Velcro (Part 9)
Title: Velcro (Or, A Million and One Different Ways to Start Piecing Together Broken Hearts (Part Nine/Thirteen)
Sequel to Dependable. Reliable.
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Multiple Pairings
Characters: This chapter: Dave Karofsky, Kurt Hummel, Chris Michaels (OC), and others.
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: The impacts of what happened at the reunion start to take shape in Dave's life - eventually forcing Dave to make a life changing decision. This is a story of heart breaks, finding yourself, finding the one you're meant to be with, and of salvation - for more than just one character.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me. But this Dave...he's all mine.
A/N. I'm back. As promised, Velcro is certainly not dead. But I decided to step back from it for a while and write the last few chapters. It took a while to really figure out where things were going, but now that I have, I'm pleased with it. I hope you are too. And thank you for all the love and support you've given me… This is the last angsty chapter, after this things start to get better for ALL of our boys. I hope to update every other day, if not daily.
You can Find all 12 chapters of D&R HERE
Previous Installments of Velcro: 1 | 2 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 5.1 | 5.2 | 6 | 7 | 8
Part Nine.
And no need to worry
that’s wastin time.
And no need to wonder
what’s been on my mind,
its you
it’s you
it’s you.
Joshua Radin, “Paperweight.”
[1]
*2 a.m.*
Chris' door slowly opened. Dave started to push himself off the floor, pausing half way to take in the sight before him.
Chris was wearing just his boxer shorts and a plain black tank top. But it was pretty clear he’d not been sleeping. His face was blotchy and bloated. His eyes were red and raw. There were tears tracks running down his cheeks. It was clear that he had long since given up wiping the tears away. And he was twisting the front of his tank in his hands, giving Dave a clear view of his firm and furry stomach.
They stared at each other for a while... Chris standing in the doorway and Dave in some kind of weird wall squat position. Finally, after what seemed like a million years, Chris spoke.
His voice was hoarse from crying. It almost sounded like he had swallowed a handful of chili peppers.
"I don't know if I should let you inside."
"Then I'll just keep sitting here."
"That floor is disgusting."
"Don't care. I'm not leaving."
"Dave..."
"I love you."
Chris' head fell. He shook his head.
"Please...I just want to talk...please. After that, if you want me gone, I'll go. But if you just close the door, I'm going to keep sitting here....for as long as it takes."
"I knew we shouldn't have watched The Last Kiss..."
"I'd be here even if we hadn't watched it..."
"Dave...go home."
"No. I'm not going home..."
Chris sighed.
"I'm home when I'm with you...please Chris. Can we just talk?" Dave stared at him. He knew his own eyes were probably just as red as Chris'. He tried to mentally urge Chris to let him in.
Chris nodded very slowly and stepped back into, holding the door open. He gestured at Dave. "Come on, then."
Dave was off the floor so fast...he nearly fell over in an effort to get into the apartment.
"Thank you...fuck, just thank you."
********************
*Midnight - Two Hours Earlier*
Dave realized that the cab was not actually moving. He was about to lean forward and yell at the driver, until a voice floated back from the front seat.
"Where to, sir?"
Oh. Right. He had to actually give a destination before the car would move. But where the fuck was he going? He could go home...but the chances of finding Chris there...were nonexistent. So that was out. Chris's apartment? That was definitely a possibility. Maybe he should try there first? But if Chris didn't want to see or talk to Dave, he wouldn't actually go home...would he?
He could try work. He knew that Chris sometimes went there when he need to get away... He claimed the library was comforting.
A name popped into his head. Tim.
He should find Tim...if Chris was going to go to anyone after tonight, it would be his best friend. Leaning forward, he spoke quickly to the driver. "You can turn the meter on, but give me a minute to find out where I'm going, ok."
The driver reached out and flicked the meter on. "Sure thing, pal. I've got all night."
Dave unlocked his phone again. Scrolling through this contacts...until he landed on Tim and pressed Call.
"Please answer." He muttered as it started to ring.
"Hello?"
"Tim? It's Dave."
"Dave? Um...why are you calling me at midnight?"
"Have you heard from Chris?"
"Chris? Why would I... Dave what's going on?"
"I did something really stupid tonight... He's really really mad. I don't know where he is. Fuck... I just want to find him."
"I haven't heard from him. Where are you?"
"I'm on 14th, right by Logan's Circle...in a cab. Trying to figure out where to go."
"Ok. I'm putting you on hold, I'm gonna call him. Don't hang up, okay?"
"I won't."
Dave heard a beep telling him he was on hold. Dave let his head fall back again. He heard the driver turn on the radio, it was playing that new huge club track from Madonna's daughter...whatever her name was. Dave closed his eyes and let the sound of the house music try to lull him into a state of calm. It didn’t work.
How on earth had this night even happened. Dave never doubted that he could make some stupid mistakes - lord knows he'd made more than his fair share of them. But this... this was beyond anything he'd ever done. All day long, Chris had been telling him that he was uncomfortable with Kurt. All day long there had been this strange tension in the air. And Dave has just let it hang there...not even giving it a second thought. He had tired to tell himself that it was just about Finn. That everyone was tense because of what was happening with Finn...but that had never been the case. That tension he felt was radiating off Kurt, was completely directed at him. And Chris had known. He'd known what was really going on.
Dave thought back to that anguished plea from Chris in the car outside Vanguard. His adamant need to not go out with Kurt. Why? What had Chris seen in Kurt's face? What had he recognized? What tipped him off?
And what had Chris seen when Kurt and Dave kissed? Why had that look come over his face? He looked scared to death. He looked so betrayed. Had Dave's momentary enjoyment of that fucking kiss radiated out? Had Chris picked up on it?
Kurt...why? Why would he do this? Did he really expect Dave to just dump Chris and run off with him? And what had all his previous apologies been about? Had they been lies? What prompted him to say what he did tonight?
Why was his life such a fucking soap opera!?
Dave's phone beeped - a text message. He pulled it away from his ear, praying it was Chris. It wasn't - most decidedly not.
It was Kurt. Please call me. We need to talk about tonight…I'm so sorry.
Dave sighed. And closed the text message. He certainly wasn't going to answer that. He was still reeling from Kurt's belief that Dave would want to be with him - after everything he'd confessed tonight. Hell, he didn’t even know how to respond.
Dave might have enjoyed that kiss for a second...might have jolted Dave back to that night in the hotel room...might have caused an upsurge of emotion that Dave was really quite unable to understand...but in the end, it didn't feel right. It just didn't.
It felt right to be with Chris.
God... What was taking Tim so long? Oh god...Chris had probably answered.
"Fuck me..." He whispered out loud.
The driver seemed content to bounce away to the radio, not really caring about his indecisive passenger, or the fact that Dave was having a emotional breakdown in the backseat.
Dave felt hot tears slowly start to fall again.
As he moved his hand to his face to wipe them off, his phone clicked again. And Tim's voice came back through.
"Jesus fuck, Dave. What did you do?"
"He's really mad, isn't he?"
"No...you ass...he's devastated. I've never heard him this upset...and I've seen him pretty upset. What the fuck were you thinking? You know how anxious he's been about this whole Kurt thing! And you just let the guy walk into your life - treat Chris like dirt! Then you drag him to drinks with this asshole, where he confessed his undying love for you and KISSES you! Fuck! Come on!"
"Tim, I'm sorry, ok. It got out of hand...this came out of left field for me too, ok? I didn't expect any of this shit! I thought bringing Chris with me would help with his anxiety or something...."
"He said you moaned."
"What..." Dave's brain suddenly stopped functioning.
"When Kurt kissed you. Chris said you moaned."
"I...I..."
"Did you moan?"
"I don't remember..." Oh god...that was what had caused Chris to react the way he did. Dave had moaned. He had been turned on by the kiss...he had moaned. Without even realizing what he was doing, Dave had betrayed Chris...in the fraction of a second, Dave's body...his throat...had betrayed Chris.
"You better fucking remember..."
"Where is he, Tim? Please. I need to talk to him."
"He said he wants you to leave him alone. And no, he's not coming here...so you can forget about trying, unless you want me to pepper spray you."
"Tim...I love him. Regardless of whether I moaned or not, or what-the-fuck-ever I did...I love him. And I want to be with him. Please, please tell me where he is, so I can make this right."
"I'm hanging up."
"Please...just tell me if he's at home. Please...just grunt if he is!"
"Asshole..."
"Tim! I'd do anything for him...anything!"
All Dave heard was the sound of the call disconnecting.
Dave sagged forward. His forehead slapping against the divider between him and the driver. His entire body felt like it was exploding. Without warning, hot burning sobs erupted out of him.
"You ok, pal?" The driver asked, turning around in his seat.
Dave shook his head. No. He was most certainly not alright...
He was so very far from being alright...
**********************
Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, removing his credit card, he tapped it against the insta-pay box on the back of the driver's seat. It automatically paid his fair, plus a fifteen percent tip. Without speaking, he opened the door and got out. Since he had no where to actually go, it was pointless to stay in the cab. He heard the driver call out after him, but he ignored it. Dave stood on the sidewalk, letting the cool night wind slam against his hot face. After a beat, the cab pulled away.
Unlocking his phone again, he dialed Chris. Again, it rang once and then went to voicemail. Which meant Chris’s phone was on, he had seen Dave’s call and had sent it to voicemail.
With his voice breaking, still heavy with the sound of fresh tears, Dave tried again. "Chris...it's me. Dave. Please call me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...moan or anything. I love you, so fucking much. I...I don't want him, I want you. Please...I'll do anything, just call me."
Dave hit end call.
He looked up and down the street. It was completely empty. Devoid of all cabs, cars, and people. Dave felt almost as though he had arrived in some fucked up post-apocalyptic future, he half expected zombies to suddenly appear...an analogy Chris would have made fun of him for.
He looked at his phone again. It remained silent. He hadn't felt this alone in a very long time. He was almost tempted to try Jess again, but suddenly he didn't want to talk to her...because as supportive and sympathetic as she would be, he knew how disappointed she would be in him.
He clicked on the message icon...and stared at Kurt's name. Sighing in frustration, he swiped his finger across the message and deleted it.
Dave turned in the direction of his condo, and started walking. Deciding that standing on the street corner wasn't going to help in at all, maybe the mile long walk would help...him think...or something.
He was five minutes into his walk when his phone started vibrating in his hand...he glanced at it, hope rising in his chest...
Azimo.
He swiped to answer.
"Az."
"What the fuck is going on over there?!" Azimo almost shouted into his ear. He sounded pissed off.
Dave had no idea what to say... So he went with a good old fashion, inarticulate..."Ugh."
Az seemed to take this as enough to start talking. "Look, man, about an hour ago, Cedes got this insane call from Kurt going on about he destroyed his chance of ever being with you again. How he might have ruined your relationship and your life. How you were so angry at him...there was something about seeing the old Karofsky again...and something about a kiss. The guy was actually crying on the phone. Cedes has no idea what the fuck is going on...neither do I. But I know...I know for a fact that you are not stupid enough to kiss Kurt Hummel. And I certainly know that you are no where near stupid enough to cheat on Chris, especially with Kurt. So I'm calling to make sure that you're not stupid enough to do those things."
Dave paused in his walk and sank down onto a bench next to a bus stop. He let his head sink into the hand not holding his phone. As he did, he let out something in-between a sign and a sob.
Az's voice went from pissed off to concerned. "Dave...what's going on man?"
"I fucked up, Az, bad."
"Ok, look, I might not be the king of good relationship behavior. I mean, I'm the guy who got drunk at Mercedes’ twenty-first birthday party and almost had sex with a waitress in the washroom... That was breakup number four, by the way...but she's still marrying me. So, I might not be able to give you good advice...or shit like that...but I'm listening. What the fuck happened?"
"Mercedes is a saint. If I still have a boyfriend after tonight, she and Chris can commiserate."
"Dude...fucking talk, already."
"I should have listened to him, to Chris. All day long he's been unhappy. All day long he's been saying he didn't want to be around Kurt. But I kept pushing. I dragged him to Vanguard. It was like locking two feral cats alone in a cage with a ton of catnip. Then I convinced him to have a drink with Kurt...it ended with Kurt informing me he had used me last year at the reunion, but that over the past year he'd fallen in love with me. Right there in front of Chris...he said he loved me. And know what...I just realized I never said that I didn't love him back. Fuck...that must have been why... Oh god."
"What?"
"I took off to the bathroom. I don't know what Chris said to Kurt...but after that Chris found me in the bathroom we left, but Kurt was waiting for us outside. He wanted to talk to me. We yelled...and then he kissed me. And I didn't stop it...not at first. And...a..and...I think I moaned when he did it."
"Fuck..."
"Chris barely said anything. He just looked so...so sad. And then he walked away. Now I can't find him. He won't return my calls, or text or anything."
Az was silent for a moment. Then Dave heard him mumble, "Narsasstic little son of s bitch..."
"That's not helping. And I think I pretty much said that, verbatim, to Kurt earlier. What am I going to do, dude?"
"Ok...look...I'm shit at this. I'm getting Cedes." Dave heard Az put the phone down. There was quiet movement and the sound of voices. Then the sound of the phone being picked up again. Mercedes was speaking:
"Just so you know, if you want me to fire Kurt as my wedding organizer, it's done...he totally deserves it."
"Thanks, but I like him distracted...takes the focus off me for a while."
"Oh, you mean how he should have been focused on his step-brother and not confessing his undying love for you?"
"Something like that..."
"So, you have no idea where Chris is?"
Az's voice broke though from the back ground: "That's what I said!"
Dave sighed, "Yeah."
Mercedes, ignoring Az, hummed quietly. "Then...he's at the one place you probably least expect. Where would be the first place you would have looked if you weren't freaking out so much?"
"His apartment. Cause I know he hides out when he's upset."
"Then go there, hon."
"And if he doesn't let me in or refuses to talk to me?"
"Did you watch that movie we suggested last week?"
"Last Kiss...yeah, Chris thought it was a pretty much one big overdone cliche...but what..."
"I now question his tastes in movies...anyways remember how Zach Braff refused to move from her front door...bold, romantic...a cliche, yes but it worked."
"You're suggesting that I do the same?"
"Look...we all make mistakes when it comes to relationships. Lord knows Az and I are like the king and queen of them...but sometimes, if you really want to show someone you care, you need to take a page out of Hollywood..."
"I can't lose him..."
"Then don't."
"So, I'm just going to sit outside his apartment...you know I could just use my key."
"Nope...let him come to you."
"Ok...would this work on you?"
"Honey...Az once sent me a hundred Hersey kisses every day for a week to say he was sorry... If he sat outside my apartment door and refused to move until he could apologize to me...I'd seriously think about letting him in."
"Thanks Cedes...and..."
"Don't...I'm not taking sides here, but he needs to learn that he can't wiggle his little finger and expect people to drop everything and change their lives for him."
"Tell Az I'll call tomorrow or the day after..."
"I will...now, go."
***********************
Dave let himself into Chris' building. It was one of the few remaining walk ups in the area. Dave still had no idea how Chris had managed to move his enormous overstuffed couch up the narrow staircase that linked all five floors. Plus, the lobby always smelled slightly of oregano...which usually made Dave sneeze. Tonight, it just made him move towards the stairs even faster than normal.
Dave hurried up the five flights to Chris' door. In one hand he carried a bouquet of flowers he had stopped at Safeway for and in the other, his phone, on which he was already typing out a message. I'm outside your door…god I hope you're home. I just want to talk…please. I'm not leaving until you talk to me.
He stood staring at Chris' closed door. Quite unsure as to what he should do. Finally, taking in a huge breath, he knocked. Hard. He knew that the sound would echo throughout the whole apartment...and if he woke up a few neighbors, then so fucking be it. He stood there for a few more minutes, listening in the silence for even the slightest hint of a noise behind the door.
There was nothing.
He glanced down at the carpet...it didn’t look particularly clean. Shrugging, he sat down. Putting the flowers in front of him, he made himself comfortable, preparing for a long wait. If Chris was in there, he'd have to come out eventually...and if he wasn't, well, he'd have to come home at some point.
And if Zach Braff could do this in a fucking movie...well, Dave Fucking Karofsky could do it better...he’s show Braff who was the boss of romantic ‘I’m Sorry’ cliches.
********************
*One Hour Later*
Dave stood awkwardly in the small foyer to Chris's apartment. He clutched the bundle of flowers like it was some kind of life preserver and watched as Chris slowly closed the door.
The shorter man turned to face him, back pressed against the door. He crossed his arms, rubbing them as though he was cold. Chris was looking everywhere he could, except at Dave.
Both men seemed unsure as to what to say to each other. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dave held out the flowers, smiling nervously. "Um, these are for you. "I'm sorry they're not your favorite. But at one in the morning, Safeway doesn't have a lot of flowers to chose from. But I figured you’d like roses."
Chris looked from the roses to Dave and back again. A small nervous smile played on the corners of his lips. He nodded and reached out. "Thank you. They're lovely. Um, I'll go put them in some water." He then pushed himself off the door and moved towards his tiny kitchen.
Despite the small size of his apartment, Dave was always so surprised at how spacious Chris managed to make it seem. There was one large living area where Chris kept his large futon sofa, a small round glass topped coffee table with a few art and photography books piled on it, next to the futon was a tiny side table with an ancient ikea lamp. Directly across from the futon was a wall mounted television, with both wireless blu-ray player and Internet cable box underneath on a small shelving unit. Next to the television was a tall bookcase - in the same color as the shelving unit. It was filled with various dictionaries, language textbooks, a few FBI manuals, and a few shelves of novels - mostly classics and the few books Chris said were too good to have only in electronic form.
On top of the book cases were a series of photographs, a couple of him and Dave, one of his mom and dad when they visited Chris in France, and a large photo of Chris when he graduated from university. Next to the book case, facing the window, was Chris's small glass and metal desk, on which sat his laptop and tablet. Also, sitting on the desk was a photo of the two of them, taken at that maple syrup festival they went to with Jess a few months ago. He also had a file box for his bills and crap like that. Chris had a leather chair that had been specially designed for him, ensuring that he had the best back support possible.
Just off the living area was a tiny alcove that housed his dark stained double bedroom set with a tiny night stand - which normally housed a small pile of books that Chris was perpetually in the middle of reading. Above the bed was framed poster from the Louvre that Chris had brought back from France. In fact, the whole apartment was decorated with pictures from his travels in Europe - mostly photography that he had taken himself. Above the futon, in the living room, was a series of about forty black and white photographs from his time in Europe, as well as members of his family and friends.
About six months ago, Dave had noticed a photograph of himself had been added to that wall.
And now, Dave wondered if it was about to be taken down.
Dave was roused out of his thoughts by Chris walking back into the room carrying a vase with the roses, he set it down in the middle of the coffee table.
"Did you want to sit down?"
"Uh, yeah...course." Dave moved to the other side of the coffee table and sat down next to Chris. Dave rubbed his sweaty palms over his denim clad thighs, vainly trying to dry them. He turned to look at Chris, who looked like he was going to start crying again. "Hi."
Chris attempted to return a small smile, but it quickly disappeared from his face. He shut his eyes and sighed deeply "Wha...what do you want, Dave?"
"Honestly?"
"If there's anything you owe me right now, it's honesty."
"I want to go to bed."
"What?" Chris' voice sounded surprised and slightly insulted. Clearly he figured that Dave did not see what was going on between them as a big deal.
"Really...I want to go to bed. I want to take my clothes off and crawl into that tiny ass bed of yours and fall asleep holding you. That's what I want. I want you to stop being hurt. I want you to smile at me with that amazing smile of yours. And I want to wake up tomorrow morning, with you still in my arms, make love to you and then cook you the best breakfast I can...and then I want to spend the rest of the day showing you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. That's what I want, Chris...I would give any thing to make it so this day never happened, but I can't, so I am going to work very hard to make it up to you."
Chris stared down at his hands. He had stopped twisting the fabric of his tank-top in them, and was now just twisting them together. But he stayed silent.
"Chris, please look at me."
Slowly the other man lifted his head to look at Dave. Fresh tears were brimming. He looked like he was struggling to keep it together.
"Please, Chris, you have to know that I love you. I love you so much... Just talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."
"Did you want him to kiss you?"
"What!? No! I absolutely did not want that! Why would you think that?"
"You looked liked you did...Dave you were leaning into him. You looked like you did...from where I stood, it didn't look like two friends fighting in the the middle of the street...it looked like two lovers fighting. And then he kissed you... A full on kiss. And you let him do it...you didn't step away. And I heard you moan, Dave. I heard you."
"He surprised me, Chris. I didn't step away because he surprised me. And I'm sorry I moaned...I didn't mean to. Maybe it wasn’t an actual moan...maybe it was just a noise of surprise. But I didn't want that kiss. I don't want Kurt...I don't. I want you..I'm not sure how many more ways I can say it. I. Want. You. I. Love. You."
"I know you do. But I think you love Kurt too."
"What?" It was Dave's turn to look insulted and hurt. "How can you even say that?"
"The fact is that you've been completely ignorant of how Kurt has been affecting me... affecting us. Every time he calls, every time he emails you, every time he does anything that impacts your mood...it makes me crazy. It makes me want to tear my hair out. And you're totally blind to it. And today was no different. I know you worked hard to move past what happened between the two of you last year...but I don't think you are past it."
"Chris...no...I am...please..."
"Dave, I feel as though you and Kurt are on is kind of trajectory, where you're running parallel, but every once in a while, you collide. And every time you do, someone gets hurt - either you or Kurt...or now, me. I feel like I'm standing on the sidelines, watching you two crash into each other again and again, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to crash into him so hard that it destroys us. I can’t sit waiting for you to leave me...and I won’t."
"I...I..I don't want him. I don't like him..."
"Yeah, you might not like him, but I think you are still in love with him."
"No! No, I'm not...Chris...don't do this..."
"Dave... I love you...I've never loved someone like I love you. I've never been with someone..." Chris reached out and took Dave's shaky hands in his.
Dave felt like he was drowning...like he was under a ton of water, desperately and vainly trying to claw his way out...he knew he was crying from the way his was breathing and how hot his face was.
"Move in with me."
Chris sighed. His head fell forward slightly. "Dave...that's not going to fix this."
"Then tell me what will! Anything...I will do anything. I will swear never to speak to Kurt again. I'll drop out of the wedding. I'll do whatever you want...but don't end us. Please, Chris...please."
"Listen to me!" Chris snapped.
"I'm sorry..."
“I. Love. You. But if we keep going like this, without you dealing with this shit, I'm going to be looking over my shoulder every single day, wondering when and if Kurt is going to pop up and ruin us. I want to move with you. I want a million things...but I can't do that as long as I'm sure that this other person is in your heart or your head.”
“Wh...what do you want?”
“Honestly...I think...god...I think we need to break it off for a while...take a break, you know. Some time..."
"A break is never just a break...it's like a prelude to a break up."
"Dave...fuck...I could fight for you. I could wage a war against Kurt that in the end would destroy us and probably him. So, I'm giving you a chance...I'm giving you the chance to figure out what - who - you want."
"I know who I want."
"You need to be sure."
"I don't know what you want me to do..." Dave could feel his frustration rising.
"Just take a little while...maybe till after the wedding...and see if you still feel the same. Give it some thought...give Kurt some thought. Maybe in a few weeks, once the wedding is done, you'll realize that you do want Kurt...or you'll come back to me...or neither...who knows. But I want you to be sure."
"No! Chris...this is stupid. You love me. I love you. This is not a good plan. Let's go to a therapist...fuck, I’ll start therapy. Whatever...but if we stop now, we might never get back to us. You want me to figure out if I have feelings for someone else...then help me work through them!"
"I don't know...I...I don't think I could handle that. But I think you getting some therapy would be a good idea."
"But...ending us...that you can handle. You're jumping to extremes here, Chris. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll call Mariam tomorrow and ask for a referral. But please...please..."
"Dave. Stop. I just need some time...I need us both to take some time...just to figure things out."
"How much time? Because I can't just walk away from you tonight knowing that I have no idea if I'm ever going to see you again."
"Until the wedding...maybe after that."
"That's a whole month! It's too much time...Chris...Anything can happen in a month, you know that."
"I just think we need space - you need space to figure out what you want."
"I know what I want, and being away from you won't change how I feel. Fuck, Chris...I want to be with you. Don't do this."
"I need to. I don't think I've ever been this hurt before...I can't just pretend tonight didn't happen. I just can't forget...Dave, you hurt me and I need you to be one hundred percent sure that you don't want to be with Kurt before I can be with you again."
"This is bullshit."
"No, babe, it's just me and my heart that I'm trying to protect here."
"I don't want to be without you."
"I know."
Dave opened his mouth to say something, but all thought process died. Instead he sank his face into his hands and cried. This is not how his big romantic gesture was supposed to end...he was supposed to sweep Chris off his feet and promise to be his forever...he wasn't supposed to be getting the ‘I think you’re in love with someone else’ speech. This just wasn't supposed to happen.
They sat there quietly for a while. Dave softly crying and Chris holding his hand while hot tears of his own slid silently down his cheeks. After a long while, Chris spoke. His voice was hoarse and pained. "I think you should go home and get some sleep."
"Why do I feel like I have no say in this at all...like my life is being dictated to me. I love you - I need you - doesn't that count for something?"
"It counts for so much...you don't even know. But, I...just need sometime, we both do. Dave...you HAVE to figure this stuff out with Kurt before we can go any further. You need to know that!"
Dave sighed. All his resources and avenues of attack that he could use to get Chris to listen... he knew they wouldn’t work. When it came right down to it, Chris was right. Dave needed to sort his shit out. He stood slowly. "Ok...I guess I'll go. But can we at least talk soon?"
"Sure. I'd like that."
Dave nodded. He felt like the entire world was crushing him.
"Dave...I'm not breaking up with you. I just need us to have some time, some space...so you can be sure of what you want."
"I already told you...I want you."
"I..." Chris never got to the end of his sentence, as Dave pressed their lips together. In that one single kiss he tired to tell Chris just how much he loved him, just how much he needed him. Just how much he desired and craved him. Dave tried to push ever emotion he had for Chris into that kiss.
To his surprise, Chris hesitantly responded in kind. With just as much passion and desire. With just as much love and need.
When he pulled away, face flushed and lips slightly swollen, Dave grabbed Chris face between his hands and growled out, "I am not letting you go, Chris...I will fight for you. For us." Dave surged forward and kissed Chris again. With just as much intensity as the last kiss.
Dave stepped back into the hallway. Giving Chris' hand one last squeeze, Dave started down the hallway to the stairs.
"Dave!"
Dave spun around. "Yeah?"
"I...I...I love you. Thank you for the flowers. I'll call you in a couple days."
"I love you too...and I meant what I said."
Both men stood staring at each other. All Dave wanted to do was run back down the hallway and push Chris back into the apartment and spend the next few hours showing him just how much he fucking loved him. Instead, he raised a hand and waved at his boyfriend. Then turned and walked down the stairs and out into the night air. Alone.
****************
Dave slowly walked back towards his building.
It was long after three in the morning. There was a deep chill in the air, the moon gleamed brightly in the clear night sky, illuminating the completely deserted streets. Dave felt like he was trapped in some obnoxious country song...he could probably use moon, loneliness, and heartbreak and he’d win a grammy or something.
He turned the corner onto Swann. His condo building was directly ahead of him now. As he turned, the headlights of a cab nearly blinded him. For the briefest of seconds, he entertained the idea of hailing the cab. Maybe going back to Chris’ and begging him to reconsider. Or maybe going to sit by the Washington Memorial and sobbing his eyes out some more. Instead, he let the car pass him by and continued walking.
All he wanted to do now was collapse into bed. Sleep until he had to go to work Monday morning and try to forget this weekend had even happened. Of course, he knew that would be impossible. He had to face everything. He had lost his relationship - well technically, it was only on hold, but in the scheme of things, that was just as good as a breakup. Plus, he did have to deal with his conflicting emotions about Kurt...
Dave knew he could never really be with Kurt. He could never be with someone who manipulated him in the way Kurt had. The trust that he had once felt with Kurt...it wasn’t there now. Dave sighed. Briefly, he wondered if that trust could ever be rebuilt.
But even so, Dave had these feelings. Feelings he’d been battling against for months now. That fucking dark secret place, wasn’t really all that secret anymore. And it had to be dealt with...
Pausing mid-stride, Dave pulled out his phone. He ran through his contacts until he found Mariam. He pressed call. He had to do this now...it went straight to her voicemail.
“Hi, Mariam. It’s Dave Karofsky. Look, I know I’ve asked a lot of favors of you as of late. But I’m hoping I can ask one more. I need a therapist. For myself. Can you recommend someone. I’d ideally like to see them as early as next week. I’ll be at home all day tomorrow and at work on Monday. Could you give me a call back? Thanks. It’s really important.”
Pressing End, Dave shoved the phone back in his pocket and continued walking.
Everything that had happened with Kurt...well, it was all wrapped up in everything that had gone on in his past. Maybe it was actually time to start dealing with it. If was going to keep Chris in his life...he had to.
And maybe...just maybe...he could even find a way for Kurt to have a place in his life too.
Dave turned to walk up the drive way to the front of the building. He stopped dead in his tracks.
There sitting on the stone bench outside his building...Kurt Hummel. Of course. Of fucking course...as if Dave hadn’t dealt with enough tonight!
Kurt had his arms wrapped around himself, clearly cold. He was busy examining his shoes...or at least the pavement between his shoes.
Dave watched him for a moment. Part of him wanted to turn around and walk away. Find a hotel and stay the night. Avoid all confrontation. Part of him wanted to walk up to Kurt and spit in his face and never talk to him before. And then there was the part of him that couldn’t let Kurt go... Even though he knew he should run away or shut Kurt out, he just couldn’t.
Kurt shivered in the night air. As he did, he raised his head to look at Dave.
He stood up. “Dave..?”
“Kurt...what...what are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you. And since you won’t answer my texts or calls...I decided to just wait for you.”
“How did you find out where I live?”
“It’s 2023..Dave...there’s this thing called the internet. Gay men mostly use it for sex...it’s been around for a while, maybe you’ve heard of it. Some people even have a chip implanted in their head so they can surf it inside their brain.”
“Tone down the snark, Kurt...I think you’ve used up all your snark, bitchiness, and bad behavior tonight.”
“Well...considering a few hours ago you told me to get psychological help... Wait, no, I’m sorry...default setting.” Kurt sighed, he looked down at the ground. His body screamed regret and defeat. “ Please. Can we please talk? Without yelling?”
Dave pushed his fingers through his hair. He knew he would give in. He sighed equally as deeply. “I don’t...I’m really tired Kurt. It’s been a super shitty night.”
“I know...I caused it.”
Dave stepped forward into the radius of his building front entry light. “Yeah...”
“Jesus.” Kurt whispered. His hand shot out to touch Dave’s face. “You’ve been crying...your eyes look awful.” Dave stepped back, out of Kurt’s reach.
“Kurt...” Dave’s voice held a distinct sound of warning.
“Sorry...I’m sorry. Fuck. What is wrong with me. I’m doing all these inappropriate things. Dave...please. Can we just talk.”
A million reasons as to why he should send Kurt packing floated through Dave’s mind. Not the least of them being that the sooner Kurt went away, the sooner Dave could go to bed. Plus, this little surprise visit was going against everything Dave had already promised Chris. And it could be dangerous...after everything that happened tonight, talking to Kurt now...when Dave was emotionally wasted...could prove dangerous. But then again...so much damage had already been done. And Kurt had been sitting here for who knows how long...
Dave pointed to the bench Kurt had been sitting on. “Sit.”
“Wait...we’re talking here?”
“Kurt... do you actually think you deserve an invitation to my apartment?”
“Yeah. Message received.” Kurt sat back down. Smoothing his jeans out over his thighs as he did. Dave flopped his body down next to him.
“Chris pretty much broke up with me.”
“I am the world’s worst human being...” Kurt groaned.
“Funny...I don’t think I remember mentioning your name.”
“Right...not about me. Not even a little. Shutting up now.”
“He told me that he thinks I’m still in love with you...or something approximating love anyways...he wants us to take a break so I can figure everything out. So I can decide between the two of you.”
Kurt looked up at him from beneath hooded eye lids. He nodded. “Just so you know, I don’t exactly consider myself a forerunner in that race.”
“Do you want to be?”
“Honestly? No...or at least I don’t think so. I know that I feel like crap for what happened tonight...for everything that happened between us...but I don’t know if being with you is what’s right, or even what I want. I...I...do know that I have feelings for you. I’m sorry. I know that my saying that probably fucked you up royally! Dave...for what it’s worth. I am sorry.”
“Thanks...that...um...I appreciate you saying so.”
“If I could fix this...I would. In a second, I would.”
“I know that.”
“I guess...the more I thought about things and then seeing you today...I realized that I needed to be honest with you. Unfortunately, it would seem, I went temporarily insane and decided to do just that in front of your boyfriend. The normal, rational, thing to do would have been to ask to see you in private and talk to you then...not blurt out my love for you in the middle of a lackluster restaurant. God, I am truly stupid sometimes.”
“Kurt, believe me when I say that you are not stupid. You’re human. Just like I am, just like Chris, just like Finn... The shit we do...it’s not just because we’re stupid. It’s because we’re human.”
“You’re being incredibly forgiving...”
“Oh! Don’t get me wrong. I’m so incredibly mad at you right now...it’s not even funny...but to be honest, I’m too fucking tired to yell at you or to summon up the energy to make you disappear forever from my life.”
“So...what happens next?”
“I’m going to go upstairs and go to bed. And probably cry myself to sleep. Then tomorrow I will probably spend the day in my pajamas and let the emotional eating monster that loves this kind of drama out to play. Then, come Monday, I’m going to start seeing a therapist and figure this shit out.”
“And...”
“And? What? And...us? Kurt, are you serious?”
“I...Yes, Dave, I am. I’m not asking with the hope that you’re going to tell me that you want to work on us as a couple...but I am asking in the hopes that you do want something with me...even a friendship.”
“Jesus...Kurt...”
Yeah, I’m pushing it aren’t I? Like really fucking pushing it.”
“Yes... you are! Kurt... you’ve managed to break my heart twice now, and now... Fuck!” Dave’s head sank forward into his hands, letting out a strangled cry. He screwed his eyes shut in frustration and anger. This was impossible...Kurt was impossible! He felt like screaming.
“I know! I know that...Dave and I’m so so fucking sorry, ok? Please...I just want to know if there’s a tiny chance that I might still get to be your friend, or something...”
Dave sighed. His brain was too full right now to even begin to start processing this. It was times like this that he really wished he smoked pot or something...
“Look...Kurt...I don’t know, ok? Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t even know which way is up right now... But I think if there’s even a remote possibility that you and I could be friends or whatever...well...we need a break from each other.”
“That’s fair...”
“Kurt...no offense man...but it’s way more than fair. What would be fair would be me saying ‘we spent an entire decade not being around each other...not talking, not seeing each other...nothing...and I want us to go back to exactly that.’ This...the idea that I’m even entertaining the prospect of seeing you again...well...it’s bordering on Virgin Mary Sainthood status.”
“Can I call you Virgin Dave?”
“Jokes. Are not cool.”
“Sorry...”
“Whatever...”
“I could find you a blue table cloth to wear on your head...”
“Seriously! Stop!” Dave almost felt a chuckle rise in his throat. “Look...can we just go our separate ways for a while and figure shit out. Maybe we can talk again at the wedding? Maybe Chris and I can work stuff out and then you and I can work stuff out...but Kurt, you gotta give me time. Ok?”
“Yeah...but thank you for not ripping my head off tonight.”
“I kinda thought about it...but I left my Wolverine claws in my other jacket...”
“Lame joke.”
“Just so you know, I still think you’re a narcissistic self-centered asshole.”
“I wonder if Versace would make me a t-shirt with that on it.”
“I know a 15 buck, make your own t-shirt shop that will.”
“I’d rather chop off my own hand.”
“Such a drama queen.”
“Says the man who was screaming at me in the middle of a street earlier tonight.”
“Fuck off...”
Kurt nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “You really scared me tonight...after...well, that kiss...it was like you totally disappeared and the Karofsky I knew back in high school took your place. It really freaked me out.”
“Sorry…I only ever get like that when I’m really mad.”
“I hate that I did that…I really do.”
“Yeah…me too. But it happened. All we can do is try to pick up the pieces.”
“Yeah…”
“Kurt?”
“Yes, Dave.”
“Can I go to bed now? Please.”
“Right…of course! I’m sorry, but again, thank you for talking to me.”
“We’ll talk again soon, ok? I just need some time.”
Dave got up from the bench, he turned to look down at Kurt, who was still sitting. Dave smiled. “Night Kurt.” With that Dave turned and walked into his building. He could feel Kurt’s eyes on his back the entire time.
Dave wasn’t really sure what the fuck had just happened. Somehow, he and Kurt had managed to actually have a decent conversation…somehow, the seeds of retribution and redemption between them had been sowed. Somehow…they had found something salvageable out of this tremendously fucked up night.
As Dave slammed his hand against the elevator button for his floor, he wasn’t sure if the sensation he was feeling was of optimism or an increasing sense of dread that this whole situation was too fucked up to be salvaged.
Later, as Dave slipped between the covers of his horribly empty bed, he found himself wondering if Chris was lying awake in his own bed. Or if he had managed to fall asleep. He wondered if Chris missed him. He wondered if Kurt had found his way back to his hotel. He wondered if Kurt would really would seek out the help they both so clearly needed.
Most of all…he wondered what happen at the end of these breaks.
Could he and Chris make it? Could they get back to the place they had been in…
Could he find it in him to rebuild…something…with Kurt?
As Dave closed his eyes, in an attempt to get to sleep, he wrapped his arms around his pillow, hugging it tightly…
And he wondered…
Sequel to Dependable. Reliable.
Author: Pulpobsessed.
Pairing: Multiple Pairings
Characters: This chapter: Dave Karofsky, Kurt Hummel, Chris Michaels (OC), and others.
Rating: R (for language)
Summary: The impacts of what happened at the reunion start to take shape in Dave's life - eventually forcing Dave to make a life changing decision. This is a story of heart breaks, finding yourself, finding the one you're meant to be with, and of salvation - for more than just one character.
Genre: FutureFic
Disclaimer: Glee belongs to Ryan Murphy. Not me. But this Dave...he's all mine.
A/N. I'm back. As promised, Velcro is certainly not dead. But I decided to step back from it for a while and write the last few chapters. It took a while to really figure out where things were going, but now that I have, I'm pleased with it. I hope you are too. And thank you for all the love and support you've given me… This is the last angsty chapter, after this things start to get better for ALL of our boys. I hope to update every other day, if not daily.
You can Find all 12 chapters of D&R HERE
Previous Installments of Velcro: 1 | 2 | 3.1 | 3.2 | 4.1 | 4.2 | 5.1 | 5.2 | 6 | 7 | 8
Part Nine.
And no need to worry
that’s wastin time.
And no need to wonder
what’s been on my mind,
its you
it’s you
it’s you.
Joshua Radin, “Paperweight.”
[1]
*2 a.m.*
Chris' door slowly opened. Dave started to push himself off the floor, pausing half way to take in the sight before him.
Chris was wearing just his boxer shorts and a plain black tank top. But it was pretty clear he’d not been sleeping. His face was blotchy and bloated. His eyes were red and raw. There were tears tracks running down his cheeks. It was clear that he had long since given up wiping the tears away. And he was twisting the front of his tank in his hands, giving Dave a clear view of his firm and furry stomach.
They stared at each other for a while... Chris standing in the doorway and Dave in some kind of weird wall squat position. Finally, after what seemed like a million years, Chris spoke.
His voice was hoarse from crying. It almost sounded like he had swallowed a handful of chili peppers.
"I don't know if I should let you inside."
"Then I'll just keep sitting here."
"That floor is disgusting."
"Don't care. I'm not leaving."
"Dave..."
"I love you."
Chris' head fell. He shook his head.
"Please...I just want to talk...please. After that, if you want me gone, I'll go. But if you just close the door, I'm going to keep sitting here....for as long as it takes."
"I knew we shouldn't have watched The Last Kiss..."
"I'd be here even if we hadn't watched it..."
"Dave...go home."
"No. I'm not going home..."
Chris sighed.
"I'm home when I'm with you...please Chris. Can we just talk?" Dave stared at him. He knew his own eyes were probably just as red as Chris'. He tried to mentally urge Chris to let him in.
Chris nodded very slowly and stepped back into, holding the door open. He gestured at Dave. "Come on, then."
Dave was off the floor so fast...he nearly fell over in an effort to get into the apartment.
"Thank you...fuck, just thank you."
********************
*Midnight - Two Hours Earlier*
Dave realized that the cab was not actually moving. He was about to lean forward and yell at the driver, until a voice floated back from the front seat.
"Where to, sir?"
Oh. Right. He had to actually give a destination before the car would move. But where the fuck was he going? He could go home...but the chances of finding Chris there...were nonexistent. So that was out. Chris's apartment? That was definitely a possibility. Maybe he should try there first? But if Chris didn't want to see or talk to Dave, he wouldn't actually go home...would he?
He could try work. He knew that Chris sometimes went there when he need to get away... He claimed the library was comforting.
A name popped into his head. Tim.
He should find Tim...if Chris was going to go to anyone after tonight, it would be his best friend. Leaning forward, he spoke quickly to the driver. "You can turn the meter on, but give me a minute to find out where I'm going, ok."
The driver reached out and flicked the meter on. "Sure thing, pal. I've got all night."
Dave unlocked his phone again. Scrolling through this contacts...until he landed on Tim and pressed Call.
"Please answer." He muttered as it started to ring.
"Hello?"
"Tim? It's Dave."
"Dave? Um...why are you calling me at midnight?"
"Have you heard from Chris?"
"Chris? Why would I... Dave what's going on?"
"I did something really stupid tonight... He's really really mad. I don't know where he is. Fuck... I just want to find him."
"I haven't heard from him. Where are you?"
"I'm on 14th, right by Logan's Circle...in a cab. Trying to figure out where to go."
"Ok. I'm putting you on hold, I'm gonna call him. Don't hang up, okay?"
"I won't."
Dave heard a beep telling him he was on hold. Dave let his head fall back again. He heard the driver turn on the radio, it was playing that new huge club track from Madonna's daughter...whatever her name was. Dave closed his eyes and let the sound of the house music try to lull him into a state of calm. It didn’t work.
How on earth had this night even happened. Dave never doubted that he could make some stupid mistakes - lord knows he'd made more than his fair share of them. But this... this was beyond anything he'd ever done. All day long, Chris had been telling him that he was uncomfortable with Kurt. All day long there had been this strange tension in the air. And Dave has just let it hang there...not even giving it a second thought. He had tired to tell himself that it was just about Finn. That everyone was tense because of what was happening with Finn...but that had never been the case. That tension he felt was radiating off Kurt, was completely directed at him. And Chris had known. He'd known what was really going on.
Dave thought back to that anguished plea from Chris in the car outside Vanguard. His adamant need to not go out with Kurt. Why? What had Chris seen in Kurt's face? What had he recognized? What tipped him off?
And what had Chris seen when Kurt and Dave kissed? Why had that look come over his face? He looked scared to death. He looked so betrayed. Had Dave's momentary enjoyment of that fucking kiss radiated out? Had Chris picked up on it?
Kurt...why? Why would he do this? Did he really expect Dave to just dump Chris and run off with him? And what had all his previous apologies been about? Had they been lies? What prompted him to say what he did tonight?
Why was his life such a fucking soap opera!?
Dave's phone beeped - a text message. He pulled it away from his ear, praying it was Chris. It wasn't - most decidedly not.
It was Kurt. Please call me. We need to talk about tonight…I'm so sorry.
Dave sighed. And closed the text message. He certainly wasn't going to answer that. He was still reeling from Kurt's belief that Dave would want to be with him - after everything he'd confessed tonight. Hell, he didn’t even know how to respond.
Dave might have enjoyed that kiss for a second...might have jolted Dave back to that night in the hotel room...might have caused an upsurge of emotion that Dave was really quite unable to understand...but in the end, it didn't feel right. It just didn't.
It felt right to be with Chris.
God... What was taking Tim so long? Oh god...Chris had probably answered.
"Fuck me..." He whispered out loud.
The driver seemed content to bounce away to the radio, not really caring about his indecisive passenger, or the fact that Dave was having a emotional breakdown in the backseat.
Dave felt hot tears slowly start to fall again.
As he moved his hand to his face to wipe them off, his phone clicked again. And Tim's voice came back through.
"Jesus fuck, Dave. What did you do?"
"He's really mad, isn't he?"
"No...you ass...he's devastated. I've never heard him this upset...and I've seen him pretty upset. What the fuck were you thinking? You know how anxious he's been about this whole Kurt thing! And you just let the guy walk into your life - treat Chris like dirt! Then you drag him to drinks with this asshole, where he confessed his undying love for you and KISSES you! Fuck! Come on!"
"Tim, I'm sorry, ok. It got out of hand...this came out of left field for me too, ok? I didn't expect any of this shit! I thought bringing Chris with me would help with his anxiety or something...."
"He said you moaned."
"What..." Dave's brain suddenly stopped functioning.
"When Kurt kissed you. Chris said you moaned."
"I...I..."
"Did you moan?"
"I don't remember..." Oh god...that was what had caused Chris to react the way he did. Dave had moaned. He had been turned on by the kiss...he had moaned. Without even realizing what he was doing, Dave had betrayed Chris...in the fraction of a second, Dave's body...his throat...had betrayed Chris.
"You better fucking remember..."
"Where is he, Tim? Please. I need to talk to him."
"He said he wants you to leave him alone. And no, he's not coming here...so you can forget about trying, unless you want me to pepper spray you."
"Tim...I love him. Regardless of whether I moaned or not, or what-the-fuck-ever I did...I love him. And I want to be with him. Please, please tell me where he is, so I can make this right."
"I'm hanging up."
"Please...just tell me if he's at home. Please...just grunt if he is!"
"Asshole..."
"Tim! I'd do anything for him...anything!"
All Dave heard was the sound of the call disconnecting.
Dave sagged forward. His forehead slapping against the divider between him and the driver. His entire body felt like it was exploding. Without warning, hot burning sobs erupted out of him.
"You ok, pal?" The driver asked, turning around in his seat.
Dave shook his head. No. He was most certainly not alright...
He was so very far from being alright...
**********************
Dave reached into his pocket and pulled out his wallet, removing his credit card, he tapped it against the insta-pay box on the back of the driver's seat. It automatically paid his fair, plus a fifteen percent tip. Without speaking, he opened the door and got out. Since he had no where to actually go, it was pointless to stay in the cab. He heard the driver call out after him, but he ignored it. Dave stood on the sidewalk, letting the cool night wind slam against his hot face. After a beat, the cab pulled away.
Unlocking his phone again, he dialed Chris. Again, it rang once and then went to voicemail. Which meant Chris’s phone was on, he had seen Dave’s call and had sent it to voicemail.
With his voice breaking, still heavy with the sound of fresh tears, Dave tried again. "Chris...it's me. Dave. Please call me. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to...moan or anything. I love you, so fucking much. I...I don't want him, I want you. Please...I'll do anything, just call me."
Dave hit end call.
He looked up and down the street. It was completely empty. Devoid of all cabs, cars, and people. Dave felt almost as though he had arrived in some fucked up post-apocalyptic future, he half expected zombies to suddenly appear...an analogy Chris would have made fun of him for.
He looked at his phone again. It remained silent. He hadn't felt this alone in a very long time. He was almost tempted to try Jess again, but suddenly he didn't want to talk to her...because as supportive and sympathetic as she would be, he knew how disappointed she would be in him.
He clicked on the message icon...and stared at Kurt's name. Sighing in frustration, he swiped his finger across the message and deleted it.
Dave turned in the direction of his condo, and started walking. Deciding that standing on the street corner wasn't going to help in at all, maybe the mile long walk would help...him think...or something.
He was five minutes into his walk when his phone started vibrating in his hand...he glanced at it, hope rising in his chest...
Azimo.
He swiped to answer.
"Az."
"What the fuck is going on over there?!" Azimo almost shouted into his ear. He sounded pissed off.
Dave had no idea what to say... So he went with a good old fashion, inarticulate..."Ugh."
Az seemed to take this as enough to start talking. "Look, man, about an hour ago, Cedes got this insane call from Kurt going on about he destroyed his chance of ever being with you again. How he might have ruined your relationship and your life. How you were so angry at him...there was something about seeing the old Karofsky again...and something about a kiss. The guy was actually crying on the phone. Cedes has no idea what the fuck is going on...neither do I. But I know...I know for a fact that you are not stupid enough to kiss Kurt Hummel. And I certainly know that you are no where near stupid enough to cheat on Chris, especially with Kurt. So I'm calling to make sure that you're not stupid enough to do those things."
Dave paused in his walk and sank down onto a bench next to a bus stop. He let his head sink into the hand not holding his phone. As he did, he let out something in-between a sign and a sob.
Az's voice went from pissed off to concerned. "Dave...what's going on man?"
"I fucked up, Az, bad."
"Ok, look, I might not be the king of good relationship behavior. I mean, I'm the guy who got drunk at Mercedes’ twenty-first birthday party and almost had sex with a waitress in the washroom... That was breakup number four, by the way...but she's still marrying me. So, I might not be able to give you good advice...or shit like that...but I'm listening. What the fuck happened?"
"Mercedes is a saint. If I still have a boyfriend after tonight, she and Chris can commiserate."
"Dude...fucking talk, already."
"I should have listened to him, to Chris. All day long he's been unhappy. All day long he's been saying he didn't want to be around Kurt. But I kept pushing. I dragged him to Vanguard. It was like locking two feral cats alone in a cage with a ton of catnip. Then I convinced him to have a drink with Kurt...it ended with Kurt informing me he had used me last year at the reunion, but that over the past year he'd fallen in love with me. Right there in front of Chris...he said he loved me. And know what...I just realized I never said that I didn't love him back. Fuck...that must have been why... Oh god."
"What?"
"I took off to the bathroom. I don't know what Chris said to Kurt...but after that Chris found me in the bathroom we left, but Kurt was waiting for us outside. He wanted to talk to me. We yelled...and then he kissed me. And I didn't stop it...not at first. And...a..and...I think I moaned when he did it."
"Fuck..."
"Chris barely said anything. He just looked so...so sad. And then he walked away. Now I can't find him. He won't return my calls, or text or anything."
Az was silent for a moment. Then Dave heard him mumble, "Narsasstic little son of s bitch..."
"That's not helping. And I think I pretty much said that, verbatim, to Kurt earlier. What am I going to do, dude?"
"Ok...look...I'm shit at this. I'm getting Cedes." Dave heard Az put the phone down. There was quiet movement and the sound of voices. Then the sound of the phone being picked up again. Mercedes was speaking:
"Just so you know, if you want me to fire Kurt as my wedding organizer, it's done...he totally deserves it."
"Thanks, but I like him distracted...takes the focus off me for a while."
"Oh, you mean how he should have been focused on his step-brother and not confessing his undying love for you?"
"Something like that..."
"So, you have no idea where Chris is?"
Az's voice broke though from the back ground: "That's what I said!"
Dave sighed, "Yeah."
Mercedes, ignoring Az, hummed quietly. "Then...he's at the one place you probably least expect. Where would be the first place you would have looked if you weren't freaking out so much?"
"His apartment. Cause I know he hides out when he's upset."
"Then go there, hon."
"And if he doesn't let me in or refuses to talk to me?"
"Did you watch that movie we suggested last week?"
"Last Kiss...yeah, Chris thought it was a pretty much one big overdone cliche...but what..."
"I now question his tastes in movies...anyways remember how Zach Braff refused to move from her front door...bold, romantic...a cliche, yes but it worked."
"You're suggesting that I do the same?"
"Look...we all make mistakes when it comes to relationships. Lord knows Az and I are like the king and queen of them...but sometimes, if you really want to show someone you care, you need to take a page out of Hollywood..."
"I can't lose him..."
"Then don't."
"So, I'm just going to sit outside his apartment...you know I could just use my key."
"Nope...let him come to you."
"Ok...would this work on you?"
"Honey...Az once sent me a hundred Hersey kisses every day for a week to say he was sorry... If he sat outside my apartment door and refused to move until he could apologize to me...I'd seriously think about letting him in."
"Thanks Cedes...and..."
"Don't...I'm not taking sides here, but he needs to learn that he can't wiggle his little finger and expect people to drop everything and change their lives for him."
"Tell Az I'll call tomorrow or the day after..."
"I will...now, go."
***********************
Dave let himself into Chris' building. It was one of the few remaining walk ups in the area. Dave still had no idea how Chris had managed to move his enormous overstuffed couch up the narrow staircase that linked all five floors. Plus, the lobby always smelled slightly of oregano...which usually made Dave sneeze. Tonight, it just made him move towards the stairs even faster than normal.
Dave hurried up the five flights to Chris' door. In one hand he carried a bouquet of flowers he had stopped at Safeway for and in the other, his phone, on which he was already typing out a message. I'm outside your door…god I hope you're home. I just want to talk…please. I'm not leaving until you talk to me.
He stood staring at Chris' closed door. Quite unsure as to what he should do. Finally, taking in a huge breath, he knocked. Hard. He knew that the sound would echo throughout the whole apartment...and if he woke up a few neighbors, then so fucking be it. He stood there for a few more minutes, listening in the silence for even the slightest hint of a noise behind the door.
There was nothing.
He glanced down at the carpet...it didn’t look particularly clean. Shrugging, he sat down. Putting the flowers in front of him, he made himself comfortable, preparing for a long wait. If Chris was in there, he'd have to come out eventually...and if he wasn't, well, he'd have to come home at some point.
And if Zach Braff could do this in a fucking movie...well, Dave Fucking Karofsky could do it better...he’s show Braff who was the boss of romantic ‘I’m Sorry’ cliches.
********************
*One Hour Later*
Dave stood awkwardly in the small foyer to Chris's apartment. He clutched the bundle of flowers like it was some kind of life preserver and watched as Chris slowly closed the door.
The shorter man turned to face him, back pressed against the door. He crossed his arms, rubbing them as though he was cold. Chris was looking everywhere he could, except at Dave.
Both men seemed unsure as to what to say to each other. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, Dave held out the flowers, smiling nervously. "Um, these are for you. "I'm sorry they're not your favorite. But at one in the morning, Safeway doesn't have a lot of flowers to chose from. But I figured you’d like roses."
Chris looked from the roses to Dave and back again. A small nervous smile played on the corners of his lips. He nodded and reached out. "Thank you. They're lovely. Um, I'll go put them in some water." He then pushed himself off the door and moved towards his tiny kitchen.
Despite the small size of his apartment, Dave was always so surprised at how spacious Chris managed to make it seem. There was one large living area where Chris kept his large futon sofa, a small round glass topped coffee table with a few art and photography books piled on it, next to the futon was a tiny side table with an ancient ikea lamp. Directly across from the futon was a wall mounted television, with both wireless blu-ray player and Internet cable box underneath on a small shelving unit. Next to the television was a tall bookcase - in the same color as the shelving unit. It was filled with various dictionaries, language textbooks, a few FBI manuals, and a few shelves of novels - mostly classics and the few books Chris said were too good to have only in electronic form.
On top of the book cases were a series of photographs, a couple of him and Dave, one of his mom and dad when they visited Chris in France, and a large photo of Chris when he graduated from university. Next to the book case, facing the window, was Chris's small glass and metal desk, on which sat his laptop and tablet. Also, sitting on the desk was a photo of the two of them, taken at that maple syrup festival they went to with Jess a few months ago. He also had a file box for his bills and crap like that. Chris had a leather chair that had been specially designed for him, ensuring that he had the best back support possible.
Just off the living area was a tiny alcove that housed his dark stained double bedroom set with a tiny night stand - which normally housed a small pile of books that Chris was perpetually in the middle of reading. Above the bed was framed poster from the Louvre that Chris had brought back from France. In fact, the whole apartment was decorated with pictures from his travels in Europe - mostly photography that he had taken himself. Above the futon, in the living room, was a series of about forty black and white photographs from his time in Europe, as well as members of his family and friends.
About six months ago, Dave had noticed a photograph of himself had been added to that wall.
And now, Dave wondered if it was about to be taken down.
Dave was roused out of his thoughts by Chris walking back into the room carrying a vase with the roses, he set it down in the middle of the coffee table.
"Did you want to sit down?"
"Uh, yeah...course." Dave moved to the other side of the coffee table and sat down next to Chris. Dave rubbed his sweaty palms over his denim clad thighs, vainly trying to dry them. He turned to look at Chris, who looked like he was going to start crying again. "Hi."
Chris attempted to return a small smile, but it quickly disappeared from his face. He shut his eyes and sighed deeply "Wha...what do you want, Dave?"
"Honestly?"
"If there's anything you owe me right now, it's honesty."
"I want to go to bed."
"What?" Chris' voice sounded surprised and slightly insulted. Clearly he figured that Dave did not see what was going on between them as a big deal.
"Really...I want to go to bed. I want to take my clothes off and crawl into that tiny ass bed of yours and fall asleep holding you. That's what I want. I want you to stop being hurt. I want you to smile at me with that amazing smile of yours. And I want to wake up tomorrow morning, with you still in my arms, make love to you and then cook you the best breakfast I can...and then I want to spend the rest of the day showing you just how much I love you and how much you mean to me. That's what I want, Chris...I would give any thing to make it so this day never happened, but I can't, so I am going to work very hard to make it up to you."
Chris stared down at his hands. He had stopped twisting the fabric of his tank-top in them, and was now just twisting them together. But he stayed silent.
"Chris, please look at me."
Slowly the other man lifted his head to look at Dave. Fresh tears were brimming. He looked like he was struggling to keep it together.
"Please, Chris, you have to know that I love you. I love you so much... Just talk to me. Tell me what you're thinking."
"Did you want him to kiss you?"
"What!? No! I absolutely did not want that! Why would you think that?"
"You looked liked you did...Dave you were leaning into him. You looked like you did...from where I stood, it didn't look like two friends fighting in the the middle of the street...it looked like two lovers fighting. And then he kissed you... A full on kiss. And you let him do it...you didn't step away. And I heard you moan, Dave. I heard you."
"He surprised me, Chris. I didn't step away because he surprised me. And I'm sorry I moaned...I didn't mean to. Maybe it wasn’t an actual moan...maybe it was just a noise of surprise. But I didn't want that kiss. I don't want Kurt...I don't. I want you..I'm not sure how many more ways I can say it. I. Want. You. I. Love. You."
"I know you do. But I think you love Kurt too."
"What?" It was Dave's turn to look insulted and hurt. "How can you even say that?"
"The fact is that you've been completely ignorant of how Kurt has been affecting me... affecting us. Every time he calls, every time he emails you, every time he does anything that impacts your mood...it makes me crazy. It makes me want to tear my hair out. And you're totally blind to it. And today was no different. I know you worked hard to move past what happened between the two of you last year...but I don't think you are past it."
"Chris...no...I am...please..."
"Dave, I feel as though you and Kurt are on is kind of trajectory, where you're running parallel, but every once in a while, you collide. And every time you do, someone gets hurt - either you or Kurt...or now, me. I feel like I'm standing on the sidelines, watching you two crash into each other again and again, and there's nothing I can do to stop it. And I don’t think I want to spend the rest of my life waiting for you to crash into him so hard that it destroys us. I can’t sit waiting for you to leave me...and I won’t."
"I...I..I don't want him. I don't like him..."
"Yeah, you might not like him, but I think you are still in love with him."
"No! No, I'm not...Chris...don't do this..."
"Dave... I love you...I've never loved someone like I love you. I've never been with someone..." Chris reached out and took Dave's shaky hands in his.
Dave felt like he was drowning...like he was under a ton of water, desperately and vainly trying to claw his way out...he knew he was crying from the way his was breathing and how hot his face was.
"Move in with me."
Chris sighed. His head fell forward slightly. "Dave...that's not going to fix this."
"Then tell me what will! Anything...I will do anything. I will swear never to speak to Kurt again. I'll drop out of the wedding. I'll do whatever you want...but don't end us. Please, Chris...please."
"Listen to me!" Chris snapped.
"I'm sorry..."
“I. Love. You. But if we keep going like this, without you dealing with this shit, I'm going to be looking over my shoulder every single day, wondering when and if Kurt is going to pop up and ruin us. I want to move with you. I want a million things...but I can't do that as long as I'm sure that this other person is in your heart or your head.”
“Wh...what do you want?”
“Honestly...I think...god...I think we need to break it off for a while...take a break, you know. Some time..."
"A break is never just a break...it's like a prelude to a break up."
"Dave...fuck...I could fight for you. I could wage a war against Kurt that in the end would destroy us and probably him. So, I'm giving you a chance...I'm giving you the chance to figure out what - who - you want."
"I know who I want."
"You need to be sure."
"I don't know what you want me to do..." Dave could feel his frustration rising.
"Just take a little while...maybe till after the wedding...and see if you still feel the same. Give it some thought...give Kurt some thought. Maybe in a few weeks, once the wedding is done, you'll realize that you do want Kurt...or you'll come back to me...or neither...who knows. But I want you to be sure."
"No! Chris...this is stupid. You love me. I love you. This is not a good plan. Let's go to a therapist...fuck, I’ll start therapy. Whatever...but if we stop now, we might never get back to us. You want me to figure out if I have feelings for someone else...then help me work through them!"
"I don't know...I...I don't think I could handle that. But I think you getting some therapy would be a good idea."
"But...ending us...that you can handle. You're jumping to extremes here, Chris. I’ll do whatever you want. I’ll call Mariam tomorrow and ask for a referral. But please...please..."
"Dave. Stop. I just need some time...I need us both to take some time...just to figure things out."
"How much time? Because I can't just walk away from you tonight knowing that I have no idea if I'm ever going to see you again."
"Until the wedding...maybe after that."
"That's a whole month! It's too much time...Chris...Anything can happen in a month, you know that."
"I just think we need space - you need space to figure out what you want."
"I know what I want, and being away from you won't change how I feel. Fuck, Chris...I want to be with you. Don't do this."
"I need to. I don't think I've ever been this hurt before...I can't just pretend tonight didn't happen. I just can't forget...Dave, you hurt me and I need you to be one hundred percent sure that you don't want to be with Kurt before I can be with you again."
"This is bullshit."
"No, babe, it's just me and my heart that I'm trying to protect here."
"I don't want to be without you."
"I know."
Dave opened his mouth to say something, but all thought process died. Instead he sank his face into his hands and cried. This is not how his big romantic gesture was supposed to end...he was supposed to sweep Chris off his feet and promise to be his forever...he wasn't supposed to be getting the ‘I think you’re in love with someone else’ speech. This just wasn't supposed to happen.
They sat there quietly for a while. Dave softly crying and Chris holding his hand while hot tears of his own slid silently down his cheeks. After a long while, Chris spoke. His voice was hoarse and pained. "I think you should go home and get some sleep."
"Why do I feel like I have no say in this at all...like my life is being dictated to me. I love you - I need you - doesn't that count for something?"
"It counts for so much...you don't even know. But, I...just need sometime, we both do. Dave...you HAVE to figure this stuff out with Kurt before we can go any further. You need to know that!"
Dave sighed. All his resources and avenues of attack that he could use to get Chris to listen... he knew they wouldn’t work. When it came right down to it, Chris was right. Dave needed to sort his shit out. He stood slowly. "Ok...I guess I'll go. But can we at least talk soon?"
"Sure. I'd like that."
Dave nodded. He felt like the entire world was crushing him.
"Dave...I'm not breaking up with you. I just need us to have some time, some space...so you can be sure of what you want."
"I already told you...I want you."
"I..." Chris never got to the end of his sentence, as Dave pressed their lips together. In that one single kiss he tired to tell Chris just how much he loved him, just how much he needed him. Just how much he desired and craved him. Dave tried to push ever emotion he had for Chris into that kiss.
To his surprise, Chris hesitantly responded in kind. With just as much passion and desire. With just as much love and need.
When he pulled away, face flushed and lips slightly swollen, Dave grabbed Chris face between his hands and growled out, "I am not letting you go, Chris...I will fight for you. For us." Dave surged forward and kissed Chris again. With just as much intensity as the last kiss.
Dave stepped back into the hallway. Giving Chris' hand one last squeeze, Dave started down the hallway to the stairs.
"Dave!"
Dave spun around. "Yeah?"
"I...I...I love you. Thank you for the flowers. I'll call you in a couple days."
"I love you too...and I meant what I said."
Both men stood staring at each other. All Dave wanted to do was run back down the hallway and push Chris back into the apartment and spend the next few hours showing him just how much he fucking loved him. Instead, he raised a hand and waved at his boyfriend. Then turned and walked down the stairs and out into the night air. Alone.
****************
Dave slowly walked back towards his building.
It was long after three in the morning. There was a deep chill in the air, the moon gleamed brightly in the clear night sky, illuminating the completely deserted streets. Dave felt like he was trapped in some obnoxious country song...he could probably use moon, loneliness, and heartbreak and he’d win a grammy or something.
He turned the corner onto Swann. His condo building was directly ahead of him now. As he turned, the headlights of a cab nearly blinded him. For the briefest of seconds, he entertained the idea of hailing the cab. Maybe going back to Chris’ and begging him to reconsider. Or maybe going to sit by the Washington Memorial and sobbing his eyes out some more. Instead, he let the car pass him by and continued walking.
All he wanted to do now was collapse into bed. Sleep until he had to go to work Monday morning and try to forget this weekend had even happened. Of course, he knew that would be impossible. He had to face everything. He had lost his relationship - well technically, it was only on hold, but in the scheme of things, that was just as good as a breakup. Plus, he did have to deal with his conflicting emotions about Kurt...
Dave knew he could never really be with Kurt. He could never be with someone who manipulated him in the way Kurt had. The trust that he had once felt with Kurt...it wasn’t there now. Dave sighed. Briefly, he wondered if that trust could ever be rebuilt.
But even so, Dave had these feelings. Feelings he’d been battling against for months now. That fucking dark secret place, wasn’t really all that secret anymore. And it had to be dealt with...
Pausing mid-stride, Dave pulled out his phone. He ran through his contacts until he found Mariam. He pressed call. He had to do this now...it went straight to her voicemail.
“Hi, Mariam. It’s Dave Karofsky. Look, I know I’ve asked a lot of favors of you as of late. But I’m hoping I can ask one more. I need a therapist. For myself. Can you recommend someone. I’d ideally like to see them as early as next week. I’ll be at home all day tomorrow and at work on Monday. Could you give me a call back? Thanks. It’s really important.”
Pressing End, Dave shoved the phone back in his pocket and continued walking.
Everything that had happened with Kurt...well, it was all wrapped up in everything that had gone on in his past. Maybe it was actually time to start dealing with it. If was going to keep Chris in his life...he had to.
And maybe...just maybe...he could even find a way for Kurt to have a place in his life too.
Dave turned to walk up the drive way to the front of the building. He stopped dead in his tracks.
There sitting on the stone bench outside his building...Kurt Hummel. Of course. Of fucking course...as if Dave hadn’t dealt with enough tonight!
Kurt had his arms wrapped around himself, clearly cold. He was busy examining his shoes...or at least the pavement between his shoes.
Dave watched him for a moment. Part of him wanted to turn around and walk away. Find a hotel and stay the night. Avoid all confrontation. Part of him wanted to walk up to Kurt and spit in his face and never talk to him before. And then there was the part of him that couldn’t let Kurt go... Even though he knew he should run away or shut Kurt out, he just couldn’t.
Kurt shivered in the night air. As he did, he raised his head to look at Dave.
He stood up. “Dave..?”
“Kurt...what...what are you doing here?”
“I needed to talk to you. And since you won’t answer my texts or calls...I decided to just wait for you.”
“How did you find out where I live?”
“It’s 2023..Dave...there’s this thing called the internet. Gay men mostly use it for sex...it’s been around for a while, maybe you’ve heard of it. Some people even have a chip implanted in their head so they can surf it inside their brain.”
“Tone down the snark, Kurt...I think you’ve used up all your snark, bitchiness, and bad behavior tonight.”
“Well...considering a few hours ago you told me to get psychological help... Wait, no, I’m sorry...default setting.” Kurt sighed, he looked down at the ground. His body screamed regret and defeat. “ Please. Can we please talk? Without yelling?”
Dave pushed his fingers through his hair. He knew he would give in. He sighed equally as deeply. “I don’t...I’m really tired Kurt. It’s been a super shitty night.”
“I know...I caused it.”
Dave stepped forward into the radius of his building front entry light. “Yeah...”
“Jesus.” Kurt whispered. His hand shot out to touch Dave’s face. “You’ve been crying...your eyes look awful.” Dave stepped back, out of Kurt’s reach.
“Kurt...” Dave’s voice held a distinct sound of warning.
“Sorry...I’m sorry. Fuck. What is wrong with me. I’m doing all these inappropriate things. Dave...please. Can we just talk.”
A million reasons as to why he should send Kurt packing floated through Dave’s mind. Not the least of them being that the sooner Kurt went away, the sooner Dave could go to bed. Plus, this little surprise visit was going against everything Dave had already promised Chris. And it could be dangerous...after everything that happened tonight, talking to Kurt now...when Dave was emotionally wasted...could prove dangerous. But then again...so much damage had already been done. And Kurt had been sitting here for who knows how long...
Dave pointed to the bench Kurt had been sitting on. “Sit.”
“Wait...we’re talking here?”
“Kurt... do you actually think you deserve an invitation to my apartment?”
“Yeah. Message received.” Kurt sat back down. Smoothing his jeans out over his thighs as he did. Dave flopped his body down next to him.
“Chris pretty much broke up with me.”
“I am the world’s worst human being...” Kurt groaned.
“Funny...I don’t think I remember mentioning your name.”
“Right...not about me. Not even a little. Shutting up now.”
“He told me that he thinks I’m still in love with you...or something approximating love anyways...he wants us to take a break so I can figure everything out. So I can decide between the two of you.”
Kurt looked up at him from beneath hooded eye lids. He nodded. “Just so you know, I don’t exactly consider myself a forerunner in that race.”
“Do you want to be?”
“Honestly? No...or at least I don’t think so. I know that I feel like crap for what happened tonight...for everything that happened between us...but I don’t know if being with you is what’s right, or even what I want. I...I...do know that I have feelings for you. I’m sorry. I know that my saying that probably fucked you up royally! Dave...for what it’s worth. I am sorry.”
“Thanks...that...um...I appreciate you saying so.”
“If I could fix this...I would. In a second, I would.”
“I know that.”
“I guess...the more I thought about things and then seeing you today...I realized that I needed to be honest with you. Unfortunately, it would seem, I went temporarily insane and decided to do just that in front of your boyfriend. The normal, rational, thing to do would have been to ask to see you in private and talk to you then...not blurt out my love for you in the middle of a lackluster restaurant. God, I am truly stupid sometimes.”
“Kurt, believe me when I say that you are not stupid. You’re human. Just like I am, just like Chris, just like Finn... The shit we do...it’s not just because we’re stupid. It’s because we’re human.”
“You’re being incredibly forgiving...”
“Oh! Don’t get me wrong. I’m so incredibly mad at you right now...it’s not even funny...but to be honest, I’m too fucking tired to yell at you or to summon up the energy to make you disappear forever from my life.”
“So...what happens next?”
“I’m going to go upstairs and go to bed. And probably cry myself to sleep. Then tomorrow I will probably spend the day in my pajamas and let the emotional eating monster that loves this kind of drama out to play. Then, come Monday, I’m going to start seeing a therapist and figure this shit out.”
“And...”
“And? What? And...us? Kurt, are you serious?”
“I...Yes, Dave, I am. I’m not asking with the hope that you’re going to tell me that you want to work on us as a couple...but I am asking in the hopes that you do want something with me...even a friendship.”
“Jesus...Kurt...”
Yeah, I’m pushing it aren’t I? Like really fucking pushing it.”
“Yes... you are! Kurt... you’ve managed to break my heart twice now, and now... Fuck!” Dave’s head sank forward into his hands, letting out a strangled cry. He screwed his eyes shut in frustration and anger. This was impossible...Kurt was impossible! He felt like screaming.
“I know! I know that...Dave and I’m so so fucking sorry, ok? Please...I just want to know if there’s a tiny chance that I might still get to be your friend, or something...”
Dave sighed. His brain was too full right now to even begin to start processing this. It was times like this that he really wished he smoked pot or something...
“Look...Kurt...I don’t know, ok? Honestly, I have no idea. I don’t even know which way is up right now... But I think if there’s even a remote possibility that you and I could be friends or whatever...well...we need a break from each other.”
“That’s fair...”
“Kurt...no offense man...but it’s way more than fair. What would be fair would be me saying ‘we spent an entire decade not being around each other...not talking, not seeing each other...nothing...and I want us to go back to exactly that.’ This...the idea that I’m even entertaining the prospect of seeing you again...well...it’s bordering on Virgin Mary Sainthood status.”
“Can I call you Virgin Dave?”
“Jokes. Are not cool.”
“Sorry...”
“Whatever...”
“I could find you a blue table cloth to wear on your head...”
“Seriously! Stop!” Dave almost felt a chuckle rise in his throat. “Look...can we just go our separate ways for a while and figure shit out. Maybe we can talk again at the wedding? Maybe Chris and I can work stuff out and then you and I can work stuff out...but Kurt, you gotta give me time. Ok?”
“Yeah...but thank you for not ripping my head off tonight.”
“I kinda thought about it...but I left my Wolverine claws in my other jacket...”
“Lame joke.”
“Just so you know, I still think you’re a narcissistic self-centered asshole.”
“I wonder if Versace would make me a t-shirt with that on it.”
“I know a 15 buck, make your own t-shirt shop that will.”
“I’d rather chop off my own hand.”
“Such a drama queen.”
“Says the man who was screaming at me in the middle of a street earlier tonight.”
“Fuck off...”
Kurt nodded, a small smile playing at the corners of his mouth. “You really scared me tonight...after...well, that kiss...it was like you totally disappeared and the Karofsky I knew back in high school took your place. It really freaked me out.”
“Sorry…I only ever get like that when I’m really mad.”
“I hate that I did that…I really do.”
“Yeah…me too. But it happened. All we can do is try to pick up the pieces.”
“Yeah…”
“Kurt?”
“Yes, Dave.”
“Can I go to bed now? Please.”
“Right…of course! I’m sorry, but again, thank you for talking to me.”
“We’ll talk again soon, ok? I just need some time.”
Dave got up from the bench, he turned to look down at Kurt, who was still sitting. Dave smiled. “Night Kurt.” With that Dave turned and walked into his building. He could feel Kurt’s eyes on his back the entire time.
Dave wasn’t really sure what the fuck had just happened. Somehow, he and Kurt had managed to actually have a decent conversation…somehow, the seeds of retribution and redemption between them had been sowed. Somehow…they had found something salvageable out of this tremendously fucked up night.
As Dave slammed his hand against the elevator button for his floor, he wasn’t sure if the sensation he was feeling was of optimism or an increasing sense of dread that this whole situation was too fucked up to be salvaged.
Later, as Dave slipped between the covers of his horribly empty bed, he found himself wondering if Chris was lying awake in his own bed. Or if he had managed to fall asleep. He wondered if Chris missed him. He wondered if Kurt had found his way back to his hotel. He wondered if Kurt would really would seek out the help they both so clearly needed.
Most of all…he wondered what happen at the end of these breaks.
Could he and Chris make it? Could they get back to the place they had been in…
Could he find it in him to rebuild…something…with Kurt?
As Dave closed his eyes, in an attempt to get to sleep, he wrapped his arms around his pillow, hugging it tightly…
And he wondered…