i leave tomorrow...and
at the moment i feel like shit, ignored. strung no. not even strung along any more. just left in an ally. beat a dog down enough and it either goes fragile or rabid. today, i realized something, neglect hurts. i mean, it still hurts but, not the way it used to. it used to just break my heart, and its pieces could easyily be mended with a boost to the ego. but now. now i just feel so fogotten about that it just angers me. it pisses me off more then it hurts.
i realized this this morning. on the phone, talking to the one person that once made me shiver with anticipation, starve my breath away, and convulse with unstoppable quakes of fear.
nothing today. no shaking, no twitch, and no hope. she took it all and ran. i got nothing left , nothing that amounts to much. ive just been...gods 3 fucking years of trying so hard. im just tired of trying... tired of standing in the rain. tired of watching her play her life away.
tired of her not caring enough to find... THIS words i couldnt outright speak to YOU. words that took all night, or ones that took bad dreams to say.
"i love you" i just hurts now.. because you dont prove it. you just say it. you say i love you once a week pat my bum and send me on. and it used to be enough to make me smile and believe a lie. my lie. my lie to my self that gave me hope every day. gave me hope that one day you and i would be together.
but, i cant even believe my own lie anymore. because ive gone a year believing in a relationship all by myself. and in the end. i get a round trip ticket back to where i started. waiting on you.
i love you, and that scares the hell out of you.
i still love you. still. hope or no hope. unrequited or not. i love you.
but, i've fallen so tired of things. i just wish every night now that i'd see you 'prove' it to me.. please,.. dont tell me you love me anymore. just show me.
These last 3 years,
i realized this this morning. on the phone, talking to the one person that once made me shiver with anticipation, starve my breath away, and convulse with unstoppable quakes of fear.
nothing today. no shaking, no twitch, and no hope. she took it all and ran. i got nothing left , nothing that amounts to much. ive just been...gods 3 fucking years of trying so hard. im just tired of trying... tired of standing in the rain. tired of watching her play her life away.
tired of her not caring enough to find... THIS words i couldnt outright speak to YOU. words that took all night, or ones that took bad dreams to say.
"i love you" i just hurts now.. because you dont prove it. you just say it. you say i love you once a week pat my bum and send me on. and it used to be enough to make me smile and believe a lie. my lie. my lie to my self that gave me hope every day. gave me hope that one day you and i would be together.
but, i cant even believe my own lie anymore. because ive gone a year believing in a relationship all by myself. and in the end. i get a round trip ticket back to where i started. waiting on you.
i love you, and that scares the hell out of you.
i still love you. still. hope or no hope. unrequited or not. i love you.
but, i've fallen so tired of things. i just wish every night now that i'd see you 'prove' it to me.. please,.. dont tell me you love me anymore. just show me.
These last 3 years,