blllllllaaaaaaaaahhhhhhh
Well I've been meaning to post but stuff has been going on my life and so I've been away but now I am back. What you are about to read is something that I wrote on Thursday to tell about some grievances that I had with school.........
Today has been hard for me. With honors night and junior marshals it's just been reallllly upsetting. I was sitting in 2nd period and I was hearing the names of people and I was hearing the names of people who were going to be going to honors. I was happy because I thought that I did well this year so I would probably be honored for something, this should be my year. I just didn't hear my name. My spirt wa so shot it started to make my temper flare. I was talking to Jasmine (Oboe player) and she was mad too. When I went into Mrs. Harris's class I told her my dilema and she said she agreed. She gave me a hug and a snickers bar and a mello yellow to make me feel better. She made me smile. I was at the point of crying at that point. I didn't expect it and it is teachers like that, that make me love class and want to achieve. However my happiness was short lived when in 3rd period I heard the names of the Junior Marshals for this year. Of course my boyfriend Justin made it and he was also invited to honors night for the 3rd year......(sigh). I just hate that me along with other are in the situation where we are never recognized for anything. I have never been student of the month and never once in my high school career been invited to honors night. Ok so yea with the student of the month they have to choose out of 345 students in my class. I tried to think about the bright side of some things but I can't because I've just been pushed and slapped in the face (hypothetically) left and right and I tired of being asked whats wrong by people who have been invited to honors night and became junior marshals. Ugh...... here they go again. Some of them just don't understand that sometimes to be happy I need to be sad and cry so that I can get it out. I don't need or want to be cheered up and they are guys so they wouldn't understand. Sometimes I hate guys. Seriously they just need to learn! I'm still upset about honors night and other things . I need to mope for my own well being.
On to other different fustrations I get tired of having to defend the different music programs at school. They are all great and have fantastic directors. I shouldn't have to defend county and state reviewed and revered programs... geez why do I let people get to me so much. I'm having to clench my teeth again.
What is sadness? I'm not sad, not at all. I'm so many emotions right now. I'm disappointed, fustrated, and most of all angry at myself for letting my dream go and die like it did. I let some teachers determine my abilities and kill my spirit and dreams. And when that happens you are bound to fail. I'm just so tired. I need to cry and I want to now. I knew it was coming. Why has this year been so emotional for me? I honestlydo know that I shouldn't be crying over this but it hurts so much for your teachers to not consider you worthy enough. I'm not used to being over looked and I guess I just can't deal....
Stuff like this can kill a relationship.....my boyfriend got Junior Marshal and invited of Honors for the 3rd year......I'm trying to be happy for him and I am proud but inside I'm crying at my own defeat........it's hard. It seems like everytime he gets a better grade it is shoved in my face and I can't take it anymore.....what to do?
Today has been hard for me. With honors night and junior marshals it's just been reallllly upsetting. I was sitting in 2nd period and I was hearing the names of people and I was hearing the names of people who were going to be going to honors. I was happy because I thought that I did well this year so I would probably be honored for something, this should be my year. I just didn't hear my name. My spirt wa so shot it started to make my temper flare. I was talking to Jasmine (Oboe player) and she was mad too. When I went into Mrs. Harris's class I told her my dilema and she said she agreed. She gave me a hug and a snickers bar and a mello yellow to make me feel better. She made me smile. I was at the point of crying at that point. I didn't expect it and it is teachers like that, that make me love class and want to achieve. However my happiness was short lived when in 3rd period I heard the names of the Junior Marshals for this year. Of course my boyfriend Justin made it and he was also invited to honors night for the 3rd year......(sigh). I just hate that me along with other are in the situation where we are never recognized for anything. I have never been student of the month and never once in my high school career been invited to honors night. Ok so yea with the student of the month they have to choose out of 345 students in my class. I tried to think about the bright side of some things but I can't because I've just been pushed and slapped in the face (hypothetically) left and right and I tired of being asked whats wrong by people who have been invited to honors night and became junior marshals. Ugh...... here they go again. Some of them just don't understand that sometimes to be happy I need to be sad and cry so that I can get it out. I don't need or want to be cheered up and they are guys so they wouldn't understand. Sometimes I hate guys. Seriously they just need to learn! I'm still upset about honors night and other things . I need to mope for my own well being.
On to other different fustrations I get tired of having to defend the different music programs at school. They are all great and have fantastic directors. I shouldn't have to defend county and state reviewed and revered programs... geez why do I let people get to me so much. I'm having to clench my teeth again.
What is sadness? I'm not sad, not at all. I'm so many emotions right now. I'm disappointed, fustrated, and most of all angry at myself for letting my dream go and die like it did. I let some teachers determine my abilities and kill my spirit and dreams. And when that happens you are bound to fail. I'm just so tired. I need to cry and I want to now. I knew it was coming. Why has this year been so emotional for me? I honestlydo know that I shouldn't be crying over this but it hurts so much for your teachers to not consider you worthy enough. I'm not used to being over looked and I guess I just can't deal....
Stuff like this can kill a relationship.....my boyfriend got Junior Marshal and invited of Honors for the 3rd year......I'm trying to be happy for him and I am proud but inside I'm crying at my own defeat........it's hard. It seems like everytime he gets a better grade it is shoved in my face and I can't take it anymore.....what to do?