{fic} Eager to Please/Lucky to Love 18/21

[hamhocklover]

Kurt was teaching Santana how to roast garlic. They waited for the large bulbs to cool before Kurt showed her how to squeeze the cloves out and then smash them with the flat part of the chef’s knife.

Dave was sitting on the couch, watching sports highlights and looking over every now and then to what they were doing. Their shopping trip earlier that day had been fun…comical in fact as Kurt and Santana bickered like children over what ingredients worked best in what recipes. Apparently, they’d had different cooking instructors and there were some resulting and lingering disagreements.

But they survived, coming home with the groceries and Kurt resuming his detailed instruction of how to cook for Dave…since Kurt reminded her…that’s all that mattered now. He laid the cloves of garlic down, laid the knife flat against them and slammed his hand down, yelping in pain as he accidentally caught his pinky under the handle and crushed it.

Dave was up from the couch in an instant, pushing a wide-eyed Santana out of the way to inspect Kurt’s injury. Dave saw the knife and his heart stopped. But once he was finally able to get a look at Kurt’s hand…at Kurt’s tiny little finger…and realize that it wasn’t cut, just smashed…he could finally breathe. He brought the injured digit to his mouth, kissing it gently and rubbing Kurt’s back with his other hand, trying to comfort him as Santana stood gaping.

“You ok, sweetheart?” Dave soothed, smiling warmly at Kurt.

Kurt sniffled, looking up at his finger as it was held against Dave’s lips. He could feel his cheeks start to burn again and something inside him started twisting and bunching. The pain was forgotten immediately. All he knew was Dave’s hand was holding his hand, Dave’s lips were against his finger and Dave’s eyes were boring into his. He nodded jerkily and Dave released his hand, taking a step back and letting them have the kitchen counter again.

“Be careful,” he said, winking and heading back to the couch.

Kurt nodded again, picking up the knife and turning back to Santana, meeting her incredulous stare. Kurt sniffled again and ignored it. He cleared his throat and opened his mouth to continue but she cut him off.

“Sir?” she asked.

“Yeah, San?” Dave called from the living room.

She narrowed her eyes at Kurt, crossing her arms over her chest, “What’s ‘sweetheart’ mean?”

Dave snapped his head up. Shit, did I say that? “Um, it just means…um…that I think Kurt has a sweet…uh, heart. You know, like I think he’s sweet. That’s all.”

“Uh huh,” Santana was not convinced. “But…do you think I have a sweet heart too, sir?”

Kurt was infuriated, slapping her on the arm to try to shut her up. He didn’t understand the big deal but he was still wanting her to just drop it.

“Um, sure…of course.” Shit, that girl is smart. “I think you’re both…very sweet.”

Santana cocked her head to the side, smiling smugly at Kurt.

Kurt scowled, picking up the knife and smashing the rest of the roasted garlic quickly and by himself. To hell with trying to teach her anything.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kurt was on the roof when Dave brought Brittany home with him. There wasn’t a dinner party planned but Kim had let Brittany come over for the night just to see Kurt and Santana.

“Where’s Kurt?” Dave asked as Brittany and Santana caught up in the kitchen.

“The roof. He said he has to learn land-shapes or something like that,” Santana answered distractedly as she and Brit ran off to her room.

Dave found Kurt with his easel set up on the roof, working on a picture of the skyline. “Hi,” Dave whispered as he came up behind Kurt, trying not to startle him.

Kurt turned, smiling shyly and looking back to his picture. “Hi, how was your day?”

“Great. I brought Brit home with me. She and Santana have already run off to San’s room. I don’t even know what they do in there.”

Kurt snorted. He knew what they didn’t do…or maybe actually…nah. “What do you think of this?” Kurt asked, setting his pencil down and sitting back abruptly. “I’m trying to get the coloring right, but the sky…it’s just not cooperating. The timing has to be just right and when I sketched it two days ago, there was a really nice pink over there above those buildings…but it’s gone. I think I’m gonna have to wait. It’s so frustrating.”

Dave stepped closer, looking at Kurt and not the drawing, “There’s nothing wrong with waiting. It might be frustrating but in the end…if you’re patient, then you know you got it right.”

Kurt met his eyes, swallowing thickly. Why did it seem like Dave wasn’t talking about the skyline?

Dave’s hand reached up, stroking across Kurt’s jaw lightly, “Be patient, you’ll figure it out. You always do.”

Kurt nodded, looking down quickly and then back to his easel. He could feel those same weird feelings again…and there were so many of them. The warm, fuzziness that he got from Dave’s hugs, the heat in his cheeks when Dave smiled at him. The burning and twisting in his gut…or was it maybe actually higher? What did it all mean?

Dave was smiling at him, telling him he would figure it all out. But would he? There seemed to be something, so close and so big…some realization that he couldn’t grasp. What did all these feelings mean?

“I’ll see you downstairs,” Dave said quietly as he turned and headed for the steps.

Kurt looked back, suddenly struck with the thought that maybe he did know what all this meant. As he watched Dave walk away, he realized…he wanted it to be Dave.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“When? When is it gonna happen, Coach?”

“Are you really that desperate for it, Kurt? Is your life really that empty that you have to have love in order to be satisfied?”

“It’s not that. I am satisfied. I’m happy with my life. But loving someone is supposed to be this huge thing that freepersons look forward to. My mother promised me…she told me I had the chance to fall in love like her. I just want to know when…”

“What exactly are you waiting for? What huge thing?”

“The falling part!” Kurt answered exasperated. “It’s supposed to be huge and amazing and when it happens you just…you just feel complete and whole and different and just…in love. And…I don’t want to go through life just…waiting.”

“You think because it’s supposed to be huge…it’s also supposed to be…sudden?”

Kurt opened his mouth to answer but shut it. There was silence as he quietly mulled over her question. “But…I thought…um. Yes, isn’t it?”

“Listen Cutie, I don’t know much about love, ok. I’ll never know, and I’ve made peace with that. But from what I hear…sometimes you feel it immediately, like when you meet someone for the first time. And there’s birds singing and your pants don’t fit right and other weird stuff happens. But other times…” she sighed softly, not wanting to give too much of Dave’s side of this away, “sometimes it happens slowly, gradually. You realize one day you’re already in love but you can’t put your finger on when or where it first started.”

“Already…?” Kurt gasped.

“Yes, there is a chance Kurt…as crazy as this emotional stuff is, there’s a chance that you could be in love and not even know it.”

“I could?”

“If you’re still waiting for some dramatic grand entrance when love comes knocking…sorry to tell you, you might not get it. It could have sneaked in while you weren’t even paying attention. Sounds like a bitch, right?”

Kurt let her words sink in. He could feel a tremble of nervousness starting in his chest. Could he really already…? “Sue…” he whispered in his phone, “I want it to be Dave. So bad.”

Sue didn’t reply. She couldn’t.

“But what if…what if I’m wrong? And what if…” he gasped again, fear gripping him, “what if he doesn’t feel the same way?”

“Well, that’s another thing about this crazy thing called love, Coco. It’s scary. You can get hurt. You can realize you love somebody and then find out they don’t love you back. But it’s all a part of being a free, independent person. You risk getting hurt. But I think…I think you’re smarter than most…and I think you’ll figure it out. You always do.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kurt walked back home after his shift at Mercedes’. He made his way into the kitchen and stood there, thinking. Santana and Brittany came out of the bedroom when they heard him come home.

“What are you making?” Santana asked as she watched Kurt line up ingredients on the counter.

“Um, I think I want to make the frosting for my turtle cupcakes tomorrow. Can you grab the milk?” He got started measuring and mixing then beating the frosting while Santana and Brittany watched. “Being in the kitchen helps clear my head.”

“Your head is clogged?”

Kurt snorted, “Yeah, I think it is, Brit.”

“What’s wrong?” Santana asked.

“I…I think I’m…oh god…” he set the hand mixer down and stared off into the distance, “I think I’m in love.”

Brittany and Santana gave a mutual disinterested grunt.

“I always thought it was going to be this thing, you know. Like something just falling onto your lap suddenly and then you just know. But now…after talking to Sue last night and thinking about it all day and trying to figure it all out…I think it happened and I didn’t even know it.”

“Love is weird,” Brittany said, reaching for a tiny bit of frosting on the edge of the bowl but having her hand smacked away by Kurt.

“You got that right,” Santana added. “So…who? Who did you get into love with and not know it?”

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows as he continued mixing. He finally turned off the mixer and lifted the beaters out. He twisted his lips nervously, looking up and meeting their semi-interested looks. “I…I think I’m in love with Dave.”

“Really?” Santana asked, scrunching up her nose at the idea.

“Yeah. I mean, I feel things when I’m with him. His hugs…oh my god…they make me feel so warm and snuggly inside. And his smiles, the way he looks at me. You know, San…you’re always telling me my face turns red when he looks at me. I think that’s why. I think loving him is what makes me do that.”

“But Dave’s in love with someone else,” Brittany stated bluntly, taking the beater that Kurt offered her. She swiped her finger over the frosting, licking it happily as the other two stared at her blankly. She looked up, “What? I heard him. He was talking to my master and I heard him. He said he was in love with a butterfly.”

Kurt snorted, “Brit, honey…that’s not possible. People don’t fall in love with insects.”

She continued licking the frosting off her beater, “Whatever, I heard him. He said he was in love with a butterfly and he was waiting for a long time but the butterfly was too scared to jump off the leaf. That’s what he said. It’s 100% true.”

Kurt furrowed his eyebrows, thinking. “What else did he say?”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Dave came home from work and the four of them sat around the table eating dinner. “Hey, you guys want to watch a movie before I have to take Brittany back tonight?” Dave asked as Santana cleared the table.

“Oooh, yes,” Brittany answered. “Can we watch Grease again? I really like it.”

“Again?” Santana grumbled. “We’ve seen it three times already.”

“I know, but…I want to try to figure out this love thing that I keep hearing about. Maybe if I watch it enough, I’ll get it.”

Dave’s eyebrows shot up and he looked at Kurt questioningly. Kurt looked down, shrugging his shoulders as the girls continued talking.

“Brit, honey, you’re not gonna figure it out. It’s only for freepersons. We could watch that movie a hundred times and it still won’t help. Let’s watch something else.”

“But…I want to know,” she answered sadly. “I want to know what the big deal is, San. Can’t we just pretend that we know?”

Dave’s heart almost broke for the girl. “Ok, girls. Brittany, since you’re the guest, we can watch it again. It’s one of my favorites too. Santana, you can pick the movie next time, ok?”

She tried to hide her grumble as they sat around the living room and Dave started the movie. He noticed Kurt staring at him several times while it played. He smiled back and raised his eyebrows curiously, wondering if Kurt wanted to say something. But he never did. They watched the movie and then Dave took Brittany home.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kurt sat in his room, working on a drawing before going to bed the following night. Dave knocked on his open door, startling him and causing him to hurriedly flip closed his sketchbook.

“Just saying goodnight. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

“Oh, right. Um, goodnight, Dave.” Kurt stood and walked to the doorway, smiling shyly. He searched Dave’s eyes, testing out his theory, trying to tell if he could be sure or not with just looking. He opened his mouth to say something but chickened out. He sighed heavily and lowered his eyes, “See you in the morning.”

Dave saw it…that look…that questioning look in Kurt’s eyes. He shook his head, trying not to let the frustration get to him. He turned and closed his door, leaning back and resting his head against it as he stared at his bed. It was tearing him up…sleeping alone in that big bed…with Kurt’s perfect, beautiful body sleeping just across the hall night after night. He wanted to hold him, touch him, kiss him…take him to his bed and make love to him. But he couldn’t. Not yet.

“Please, Kurt,” he whispered into the silence, “please figure it out. You’re so close.”

Kurt shut his door and leaned back against it, feeling a strange loneliness settle in on him as he looked back at his bed. As much as he craved Dave’s hugs…he wondered what it would be like to hug him…while lying down. Side by side, in bed. He knew Santana and Brittany slept together and he was so jealous of them sometimes. But he also knew they had no hope of ever knowing what the feelings Kurt was dealing with felt like.

He figured it out. Now he just had to be brave and confident enough to say it. Out loud. He sat back down at his desk and flipped his sketchbook back open to the picture he was working on. He had to finish it before Dave left in the morning.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

“What is wrong with you this afternoon, David?” Figgins asked, genuine concern on his face.

“Nothing. Nothing, just…didn’t sleep that well. I’m fine. Are the reps from St. Malachi here yet?”

“They will be shortly. If this presentation goes well and they commit, you’re next bonus check will be larger than the last. I’m counting on you.”

“Yeah, no problem. I’ve got it covered.” Dave answered distractedly, setting up his PowerPoint and arranging the folders around the conference table like he always did. Sometimes he felt like he was just going through the motions. The money really didn’t mean anything. The presentations didn’t really mean anything. He felt like he’d lost something along the way. Thinking about ending another workday and going home to Kurt…with nothing ever changing…it was eating at him.

The reps entered the room, shaking Figgins hands and the hands of the other members of Dave’s team. Dave greeted them politely, waiting for everyone to take their seats. He looked down at the conference table where he always put his tiny projector remote but it wasn’t there. He lifted his briefcase, checking underneath but still couldn’t find it. He apologized to everyone as he shuffled some papers around, still looking. He pressed play manually and the presentation began but he continued looking. He didn’t want to stand up next to the screen and next to the laptop the whole time. He reached into his jacket pocket, knowing he wouldn’t have put it in there, but checking anyway…and felt a piece of paper. He pulled it out curiously as the presentation continued with a video segment. He opened the small folded-up paper, curious what it was and why it was in his pocket.

Immediately, his eyes widened. He froze, gaping at the hand-drawn picture in his hands. It was…a flower. Or several flowers actually. The colors were all so green and lush. It was almost like an insects-view of a beautiful garden with the bright blue sky in the background. And then he saw it. A butterfly mid-air, drawn so perfectly, looking as if it had just jumped off that leaf. The perspective and the detail…it was all so life-like. Sudden tears blurred his vision and he gasped at the realization that Kurt must have put this in his pocket. Kurt drew this. Kurt was trying to tell him something.

He heard Figgins clear his throat.

Dave scrambled, finally spotting the remote sitting behind the laptop and reaching for it, handing it to his top assistant and excusing himself from the room rather abruptly. Figgins followed him out into the hall.

“David? What is going on here?”

“Sorry, boss. Really, I’m sorry. But I…I have to leave. An emergency came up and I really…really have to go home. Stephanie’s got that…she’ll do fine. I gotta go.” He was back in his office, grabbing his coat and his keys and out the door headed to his car a minute later.

He dialed Azimio’s cell. “Are you sure you didn’t say anything? I mean…when was the last time you talked to him?”

“Man, I haven’t seen Kurt since his birthday party, I swear. I don’t know if Kim talked to him. I really don’t think she would.”

“God, I don’t know how this happened but…I gotta get home.”

~*~*~*~*~*~*~

Kurt set up his easel on the roof after he’d gotten home from work, hoping the sky would give him that perfect shade of pink that he’d been missing. He settled into his chair just as he heard the door to the stairs open and close. He turned slowly and saw Dave standing there, not moving, holding the picture he’d drawn in his hand.

He swallowed, feeling a sudden nervousness grip his chest. But he looked back at Dave’s face and realized there was no reason to be afraid. Dave was walking towards him. He twisted his lips, trying to hide his guilty smile.

“Hi,” Dave said breathlessly as he stood a few feet away.

“Hi,” Kurt answered back, biting his lip and feeling his blush.

“Did you um…” Dave held up the picture in his hand, “did you draw this…and put it in my pocket this morning?”

Kurt nodded.

“Yeah?” Dave smiled, still curious…still unsure and not wanting to jump to conclusions. That one conclusion…that Kurt knew and Kurt understood and Kurt was finally ready. “Why?”

Kurt looked down. Somehow he knew Dave was going to make him say it. “I have something I have to tell you, Dave,” he began slowly, standing from his seat and taking a hesitant step closer. “I…I think I’ve fallen in love with you. I didn’t know it could happen like that and I really can’t say when exactly it might have happened. I just know that…when I think about you and…when I look at you…I feel safe and…happy. It hurts me to think about hurting you. Or being far away from you. I can’t imagine not seeing you every morning at breakfast and every evening when you get home.” He tried to keep his eyes down, afraid that he might lose his nerve, or his train of thought, if he got lost in Dave’s eyes again. “I love the times we spend together shopping or watching movies and if those things were taken away from me, I would die inside. But I’m still a little scared too…because I’ve never felt these things before and I don’t want to get it wrong. I think this is what love’s supposed to feel like and…I…just wanted you to know that…I think I love you, Dave.”

Dave took a small step closer, feeling the surge of emotion at Kurt’s confession. He reached down and took Kurt’s hand, holding it to his chest, “You have to be sure, Kurt…” he whispered.

Kurt closed his eyes, feeling his hand being squeezed lightly in Dave’s. He had to be sure. But was he? He thought about what he’d just said and thought about how Dave made him feel. There was nothing else…just love. It was all he felt. He knew it and he didn’t need to be uncertain anymore. “Yes…” he opened his eyes, closing the small remaining distance between their bodies. He spread his palm out against Dave’s chest, placing it over his heart and feeling the frantic beating underneath it, “Yes, I’m sure. I’m in love with you, Dave. Completely.”

Dave wrapped his arms around Kurt in an instant, pulling him tight against his body, feeling a glorious wave of relief and exhilaration as he held the smaller man close to him. “God, I love you, Kurt,” he mumbled against Kurt’s neck. “I’ve loved you for so long.”

“Really?” Kurt gasped, surprise in his voice.

“Yes, Kurt…I’ve known for a while I was in love with you and…god, I’ve been dying waiting for you to figure this out.”

“But why?” Kurt asked, pulling back, his eyebrows furrowed. “Why didn’t you tell me? It would have been so much easier…”

“I couldn’t, Kurt. I couldn’t do that to you. As hard as it was…I had to wait until you figured it out on your own. I had to wait until you were ready.” He reached up, gently stroking Kurt’s cheek with the back of his fingers. “I would have waited forever for you, you know.”

Kurt smiled, letting himself get lost in Dave’s eyes, enjoying the feel of Dave’s arms around him, seeing clearly for the first time the want and desire in Dave’s eyes.

“I want to kiss you, Kurt. Can I please?”

A small wave of panic shot across Kurt’s face. “But I’ve…I’ve never…um…what if I do it wrong?”

Dave smiled, “It’s ok, I’ll go slow.” He brushed his fingers down Kurt’s cheek again, delighting in the color and softness. His thumb grazed over Kurt’s bottom lip as he leaned it. “You’re so beautiful.”

Kurt exhaled, parting his lips, trying to remember what his training had said about kissing. It was very brief and he hadn’t really understood it. He suddenly decided he wanted to forget everything he’d ever learned at the facility. He had Dave right here, holding him, wanting to kiss him. That’s all that mattered.

Dave brushed his lips softly against Kurt’s, pressing gently for a moment and then pulling back. Kurt had kept his eyes open, forgetting or just not realizing that he was supposed to close them. He looked back up at Dave as Dave opened his.

“Wow,” he whispered, feeling a strange tingle in his belly. “Do that again.”

Dave chuckled, bringing his other hand up and tilting Kurt’s head just slightly. He leaned in and kissed him again, deepening the kiss, letting his tongue lick teasingly at Kurt’s lower lip. Kurt gasped at the sensation, causing his lips to part and making way for Dave to gently brush against Kurt’s tongue. Kurt moaned softly, feeling a million sudden new and electrifying sensations riddle his body. The kiss lingered on, slowly, tenderly, with Dave’s hands holding Kurt’s face and their bodies pressed together.

Dave eventually pulled back, leaving a winded, dazed Kurt with his eyes still closed, standing in Dave’s arms. He opened his eyes lazily. “Wow,” he whispered again, meeting Dave’s eyes. His eyes widened suddenly, looking over Dave’s shoulder at the skyline. “Dave…look,” Kurt said breathlessly, “…the sky. It has that beautiful shade of pink I was telling you about.”

“I see it,” Dave replied, stroking his fingers down Kurt’s cheeks again and over his lips.

Kurt felt his cheeks burn yet again. Who cares about the changing colors of the skyline when you had brand new love holding you in its arms? “So…what happens next?” he asked shyly.

“I really don’t care. I can stand on this roof and kiss you all night and be the happiest man in the world.”

“Ok, yes, but…it’s getting rather chilly,” Kurt answered, giggling slightly. He gasped as a sudden realization hit him. “A date! You have to take me on a date!”

“What? A date, really?”

“Yes. That’s how we know if we want to be a thing. That’s what you said. You have to take me on a date and then I’ll know for sure.”

“But Kurt…” Dave smiled, amused by Kurt’s enthusiasm. “I’ve taken you on dates before.”

Kurt’s eyes opened in panic. “What? When?”

“The Red Sox game and we went to the art gallery. In Phoenix, we went out to dinner twice and saw that movie. We’ve gone out on dates before.”

“No. That’s not fair,” Kurt protested. “I didn’t know…I had no idea that’s what they were. And besides, I didn’t know that I loved you yet. So they don’t count. You have to take me on a real date. Our first date and then we can decide if we want to be a thing.”

Dave shook his head, still amused by Kurt’s thinking. “And what…thing…is it you’d like to become, Kurt?”

He faltered, “Oh…um…you never explained that part. What’s a thing?”

Dave chuckled, “God, you’re adorable. A thing…is a relationship. We become boyfriends, basically. Not roommates anymore, Kurt. But…lovers.”

Kurt’s jaw dropped and he took a step backwards cautiously. “Lovers.” He twisted his lips nervously, thinking things through out loud. “So, when you love someone…when you’re in love with them, then you…um, make love to them…and that’s when you become lovers…?”

Dave could see the way Kurt was figuring it all out, still. “That’s the natural progression, usually. But we’re not in any hurry, Kurt. I’ve loved you for a long time and I can still wait.” He took a step forward bringing Kurt back into his arms. “I’m blown away that I finally get to kiss you, ok?”

Kurt nodded, smiling back up at Dave and losing his nervousness. He licked his lower lips, remembering the feel of Dave’s lips and tongue pressed against them. He leaned forward, placing his hand gently on the back of Dave’s neck and pressed their lips together. He moaned again, gaining confidence and deepening the kiss himself, letting his tongue dance against Dave’s slowly, pulling back and breaking the kiss with a gasp.

“You’re getting the hang of that rather quickly,” Dave chuckled. “I’m impressed.”

Kurt looked down, smiling and just a little embarrassed.

“Ok, so, a date. Tomorrow night, Saturday. Where do you want to go and what do you want to do? I’ll be home by four o’clock at the very latest and we can do whatever you want.”

Kurt’s eyes widened. “I get to decide?”

“Of course. Anything at all…it’s your night. Your first date.”

Kurt felt the jitteriness start in his gut. He felt like he had to talk to Mercedes and Tina immediately. They would be able help him plan the perfect night out…the perfect first date.