Why Steven Gerrard will always be 'Steven Gerrard'
[The following writing has absolutely nothing to do with current real life going-ons, just in case you expected that from the entry title; it's all entirely fanfiction-related musings and recollections.]
Reading something in a certain fic, I just realized - not for the first time, mind you - what a (nearly-Freudian) nutcase I am.
Talk about compulsion... recently I've been reading and occupying myself quite some with Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso slash (or to be more precise, so far mostly with Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard slash, because there are moments when I care about the distinction). So what I realized was I can't really call Steven Gerrard 'Steven', or anything other than 'Steven Gerrard' (it's terribly annoying during commenting), just as I was never able to call Oliver Kahn anything but 'Oliver Kahn', just as an unrelated example. This whole difficulty/ 'feeling uncomfortable' with addressing people informally is getting ridiculous.
And mind you, usually they say I'm cool and easy to talk to, heh.
That's so German, too, I suppose. Getting the idea that someone's a certain real, serious and natural kind of authority figure... it always makes me go meek around them.
I kinda get the feeling I shouldn't have requested Steven Gerrard to be in that fic with Cristiano ( as in here by sophiamoon).
... Then... no, that's obviously a lie. Because it was wonderfully gritty and weird, angsty and kinky, cruel and desperate, and just so so achy and filled with unrequited love... and it suited me so well, I could have done all kinds of things to it.
No, really, one should never, and under no circumstances, regret a good thing, no matter the consequences.
Now that leaves me to deal with my issues though. And it's weird enough considering that I prefer as I mentioned above - and this is exactly why I was so precise - Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard. In that constellation, in case you know what I mean, and I expect you do. Now, looking back on my history as a rabbid fan of slash fiction... this allows only for one, no make that two, possible explanations. And I really need to elaborate on those. ... after I have thought about it some more and determined that it is _not_ extremely and utterly embarrassing. Because what is embarrasing enough already is that I relish a meanly dominant Xabi, and at the same time have not the shred of a problem calling him by his (even abbreviated) first name.
But that may be because I don't know much of him and the fact that all I've seen of him hints at a serious, calm and collected guy. (But this is solely my perception, based on practically, er, nothing much.)
.... How a friend of mine once analyzed all of that gives me a real head-ache right now.
Reading something in a certain fic, I just realized - not for the first time, mind you - what a (nearly-Freudian) nutcase I am.
Talk about compulsion... recently I've been reading and occupying myself quite some with Steven Gerrard/Xabi Alonso slash (or to be more precise, so far mostly with Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard slash, because there are moments when I care about the distinction). So what I realized was I can't really call Steven Gerrard 'Steven', or anything other than 'Steven Gerrard' (it's terribly annoying during commenting), just as I was never able to call Oliver Kahn anything but 'Oliver Kahn', just as an unrelated example. This whole difficulty/ 'feeling uncomfortable' with addressing people informally is getting ridiculous.
And mind you, usually they say I'm cool and easy to talk to, heh.
That's so German, too, I suppose. Getting the idea that someone's a certain real, serious and natural kind of authority figure... it always makes me go meek around them.
I kinda get the feeling I shouldn't have requested Steven Gerrard to be in that fic with Cristiano ( as in here by sophiamoon).
... Then... no, that's obviously a lie. Because it was wonderfully gritty and weird, angsty and kinky, cruel and desperate, and just so so achy and filled with unrequited love... and it suited me so well, I could have done all kinds of things to it.
No, really, one should never, and under no circumstances, regret a good thing, no matter the consequences.
Now that leaves me to deal with my issues though. And it's weird enough considering that I prefer as I mentioned above - and this is exactly why I was so precise - Xabi Alonso/Steven Gerrard. In that constellation, in case you know what I mean, and I expect you do. Now, looking back on my history as a rabbid fan of slash fiction... this allows only for one, no make that two, possible explanations. And I really need to elaborate on those. ... after I have thought about it some more and determined that it is _not_ extremely and utterly embarrassing. Because what is embarrasing enough already is that I relish a meanly dominant Xabi, and at the same time have not the shred of a problem calling him by his (even abbreviated) first name.
But that may be because I don't know much of him and the fact that all I've seen of him hints at a serious, calm and collected guy. (But this is solely my perception, based on practically, er, nothing much.)
.... How a friend of mine once analyzed all of that gives me a real head-ache right now.