Fic: Taking It Back (3/?)
Title- Taking It Back
Rating- PG/13-T
Pairings- Kurtofsky (main), Klaine (slight), Seblaine
Warnings- Infidelity, rating likely to rise
Summary- After the meeting at Scandals, Dave and Kurt attempt a friendship, much to the behest of everything around them. Kurtofsky primary , Klaine slight , Seblaine. Rating likely to rise.
Despite the fact that it was too early for any normal human being to be moving, despite the fact that it was unseasonably cold for late November and he knew it would be so much more comfortable to be nestled underneath his comforter, despite the fact that his Starbucks espresso hadn’t really kicked in yet, Kurt was in a pretty fabulous mood as he walked across the school parking lot that Tuesday morning. It was the day before Thanksgiving vacation, after all, and he was looking forward to the family trip to Florida to see his aunt and uncle. If anyone needed a vacation where lying on a beach in 80 degree weather would be involved, it would be him. Better yet, Blaine was planning to come along too.
Kurt was sure there really was no better way to get his mind off all the crap that had gone down this month. So with the promise of the vacation dangling over his head like a carrot, Kurt knew he could power through today.
But as he entered the already crowded hallway and began making his way to first period, he started to realize that ‘powering through the day’ would be easier said than done. Maybe he hadn’t noticed it before, but Brittany’s posters had seemingly multiplied in number and most of them were being used to cover up those of her competitors. Thanks to that and clear evidence of his being just haphazardly torn off the walls, it seemed almost as if he wasn’t running at all.
That didn’t help his mood, but he tried to calm himself with the reassurance that he could certainly make more- maybe tons more and then do the same thing to her that she did to him.
Plus, of course, there was Florida in the near future.
Kurt could make this day his bitch, he was sure of it.
--------------------------------
‘Fuck this day. Fuck this day with something hard and sandpaper-y.’
It really didn’t take long for Kurt’s pipedream of getting through his school day unscathed to completely crumble around him. First there were the posters, then came Jacob with his stupid camera crew to inform him that he was the lowest in his blog’s preliminary polls, then there was a visit at his locker from Brittany to try to console him with some sort of air-headed good sportsmanship speech. He made it quite clear to her that he didn’t want to hear it. If Santana wanted to tear into him later for being too blunt with her, that was just fucking fine as he had no intention to listen to her either.
Glee Club only added to the utter crapestry of the day, as instead of letting them go home and start enjoying their much needed rest of the week off, Mr. Schue insisted they have an after school meeting about the upcoming month, which Rachel, of course, completely monopolized. Her voice sort of turned into a white noise after a while as well, and Kurt just sort of surveyed her with annoyed disgust for the rest of the meeting, somewhat glad their friendship had more or less caved in on itself before it had even begun. He wasn’t sure how he had failed to notice how obnoxious she was for however long they had hung out.
Or maybe he was just in a bad mood and the things about Rachel’s personality that normally only mildly bothered him were multiplied ten-fold.
Either way, he was thankful when she finally finished and Mr. Schue dismissed the club to go on their way.
Kurt was quick to latch on to Blaine’s arm as they walked out the choir room door, confident that he would somehow make everything seem right, just as he always did.
“God, I’ve never been more thankful for a day to be over,” Kurt sighed. “Now all you and I have to think about is relaxing on a beach in the sun. Mais oui.”
Blaine didn’t answer, and when Kurt looked to see his reaction it became clear that his boyfriend was more distant than he had ever been before.
“Is everything okay?” Kurt asked softly, hoping against hope that Blaine would convincingly assure him it was and they could just go on enjoying each other’s company.
Instead, Blaine attempted what was obviously a forced smile and continued to avoid looking his boyfriend in the eye.
“Yeah, Kurt, everything’s fine. It’s just that...I have something I need to tell you and I’ve been sort of dreading having to bring it up.”
Kurt’s face instinctively fell, as did the rest of his determination to salvage this clusterfuck of a day.
“Oh?”
“The thing is…I, umm…I can’t go to Florida.”
Kurt felt the distinct sensation of his stomach dropping to his knees.
“What? Why not? I thought your parents okayed it a month ago-“
“They did,” Blaine quickly interjected. “But some plans have come up with the family and I’ll need to be here for that.”
At this point, Kurt had stopped their gradual trek to the parking lot to study his boyfriend’s face.
“Could you be more vague?” he challenged sarcastically, not bothering to hide the absolute fury of frustration that was now bubbling up inside him.
“What more do you want me to say?” Blaine asked, laughing exasperatedly. “It’s a holiday. Families make spur of the moment plans. This isn’t some new concept, Kurt.”
Kurt glared at him.
“If you’re going to be snarky with me, Blaine, then I’m going to walk away from this conversation right now.”
This he attempted to do, positively fed up with everything and not willing to give up any more of his time to what was proving to be one of the worst days of the school year. Blaine grabbed his wrist before he could get very far, however.
“Kurt, please,” he begged, trying to pull him in closer. “I really did want to go with you-“
Kurt wrenched himself out of Blaine’s grasp more forcefully than was necessary.
“I really don’t need to hear it right now.”
He then stormed out to his car in a huff, leaving Blaine to stand alone with his private guilt in the middle of the hallway.------------------------------------
He arrived home to a completely dark and empty house as Finn was at Rachel’s and his dad and Carol wouldn’t be home from work for a few hours. It was raining outside, making everything sort of dark and cold and dreary and otherwise completely identical to how he felt.
Kurt simply retreated to his room, threw his book bag on the floor and collapsed on his bed where he allowed himself to cry unashamedly into his pillow. It was the absolute culmination of everything that had gone wrong today.
He wasn’t going to win the election. He wasn’t going to get the application buffers that he needed to help him get into NYADA. He wasn’t going to get to New York. And despite his best efforts, Blaine was obviously getting tired of him and, for whatever reason, was just delaying the inevitability of a break up.
Had he not shown Blaine just how spontaneous and sexy he could be? Hadn’t he gone completely out of his way to try to shake their relationship up? If things were already getting stale before they had even been together an entire year, what hope for a future did they have?
At the moment, Kurt was feeling as though the hope for his own personal future was at an all time low. Somehow, the effort to have an amazing senior year where he got everything he ever wanted had devolved into the prelude of a lonely life spent in Lima surrounded by 30 cats. He had never felt like more of a hopeless wreck.
Bloop!
The sound of facebook chat jarred him, mostly because he hadn’t remembered leaving his lap top on before heading out to school that morning. He was, at first, inclined to ignore it completely, but he ultimately decided that anything was better than wallowing in self-pity and making his eyelids puffier, redder, and progressively more unattractive.
So he reluctantly awakened the monitor and brought up the minimized Mozilla browser, certain that it was probably just Santana with her surprisingly late lecture on not being mean to Brittany ever.
‘dude sorry i know this is random, but i have 2 show u this pic of my dads dog from halloween. my 4 yr old niece picked the costume out’
‘Suddenly Dave Karofsky,’ Kurt thought to himself as he clicked the provided picture link. An image of a completely degraded little terrier of some kind wearing an ill-fitting pink and sparkly unicorn costume emerged in the separate tab.
Kurt, despite himself, couldn’t help a smile and a giggle. The dog’s miserable expression contrasting with the absolute ridiculousness of the outfit was making it impossible for him to hold on to his misery.
‘Lord, that is terrifyingly cute.’ He typed back. ‘ I’m torn between calling PETA and just cooing at my screen’
‘i hope u dont take this the wrong way but it kinda reminded me of u’
Kurt laughed disbelievingly and wiped some of the residual moisture from his face ungracefully with the back of his hand. It was disgusting, he knew, but he didn’t feel like seeking out some tissues.
‘I’m not sure how to interpret that, David. You realize that you’re saying a picture of a miserable rat terrier in a unicorn costume reminds you of me?’
‘well just b/c of the campaign posters brittany made 4 u. santana showed me a few…& by that i mean she forced me 2 come over & help her and britt make them’
Part of him wanted to frown and get angry all over again at the mention of those horrible, embarrassing, tacky posters that may have single-handedly doomed him from the start, but the mental image of Santana forcing Dave to decorate pictures of him with pink glitter was too amusing. So too was the thought of Dave Karofsky sitting in a living room surrounded by girls and their crafting supplies with an expression on his face that no doubt mirrored that of his father’s poor dog.
‘Traitor. Those posters were hideous.’
‘dont blame me i didnt design them. anyway santana is scary when u say no 2 her. if it helps i had glitter all over my clothes 4 weeks’
He chuckled again, a bit harder this time now that his suspicions had been confirmed. Kurt was sure there was no price too large to have been given a chance to witness that scene in all its glory.
‘That does help, actually, thank you.’
‘lol sure thing’
‘Hey, look, let’s not talk about the campaign right now, if it’s all the same to you,’ Kurt answered back after a brief pause to collect himself. The discussion so far had not upset him -quite the opposite, in fact- but he still didn’t want to talk about what was proving to be the biggest train wreck of his high school career. ‘I’ve had a miserable day, all thanks to that.’
‘oh sorry’
In the rather brief span of time they had been corresponding, Kurt had come to gather that Dave was being especially serious when he didn’t include an emoticon. Not wanting him to get the impression that he had actually done something wrong, Kurt was quick to reassure him otherwise.
‘It’s fine, you didn’t know. =)’
Conversely, Kurt’s use of said emoticons in their discussion seemed to be especially successful at clearing tension and letting Dave know, without a doubt, that everything was fine. He might have felt like a condescending bitch, but if his IM partner appreciated it then it was worth it to him.
All of a sudden, Kurt happened upon a rather crazy idea. Maybe it was because he was feeling a little desperate and lonely and Dave had become something of an obliging, reliable friend to him. It was still a risk, he knew, as was any forward movement he made with this particular relationship.
But his need to get out of his house and hang out with someone who wouldn’t make him feel like utter shit managed to get the better of him.
‘But…if you’re really feeling remorseful about it, you could make it up to me.’
‘oh yeah hows that?’
‘I’m alone in the house, it’s raining and I feel like shit. I need coffee and real life conversation. Want to meet me at The Lima Bean?’
Kurt waited, rather impatiently, for a response. Why he felt the same nervousness one gets when asking someone out on a date, he didn’t know. Was he actually afraid that Dave might turn him down? Kurt had to take a moment to fully appreciate the irony of that.
There was an uncomfortably long pause before Dave replied.
‘sure’
It was unsettlingly simplistic. Had he freaked him out or something? Was he being too forward with this invitation?
‘No,’ Kurt decided, firmly. ‘I most certainly am not. If he was uncomfortable with it he should have said something. Now, he’ll just have to suffer my presence and it’ll be his fault, not mine.’
‘Great!’ Kurt typed back, determined to seem unaffected. ‘What do you say in about 30 mins?’
‘yeah that works 4 me’
‘See you there. =)’
‘Cya =)’
And just like that, whatever discomfort Kurt might have been feeling about this meeting was immediately cast aside with inclusion of a smiley.-----------------------------
He wasn’t exactly sure why, but when Kurt pulled up to the comfortingly familiar coffee shop he half expected to have to wait awhile for his company. If he was honest, Dave didn’t exactly give off the impression of a punctual person.
So it was all the more surprising when he walked in and saw him there already, sitting comfortably at one of the tables closer to the wall focusing, somewhat fixatedly, on a book.
‘Dave Karofsky is early and reading a book at a coffee shop. I’m coming here to meet and hang out with him.’
It took a moment for that thought to fully sink in. Kurt wondered if it should make him feel weird, but aside from the undeniable contrast between this moment and their past, he really didn’t mind it at all.
In this brief span of time, he also couldn’t help but take in the image of Dave sitting there, reading glasses on, being completely swept up in Veronika Decides to Die. He was dressed comfortably- no letterman or excessive amounts of denim to hide him, just a comfortable black zip up hoodie, grey sweater and jeans. It was a fairly nondescript, young adult male ensemble -probably from Target, but Kurt certainly wasn’t expecting designer brands- but nothing that spoke of trying to hide anything. If he was honest, comfortable Dave was much easier on the eyes than scared, defensive Dave.
“Would you be offended if I told you I’m surprised to find you here reading?” Kurt said jokingly as he pulled out the chair across from him.
When Dave glanced up from his book, his look of concentration almost immediately morphed into a surprised smile.
“Nah,” he chuckled as he put aside both the novel and his glasses. “I don’t think I ever really came off as someone who reads.”
Kurt shook his head. “That you did not.”
“So did you want some coffee or something?”
“Oh, they have that here?” Kurt asked, pretending to look around bewilderedly.
“Yeah, I think so. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask.” Dave laughed, rising from the table. “Tell you what, you tell me what you want and then I’ll let you save the table while I go get it for you.”
Kurt smiled at the practically deserted shop, knowing full-well Dave was trying to be slick about paying for him. He wasn’t entirely sure if he should be even a little suspicious of his intentions for that, but a man buying him coffee was not something Kurt Hummel would ever pass up.
So Kurt let Dave buy him a non-fat, sugar-free caramel macchiato and the two then settled in for the second component of their meeting- that of course being, real life conversation.
“So…shit day today, huh?” Dave asked somewhat tentatively.
Kurt nodded, smiling sadly.
“I know you didn’t want to talk about the campaign stuff, but if you wanted to vent about something else or anything, I don’t mind.”
“That’s very generous of you, Dave.”
Kurt sighed before deciding to go ahead and lend his new friend and conversation partner some insight into the significance of his campaign drama.
“Normally I don’t care about class and popularity politics, as you’ve probably noticed, but I’ve been entertaining this rather lofty goal of getting into a sort of elitist performing arts school in New York. A meet and greet that Rachel and I went to for interested undergraduates pretty much proved that we weren’t going to be able to rely on talent alone, so I thought maybe if I accomplished something really impressive this year it might help compensate a little. Plus, I thought being class president might allow me to help out some of the other Dave Karofskys that could be hiding out at our school.”
Dave smiled. “If they’re anything like I was they’ll need all the help they can get.”
“Well, it won’t be from me,” Kurt replied, staring disappointedly at his coffee cup. “It was stupid to even get involved. Even if I wasn’t running against the popular cheerleader, on what planet would the kids of McKinley elect someone like me? When it’s not to try and humiliate and make fun of me for my effeminate nature and sexuality, of course.”
Dave shook his head. “I don’t see how trying to accomplish something is stupid. You know? You just give it your all and you hope for the best. But I don’t know, I just think it’s sort of fucked that you have to rely on a bunch of douchebags to get you into your dream school.”
“There’s no guarantee it would have helped anyway. I just thought it might add a little something impressive.”
Dave opened his mouth for a moment as though he was going to further his point, but seemed to think better of it, as he faltered back. It occurred to Kurt then that maybe he wasn’t being as personable here as could have.
“I’m sorry, we’ve been talking an awful lot about me, yet you’re the one who’s done god knows what this summer to transform you into this bear cub butterfly.”
Dave laughed again, similar to how he did in the bar when Kurt made the joke about his resemblance to Yogi bear. He was obviously easily amused, Kurt reasoned, as neither of these attempts at humor were nearly funny enough to elicit such a response, at least in his opinion.
“So what happened?” Kurt asked, hoping the question was open-ended enough.
“A lot of things, actually. I mean, initially, things got really bad for me after prom. I kind of retreated from everyone. I wasn’t a douche anymore, obviously, I just wasn’t talking or hanging out with anybody. I kind of spent June just locked up in room. I don’t know, I guess I was afraid that prom was it for me, you know? Like, somehow people would figure it out and then everyone would know and it’d just be common knowledge.”
Kurt just nodded and swallowed thickly, the guilt that had been subtly eating at him for that event multiplying ten-fold.
“But then one day, just out the blue, Santana came over. She just fucking barged into my room and she sat on my bed and she made me cry it out. She said she was tired of getting questions about what was up with me from Azimio and that she didn’t want to be known for dating an emotional train wreck. Between you and me, I think she was a little worried about me and didn’t want to admit it.”
The both of them chuckled knowingly.
“So yeah, everything sort of did a 180 after that. Dad agreed to get me a therapist. I’ve been taking some meds, but nothing that fucks me up too much. And the transfer was my therapist’s idea, actually. Dad and I thought it was a good idea too, so we just went for it. Honestly, I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made.”
“And where does Scandals come into all of this, if I may ask?”
Dave chuckled to himself. “That was actually just a shot in the dark, on my part. I mean, I wanted to meet some other people like me around here, but the closest LGBT group is in Cleveland. I just heard about it and decided to give it a shot. Turns out that was a pretty good idea too. The guys there have really taken me under their wing.”
“I’m guessing they know you’re not legal,” Kurt smirked.
“Yeah, but they usually turn a blind eye to that stuff. They figure kids like us should get chances to be in an accepting environment, so long as you make an effort to bring a fake ID they’ll usually wave you in.”
“Don’t I know it. My ID said I was from Hawaii. I literally greeted the bouncer with ‘aloha’, just because I didn’t know what else to do.”
Dave shook his head, laughing even more animatedly than before. It might have baffled Kurt that he could be so amusing to someone, but he couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t like what the response was doing to his ego.
“You were really pushing your luck there, Hummel.”
Kurt smiled, unashamedly satisfied with himself. He took another sip of his macchiato before asking,
“So, just out of curiosity, what is Dave Karofsky planning to do when he finally conquers the shit labyrinth that is high school?”
“Honestly? I have no fucking clue. The future is pretty scary when you think about it too much.”
Kurt nodded somewhat enthusiastically in agreement.
“But there’s this recruiter guy from OSU coming to check out the team next week.” Dave continued. Kurt noticed what he thought to be his eyes lighting up a little at this mention.
“Do you think you have a good chance of being selected?”
“No idea. I mean, I’m playing better than I ever have, so that’s something, but these guys are pretty selective so that might mean jack shit. Either way, I’m gonna do my best when he comes. A scholarship would be great and it might make my dad hate me a little less.
Kurt smiled at him sympathetically.
“I’ve met your dad and I can honestly attest that he doesn’t hate you.”
“Yeah, I mean, he doesn’t hate me, I know that, it’s just that I don’t think he’s ever really forgiven me for the shit that went down last year. I know he defended me and everything but I kinda betrayed his trust and let him down.”
Kurt paused a moment and studied the boy across from him, wondering if he might get the answer to his impending question just by looking hard enough.
When that didn’t work, he took the risk.
“Have you told him yet?”
Dave’s gaze met with Kurt’s and held it there for a moment before he answered.
“Nah, I don’t want stress about that right now. I’m sort of still figuring this stuff out anyway. I think when the time is right, I’ll know. Like I said before, right now I just want to worry about graduating and moving on with my life.”
Kurt continued look at Dave, baffled once again by how much he had defied his expectations, both for his own development and for how life could generally work for a closeted teenager. Why did he ever think that the only way Dave could be happy was to do exactly what Kurt had done? How that ever made any sense to him, he no longer knew.
And now here they sat, more or less friends and Dave had significantly more wisdom about the homosexual world than Kurt ever did. The irony was bittersweet.
Kurt wanted to apologize to Dave then and there for holding him to his own apparently ignorant methods and expectations, but the pleasant moment was interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice.
“Kurt…?”
Both Kurt and Dave snapped from their conversation to see Rachel and Finn standing near the entrance, looking at them with what could only be described as horrified confusion.
Rating- PG/13-T
Pairings- Kurtofsky (main), Klaine (slight), Seblaine
Warnings- Infidelity, rating likely to rise
Summary- After the meeting at Scandals, Dave and Kurt attempt a friendship, much to the behest of everything around them. Kurtofsky primary , Klaine slight , Seblaine. Rating likely to rise.
Despite the fact that it was too early for any normal human being to be moving, despite the fact that it was unseasonably cold for late November and he knew it would be so much more comfortable to be nestled underneath his comforter, despite the fact that his Starbucks espresso hadn’t really kicked in yet, Kurt was in a pretty fabulous mood as he walked across the school parking lot that Tuesday morning. It was the day before Thanksgiving vacation, after all, and he was looking forward to the family trip to Florida to see his aunt and uncle. If anyone needed a vacation where lying on a beach in 80 degree weather would be involved, it would be him. Better yet, Blaine was planning to come along too.
Kurt was sure there really was no better way to get his mind off all the crap that had gone down this month. So with the promise of the vacation dangling over his head like a carrot, Kurt knew he could power through today.
But as he entered the already crowded hallway and began making his way to first period, he started to realize that ‘powering through the day’ would be easier said than done. Maybe he hadn’t noticed it before, but Brittany’s posters had seemingly multiplied in number and most of them were being used to cover up those of her competitors. Thanks to that and clear evidence of his being just haphazardly torn off the walls, it seemed almost as if he wasn’t running at all.
That didn’t help his mood, but he tried to calm himself with the reassurance that he could certainly make more- maybe tons more and then do the same thing to her that she did to him.
Plus, of course, there was Florida in the near future.
Kurt could make this day his bitch, he was sure of it.
--------------------------------
‘Fuck this day. Fuck this day with something hard and sandpaper-y.’
It really didn’t take long for Kurt’s pipedream of getting through his school day unscathed to completely crumble around him. First there were the posters, then came Jacob with his stupid camera crew to inform him that he was the lowest in his blog’s preliminary polls, then there was a visit at his locker from Brittany to try to console him with some sort of air-headed good sportsmanship speech. He made it quite clear to her that he didn’t want to hear it. If Santana wanted to tear into him later for being too blunt with her, that was just fucking fine as he had no intention to listen to her either.
Glee Club only added to the utter crapestry of the day, as instead of letting them go home and start enjoying their much needed rest of the week off, Mr. Schue insisted they have an after school meeting about the upcoming month, which Rachel, of course, completely monopolized. Her voice sort of turned into a white noise after a while as well, and Kurt just sort of surveyed her with annoyed disgust for the rest of the meeting, somewhat glad their friendship had more or less caved in on itself before it had even begun. He wasn’t sure how he had failed to notice how obnoxious she was for however long they had hung out.
Or maybe he was just in a bad mood and the things about Rachel’s personality that normally only mildly bothered him were multiplied ten-fold.
Either way, he was thankful when she finally finished and Mr. Schue dismissed the club to go on their way.
Kurt was quick to latch on to Blaine’s arm as they walked out the choir room door, confident that he would somehow make everything seem right, just as he always did.
“God, I’ve never been more thankful for a day to be over,” Kurt sighed. “Now all you and I have to think about is relaxing on a beach in the sun. Mais oui.”
Blaine didn’t answer, and when Kurt looked to see his reaction it became clear that his boyfriend was more distant than he had ever been before.
“Is everything okay?” Kurt asked softly, hoping against hope that Blaine would convincingly assure him it was and they could just go on enjoying each other’s company.
Instead, Blaine attempted what was obviously a forced smile and continued to avoid looking his boyfriend in the eye.
“Yeah, Kurt, everything’s fine. It’s just that...I have something I need to tell you and I’ve been sort of dreading having to bring it up.”
Kurt’s face instinctively fell, as did the rest of his determination to salvage this clusterfuck of a day.
“Oh?”
“The thing is…I, umm…I can’t go to Florida.”
Kurt felt the distinct sensation of his stomach dropping to his knees.
“What? Why not? I thought your parents okayed it a month ago-“
“They did,” Blaine quickly interjected. “But some plans have come up with the family and I’ll need to be here for that.”
At this point, Kurt had stopped their gradual trek to the parking lot to study his boyfriend’s face.
“Could you be more vague?” he challenged sarcastically, not bothering to hide the absolute fury of frustration that was now bubbling up inside him.
“What more do you want me to say?” Blaine asked, laughing exasperatedly. “It’s a holiday. Families make spur of the moment plans. This isn’t some new concept, Kurt.”
Kurt glared at him.
“If you’re going to be snarky with me, Blaine, then I’m going to walk away from this conversation right now.”
This he attempted to do, positively fed up with everything and not willing to give up any more of his time to what was proving to be one of the worst days of the school year. Blaine grabbed his wrist before he could get very far, however.
“Kurt, please,” he begged, trying to pull him in closer. “I really did want to go with you-“
Kurt wrenched himself out of Blaine’s grasp more forcefully than was necessary.
“I really don’t need to hear it right now.”
He then stormed out to his car in a huff, leaving Blaine to stand alone with his private guilt in the middle of the hallway.------------------------------------
He arrived home to a completely dark and empty house as Finn was at Rachel’s and his dad and Carol wouldn’t be home from work for a few hours. It was raining outside, making everything sort of dark and cold and dreary and otherwise completely identical to how he felt.
Kurt simply retreated to his room, threw his book bag on the floor and collapsed on his bed where he allowed himself to cry unashamedly into his pillow. It was the absolute culmination of everything that had gone wrong today.
He wasn’t going to win the election. He wasn’t going to get the application buffers that he needed to help him get into NYADA. He wasn’t going to get to New York. And despite his best efforts, Blaine was obviously getting tired of him and, for whatever reason, was just delaying the inevitability of a break up.
Had he not shown Blaine just how spontaneous and sexy he could be? Hadn’t he gone completely out of his way to try to shake their relationship up? If things were already getting stale before they had even been together an entire year, what hope for a future did they have?
At the moment, Kurt was feeling as though the hope for his own personal future was at an all time low. Somehow, the effort to have an amazing senior year where he got everything he ever wanted had devolved into the prelude of a lonely life spent in Lima surrounded by 30 cats. He had never felt like more of a hopeless wreck.
Bloop!
The sound of facebook chat jarred him, mostly because he hadn’t remembered leaving his lap top on before heading out to school that morning. He was, at first, inclined to ignore it completely, but he ultimately decided that anything was better than wallowing in self-pity and making his eyelids puffier, redder, and progressively more unattractive.
So he reluctantly awakened the monitor and brought up the minimized Mozilla browser, certain that it was probably just Santana with her surprisingly late lecture on not being mean to Brittany ever.
‘dude sorry i know this is random, but i have 2 show u this pic of my dads dog from halloween. my 4 yr old niece picked the costume out’
‘Suddenly Dave Karofsky,’ Kurt thought to himself as he clicked the provided picture link. An image of a completely degraded little terrier of some kind wearing an ill-fitting pink and sparkly unicorn costume emerged in the separate tab.
Kurt, despite himself, couldn’t help a smile and a giggle. The dog’s miserable expression contrasting with the absolute ridiculousness of the outfit was making it impossible for him to hold on to his misery.
‘Lord, that is terrifyingly cute.’ He typed back. ‘ I’m torn between calling PETA and just cooing at my screen’
‘i hope u dont take this the wrong way but it kinda reminded me of u’
Kurt laughed disbelievingly and wiped some of the residual moisture from his face ungracefully with the back of his hand. It was disgusting, he knew, but he didn’t feel like seeking out some tissues.
‘I’m not sure how to interpret that, David. You realize that you’re saying a picture of a miserable rat terrier in a unicorn costume reminds you of me?’
‘well just b/c of the campaign posters brittany made 4 u. santana showed me a few…& by that i mean she forced me 2 come over & help her and britt make them’
Part of him wanted to frown and get angry all over again at the mention of those horrible, embarrassing, tacky posters that may have single-handedly doomed him from the start, but the mental image of Santana forcing Dave to decorate pictures of him with pink glitter was too amusing. So too was the thought of Dave Karofsky sitting in a living room surrounded by girls and their crafting supplies with an expression on his face that no doubt mirrored that of his father’s poor dog.
‘Traitor. Those posters were hideous.’
‘dont blame me i didnt design them. anyway santana is scary when u say no 2 her. if it helps i had glitter all over my clothes 4 weeks’
He chuckled again, a bit harder this time now that his suspicions had been confirmed. Kurt was sure there was no price too large to have been given a chance to witness that scene in all its glory.
‘That does help, actually, thank you.’
‘lol sure thing’
‘Hey, look, let’s not talk about the campaign right now, if it’s all the same to you,’ Kurt answered back after a brief pause to collect himself. The discussion so far had not upset him -quite the opposite, in fact- but he still didn’t want to talk about what was proving to be the biggest train wreck of his high school career. ‘I’ve had a miserable day, all thanks to that.’
‘oh sorry’
In the rather brief span of time they had been corresponding, Kurt had come to gather that Dave was being especially serious when he didn’t include an emoticon. Not wanting him to get the impression that he had actually done something wrong, Kurt was quick to reassure him otherwise.
‘It’s fine, you didn’t know. =)’
Conversely, Kurt’s use of said emoticons in their discussion seemed to be especially successful at clearing tension and letting Dave know, without a doubt, that everything was fine. He might have felt like a condescending bitch, but if his IM partner appreciated it then it was worth it to him.
All of a sudden, Kurt happened upon a rather crazy idea. Maybe it was because he was feeling a little desperate and lonely and Dave had become something of an obliging, reliable friend to him. It was still a risk, he knew, as was any forward movement he made with this particular relationship.
But his need to get out of his house and hang out with someone who wouldn’t make him feel like utter shit managed to get the better of him.
‘But…if you’re really feeling remorseful about it, you could make it up to me.’
‘oh yeah hows that?’
‘I’m alone in the house, it’s raining and I feel like shit. I need coffee and real life conversation. Want to meet me at The Lima Bean?’
Kurt waited, rather impatiently, for a response. Why he felt the same nervousness one gets when asking someone out on a date, he didn’t know. Was he actually afraid that Dave might turn him down? Kurt had to take a moment to fully appreciate the irony of that.
There was an uncomfortably long pause before Dave replied.
‘sure’
It was unsettlingly simplistic. Had he freaked him out or something? Was he being too forward with this invitation?
‘No,’ Kurt decided, firmly. ‘I most certainly am not. If he was uncomfortable with it he should have said something. Now, he’ll just have to suffer my presence and it’ll be his fault, not mine.’
‘Great!’ Kurt typed back, determined to seem unaffected. ‘What do you say in about 30 mins?’
‘yeah that works 4 me’
‘See you there. =)’
‘Cya =)’
And just like that, whatever discomfort Kurt might have been feeling about this meeting was immediately cast aside with inclusion of a smiley.-----------------------------
He wasn’t exactly sure why, but when Kurt pulled up to the comfortingly familiar coffee shop he half expected to have to wait awhile for his company. If he was honest, Dave didn’t exactly give off the impression of a punctual person.
So it was all the more surprising when he walked in and saw him there already, sitting comfortably at one of the tables closer to the wall focusing, somewhat fixatedly, on a book.
‘Dave Karofsky is early and reading a book at a coffee shop. I’m coming here to meet and hang out with him.’
It took a moment for that thought to fully sink in. Kurt wondered if it should make him feel weird, but aside from the undeniable contrast between this moment and their past, he really didn’t mind it at all.
In this brief span of time, he also couldn’t help but take in the image of Dave sitting there, reading glasses on, being completely swept up in Veronika Decides to Die. He was dressed comfortably- no letterman or excessive amounts of denim to hide him, just a comfortable black zip up hoodie, grey sweater and jeans. It was a fairly nondescript, young adult male ensemble -probably from Target, but Kurt certainly wasn’t expecting designer brands- but nothing that spoke of trying to hide anything. If he was honest, comfortable Dave was much easier on the eyes than scared, defensive Dave.
“Would you be offended if I told you I’m surprised to find you here reading?” Kurt said jokingly as he pulled out the chair across from him.
When Dave glanced up from his book, his look of concentration almost immediately morphed into a surprised smile.
“Nah,” he chuckled as he put aside both the novel and his glasses. “I don’t think I ever really came off as someone who reads.”
Kurt shook his head. “That you did not.”
“So did you want some coffee or something?”
“Oh, they have that here?” Kurt asked, pretending to look around bewilderedly.
“Yeah, I think so. I guess it wouldn’t hurt to ask.” Dave laughed, rising from the table. “Tell you what, you tell me what you want and then I’ll let you save the table while I go get it for you.”
Kurt smiled at the practically deserted shop, knowing full-well Dave was trying to be slick about paying for him. He wasn’t entirely sure if he should be even a little suspicious of his intentions for that, but a man buying him coffee was not something Kurt Hummel would ever pass up.
So Kurt let Dave buy him a non-fat, sugar-free caramel macchiato and the two then settled in for the second component of their meeting- that of course being, real life conversation.
“So…shit day today, huh?” Dave asked somewhat tentatively.
Kurt nodded, smiling sadly.
“I know you didn’t want to talk about the campaign stuff, but if you wanted to vent about something else or anything, I don’t mind.”
“That’s very generous of you, Dave.”
Kurt sighed before deciding to go ahead and lend his new friend and conversation partner some insight into the significance of his campaign drama.
“Normally I don’t care about class and popularity politics, as you’ve probably noticed, but I’ve been entertaining this rather lofty goal of getting into a sort of elitist performing arts school in New York. A meet and greet that Rachel and I went to for interested undergraduates pretty much proved that we weren’t going to be able to rely on talent alone, so I thought maybe if I accomplished something really impressive this year it might help compensate a little. Plus, I thought being class president might allow me to help out some of the other Dave Karofskys that could be hiding out at our school.”
Dave smiled. “If they’re anything like I was they’ll need all the help they can get.”
“Well, it won’t be from me,” Kurt replied, staring disappointedly at his coffee cup. “It was stupid to even get involved. Even if I wasn’t running against the popular cheerleader, on what planet would the kids of McKinley elect someone like me? When it’s not to try and humiliate and make fun of me for my effeminate nature and sexuality, of course.”
Dave shook his head. “I don’t see how trying to accomplish something is stupid. You know? You just give it your all and you hope for the best. But I don’t know, I just think it’s sort of fucked that you have to rely on a bunch of douchebags to get you into your dream school.”
“There’s no guarantee it would have helped anyway. I just thought it might add a little something impressive.”
Dave opened his mouth for a moment as though he was going to further his point, but seemed to think better of it, as he faltered back. It occurred to Kurt then that maybe he wasn’t being as personable here as could have.
“I’m sorry, we’ve been talking an awful lot about me, yet you’re the one who’s done god knows what this summer to transform you into this bear cub butterfly.”
Dave laughed again, similar to how he did in the bar when Kurt made the joke about his resemblance to Yogi bear. He was obviously easily amused, Kurt reasoned, as neither of these attempts at humor were nearly funny enough to elicit such a response, at least in his opinion.
“So what happened?” Kurt asked, hoping the question was open-ended enough.
“A lot of things, actually. I mean, initially, things got really bad for me after prom. I kind of retreated from everyone. I wasn’t a douche anymore, obviously, I just wasn’t talking or hanging out with anybody. I kind of spent June just locked up in room. I don’t know, I guess I was afraid that prom was it for me, you know? Like, somehow people would figure it out and then everyone would know and it’d just be common knowledge.”
Kurt just nodded and swallowed thickly, the guilt that had been subtly eating at him for that event multiplying ten-fold.
“But then one day, just out the blue, Santana came over. She just fucking barged into my room and she sat on my bed and she made me cry it out. She said she was tired of getting questions about what was up with me from Azimio and that she didn’t want to be known for dating an emotional train wreck. Between you and me, I think she was a little worried about me and didn’t want to admit it.”
The both of them chuckled knowingly.
“So yeah, everything sort of did a 180 after that. Dad agreed to get me a therapist. I’ve been taking some meds, but nothing that fucks me up too much. And the transfer was my therapist’s idea, actually. Dad and I thought it was a good idea too, so we just went for it. Honestly, I think it was one of the best decisions I ever made.”
“And where does Scandals come into all of this, if I may ask?”
Dave chuckled to himself. “That was actually just a shot in the dark, on my part. I mean, I wanted to meet some other people like me around here, but the closest LGBT group is in Cleveland. I just heard about it and decided to give it a shot. Turns out that was a pretty good idea too. The guys there have really taken me under their wing.”
“I’m guessing they know you’re not legal,” Kurt smirked.
“Yeah, but they usually turn a blind eye to that stuff. They figure kids like us should get chances to be in an accepting environment, so long as you make an effort to bring a fake ID they’ll usually wave you in.”
“Don’t I know it. My ID said I was from Hawaii. I literally greeted the bouncer with ‘aloha’, just because I didn’t know what else to do.”
Dave shook his head, laughing even more animatedly than before. It might have baffled Kurt that he could be so amusing to someone, but he couldn’t lie and say that he didn’t like what the response was doing to his ego.
“You were really pushing your luck there, Hummel.”
Kurt smiled, unashamedly satisfied with himself. He took another sip of his macchiato before asking,
“So, just out of curiosity, what is Dave Karofsky planning to do when he finally conquers the shit labyrinth that is high school?”
“Honestly? I have no fucking clue. The future is pretty scary when you think about it too much.”
Kurt nodded somewhat enthusiastically in agreement.
“But there’s this recruiter guy from OSU coming to check out the team next week.” Dave continued. Kurt noticed what he thought to be his eyes lighting up a little at this mention.
“Do you think you have a good chance of being selected?”
“No idea. I mean, I’m playing better than I ever have, so that’s something, but these guys are pretty selective so that might mean jack shit. Either way, I’m gonna do my best when he comes. A scholarship would be great and it might make my dad hate me a little less.
Kurt smiled at him sympathetically.
“I’ve met your dad and I can honestly attest that he doesn’t hate you.”
“Yeah, I mean, he doesn’t hate me, I know that, it’s just that I don’t think he’s ever really forgiven me for the shit that went down last year. I know he defended me and everything but I kinda betrayed his trust and let him down.”
Kurt paused a moment and studied the boy across from him, wondering if he might get the answer to his impending question just by looking hard enough.
When that didn’t work, he took the risk.
“Have you told him yet?”
Dave’s gaze met with Kurt’s and held it there for a moment before he answered.
“Nah, I don’t want stress about that right now. I’m sort of still figuring this stuff out anyway. I think when the time is right, I’ll know. Like I said before, right now I just want to worry about graduating and moving on with my life.”
Kurt continued look at Dave, baffled once again by how much he had defied his expectations, both for his own development and for how life could generally work for a closeted teenager. Why did he ever think that the only way Dave could be happy was to do exactly what Kurt had done? How that ever made any sense to him, he no longer knew.
And now here they sat, more or less friends and Dave had significantly more wisdom about the homosexual world than Kurt ever did. The irony was bittersweet.
Kurt wanted to apologize to Dave then and there for holding him to his own apparently ignorant methods and expectations, but the pleasant moment was interrupted by the sound of a familiar voice.
“Kurt…?”
Both Kurt and Dave snapped from their conversation to see Rachel and Finn standing near the entrance, looking at them with what could only be described as horrified confusion.