Manifold Reflections

[karmasoup]

5-Fingered Pause

Not that I’d suggest you should, but, if you do happen to believe Freud, you’re of the mind that everybody has some sort of unresolved psychological traumas resulting from relationships with their parents. It’s just human nature. The Oedipus complexes, daddy drama issues, you name it, we all got it. I don’t even think he really

Comments

[karmasoup]

Thanks! That was mostly due to being stuck by the choices... I really wanted to write about sexual ethics, I've been milling a post of that nature around in my head long before LJ Idol, but, I sort of figured it would be the most popular option, and I didn't want mine to get lost in the mix, but, absolutely NONE of the other topics appealed to me AT ALL. Then I happened to open up an email from one of my humorous RSS feeds (thisistrue.com), and that article was the first in this month's post. When I realized how much it easily lent itself to 4 out of 5 of the topics, I just couldn't turn away the temptation.

The ruffling feathers was a disclaimer that more or less should probably be included with most any post I write, I'm not the type to generally bother to take the time to give an explanation of that nature, I just assume most people will just figure it out naturally, and, if they don't, that's a good filter. In this case, though, with so many new people, even if I waited until the 4th week, it's good that I got it out there this one time, so that the idea stands, and virtually rolls forward for the rest of the season.

From what I've read in the green room, I'm looking forward to reading your post. I figured there would be a few who touched on the same subject I would have if I went there, and it will be interesting to see other people's take on how to present their perspective on this way of life.

[comedychick]

I think I was one of three people who talked about polyamory, but we all wrote about it differently, which I thought was pretty cool. I suspect you'll get to tigrkittn's before mine. I really liked reading hers especially.

[karmasoup]

I'm surprised there was only 3. Was the 3rd Cheshire? Yeah, it's not surprising that each one took a different spin on it... my partner often says there are as many different ways to be poly as there are people who are poly.

[comedychick]

Cheshire talked about parenting. The 3rd I recall was misalady. But there might be another one I'm forgetting, or I may have accidentally skipped over others. In any case, I think mine generated the most buzz. I've got like a bazillion comments on it, which just really surprised me since I wasn't really expecting that kind of feedback.

That is true. There are so many ways to be poly. I find it interesting to hear about how different people make it work.

[karmasoup]

I have an associate who raises a child with 3 long term male partners, and she's often threatened to write a book titled "How's That Work, Exactly?" which is the question she gets most often when people learn how she lives.

[comedychick]

How is that a threat? I think that could be a very valuable book to have around! I am also now a little envious... I have yet to find a man I like who isn't my husband and is comfortable even dating me knowing that I'm poly. Not that I'm actively looking, but even if there has been mutual interest between me and someone else, the relationship style is offputting for them, I think.

[karmasoup]

"Threat" was euphemistic... a southern colloquialism, perhaps... my family (and others with a southern upbringing) often use it with versatility, even to describe something nice you plan to do for someone else. Also, we say it describe ideas people have that will probably never come around.

In addition to her 3 live-in male partners, she also has at least 3 other longterm male companions, and dates a handful of other men and women casually, so, we all seriously doubt she'll ever find the time.

But, yeah, you really have to put some energy into finding that sort of thing, if you want it. In her case, she's just worked on for more than 25 years, and her little social clan continues to grow and expand.

Myself, I don't really date muggles, which limits my options somewhat, but, again, that's a nice filter for me, as I really have neither the time nor the patience to go explaining (and often defending) my situation repeatedly. Though, I do find, there are a lot more people receptive to the concept than just those who officially associate with "the community." As long as they're not turning up their noses and recoiling in horror, we could still be talking, and see where things go from there.

[comedychick]

Oh, I see :) Language is so complicated to understand depending on where you're from sometimes!

Me, I don't like trying to find the right "community" of people to stick with the likeminded folks. I don't hide how our relationship is from people I meet here, and give them the opportunity to ask questions if they wish. I've not long been in a poly situation so that could be a contributing factor as to why I don't mind talking about it. But I had a guy who seemed really forward and open about asking me all sorts about how it worked, only to be told that he would be uncomfortable dating me because of the circumstances. I guess it's easier for other people to accept it as long as they're not the ones involved in the poly relationship. I just have a tendency to make friends with whomever, and then become interested in said friends, and have to figure out whether it's even worth saying anything about!

[karmasoup]

I'm not a big fan of "the community" either, that's why I put it in quotes. Don't get me started on that... I could go off for pages... it's probably why I didn't want to post on this topic this round, because it would most likely turn into a soapbox rant, and that's not the energy I wanted to have out there this week. Though, if you're interested in some of my thoughts on the subject, check out the poly forum thread on OKCupid. (You can find it by searching my handle there, it comes up in the first few listings.)

I don't mind talking about poly to anyone, and I don't keep my circumstances private from anyone, either, I just don't always want to bother to give the time to go through the massive explanations required by the folks whose jaws land on the floor. In general, I associate with a social circle of people who accept me as I am... that would be a requirement no matter what unique subcultures I happen to find myself in.... I think it's in our nature to choose to surround ourselves with people who "get us."

[comedychick]

I might check that out sometime. Not now, though, since it is nearly 2am and I really should go to bed!

Yes absolutely. I choose to surround myself with people who accept me, but don't necessarily share all of my beliefs and so forth. Sometimes though I do like to make a point of mentioning the positive aspects of this relationship working for us, if I'm talking to someone I'm semi-interested in who is unsure if it's relationship style s/he could be involved in themselves.

[karmasoup]

Oh, yeah, of course. There's a bit of "vetting" that one has to do first to determine whether it's worth the effort, but after you've qualified that someone is otherwise receptive to processing new concepts, it is fun to broaden people's minds and way of thinking. I enjoy finding new ways to expand my own perceptions in life, too. It happens all over the world, everyday, one spark at a time. I just keep the cycle moving forward.