(no subject)
alright.. the people i keep track of seem to be having a shit fest of problems.. the sadder thing is, i dont think they even read this,.. so why do i read theirs? compelled to find a silverlining ? shit i dunno.. maybe just because i actualy enjoy the better days they have,.. kinda like seeing that depressed kid in the corner smile for once, its just that much more beautiful.
so anyway,.. everyone has bad days, bad weeks, bad years, bad lives. i can agree with that.. im 22 years and counting and i'll tell you.. all 22 aint been good..
i sat in a field once,.. tears in my eyes, logic no longer in my head. i felt so defeated, i'd lost the only oppurtunity to get the girl i always wanted, and would ever need. so at that moment of defeat, i found my way out to a field. i sat with my back to a tree, pondering , not my existance, not the next day, week, or year, just the moment. i felt so alone, and in my weak mindedness thought that feeling to last forever.
sadly, in a field all alone with a gun in your hand, all i could think about was my funeral, the crowd, would there even be one? the ultimate question that crossed my mind, would i even be missed? you tell your self yes, but doubt yourself no, you want to pull the trigger just to know, just to see the look on their faces when they come running to the gunshot. but alas, you know damn well,.. you pull the trigger and you'll never know a thing. not anymore.
the simple thought patterns crossing the brain of an emotionaly distrought man.. 21 years of life, brushed off to mean nothing over a days worth of pain.
ever hold a conversation with a tree? a blade of grass? lets be rational, how bout yourself? did it ever answer?
so, i hear you had a bad day? given up on life so soon? come on.. your only twently-what,.. your not even half started. yesterday was bad, today was worse,.. but tomorrow.. you pull the trigger.. and you'll never know about tomorrow. you give up?
so the tree was obviously smarter then i,.. but the doubt and anger was still there,.. emptyness sat next to logic finally and passion was kicked to the side. then you realize,.. shits just been going your way nicely lately.. you pull the trigger - you might not even die. way to go fuckup.
so you make sence to yourself,.. death isnt the answer, theres always a tomorrow to fix whats broken, or replace whats lost.
and by the way,... before i left, i took the life of a bird, walking the ground for a meal. because... it could fly,
and i couldnt.
and that was my answer, no one came, no one ran, no one would have ever heard the sound..
of a man dying.
deal with life, one day at a time.
-dick-
so anyway,.. everyone has bad days, bad weeks, bad years, bad lives. i can agree with that.. im 22 years and counting and i'll tell you.. all 22 aint been good..
i sat in a field once,.. tears in my eyes, logic no longer in my head. i felt so defeated, i'd lost the only oppurtunity to get the girl i always wanted, and would ever need. so at that moment of defeat, i found my way out to a field. i sat with my back to a tree, pondering , not my existance, not the next day, week, or year, just the moment. i felt so alone, and in my weak mindedness thought that feeling to last forever.
sadly, in a field all alone with a gun in your hand, all i could think about was my funeral, the crowd, would there even be one? the ultimate question that crossed my mind, would i even be missed? you tell your self yes, but doubt yourself no, you want to pull the trigger just to know, just to see the look on their faces when they come running to the gunshot. but alas, you know damn well,.. you pull the trigger and you'll never know a thing. not anymore.
the simple thought patterns crossing the brain of an emotionaly distrought man.. 21 years of life, brushed off to mean nothing over a days worth of pain.
ever hold a conversation with a tree? a blade of grass? lets be rational, how bout yourself? did it ever answer?
so, i hear you had a bad day? given up on life so soon? come on.. your only twently-what,.. your not even half started. yesterday was bad, today was worse,.. but tomorrow.. you pull the trigger.. and you'll never know about tomorrow. you give up?
so the tree was obviously smarter then i,.. but the doubt and anger was still there,.. emptyness sat next to logic finally and passion was kicked to the side. then you realize,.. shits just been going your way nicely lately.. you pull the trigger - you might not even die. way to go fuckup.
so you make sence to yourself,.. death isnt the answer, theres always a tomorrow to fix whats broken, or replace whats lost.
and by the way,... before i left, i took the life of a bird, walking the ground for a meal. because... it could fly,
and i couldnt.
and that was my answer, no one came, no one ran, no one would have ever heard the sound..
of a man dying.
deal with life, one day at a time.
-dick-