Fic. Lost; Chapter Three
Title; Lost
Rating; T, Pg-13 for suicide talk
Pairing; Natch, kurtofsky.
Summery; Kurt doens't know how it happened, but due to an unlikely circumstance, he feels drawn to Dave, post suicide attempt. Featuring sickly OC karofksy sister.
community.livejournal.com/karofsky_hummel/127843.html Chapter one
community.livejournal.com/karofsky_hummel/128063.html#cutid1 Chapter two
Kurt continues to visit Dave after school. Mostly he just chats with Mia, Dave doesn’t say anything. Most of the time he’s asleep, or feigning it remarkably well, but Kurt doesn’t notice. Twice, Dave mumbled that Kurt is too loud, and Kurt made a “Well maybe I’ll stop coming”. Dave only said a stifled “Please” once. But Kurt knew he would continue to visit. Partially so Dave had someone other than his sister, and partially because Kurt was so fascinated with Amelia. Kurt swore up and down that Mia didn’t need to breathe to talk, she would just got on and on about whatever tickled her fancy that day.
But sometimes Mia didn’t speak. She would just sit there, eyes half-closed in something Kurt determined to be a level of pain, or annoyance. But those were the times when Dave was awake, but his eyes were always focused on his sister, his eyes matching her pain, but spiced with sorrow. Even then Dave would only say a handful of sentences. “Why are you still here?”, “Sorry”, “When you’re not here all she talks about is what she would say if you were here”, and “It’s bright.” Kurt would only smile softly, and walk across the room the fix the blinds. But he’d always stay, even when everyone was silent. It was almost comforting.
“Some days are good.” Mia pipes up, breaking the silence on the 5th day Kurt comes to visit. His nose is in a text book, half listening, but he perks up when he hears her speak. She spoke slowly, deliberately sounding out her words, as if she struggled, “Some days are bad. Some days I feel like I could get up and dance, and others I just want to stay in bed and just sleep through the pain. Mostly I’m okay. I just feel so irrevocably tired lately.” Dave stares out the window and Mia just smiles crookedly. Kurt focuses on the creases around her eyes and how old they make her look, even though he knows she hasn’t even exited her teen years.
Kurt just smiles, and places his hand on her shoulder , softly squeezing. He doesn’t feel the urge to speak, which is the opposite of himself. He feels more reserved, this hospital room bringing back memories of the time he spent there with his mom.
“I met you before,” Mia mentions, her gaze twinned with Dave, out the window. “A long time ago,” She closed her eyes, her brain a flurry with memories. “It was in the waiting room, at this hospital. I don’t know why you were there, that’s your own. But I was there. Testing. That was the start at least. Dave and I were sitting there while our parents talked to the doctors. And you were sitting there, your hands were resting on your lap. A nervous energy was in the air. Your eyes were closed, but your eyes were still moving, twitching. You were breathing deeply, calming yourself. Or at least trying. I remember hearing you breathe. That’s not creepy at all..“ She chuckles, “There was some nameless family member next to you, I know it wasn’t your dad. Everyone knows Burt,“ She smirks, her mind off in a tangent, “I met him before, after the hospital though. A few years ago. Dad was at work, and dave was at school, and mom was at home baking up a storm for some family gathering. So I was alone. I, at that point, wasn’t allowed to go to school. I went off to the park, Your dad was just sitting there on a bench. Silent. I had a baseball in my hand, I was just going to go to the court, that one with the wall, and bounce it back and forth.” Her eyes fluttered open, staring out the window. “But that’s all I can remember right now.” She looked at Kurt, her mouth parted. “I went off on a magic bus, didn’t I? Totally left what I was talking about.”
Kurt could only smile, and Dave’s smirk when unnoticed. “You were talking about when you first met me? You… were that girl who grabbed my hands and forced my face into a smile? My dad said you were like a little fairy girl. Dressed in white, pale as the moon. And only around when someone needed you,” His hands went to his lap, miming the way they sat all those years ago in the waiting room. Mia just laid a soft hand on his.
“Yeah. I remember how cold your hands were.”
“Mine were? Yours were like ice.”
“You held on to my hands so tightly that day, and you didn’t even know me. You knew Davey before he was Dave,” She whispered the last sentence, “He was the one next to me. The one who laid his hand on your shoulder. Shaggy mop-top hair. He refused to let Mom cut it, “she smiled fondly, “I used to tell him I’d chop it all off while he slept-”
“- And I’d wake up in a pile of hair. That’s when mom started hiding all the scissors.” Dave said quietly, cutting her off. “ ‘He’ll cut his hair when he wants to, Amelia!’ “ He screeched, miming his mom. Dave pursed his lips and fell silent again. Mia just smiled, her hand still on Kurt’s, and she just squeezed, a small jolt of excitement over a few words.
Kurt left shortly after and Mia joined him on the walk to the exit. “I’m not doing this because Dave might like me. I honestly don‘t even know why. I just am.”
“I sure hope you’d not be doing this because my brother noted his attraction to you.”
They walked in silence for a few seconds, the only sound was the tapping of their feet.
“I think that’s when he fell for you.”
“But we were 8... How does… I don’t understand.”
“He felt like he should guard you, protect you. Even then. But he didn’t know how. I guess he thought being an ass would help you be able to defend yourself. I guess he never accounted for the fact that you might run-”
“I didn’t run away.” Kurt spat out, but righted himself, speaking softly, “I didn’t run away. I took a break. I’ll be back there, soon. When it’s right again.”
“When what is right?”
“My heart.”
Mia didn’t ask for an answer, an explanation. She just took it for what it was worth, and hugged Kurt goodbye before he left.
-------
On the 6th day that Kurt visited Dave in the hospital, he was alone. Dave was sitting on the bed. His legs were crossed and Kurt silently thanked the gods, or whatever he could, that dave was human enough to wear a pair of pajama pants. His hospital table was pulled next to him, a deck of cards in haphazard solitaire piles covered it. His gaze only shifted to Kurt for a partial second, but Kurt felt a chill run down his spine anyways.
Kurt sat down regardless, stiffly though. But his legs didn’t tell him to run.
“She’s not coming today.” He said gruffly, and kurt jumped.
“I don’t care. It’s habit to come here now. It’s quiet and I can actually do my homework.”
Dave snorted, “I know how that is. I get bored about 3am when I can’t sleep and I’ve actually been able to keep up with school work. It’s frightening.”
“I was unaware you knew how to use sarcasm…” Kurt trailed off, biting his tongue. But dave just let out a breath and went back to his cards.
He didn’t know why, but the silence was all he needed. Kurt still hated Dave, that much was true. But he was starting to understand him. And the more he understood, the less the hate in his throat tasted bitter.
“I think I’m going to go back to McKinely. At the end of the semester.” Kurt idlely scribbled nonsense on his notebook. “I miss it. Dalton is boring, everyone is the same. It pains me to say it, but I miss the bullying, in a form. In Dalton people just walk on buy, at least at WMHS, people noticed me enough to knock me around. I miss the attention.” Kurt tilted his head, his nose in the air.
Dave snorted again. “You two must be on the same wavelength. Telepathic freaks. Mia is going back to school too. New semester she said. So Monday too. She told mom and dad that she wants to spend the last part of her life happy. And normal. She’s taking herse-
“Excuse me?!” kurt blared out. “She is no-”
“She’s dying, Kurt. You know this, I know this. Most of all she knows this. She can’t fight it anymore. The cancer just keeps taking over, and nothing is working anymore. She’s going back there when I go back. She just wants to be able to do homework like a normal teen. She’s sick of fighting. And I don’t want her to be in pain” Dave swallowed the knot that developed in his throat. And kurt released a breath.
“She used to sing to me. She used to dance around the house, forcing me to follow…” Dave trailed off as his eyes made their way to the resting spot of the window pane.
Kurt shifted, thinking of how to change the subject.
“I better see you Monday, Karofsky. Bright and early.” Kurt pointed a finger and Dave emptily stared back, a small spark forming beneath the surface. “I better see you put on that nasty, tacky jacket, with Azimio at your side, and a scowl on your face.”
Dave smirked, “Az is so scare of Mia.” He interjected, his mind off in tangent-land.
Kurt sighed, “You both do that a lot.”
“… What?”
“Go off. Take a word and run with it.
“It’s true. We were 13. She force-fed him a mudpie full of worms because he pushed me. Azimio swears up and down that the only one, next to Sandy Ryerson-” Kurt shuddered at the mention of the former, balding glee coach, “the only one he wouldn’t want to be caught with in an alley is Mia.” Dave smiled, crookedly, and an image of Mia flashed in Kurt’s mind.
“Just be there.” and Dave just nodded slowly.
“I won’t hurt you anymore. Hummel. Kurt…“ his voice was no more than a horse whisper, a mere gasp of a word. But Kurt heard it, and his face relaxed and he just nodded and packed his bag, and left the room with a smile.
The thing that scared Kurt most, was getting to the point where he trusted Dave.
Rating; T, Pg-13 for suicide talk
Pairing; Natch, kurtofsky.
Summery; Kurt doens't know how it happened, but due to an unlikely circumstance, he feels drawn to Dave, post suicide attempt. Featuring sickly OC karofksy sister.
community.livejournal.com/karofsky_hummel/127843.html Chapter one
community.livejournal.com/karofsky_hummel/128063.html#cutid1 Chapter two
Kurt continues to visit Dave after school. Mostly he just chats with Mia, Dave doesn’t say anything. Most of the time he’s asleep, or feigning it remarkably well, but Kurt doesn’t notice. Twice, Dave mumbled that Kurt is too loud, and Kurt made a “Well maybe I’ll stop coming”. Dave only said a stifled “Please” once. But Kurt knew he would continue to visit. Partially so Dave had someone other than his sister, and partially because Kurt was so fascinated with Amelia. Kurt swore up and down that Mia didn’t need to breathe to talk, she would just got on and on about whatever tickled her fancy that day.
But sometimes Mia didn’t speak. She would just sit there, eyes half-closed in something Kurt determined to be a level of pain, or annoyance. But those were the times when Dave was awake, but his eyes were always focused on his sister, his eyes matching her pain, but spiced with sorrow. Even then Dave would only say a handful of sentences. “Why are you still here?”, “Sorry”, “When you’re not here all she talks about is what she would say if you were here”, and “It’s bright.” Kurt would only smile softly, and walk across the room the fix the blinds. But he’d always stay, even when everyone was silent. It was almost comforting.
“Some days are good.” Mia pipes up, breaking the silence on the 5th day Kurt comes to visit. His nose is in a text book, half listening, but he perks up when he hears her speak. She spoke slowly, deliberately sounding out her words, as if she struggled, “Some days are bad. Some days I feel like I could get up and dance, and others I just want to stay in bed and just sleep through the pain. Mostly I’m okay. I just feel so irrevocably tired lately.” Dave stares out the window and Mia just smiles crookedly. Kurt focuses on the creases around her eyes and how old they make her look, even though he knows she hasn’t even exited her teen years.
Kurt just smiles, and places his hand on her shoulder , softly squeezing. He doesn’t feel the urge to speak, which is the opposite of himself. He feels more reserved, this hospital room bringing back memories of the time he spent there with his mom.
“I met you before,” Mia mentions, her gaze twinned with Dave, out the window. “A long time ago,” She closed her eyes, her brain a flurry with memories. “It was in the waiting room, at this hospital. I don’t know why you were there, that’s your own. But I was there. Testing. That was the start at least. Dave and I were sitting there while our parents talked to the doctors. And you were sitting there, your hands were resting on your lap. A nervous energy was in the air. Your eyes were closed, but your eyes were still moving, twitching. You were breathing deeply, calming yourself. Or at least trying. I remember hearing you breathe. That’s not creepy at all..“ She chuckles, “There was some nameless family member next to you, I know it wasn’t your dad. Everyone knows Burt,“ She smirks, her mind off in a tangent, “I met him before, after the hospital though. A few years ago. Dad was at work, and dave was at school, and mom was at home baking up a storm for some family gathering. So I was alone. I, at that point, wasn’t allowed to go to school. I went off to the park, Your dad was just sitting there on a bench. Silent. I had a baseball in my hand, I was just going to go to the court, that one with the wall, and bounce it back and forth.” Her eyes fluttered open, staring out the window. “But that’s all I can remember right now.” She looked at Kurt, her mouth parted. “I went off on a magic bus, didn’t I? Totally left what I was talking about.”
Kurt could only smile, and Dave’s smirk when unnoticed. “You were talking about when you first met me? You… were that girl who grabbed my hands and forced my face into a smile? My dad said you were like a little fairy girl. Dressed in white, pale as the moon. And only around when someone needed you,” His hands went to his lap, miming the way they sat all those years ago in the waiting room. Mia just laid a soft hand on his.
“Yeah. I remember how cold your hands were.”
“Mine were? Yours were like ice.”
“You held on to my hands so tightly that day, and you didn’t even know me. You knew Davey before he was Dave,” She whispered the last sentence, “He was the one next to me. The one who laid his hand on your shoulder. Shaggy mop-top hair. He refused to let Mom cut it, “she smiled fondly, “I used to tell him I’d chop it all off while he slept-”
“- And I’d wake up in a pile of hair. That’s when mom started hiding all the scissors.” Dave said quietly, cutting her off. “ ‘He’ll cut his hair when he wants to, Amelia!’ “ He screeched, miming his mom. Dave pursed his lips and fell silent again. Mia just smiled, her hand still on Kurt’s, and she just squeezed, a small jolt of excitement over a few words.
Kurt left shortly after and Mia joined him on the walk to the exit. “I’m not doing this because Dave might like me. I honestly don‘t even know why. I just am.”
“I sure hope you’d not be doing this because my brother noted his attraction to you.”
They walked in silence for a few seconds, the only sound was the tapping of their feet.
“I think that’s when he fell for you.”
“But we were 8... How does… I don’t understand.”
“He felt like he should guard you, protect you. Even then. But he didn’t know how. I guess he thought being an ass would help you be able to defend yourself. I guess he never accounted for the fact that you might run-”
“I didn’t run away.” Kurt spat out, but righted himself, speaking softly, “I didn’t run away. I took a break. I’ll be back there, soon. When it’s right again.”
“When what is right?”
“My heart.”
Mia didn’t ask for an answer, an explanation. She just took it for what it was worth, and hugged Kurt goodbye before he left.
-------
On the 6th day that Kurt visited Dave in the hospital, he was alone. Dave was sitting on the bed. His legs were crossed and Kurt silently thanked the gods, or whatever he could, that dave was human enough to wear a pair of pajama pants. His hospital table was pulled next to him, a deck of cards in haphazard solitaire piles covered it. His gaze only shifted to Kurt for a partial second, but Kurt felt a chill run down his spine anyways.
Kurt sat down regardless, stiffly though. But his legs didn’t tell him to run.
“She’s not coming today.” He said gruffly, and kurt jumped.
“I don’t care. It’s habit to come here now. It’s quiet and I can actually do my homework.”
Dave snorted, “I know how that is. I get bored about 3am when I can’t sleep and I’ve actually been able to keep up with school work. It’s frightening.”
“I was unaware you knew how to use sarcasm…” Kurt trailed off, biting his tongue. But dave just let out a breath and went back to his cards.
He didn’t know why, but the silence was all he needed. Kurt still hated Dave, that much was true. But he was starting to understand him. And the more he understood, the less the hate in his throat tasted bitter.
“I think I’m going to go back to McKinely. At the end of the semester.” Kurt idlely scribbled nonsense on his notebook. “I miss it. Dalton is boring, everyone is the same. It pains me to say it, but I miss the bullying, in a form. In Dalton people just walk on buy, at least at WMHS, people noticed me enough to knock me around. I miss the attention.” Kurt tilted his head, his nose in the air.
Dave snorted again. “You two must be on the same wavelength. Telepathic freaks. Mia is going back to school too. New semester she said. So Monday too. She told mom and dad that she wants to spend the last part of her life happy. And normal. She’s taking herse-
“Excuse me?!” kurt blared out. “She is no-”
“She’s dying, Kurt. You know this, I know this. Most of all she knows this. She can’t fight it anymore. The cancer just keeps taking over, and nothing is working anymore. She’s going back there when I go back. She just wants to be able to do homework like a normal teen. She’s sick of fighting. And I don’t want her to be in pain” Dave swallowed the knot that developed in his throat. And kurt released a breath.
“She used to sing to me. She used to dance around the house, forcing me to follow…” Dave trailed off as his eyes made their way to the resting spot of the window pane.
Kurt shifted, thinking of how to change the subject.
“I better see you Monday, Karofsky. Bright and early.” Kurt pointed a finger and Dave emptily stared back, a small spark forming beneath the surface. “I better see you put on that nasty, tacky jacket, with Azimio at your side, and a scowl on your face.”
Dave smirked, “Az is so scare of Mia.” He interjected, his mind off in tangent-land.
Kurt sighed, “You both do that a lot.”
“… What?”
“Go off. Take a word and run with it.
“It’s true. We were 13. She force-fed him a mudpie full of worms because he pushed me. Azimio swears up and down that the only one, next to Sandy Ryerson-” Kurt shuddered at the mention of the former, balding glee coach, “the only one he wouldn’t want to be caught with in an alley is Mia.” Dave smiled, crookedly, and an image of Mia flashed in Kurt’s mind.
“Just be there.” and Dave just nodded slowly.
“I won’t hurt you anymore. Hummel. Kurt…“ his voice was no more than a horse whisper, a mere gasp of a word. But Kurt heard it, and his face relaxed and he just nodded and packed his bag, and left the room with a smile.
The thing that scared Kurt most, was getting to the point where he trusted Dave.