for it, however. Instead he smiled warmly, disbelievingly, closed his laptop and gestured for Dave to take the seat opposite him. What could Dave do, really, but accept?
"We didn't have an agreement to meet here, did we?" Kurt teased slightly, a twinge of hopefulness in his tone that Dave chose to ignore as he grudgingly sat down. "This does seem like a bit of serendipity to me."
Dave didn't know what he meant by that, but he supposed it didn't really matter, either.
"No…not that I remember. I was planning to study."
He indicated as much by lifting his book bag slightly before letting it hang back on the chair. Kurt's face fell a little in a way that was impossible to ignore- of course, anything Kurt did was impossible to ignore, that had always been truer for Dave than anything else.
"I don't suppose you could take a moment to talk?" Kurt pressed. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."
Dave hoped his reluctance wasn't obvious, but he knew better than to think he could be so subtle. There was a war within him -what else was new?- of an inability to decide whether to favor his indulgent need to take this opportunity to spend time with Kurt or continue to push him away. Pushing was safe. Pushing could put them back on a level that was comfortable and easy for them, the mutual dislike that was palatable…even if Dave had never really disliked Kurt at all.
But not even his masochism could prompt him to do what he had decided was the most responsible thing.
So he answered with a resigned, "Yeah, sure," and slumped a little in his seat.
He should have known Kurt was going to ask the next question.
"How are you?"
He sighed, because it was so much like their text messages and IMs, lately: awkward, dismissive, insincere.
"I'm fine, Kurt, I'm fine," he insisted, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. "Just as fine as I was the last few hundred times you asked."
He hadn't meant for it to sound so abrupt or harsh and kind of regretted saying it the way he did the moment it happened. Worse still, Kurt didn't look just mildly offended or perturbed, he seemed…hurt. And Dave couldn't help but hate himself for hurting him again.
"I think…we've been ignoring something very important, here," Kurt said carefully after a time. "And I also think…it might be time for us to acknowledge it."
"We really don't need to-"
"David," Kurt interjected, his tone firm to communicate that there would be no argument. "I refuse to do this anymore with you. It's not fair to either of us."
"Well, neither was kissing me."
It came out instantly- word vomit, at its finest, and even though he had muttered it under his breath, none of it was lost on Kurt. Once again, Dave regretted saying it the moment it fell out of his mouth.
When Kurt pursed his lips and set his jaw against its quivering, he knew he was in trouble.
"Outside. Now."
Dave didn't argue anymore. He had lost the right to the moment he brought up the kiss, as far as he was concerned, and after they had both picked up their things he followed Kurt dutifully, silently out the door.
Kurt kept his silence as he climbed into his Escalade and part of Dave thought he was just going to drive away and why the hell had that involved him having to come outside in the first place? But instead he unlocked the doors and waited for Dave to make the assumption he wanted him in the passenger seat.
They didn't go far, just a little ways down the shopping center, behind the abandoned department store building. Dave could still get out and walk away if he wanted to, but Kurt must have known his reluctance to do so in the blistering cold and snow. Besides…he needed to talk. They both needed to talk.
Kurt shifted to park, but left the SUV running and the both of them sitting there in the blast of the hot air from the heater and the very uncomfortable silence.
Until…
"I'm still going to New York in the fall," Kurt said finally, his voice surprisingly level for how upset he had looked in the Lima Bean. "I'm going to work…take some basic courses, try again for NYADA next year…"
Dave furrowed his brows, confused, but not enough to ask for any sort of clarification for why Kurt was bringing this up now.
"Because of that, you have to understand why this is problematic," he continued. "Why I didn't want to talk about the kiss and what it meant. I wasn't convinced Blaine and I were going to make it through my move and we had been dating for-"
The mention of that name and the New Year's kiss in one breath set Dave aflame enough to speak up.
"Then why did you do it?" he interjected, looking over at Kurt and demanding an answer, as if he had any right to demand anything from him. "If it was going to be this fucking complicated, why did you kiss me at all?"
Kurt narrowed his eyes and, fuck, sometimes he could scare Dave with just a look. This was one of them.
"Why did you kiss me?" he fired back, venomously.
Of course, even Dave knew they were talking about two different kisses and he also knew Kurt had every right to throw that back in his face, especially if he was doing the exact same thing back at him. It wasn't fair. And this wasn't a conversation at all, this was a stand-off and Dave had a distinct feeling no one was going to be coming out of it feeling very victorious.
"I'm not doing this right now," Dave muttered, fumbling with the door handle to escape in the exact same way both of them knew would be abhorrent for him. "I can't do this right now-"
"Like hell you can't!"
Kurt grabbed Dave's wrist tighter than he was ever aware he was capable of. Surely the intent was just an angered, impulsive motion to keep him from escaping and starting another wave of awkward conversations and dodged topics, but when Dave pivoted angrily and brought them both together, practically snarling at each other over the center console, the results were probably much more than either of them had bargained for.
And neither of them really seemed to care, not as Dave yanked Kurt by his hold on him in close and pressed their lips together hungrily. He wasn't even really sure what he was doing. His instinct was working faster than his rational brain ever could and this seemed to be true of Kurt as well, considering the possessive, demanding way his hand had shifted up and fisted into Dave's hair.
Almost as soon as they had started, Kurt pulled away and Dave felt certain he was going to put an end to things. Instead, he said with a flushed face and smoldering eyes filled with want and frustration,
"Back seat."
Even if a rush of intimidation and nervousness filled him then -knowing full-well what teenagers did in the backs of cars- Dave didn't argue. He realized the full extent of how much hewanted Kurt and at that point in time, it was more than enough to get him to walk around to the side door and climb in.
Kurt yanked him inside almost the moment he had closed the car door behind him, pulling him on top of him and back into the passionate kiss they had started earlier. If there was only fury and frustration in that kiss, there was certainly something more tender and emotional in this one- and wasn't it strange how their relationship, their whatever this was, could be so defined by kisses?
Dave found his hand wandering to the back of Kurt's thigh, coaxing it up and around his waist and Kurt was more than willing to oblige. He had never made-out before and he hoped to god it didn't show, even as he was taking risks and at least trying to seem like he had a clue what he was doing.
He then pulled off Kurt's scarf in order to pepper nectarous kisses down the smooth column of his neck. Just as he was wondering if Kurt would mind terribly having said scarf thrown to the wayside, he began to make the most delicious soft moans Dave had ever heard and the scarf, as well as the concern, was quickly forgotten.
Dave had always muted porn for the sole purpose of not wanting to hear the mouthy bottoms, but Kurt's sounds of pleasure threw all of that out the window. The very sound of his voice crying out like that, because of things he was doing, no less, might have been enough to throw him over the edge the completely.
Or so he thought, until Kurt's hands shifted up the sides of his back to his shoulders and he keened gently, "David…"
Dave had a lot of names he didn't like, admittedly. Karofsky was one of them and David, given that only his parents and older family members had called him that up to this point, was another. But ever since Kurt had taken to favoring it, it was nothing less than music to his ears- and especially now when he was saying it in the throes of pleasure.
"Oh god, Kurt…" he whispered back into the warm softness of his skin.
Kurt coaxed Dave back upwards to his lips and proceeded to wrap both legs around his torso, bucking upward slightly as he licked into his mouth. He was momentarily caught between the feel of Kurt's tongue in his mouth and the very obvious definition of his erection pressing into his own, trying to figure out which one to favor.
He didn't want to push, but there was something he desperately wanted to try and Kurt's apparent need for him was boosting his confidence to potentially dangerous levels.
Running his knuckles down the center of Kurt's stomach, he stopped at the button and fly of his jeans.
"Can I…?" he whispered into his mouth.
Kurt made some sort of whimper that made Dave wince with arousal and then he conceded with a soft, "Please…"
The fact that Kurt was not only agreeing to let Dave touch him there but practically begging for it seemed to just worsen the situation for him in the best of ways. He had never felt so close to coming before without even really being touched.
So after undoing the button and zipper, he dipped his hand inside his jeans and under what felt like the waistband of briefs, closing his fingers around the silken, hard, curved shaft and hissing slightly at how wonderful it felt in his grip. It was the first time he had touched a cock- but more importantly, it was the first time he was touching Kurt that way and that seemed to make all the difference in the world.
Kurt's eyes shut tight and he inclined his head and neck backward at the touch, cantering his hips upward in the sure grip of Dave's fist. He whined out his name again as his hands shifted upward to Dave's biceps, squeezing wantonly.
Was he really doing this? Was he really making Kurt come apart at the seams like this? It seemed so.
"Wait, hold on…"
Kurt's voice was breathy and clearly his having said this was a struggle with his own conscious mind to put anything they were doing at a stand-still. Nevertheless, Dave was worried for a split-second that maybe he had changed his mind, maybe he realized this was Dave Karofsky he was letting put his hands down his pants and maybe-
But no. Kurt merely shifted them both on their sides so he could get better access to the front of Dave's jeans. He wasn't slow or gradual like Dave had been and that was totally fine- particularly when he had his smooth fingers wrapped around his cock in the same way Dave was doing to him.
"You're big…" Kurt observed with a lick of his lips as he began to stroke him. If Dave had a response to this it was immediately lost in a haze of lust and the soft, warm feel of Kurt's perfect hand working him to his end.
It didn't take long for either of them. A few sure strokes and some sloppy, desperate kisses and both of their hands were soon covered with hot release.
It took Dave a moment to come back down to earth, to carefully remove his messy hand from the front of Kurt's jeans as Kurt did the same to him. He opened his eyes with a sense of hesitation, fully expecting for the disgusted realization on Kurt's part to settle in now.
Instead, however, he was kissed again, slow and lovingly, and then stared at by those blue-green eyes with an unmistakable sense of adoration.
Giggling slightly, Kurt grabbed some wet wipes from somewhere and set to work cleaning them both off. Dave sighed out in a pleased shudder when he gently wiped some excess release from his stomach, just below his navel, and then adjusted his shirt back into place.
"I'm in love with you…" Dave said softly, completely and totally speaking his mind aloud as he watched Kurt finish cleaning.
Kurt looked up at him then, clearly startled by the sudden confession. Dave didn't have it in him to regret saying it.
"You-…"
"I'm in love with you," he repeated, taking a hand and lacing their fingers together.
Kurt bit his lip as his eyes began to water and he continued to stare at Dave still lying there before him.
"Come here…" he coaxed, easing Kurt back down into a lounge beside him. Kurt didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around his waist and nuzzle his head into his shoulder.
"Dammit, I'm in love with you too…" he admitted, his voice cracking slightly. "I didn't mean to, I swear…"
Dave chuckled.
"That I believe. So…can I ask why you're crying during what is turning out to be one of the happiest moments of my life?"
It was a serious question mixed in with an air of teasing and Kurt could tell as much, laughing despite himself into the fabric of Dave's hoodie.
"Because…because I'm still going to New York in September and I…Blaine and I wouldn't have made it through that and-"
"I'm not Blaine."
"I know that, but-…"
"And I'm not gonna ask you to give up New York. Or anything else, for that matter."
Kurt just sniffed into his shoulder for a moment, probably trying to think up something to say. Dave titled his chin gently upwards to look at him.
"Hey…how about this- we just see what happens. It's only January, we've still got awhile…and maybe when it's time for you to go we'll decide it's not gonna work with the distance and call it quits…but if not, we can try and press forward. That way…we'll never have to wonder what-if…and we'll always have this time together, at least. What do you think?"
He didn't really have time to wait for a vocal response because Kurt was launching into him with a loving, grateful kiss. Dave shifted a hand through his hair, needing physical proof that this wasn't a dream.
Pulling back slightly, Kurt whispered between their mouths, "I didn't mean to fall in love with you…but you never give me even a second to wonder why I did."
Rating- NC-17 (for this chapter, in particular
Summary- After the meeting at Scandals, Dave and Kurt attempt a friendship, much to the behest of everything around them.
Pairings- Kurtofsky, Klaine, Seblaine, Santofsky, others
Warnings (for this chapter)- Language, sexual situations between teenagers
A/N: So guess who updated this friggin' story? Yes, I realize it's been a year and a half since the last update...and I'm so sorry for those of you that had gotten used to my regular updates that year and a half ago- and, of course, for those of you who have legitimately enjoyed this and have wanted a satisfying ending. I have to admit that I went through a rather lengthy period of time believing my days for writing Glee were over, but thanks to some lively role-playing and fic reading, I found my muse again for this story enough to write something that might make a suitable conclusion. When I originally started this story, I'm fairly sure I planned to cover the whole of Kurt's senior year, but as I wrote this chapter, it more or less drew to a close on it's own. I have, however, considered writing an epilogue/conclusion-ary chapter if folks really feel like there needs to be a better denouement. If you'd like something more final, be sure to let me know and I'll see what I can do about an end follow up. In the meantime, I hope this chapter makes up for all the time lost- and considering that it gets pretty steamy I should think that it does. So be warned that this chapter is NSFW and has upped the story's rating to an M. Included are sexual situations between teenagers -nothing penetrative or even oral, but still sexual- so please be aware.
Disclaimer: Still not mine. Would've been better if it was, though that's not saying much.
Dave woke up the next morning to the softest pitter-pat of a knock on his bedroom door. How that had successfully woken him, one of the heaviest sleepers in the world, he would never really know.
That is, until he asked who it was and the meek voice that answered back was undeniably Kurt's.
He quickly scrambled to put on a t-shirt, assured himself his boxers were coverage enough for someone who was coming into his bedroom right when he had woken up -as well as the fact that his room really wasn't that messy- and opened the door.
"Good morning!" Kurt greeted with tentative enthusiasm. "I…didn't wake you up…did I?"
Dave stifled a yawn because he sure his morning breath would be killer. "Well, just a little. It was kind of a long night last night."
This was confirmed by the sheer ache of every muscle in his body when he tried to move. Kurt, on the other hand, looked unrealistically good for someone who had gone to bed completely drunk and distraught.
"Sorry, I just really want to talk to you about what happened last night and I was tired of waiting for you to show up downstairs. May I come in?"
Dave gingerly stepped aside, admittedly giddy at the idea of having Kurt his room but not so much the fact that he would have to see that it looked like a tornado of dirty laundry hit it.
Kurt didn't seem concerned with any of this in the slightest, or if he was, he was doing an excellent job of hiding it. He promptly sat down on the edge of the bed and motioned for Dave to join him.
"I'm already aware of how cruel I was to you last night," he said in a near whisper. "I could blame it all on the alcohol and pretend that I didn't remember doing any of it, but I've had that done to me before and I know how it feels, so I won't return the favor. I just wanted to formally tell you that I'm sorry."
Dave knew full-well this apology was coming. Kurt fancied himself a forgiving, rational person, after all, so it would make sense that in the cold, sober light of day he would once more put on those airs. It wasn't polite to turn it down, and he knew that a more reasonable person would just accept it at face value, but Dave was utterly tired of the bullshit.
He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and leaned up against his headboard.
"No you're not." He said simply.
Kurt just stared at him a moment, incredulously. "Wait, what?"
"You're not sorry- not for the fact that you assumed I already knew about Blaine and had just been lying to you. If we're totally honest with each other here, which I think we should be, you've been waiting this whole time for me to fuck up and hurt you somehow. Haven't you?"
Kurt sort of gaped, as if trying to search for something to rally back but was coming up dry.
"I mean, it's not like I blame you. I treated you like shit for the better part of a year. Hell, I threatened to kill you and I made you transfer schools. It's fine that you don't trust me. It makes all the sense in the world. I just wish you would admit to yourself."
"David…" Kurt sighed, staring at the rumpled bed cover. "That's really not what it's about. I was upset…and drunk…and just an all around hot mess. My instinct, flawed as it was, was to put the blame of betrayal on you more than anyone because yours would have been the only one that surprised me."
Dave had to do a double-take.
"Wait, what do you mean? The fact that Blaine has actually been seeing Sebastian wasn't news to you?"
Kurt shook his head and smiled sadly.
"I'm not an idiot. I know what it means when someone retreats from a relationship randomly and then just as sporadically comes back in and completely overcompensates for seemingly no reason at all. I was seeing how long I could delude myself about it, just like I've been doing with everything in my life lately."
The sudden moment of clarity caught them both a bit off-guard, so they were silent as the reality of the situation sank in.
"This whole school year has been absolutely ridiculous," he continued. "…and I have no one to blame for that but myself. I don't know why, but I thought maybe things would be different this time. Maybe, instead of everything utterly sucking like it always has, the universe would grant me the very generous gift of having an amazing Senior year where everything just went the way I wanted it to. I'd get to go to New York, I'd get the lead role in the last high school play, I'd have an amazing relationship with a perfect boyfriend…I guess when all of those other things just crashed and burned I held onto Blaine for dear life. He was supposed to salvage everything, somehow. Our relationship was my…consolation prize, I guess. But when I woke up this morning, I realized that our relationship is over. I may not have formally broken up with him yet, but it's as good as over for both of us and…I don't feel anything. I'm not sad, I'm not devastated, I'm just…neutral, somehow. I mean…I don't know, I always thought if anything ever broke us up it would be dramatic and sad and tragic, but it's not. At all."
"Maybe you're relieved," Dave offered. "And you feel guilty for it, so you've managed to repress it."
Kurt nodded. "That could certainly be it. I don't know. I'm beginning to think I'm not as in touch with my emotions as I thought I was."
He then looked up at Dave after a brief moment of silence had passed.
"So do you forgive me for last night?"
"Yeah…of course. But you know, Kurt, I have to be totally honest about something here. I think you've set your standards for this year way too fucking high."
Kurt giggled. "But it was my Senior year! Am I not entitled to everything simply because it's my last year of high school?"
"Uh, no?" Dave chuckled. "What gave you that idea in the first place? It's still high school. It still sucks."
"Are you suggesting that your idea to just get through high school is somehow better than mine?" Kurt asked with feigned incredulity.
"Well, I don't know. I mean, here I am, no worse or better off than I was when this year started…well, maybe a little better off, actually. And then there's you, who's had everything crumble around him like the fucking Berlin Wall. What do you think I'm suggesting?"
Kurt grinned to himself and nodded.
"Anyway," Dave continued. "You don't need all of that. The Kurt Hummel I've always known wouldn't rely on other people to get what he wants. He would have just said 'fuck it', and made his own way of things. Don't you think?"
Kurt suddenly looked at him then, fixedly, his eyes seemingly welling up with tears. Dave was rather intimidated by this -considering especially that nothing he had said to him then seemed especially poetic or touching- until Kurt took his hand and held it tightly.
"Yeah, I do."
He then allowed himself to crawl beside Dave on the bed and lie down, still clutching their hands together.
"Thank you for believing in me," he whispered, cuddling close to Dave's arm.
Truthfully, Dave didn't quite know how to react to this, already feeling rather tense from having Kurt so close to him. He decided, instead, to make an effort to relax into the moment, however futile it might have been.
"I just realized it's the New Year," Kurt mentioned quietly into the silence. "Funny, how I thought I'd have someone to kiss at midnight this time."
Dave squeezed his hand, which he had already noticed was lean and smooth, but nowhere near as delicate and fragile as he thought it would be.
"Yeah, you were a bit too drunk for that."
"Also my boyfriend was likely kissing someone else."
"Well…there's that."
Kurt then propped himself up on his elbow, turning to look at Dave squarely. The latter of the two of them avoided eye contact.
"Is there any chance I could get my New Year's kiss from you?"
Dave's eyes widened. "Wha- me? No- I mean…I've already taken one from you, haven't I?" He could feel himself starting to disgustingly perspire.
Completely composed, Kurt cupped his cheek. "Then let me take it back."
And with that, their lips were suddenly meeting and Dave could see stars bursting behind his eyes while strings of heat coursed down to his toes and churned in his stomach. It may not have been their first, but it certainly felt like it was, given the fact that it was slow and leisurely and completely consensual.
Though at first unable to move, Dave finally found the will-power to bring his opposite hand to the back of Kurt's head, carding fingers through his unbelievably silky locks. For a split second he wondered if Kurt would mind him messing up his hair like that, but when their kiss suddenly deepened and it seemed as if the boy above him was seeking more, he couldn't care less either way- not about that, and not about the possibility that his breath was possibly vile.
When they finally pulled apart, it became clear that Kurt didn't really care whether Dave had brushed his teeth or not yet, as he was smiling rather disbelievingly and sighing in awe.
Dave's hand slid from the back of Kurt's head to his cheek.
"What just happened?" he asked, genuinely curious though his voice was misty with intimacy.
Kurt sighed again, their mouths only slightly less close than they had been.
"It would seem that I've kissed you…for the New Year."
It was added as an afterthought, but it was no less a necessary return-to-reality for both of them.
"Right. For the New Year. Thanks, Kurt."
Dave then took his hand away and rose from the bed.
"So, I should probably get dressed," he said decisively, trying his best to shake off what had just transpired. "And then I can drive you home."
Though he may have tried, he could not for the life of him avoid seeing Kurt looking neglected and awe-struck, still in a semi-lounge on his bed. Admittedly, it was not an optimum situation for either of them.
"Right? Don't you think you better get home?"
Kurt nodded slowly and looked down -seemingly with confusion- at the mattress before rising from Dave's bed and making his way to the door.
"Right, of course. Sorry."
The two looked at one another a moment before Kurt closed the door behind him, and Dave knew in that instance that it was not only he who had felt something when they kissed.
To say things were awkward after this kiss would be just about accurate, if not a bit of an understatement. On the drive home immediately after, neither of them said a word- and it certainly wasn't in companionable, comfortable silence, either, but much the opposite. They were both aware of the conversation sitting impatiently between them that they weren'thaving, but neither of them could find the strength or the will-power to even acknowledge it.
They didn't ignore each other in the days afterward, but correspondence was limited and brief. Dave supposed he had hoped that maybe, eventually, Kurt would move on from what had happened New Year's Day on his bed and then he could too…or at least pretend that he had. But even he could read the tension in the few short texts and IMs he would get from Kurt every couple of days. They always asked him how he was. Dave would give a short answer, something neutral, ask Kurt the same, and then let him do the talking before the conversation would dissipate.
It was terrible, if he was honest, probably worse than the time they had stopped speaking to each other altogether.
January went by anyway in its usual dull, grey haze. Dave tried to convince himself that it was just the low point of winter, when the snow and the cold had lost all novelty and school seemed to drag on forever. He didn't let himself consider the possibility that it might be because he was losing a friend…maybe, potentially, something more. He never really wanted to let himself think of Kurt in terms of anything beyond friendship because he was convinced that'd only end in disappointment and heartbreak for him…but that fucking kiss. Not the one in the locker room, the one that Kurt had instigated. What was he supposed to do with that?
He didn't know. And to be truthful, he didn't really have the balls to ask.
January was drawing to a close when he made the fateful wander into the Lima Bean. Why he hadn't chosen another coffee joint he really didn't know. Sure, it was quiet, a good place to study and one of the only options in town aside from Starbucks, but everyone went there, especially Kurt Hummel. As it so happened, they seemed to have the same idea that evening, as their eyes met the moment Dave walked in.
So escaping was a non-option. Great.
Kurt didn't seem at all keen to make a break for it, however. Instead he smiled warmly, disbelievingly, closed his laptop and gestured for Dave to take the seat opposite him. What could Dave do, really, but accept?
"We didn't have an agreement to meet here, did we?" Kurt teased slightly, a twinge of hopefulness in his tone that Dave chose to ignore as he grudgingly sat down. "This does seem like a bit of serendipity to me."
Dave didn't know what he meant by that, but he supposed it didn't really matter, either.
"No…not that I remember. I was planning to study."
He indicated as much by lifting his book bag slightly before letting it hang back on the chair. Kurt's face fell a little in a way that was impossible to ignore- of course, anything Kurt did was impossible to ignore, that had always been truer for Dave than anything else.
"I don't suppose you could take a moment to talk?" Kurt pressed. "I feel like I haven't seen you in ages."
Dave hoped his reluctance wasn't obvious, but he knew better than to think he could be so subtle. There was a war within him -what else was new?- of an inability to decide whether to favor his indulgent need to take this opportunity to spend time with Kurt or continue to push him away. Pushing was safe. Pushing could put them back on a level that was comfortable and easy for them, the mutual dislike that was palatable…even if Dave had never really disliked Kurt at all.
But not even his masochism could prompt him to do what he had decided was the most responsible thing.
So he answered with a resigned, "Yeah, sure," and slumped a little in his seat.
He should have known Kurt was going to ask the next question.
"How are you?"
He sighed, because it was so much like their text messages and IMs, lately: awkward, dismissive, insincere.
"I'm fine, Kurt, I'm fine," he insisted, rubbing his eyes in exasperation. "Just as fine as I was the last few hundred times you asked."
He hadn't meant for it to sound so abrupt or harsh and kind of regretted saying it the way he did the moment it happened. Worse still, Kurt didn't look just mildly offended or perturbed, he seemed…hurt. And Dave couldn't help but hate himself for hurting him again.
"I think…we've been ignoring something very important, here," Kurt said carefully after a time. "And I also think…it might be time for us to acknowledge it."
"We really don't need to-"
"David," Kurt interjected, his tone firm to communicate that there would be no argument. "I refuse to do this anymore with you. It's not fair to either of us."
"Well, neither was kissing me."
It came out instantly- word vomit, at its finest, and even though he had muttered it under his breath, none of it was lost on Kurt. Once again, Dave regretted saying it the moment it fell out of his mouth.
When Kurt pursed his lips and set his jaw against its quivering, he knew he was in trouble.
"Outside. Now."
Dave didn't argue anymore. He had lost the right to the moment he brought up the kiss, as far as he was concerned, and after they had both picked up their things he followed Kurt dutifully, silently out the door.
Kurt kept his silence as he climbed into his Escalade and part of Dave thought he was just going to drive away and why the hell had that involved him having to come outside in the first place? But instead he unlocked the doors and waited for Dave to make the assumption he wanted him in the passenger seat.
They didn't go far, just a little ways down the shopping center, behind the abandoned department store building. Dave could still get out and walk away if he wanted to, but Kurt must have known his reluctance to do so in the blistering cold and snow. Besides…he needed to talk. They both needed to talk.
Kurt shifted to park, but left the SUV running and the both of them sitting there in the blast of the hot air from the heater and the very uncomfortable silence.
Until…
"I'm still going to New York in the fall," Kurt said finally, his voice surprisingly level for how upset he had looked in the Lima Bean. "I'm going to work…take some basic courses, try again for NYADA next year…"
Dave furrowed his brows, confused, but not enough to ask for any sort of clarification for why Kurt was bringing this up now.
"Because of that, you have to understand why this is problematic," he continued. "Why I didn't want to talk about the kiss and what it meant. I wasn't convinced Blaine and I were going to make it through my move and we had been dating for-"
The mention of that name and the New Year's kiss in one breath set Dave aflame enough to speak up.
"Then why did you do it?" he interjected, looking over at Kurt and demanding an answer, as if he had any right to demand anything from him. "If it was going to be this fucking complicated, why did you kiss me at all?"
Kurt narrowed his eyes and, fuck, sometimes he could scare Dave with just a look. This was one of them.
"Why did you kiss me?" he fired back, venomously.
Of course, even Dave knew they were talking about two different kisses and he also knew Kurt had every right to throw that back in his face, especially if he was doing the exact same thing back at him. It wasn't fair. And this wasn't a conversation at all, this was a stand-off and Dave had a distinct feeling no one was going to be coming out of it feeling very victorious.
"I'm not doing this right now," Dave muttered, fumbling with the door handle to escape in the exact same way both of them knew would be abhorrent for him. "I can't do this right now-"
"Like hell you can't!"
Kurt grabbed Dave's wrist tighter than he was ever aware he was capable of. Surely the intent was just an angered, impulsive motion to keep him from escaping and starting another wave of awkward conversations and dodged topics, but when Dave pivoted angrily and brought them both together, practically snarling at each other over the center console, the results were probably much more than either of them had bargained for.
And neither of them really seemed to care, not as Dave yanked Kurt by his hold on him in close and pressed their lips together hungrily. He wasn't even really sure what he was doing. His instinct was working faster than his rational brain ever could and this seemed to be true of Kurt as well, considering the possessive, demanding way his hand had shifted up and fisted into Dave's hair.
Almost as soon as they had started, Kurt pulled away and Dave felt certain he was going to put an end to things. Instead, he said with a flushed face and smoldering eyes filled with want and frustration,
"Back seat."
Even if a rush of intimidation and nervousness filled him then -knowing full-well what teenagers did in the backs of cars- Dave didn't argue. He realized the full extent of how much hewanted Kurt and at that point in time, it was more than enough to get him to walk around to the side door and climb in.
Kurt yanked him inside almost the moment he had closed the car door behind him, pulling him on top of him and back into the passionate kiss they had started earlier. If there was only fury and frustration in that kiss, there was certainly something more tender and emotional in this one- and wasn't it strange how their relationship, their whatever this was, could be so defined by kisses?
Dave found his hand wandering to the back of Kurt's thigh, coaxing it up and around his waist and Kurt was more than willing to oblige. He had never made-out before and he hoped to god it didn't show, even as he was taking risks and at least trying to seem like he had a clue what he was doing.
He then pulled off Kurt's scarf in order to pepper nectarous kisses down the smooth column of his neck. Just as he was wondering if Kurt would mind terribly having said scarf thrown to the wayside, he began to make the most delicious soft moans Dave had ever heard and the scarf, as well as the concern, was quickly forgotten.
Dave had always muted porn for the sole purpose of not wanting to hear the mouthy bottoms, but Kurt's sounds of pleasure threw all of that out the window. The very sound of his voice crying out like that, because of things he was doing, no less, might have been enough to throw him over the edge the completely.
Or so he thought, until Kurt's hands shifted up the sides of his back to his shoulders and he keened gently, "David…"
Dave had a lot of names he didn't like, admittedly. Karofsky was one of them and David, given that only his parents and older family members had called him that up to this point, was another. But ever since Kurt had taken to favoring it, it was nothing less than music to his ears- and especially now when he was saying it in the throes of pleasure.
"Oh god, Kurt…" he whispered back into the warm softness of his skin.
Kurt coaxed Dave back upwards to his lips and proceeded to wrap both legs around his torso, bucking upward slightly as he licked into his mouth. He was momentarily caught between the feel of Kurt's tongue in his mouth and the very obvious definition of his erection pressing into his own, trying to figure out which one to favor.
He didn't want to push, but there was something he desperately wanted to try and Kurt's apparent need for him was boosting his confidence to potentially dangerous levels.
Running his knuckles down the center of Kurt's stomach, he stopped at the button and fly of his jeans.
"Can I…?" he whispered into his mouth.
Kurt made some sort of whimper that made Dave wince with arousal and then he conceded with a soft, "Please…"
The fact that Kurt was not only agreeing to let Dave touch him there but practically begging for it seemed to just worsen the situation for him in the best of ways. He had never felt so close to coming before without even really being touched.
So after undoing the button and zipper, he dipped his hand inside his jeans and under what felt like the waistband of briefs, closing his fingers around the silken, hard, curved shaft and hissing slightly at how wonderful it felt in his grip. It was the first time he had touched a cock- but more importantly, it was the first time he was touching Kurt that way and that seemed to make all the difference in the world.
Kurt's eyes shut tight and he inclined his head and neck backward at the touch, cantering his hips upward in the sure grip of Dave's fist. He whined out his name again as his hands shifted upward to Dave's biceps, squeezing wantonly.
Was he really doing this? Was he really making Kurt come apart at the seams like this? It seemed so.
"Wait, hold on…"
Kurt's voice was breathy and clearly his having said this was a struggle with his own conscious mind to put anything they were doing at a stand-still. Nevertheless, Dave was worried for a split-second that maybe he had changed his mind, maybe he realized this was Dave Karofsky he was letting put his hands down his pants and maybe-
But no. Kurt merely shifted them both on their sides so he could get better access to the front of Dave's jeans. He wasn't slow or gradual like Dave had been and that was totally fine- particularly when he had his smooth fingers wrapped around his cock in the same way Dave was doing to him.
"You're big…" Kurt observed with a lick of his lips as he began to stroke him. If Dave had a response to this it was immediately lost in a haze of lust and the soft, warm feel of Kurt's perfect hand working him to his end.
It didn't take long for either of them. A few sure strokes and some sloppy, desperate kisses and both of their hands were soon covered with hot release.
It took Dave a moment to come back down to earth, to carefully remove his messy hand from the front of Kurt's jeans as Kurt did the same to him. He opened his eyes with a sense of hesitation, fully expecting for the disgusted realization on Kurt's part to settle in now.
Instead, however, he was kissed again, slow and lovingly, and then stared at by those blue-green eyes with an unmistakable sense of adoration.
Giggling slightly, Kurt grabbed some wet wipes from somewhere and set to work cleaning them both off. Dave sighed out in a pleased shudder when he gently wiped some excess release from his stomach, just below his navel, and then adjusted his shirt back into place.
"I'm in love with you…" Dave said softly, completely and totally speaking his mind aloud as he watched Kurt finish cleaning.
Kurt looked up at him then, clearly startled by the sudden confession. Dave didn't have it in him to regret saying it.
"You-…"
"I'm in love with you," he repeated, taking a hand and lacing their fingers together.
Kurt bit his lip as his eyes began to water and he continued to stare at Dave still lying there before him.
"Come here…" he coaxed, easing Kurt back down into a lounge beside him. Kurt didn't hesitate to wrap an arm around his waist and nuzzle his head into his shoulder.
"Dammit, I'm in love with you too…" he admitted, his voice cracking slightly. "I didn't mean to, I swear…"
Dave chuckled.
"That I believe. So…can I ask why you're crying during what is turning out to be one of the happiest moments of my life?"
It was a serious question mixed in with an air of teasing and Kurt could tell as much, laughing despite himself into the fabric of Dave's hoodie.
"Because…because I'm still going to New York in September and I…Blaine and I wouldn't have made it through that and-"
"I'm not Blaine."
"I know that, but-…"
"And I'm not gonna ask you to give up New York. Or anything else, for that matter."
Kurt just sniffed into his shoulder for a moment, probably trying to think up something to say. Dave titled his chin gently upwards to look at him.
"Hey…how about this- we just see what happens. It's only January, we've still got awhile…and maybe when it's time for you to go we'll decide it's not gonna work with the distance and call it quits…but if not, we can try and press forward. That way…we'll never have to wonder what-if…and we'll always have this time together, at least. What do you think?"
He didn't really have time to wait for a vocal response because Kurt was launching into him with a loving, grateful kiss. Dave shifted a hand through his hair, needing physical proof that this wasn't a dream.
Pulling back slightly, Kurt whispered between their mouths, "I didn't mean to fall in love with you…but you never give me even a second to wonder why I did."