(no subject)
I need to vent for a moment. (However, unlike my angry rants, this will be a semi-articulate and quasi-intelligent rant. And unlike all my other entries, this one's public because I want people to read it... who knows, maybe someone out there will take something helpful from it.)
First of all, let me get one thing straight. Pro-gay marriage is probably my strongest political inclination, one of the few things I'm not apathetic about when it comes to the government. I think it's ridiculous that people who love each other should be prevented from committing themselves to one another and receiving the same benefits that "traditional" married couples get. Personally, for me, I think I should have the right to marry any damn person I want. If a woman makes me happy, why can't I marry her and be both socially and legally committed to her?
Now that that's out of the way...I hate hate HATE when members of the gay community refer to themselves as "married".
Today one of my co-workers, referring to one of my other co-workers, said, "She's going to marry her girlfriend". Same nineteen-year-old coworker said she herself was "married" last year.
WTF? There are so many things wrong with these statements.
First of all, nobody should be married at 18. Or 19, or even 20. Very few people at that age can maintain a mature, responsible, committed relationship to the point where they should restrict themselves through marriage. Hell, at that age you can't possibly know what you want in a partner because you haven't been with enough people to know what does and what doesn't work. (I'm thinking along the lines of, "The grass looks greener on the other side because it probably is but you need to be courageous enough to go check it out first").
Second of all, how can you be married when the law expressly prohibits marriage of same-sex couples? The whole "but we're married in our hearts" argument is bullshit; marriage is a legal construct and if you're prevented from doing it legally to begin with then you're not married.
Now, here's my biggest problem with this whole issue. Most proponents of marriage amendments to limit who can marry argue that gay marriage devalues marriage altogether. While I disagree with this sentiment, I do think that gay people who claim to be married often prove these people right. Every one of the "married" lesbians I've known or heard of--with the sole exception of one middle-aged professor-- describe their "marriage" as happening very early in their adult lives and after a very brief period of knowing the other party. These same women spend little time with that partner and quickly move on to the next, only to be "married" all over again. If the same couple were a "traditional" couple, a marriage would be out of the question for two reasons: a) the aforementioned age issue, because most people believe marriage between such a young couple is not acceptable, and b) such a brief courtship means that the couple can't possibly know each other well enough to establish a stable, long-lasting relationship. It seems as if these same-sex couples, since they can't legally take the plunge, take the situation entirely too lightly because there's no legal red-tape to go through. It's much easier to say "we're married in our hearts" than it is to go to the courthouse, plan a wedding, change names, etc. and subsequently get a divorce, and therefore it's much easier to flit from partner to partner. I'd have to agree with the anti-marriage people; this does devalue marriage.
I think our generation is entirely too focused on being paired up with someone, even if that someone isn't right for him/her. I've known way too many people who stick with someone just because they'd rather be with someone than no-one. I've been on both sides of that situation as well, but now I've learned... Being single is not that bad! Yeah, you might have to kiss a bunch of frogs to find the prince, but you don't have to marry/"marry" all of them! I wish people would stop settling for anyone and wait for the someone who actually is special. I've seen this on both sides of the gay-straight fence, but it is far more prevalent on the gay side; the gay/les community definitely seems to have a "flavor-of-the-month" mentality. What's worse is that instead of realizing that it's just a fling or maybe even a fledgling relationship that might work out, they jump in head first and take the whole thing way too seriously way too early. Before you know it, they're "married" (in their hearts, of course) and before long they're both "married" to someone else.
Basically, my point is this: If you, as a gay American who wants the right to marry a same-sex partner, want legislators to take you seriously, stop saying you're "married" to this woman, then to that woman, and so on. Date around, find someone you actually know and really like, and commit to that person instead of every damn fool in the street/bar/bookstore. Just like straight folks who have been married six times aren't respected, nobody's going to respect your relationship either, including legislators... and, I have to admit, they shouldn't. And until then, for goodness sake, call him/her your 'significant other' instead of your spouse. Calling someone your husband/wife when they're not is misleading, inaccurate, and damaging to the entire gay marriage cause.
First of all, let me get one thing straight. Pro-gay marriage is probably my strongest political inclination, one of the few things I'm not apathetic about when it comes to the government. I think it's ridiculous that people who love each other should be prevented from committing themselves to one another and receiving the same benefits that "traditional" married couples get. Personally, for me, I think I should have the right to marry any damn person I want. If a woman makes me happy, why can't I marry her and be both socially and legally committed to her?
Now that that's out of the way...I hate hate HATE when members of the gay community refer to themselves as "married".
Today one of my co-workers, referring to one of my other co-workers, said, "She's going to marry her girlfriend". Same nineteen-year-old coworker said she herself was "married" last year.
WTF? There are so many things wrong with these statements.
First of all, nobody should be married at 18. Or 19, or even 20. Very few people at that age can maintain a mature, responsible, committed relationship to the point where they should restrict themselves through marriage. Hell, at that age you can't possibly know what you want in a partner because you haven't been with enough people to know what does and what doesn't work. (I'm thinking along the lines of, "The grass looks greener on the other side because it probably is but you need to be courageous enough to go check it out first").
Second of all, how can you be married when the law expressly prohibits marriage of same-sex couples? The whole "but we're married in our hearts" argument is bullshit; marriage is a legal construct and if you're prevented from doing it legally to begin with then you're not married.
Now, here's my biggest problem with this whole issue. Most proponents of marriage amendments to limit who can marry argue that gay marriage devalues marriage altogether. While I disagree with this sentiment, I do think that gay people who claim to be married often prove these people right. Every one of the "married" lesbians I've known or heard of--with the sole exception of one middle-aged professor-- describe their "marriage" as happening very early in their adult lives and after a very brief period of knowing the other party. These same women spend little time with that partner and quickly move on to the next, only to be "married" all over again. If the same couple were a "traditional" couple, a marriage would be out of the question for two reasons: a) the aforementioned age issue, because most people believe marriage between such a young couple is not acceptable, and b) such a brief courtship means that the couple can't possibly know each other well enough to establish a stable, long-lasting relationship. It seems as if these same-sex couples, since they can't legally take the plunge, take the situation entirely too lightly because there's no legal red-tape to go through. It's much easier to say "we're married in our hearts" than it is to go to the courthouse, plan a wedding, change names, etc. and subsequently get a divorce, and therefore it's much easier to flit from partner to partner. I'd have to agree with the anti-marriage people; this does devalue marriage.
I think our generation is entirely too focused on being paired up with someone, even if that someone isn't right for him/her. I've known way too many people who stick with someone just because they'd rather be with someone than no-one. I've been on both sides of that situation as well, but now I've learned... Being single is not that bad! Yeah, you might have to kiss a bunch of frogs to find the prince, but you don't have to marry/"marry" all of them! I wish people would stop settling for anyone and wait for the someone who actually is special. I've seen this on both sides of the gay-straight fence, but it is far more prevalent on the gay side; the gay/les community definitely seems to have a "flavor-of-the-month" mentality. What's worse is that instead of realizing that it's just a fling or maybe even a fledgling relationship that might work out, they jump in head first and take the whole thing way too seriously way too early. Before you know it, they're "married" (in their hearts, of course) and before long they're both "married" to someone else.
Basically, my point is this: If you, as a gay American who wants the right to marry a same-sex partner, want legislators to take you seriously, stop saying you're "married" to this woman, then to that woman, and so on. Date around, find someone you actually know and really like, and commit to that person instead of every damn fool in the street/bar/bookstore. Just like straight folks who have been married six times aren't respected, nobody's going to respect your relationship either, including legislators... and, I have to admit, they shouldn't. And until then, for goodness sake, call him/her your 'significant other' instead of your spouse. Calling someone your husband/wife when they're not is misleading, inaccurate, and damaging to the entire gay marriage cause.