[for matt, brian, and roger] when it rains...

[karmic_darwin]

Dated December 5thSince Parkman's arrival, Mohinder's dreams had been dark, disturbed, even violent. Knowing that Hiro had corrected the timestream, that Molly and Nathan and he had all survived Peter exploding in the square banished them in daytime, but his subconscious mind could not let go of the timeline he had lived and died in, or left from.

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[karmic_darwin]

He did not believe it. He could not. He could not have been working for Sylar for years without having known it. It simply was not possible.

But his thoughts returned again and again to moments where Nathan had seemed sharper, his expressions less determined and more cruel. He tried to find the point where Nathan had stopped calculating compassion and started justifying means. He'd never been warm and gentle but Mohinder had believed in him enough to follow him. Somewhere that had changed. He thought it was desperation. Perhaps...

No.

Yes, Mohinder, you know Parkman's right. You knew when he said it.

No.

He had not been in love with his father's murderer, a serial killer. He had not.

Unwilling to face the thoughts anymore, Mohinder dragged himself to the kitchen for the cider he knew would be there. If perchance it was not, he would go to Ianto. But Ianto might ask, and he couldn't talk about this. He could not.

[queer_as_brian]

Brian had no particular destination in mind, but as he walked past the kitchen with a glance, that changed. He stopped, then took a step back, aligning himself with the doorway again. Now that he thought about it, he was kind of thirsty.

"What're you looking for?" he asked in a purr as he moved to Mohinder's side, smiling.

[karmic_darwin]

"Absolution," Mohinder answered the stranger, beyond caring what he said and to whom. "Failing that, to drown my failings in alcohol barely worthy of the name and sleep until I don't recall them."

Or find Rupert or Alcuin and sweat them out and find relief in release, physical and emotional.

[queer_as_brian]

"Well, I'm not a priest, but I've fucked one," Brian quipped. Hell, it was probably even true. He'd fucked a lot of men, there had to have been a priest in there somewhere. "But sleeping is a waste of a good drunk, and I don't know if I can condone that kind of behavior." As he spoke, he reached past the man for a bottle of cider, letting his shoulder brush against the other's. "I can think of much better ways to enjoy it."

[karmic_darwin]

If the guy had been Jack, Mohinder would already have been dragging the bottle and Jack to the nearest empty room. Jack he trusted to make him forget and help him to deal.

He looked along his shoulder, sloe-eyed and bitter with regret. Bitter like romance, Rupert had said. "I suppose we might discuss your theories of appropriate usage of a good drunk over a drink. As for putting theory to practice, I generally prefer a name at least."

[queer_as_brian]

Bitterness and regret; now there were some turn-offs if ever Brian had seen them. Still, if the right level of drunkenness could be achieved there might be potential here yet. "I'm Brian Kinney," he replied with a smooth smile. "And I've never been a fan of theorizing when I can get some hands-on experience." It was a proposition, obviously, but Brian physically pulled away, as if to give the man room to think, opening the cider and getting down a pair of large glasses.

[karmic_darwin]

What he lacked in general attentiveness, he perhaps made up for in the by now familiar form of solicitations on the island. Shared smiles and alcohol. He ought, if he were as intelligent as his various advisors had always claimed, to thank Brian for his interest and his time, take the cider and find someone with whom he might find solace.

He didn't want solace. He wanted not to think about Sylar and Nathan and the whole damned mess of his actions and affections for as long as he might, and for what reason he couldn't fathom, Brian seemed more than willing to accommodate him. "Dr. Mohinder Suresh, Mohinder's fine, and I should warn you that I'm a theoretician, philosopher and geneticist by training." He smiled then, wry and amused, even though he felt certain he wouldn't be by morning. "But if we're drunk enough the theorizing will sound perfectly normal, and I do have a talent for shutting up when it's warranted."

[queer_as_brian]

"And I know a few tricks to shut you up if you get carried away," Brian added with a grin, pressing a glass of cider into Mohinder's hand. "Or maybe you'll actually enlighten me." He chuckled and took a healthy drink of cider, letting his gaze move appreciatively over Mohinder's form. He was definitely hot. Worth a little conversation, even. Not too much, but a little.

[karmic_darwin]

Mohinder didn't answer immediately, instead permitting his fingers to brush Brian's when he took the cider, then lifting it directly from Brian's hand to his mouth for a long swallow. And then another. Eyes closing over a shudder for the speed of it, he drank the glass down to less than a third remaining, before he replied, "If it's enlightenment you're after, you'd be better off talking to Morgan. After ten thousand years of existence as pure consciousness, she's far better qualified to speak to the subject."

And it was far easier to speak of a casual friend than to continue to speak of himself, especially under such circumstances.

[queer_as_brian]

"Enlightenment is overrated," Brian answered in a purr. "I'm after something more...primal." He leaned back and smirked, sipping his cider. "Today, anyway."

[karmic_darwin]

"Yes," Mohinder answered, a darkly amused smile curling the corners of his mouth. Before finishing the thought, he drained the rest of the cider and dragged the bottle over again. "You've made that clear enough for even an absent-minded professor to perceive."

Tilting his head while he poured, Mohinder studied Brian. Attractive enough, to be sure, but a direct approach and nearly anonymous sex weren't usually his style. The base honesty of it appealed, in light of Parkman's revelation. He met Brian's gaze, dark-eyed and head beginning to buzz from the quick intake. "Why?"

The answer probably made little difference, but since they seemed to be locked into this particular course, at least it would be interesting to know.

[queer_as_brian]

"I'm not interested in playing games, I'm interested in fucking. As for why? Because you're hot." Why people had to make such a big fucking deal about sex was beyond him. "And believe me, you'll enjoy it."

[karmic_darwin]

Perhaps it was the cider, or the situation. Or perhaps he simply appreciated not having to guess. No question who Brian Kinney was, after all. A predator uncloaked who wanted nothing Mohinder wouldn't be willing to give.

He laughed, low and hoarse, then swallowed down another long sip of cider. "I'm interested in forgetting." Honesty on both sides, although he didn't suspect Brian cared in the slightest. "Fucking is functional, and you're certainly attractive enough." Palming the cider glass which he unsteadily refilled, and topped off Brian's out of courtesy, he stood. "No point in lingering then, hm? I hope your place is closer than mine."

[queer_as_brian]

Oh for fuck's sake. What was this, sharing hour? But he was hot and willing and so Brian just shrugged it off, getting to his feet. "Down a few flights of stairs, and worth the trip," he answered with a smirk, leading the way out of the kitchen and toward the stairs. He considered using the elevator, but he had yet to find a time that it was empty and somehow a silent elevator ride with a few other people didn't usually set the mood for sex.

[karmic_darwin]

"Naturally," Mohinder answered, following Brian toward the stairs. Somewhere between here and naked, he'd find some actual interest in getting fucked, or it would happen when the clothes came off. In the meantime, the alcohol was doing an excellent job of dulling his emotions and heightening his senses. Brian smelled warm and clean when he passed beside him, and for all his confidence, he was nothing like Nathan.

So he told himself, but part of him knew he was very like Nathan and perhaps that casual disinterest drew him. A way to purge his feelings by being with someone who could have no feelings for him.

[queer_as_brian]

Brian led the way quickly, making his way down the hall to his room with a few glances over his shoulder along the way, making sure Mohinder was still there.

He stopped at the last room, pulling the curtain back with a smile and a gesture for Mohinder to enter. Not that there was a whole lot of room in there--the king-sized bed from his loft took up most of the floor space, and the wardrobe he'd gotten last January just made it worse.