What if?
What if you spent most of your life in pain? How would you handle life if you had spent years enduring pain others bestowed upon you? How would YOU react to society?
What if there was once a time in your life when all you wanted was to be liked? What if you just wanted to have a lot of friends. Would you feel like a pathetic loser if your self-worth was determined by the number of people who said hello to you as you walked down the high school highways?
What if one day you woke up and realized that you deserved more than this fucked up piece of shit life you were living? That you didn't have to take the verbal abuse from the guy you THOUGHT loved you? What if you finally saw the light and made the decision that you no longer needed to be a "sideline hoe". Suppose you were no longer going to deal with the catty bullshit from stupid females. If you accepted the fact that you couldn't accept love from another person until you loved yourself, how would you deal with people?
Would you keep your guard up? We you protect yourself from the people that you knew would potentially hurt you? Would you have barriers? Would you not trust people? Would you hold on to the few people who stuck by your side through all the pain, drama, and bullshit and not worry about "making new friends and being outgoing"?
Would you keep to yourself when in new environments? Would you keep quiet? Would you focus on you?
What if you met someone who pushed you, challenged you, loved you, and made you realize that it was possible to love and be loved again? Would you accept it? Or would you fight it?
What if this person was really out going, social, friendly, happy go lucky, and the total opposite of who society conditioned you to be? What if in order for you to be together, you had to rebel against everything you've trained yourself to do in order to protect your heart? Would it take time? Could you even do it?
Or would you automatically become Mary Fucking Sunshine?
I didn't think so.
It takes time, you stupid fuck. I know I'm twisted. I know I'm complicated. But I can't just wake up one day and say, hey, today I'm gonna stop being who I've been ALL MY FUCKING LIFE and be little miss perfect.
My best friend is little miss perfect. And according to her, it's not all it's cracked up to be. It's exhausting.
If you can't accept it, I totally understand. I know I'm a bitch to deal with. I know I've put you through a whole hell of a lot. But I'm not gonna lie to you or myself. This is me. Take me or leave me.
I wish I could change
I wish I could change
I with I could stop saying the same ol’ things
I wish I could be who you want me to be
I wish I could stop being the ol’ me
I wish I could lose all of my blues
I wish I could stop putting my blues on you
I wish I could love like nobody loves
I wish that my goods out way my bads enough
There’s no way, there’s no way, there’s no way
I can get back that boy ‘cause I’m too complicated
He’s not complicated, but I’m too…
Eh. Feel free to comment.
~Courtney~
What if there was once a time in your life when all you wanted was to be liked? What if you just wanted to have a lot of friends. Would you feel like a pathetic loser if your self-worth was determined by the number of people who said hello to you as you walked down the high school highways?
What if one day you woke up and realized that you deserved more than this fucked up piece of shit life you were living? That you didn't have to take the verbal abuse from the guy you THOUGHT loved you? What if you finally saw the light and made the decision that you no longer needed to be a "sideline hoe". Suppose you were no longer going to deal with the catty bullshit from stupid females. If you accepted the fact that you couldn't accept love from another person until you loved yourself, how would you deal with people?
Would you keep your guard up? We you protect yourself from the people that you knew would potentially hurt you? Would you have barriers? Would you not trust people? Would you hold on to the few people who stuck by your side through all the pain, drama, and bullshit and not worry about "making new friends and being outgoing"?
Would you keep to yourself when in new environments? Would you keep quiet? Would you focus on you?
What if you met someone who pushed you, challenged you, loved you, and made you realize that it was possible to love and be loved again? Would you accept it? Or would you fight it?
What if this person was really out going, social, friendly, happy go lucky, and the total opposite of who society conditioned you to be? What if in order for you to be together, you had to rebel against everything you've trained yourself to do in order to protect your heart? Would it take time? Could you even do it?
Or would you automatically become Mary Fucking Sunshine?
I didn't think so.
It takes time, you stupid fuck. I know I'm twisted. I know I'm complicated. But I can't just wake up one day and say, hey, today I'm gonna stop being who I've been ALL MY FUCKING LIFE and be little miss perfect.
My best friend is little miss perfect. And according to her, it's not all it's cracked up to be. It's exhausting.
If you can't accept it, I totally understand. I know I'm a bitch to deal with. I know I've put you through a whole hell of a lot. But I'm not gonna lie to you or myself. This is me. Take me or leave me.
I wish I could change
I wish I could change
I with I could stop saying the same ol’ things
I wish I could be who you want me to be
I wish I could stop being the ol’ me
I wish I could lose all of my blues
I wish I could stop putting my blues on you
I wish I could love like nobody loves
I wish that my goods out way my bads enough
There’s no way, there’s no way, there’s no way
I can get back that boy ‘cause I’m too complicated
He’s not complicated, but I’m too…
Eh. Feel free to comment.
~Courtney~