I need to tell *someone*

[karmaqueen]

I'm closer to the edge than I've ever been before and I'm not sure I have the strength to turn around anymore. I'm not broken, but there are enough cracks that I think I will be soon. The daydreams are becoming clearer, more realistic. The urges are becoming stronger and the resistance is fading away. It has become a struggle just to utter the words "Help me." I'm withdrawing deeper and deeper into my own pain and self-hatred, and I'm putting up walls against any and all forms of caring and affection. I'm exhausted.

It's been nearly ten years and I'm finally starting to realize that maybe this is how it was always meant to be.