five times ryo kills the romance. [pin, pg13]
title: five times ryo kills the romance.
rating: pg13 for implied sexings and pottymouths
fandom: je
pairing: ryo + pin
disclaimer: all characters mentioned here belong to themselves.
a/n: unbeta'd! for adreana, because when she says "pin", i say "how much sex?" and also because she needs to be ryofied, whatever that means. :3 written in one sitting, so it will probably be all kinds of crap right now. i tried my best? this is crack and not meant to be taken seriously!
summary: wherein ryo is a total cockblocker, yamapi is embarrassed, jin is jin, and the rest of je is nonexistent.
“Hey, Jin,” Ryo says, not looking up when Jin flies through the room and lands on Yamapi’s lap. “Catching soccer balls with your neck again?”
Jin looks indignant. “What? No.” His hand reaches up reflexively until it touches the red bruise marring his skin. He mouths an “oh” in understanding, and Yamapi shakes his head in amusement.
Jin bounces up and stands with his hands on his hips. “If you must know,” he says in a tone that makes Yamapi snort and Ryo roll his eyes, “I was at Yamapi’s last night.”
Ryo makes a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot himself in the temple. Yamapi tries to hide behind a couch pillow. “Jin,” he whines, but he is steadfastly ignored.
“-and you should know,” Jin continues, turning to leer at Yamapi, “that Yamapi gives the most excellent he-”
Ryo stands up and slams a magazine across Jin’s face. “No,” he shrieks as Jin’s head snaps back. “Bad Jin!”
Yamapi looks slightly annoyed when he falls, unconscious, back onto his lap.
“That was a little harsh, Ryo,” Yamapi says, waving a hand in front of Jin’s face and then hesitantly poking at his collarbone repeatedly. When there is no response, Yamapi’s eyes widen and he stares at Ryo.
“You killed him.”
“I wish it were that easy,” Ryo says through clenched teeth.
*
Jin pulls the chair out slowly, praying the sound doesn’t rouse Ryo’s suspicion. Yamapi looks at him warily from his seat next to Ryo, script in his hand, and Jin raises a finger to his lips. Ryo’s face is hidden, cushioned by his arms on the table, and Jin prays that he is asleep. He pulls the seat out a little farther.
“If you make a sound while you are sitting there, I will castrate you.”
Jin jumps at the sound of Ryo’s voice, crouching down reflexively beneath the table and shielding his face. He peeks up over the tabletop, only to see Ryo still unmoving. Yamapi shrugs at him and reaches over to thread his fingers in Ryo’s hair calmly before pushing his glasses up his nose and continuing to study his script.
Jin decides it’s safe then, and takes the seat across from Yamapi. Ryo hears him sit down and burrows his head deeper into his arms.
A suspicious silence follows, broken only by the sound of Yamapi’s papers rustling.
Then the table shifts, and Jin starts giggling. Ryo’s eyes snap open.
“What did I say about playing footsies under the table?”
Yamapi laughs nervously. “Sorry?" Ryo murmurs under his breath, and Yamapi looks sheepish. "We were trying to be quiet,” he says. Ryo bangs his head once against the table.
“I was here first, understand? If you can’t respect that, then you two can go and find anoth-” The table flies up with a bang, and Jin is sitting stock still, eyes wide with innocence. Ryo’s face is twisted into a snarl. “Fuck, Jin that is not Yamapi’s thigh!”
Ryo slams his hands down and dives over the table, aiming for Jin’s neck.
*
Click.
“Hello?”
“What are you wearing?”
“Jin, I’m still at the office.”
“Then leave. I’m waiting for you.”
“I… alright, damnit. I’m in the bathroom. But we have to make this fast.”
“Whatever you want, Pi.” A pause. “I’ve been thinking about you all morning, you know. Everything I want to do to you-”
“Jin.”
“-and I can’t take it anymore.” A sharp breath. “I want you now.”
“God, Jin, what are you doing?”
“What do you think I’m doing? I need to hear you say my name, Pi. I want you to scream it so loud so that everyone knows you’re-”
Beep.
“-mine and no one else can touch you except for me, understa-Hello? Pi?”
“...you little bitches.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Pi, what did you do?”
“I don’t know, I think I might have pressed something-”
“You did not just answer the phone while you guys were-were having sex-”
“We’re not having sex!”
“You always get mad whenever I don’t answer your calls!”
“That’s not the point! What the hell, Yamapi, I thought you were still at the office!”
“I am at the-”
“You mean you’re having phone sex?”
“Well, we were going to until you interrupted us.”
“I am going to kill you. Slowly. With my bare hands. Your blood will be dripping off the walls once I’m through with y-”
“Ryo! Stop it! He’s just-Geez. Can I just call you later, because now isn’t a very good time and-”
“Yeah, aren’t you still in Osaka? Are you getting lonely? Not getting any ass over there?” A pause. “Hey Ryo, what are you wearing?”
“…you’d better run and run fast because when I see you tomorrow-”
“Okay, bye Ryo, nicetalkingtoyou!”
Beep.
“What the hell, Jin. Don’t you know when to shut up?”
“Why don’t you come over here and make me?”
Click.
*
“I said I was sorry!”
“Sorry does not make everything alright. Sorry will not take away the scars. Sorry will not pay for the amount of therapy I will have to go through to make yesterday go away.”
“It was Pi’s fault!”
“What?”
“It’s both of your faults!” Ryo shrieks, marching into NEWS’ dressing room with Jin’s ear in one hand and Yamapi’s hood in the other. He drags them both to the couch.
“Apologize properly. I want you to grovel, damnit.”
Jin rubs at his ear and whimpers, then turns to Yamapi. “I’m sorry, Pi. I didn’t mean to say it was your fault because it wasn’t all really, and I love you a lot and I’m sorry.” He sticks his tongue out at Ryo.
Yamapi throws his arms around Jin’s neck. “Aw, I love you a lot, too!” Jin squeals, and they move back from each other far enough to secret handshake. Ryo’s entire torso starts to twitch.
“Give me your keys, Jin.”
“What, why?”
“I’m going to go puke in KAT-TUN’s bathroom.”
“But-”
“Give me your keys.”
“Um, okay, but just don’t touch Uebo’s stuff to the left of the sink. He doesn’t like it when people mess with his products.” He rummages in his back pocket for his keys and starts counting them off, holding one out for Ryo to remove.
Ryo smirks and grabs Jin’s entire keychain. The door slams, and Yamapi and Jin are left in the room by themselves.
“Why did you tell him that?”
“Tell him what?”
Yamapi sighs wearily. “Nothing. Nevermind. Can we just make out now?”
“Finally,” Jin huffs as he straddles Yamapi’s hips.
*
“Your car,” Yamapi breathes into Jin’s neck, arching forward with a gasp when Jin trails his hand down Yamapi’s chest. Jin grabs Yamapi’s belt loops, pulling their hips flush against each other. “We need-”
“In my pocket,” Jin says before letting out a small whine from the back of his throat. Yamapi smirks and bites down on the hollow above Jin’s collarbone. His hands move slowly from Jin’s ass to his thighs, massaging slowly up his hips. Jin hisses. “Not that pocket-shit!” Jin throws his head back.
“You don’t have any other pockets,” Yamapi sounds annoyed. Suddenly he straightens, making Jin stumble against him. “The hell are your keys?” he growls, and Jin blinks up at him.
“They’re not in my…” Jin trails off, patting his jeans and looking around wildly. Yamapi groans and covers himself with his hands, pouting at Jin’s back. Jin whines and bounces on his toes around the cars. He turns his head to look at Yamapi pathetically. “Oh my god, how are we going to get home?”
Yamapi sighs. Something buzzes, and Yamapi pokes Jin on the side. “Your ass is vibrating.”
Jin narrows his eyes. “Are you trying to talk dirty? ‘Cause this isn’t really-”
Yamapi smacks his head and pulls Jin’s hand phone out from the depths of his jeans pocket. He snaps it open, and Jin leans over Yamapi’s shoulder to see.
--
From: Nishikido Ryo
good luck at the train station. rush hour’s a bitch. ♥
--
Yamapi blinks, hanging his head. Jin looks up, tucking his chin into Yamapi’s neck.
“You know,” he starts, “we’ve never done it on the shinkansen before.”
Yamapi growls and snaps the phone shut before stalking away, pulling Jin by the wrist.
“Ooh, feisty,” Jin says, sliding his hands into Yamapi’s back pockets.
*
rating: pg13 for implied sexings and pottymouths
fandom: je
pairing: ryo + pin
disclaimer: all characters mentioned here belong to themselves.
a/n: unbeta'd! for adreana, because when she says "pin", i say "how much sex?" and also because she needs to be ryofied, whatever that means. :3 written in one sitting, so it will probably be all kinds of crap right now. i tried my best? this is crack and not meant to be taken seriously!
summary: wherein ryo is a total cockblocker, yamapi is embarrassed, jin is jin, and the rest of je is nonexistent.
“Hey, Jin,” Ryo says, not looking up when Jin flies through the room and lands on Yamapi’s lap. “Catching soccer balls with your neck again?”
Jin looks indignant. “What? No.” His hand reaches up reflexively until it touches the red bruise marring his skin. He mouths an “oh” in understanding, and Yamapi shakes his head in amusement.
Jin bounces up and stands with his hands on his hips. “If you must know,” he says in a tone that makes Yamapi snort and Ryo roll his eyes, “I was at Yamapi’s last night.”
Ryo makes a gun with his fingers and pretends to shoot himself in the temple. Yamapi tries to hide behind a couch pillow. “Jin,” he whines, but he is steadfastly ignored.
“-and you should know,” Jin continues, turning to leer at Yamapi, “that Yamapi gives the most excellent he-”
Ryo stands up and slams a magazine across Jin’s face. “No,” he shrieks as Jin’s head snaps back. “Bad Jin!”
Yamapi looks slightly annoyed when he falls, unconscious, back onto his lap.
“That was a little harsh, Ryo,” Yamapi says, waving a hand in front of Jin’s face and then hesitantly poking at his collarbone repeatedly. When there is no response, Yamapi’s eyes widen and he stares at Ryo.
“You killed him.”
“I wish it were that easy,” Ryo says through clenched teeth.
*
Jin pulls the chair out slowly, praying the sound doesn’t rouse Ryo’s suspicion. Yamapi looks at him warily from his seat next to Ryo, script in his hand, and Jin raises a finger to his lips. Ryo’s face is hidden, cushioned by his arms on the table, and Jin prays that he is asleep. He pulls the seat out a little farther.
“If you make a sound while you are sitting there, I will castrate you.”
Jin jumps at the sound of Ryo’s voice, crouching down reflexively beneath the table and shielding his face. He peeks up over the tabletop, only to see Ryo still unmoving. Yamapi shrugs at him and reaches over to thread his fingers in Ryo’s hair calmly before pushing his glasses up his nose and continuing to study his script.
Jin decides it’s safe then, and takes the seat across from Yamapi. Ryo hears him sit down and burrows his head deeper into his arms.
A suspicious silence follows, broken only by the sound of Yamapi’s papers rustling.
Then the table shifts, and Jin starts giggling. Ryo’s eyes snap open.
“What did I say about playing footsies under the table?”
Yamapi laughs nervously. “Sorry?" Ryo murmurs under his breath, and Yamapi looks sheepish. "We were trying to be quiet,” he says. Ryo bangs his head once against the table.
“I was here first, understand? If you can’t respect that, then you two can go and find anoth-” The table flies up with a bang, and Jin is sitting stock still, eyes wide with innocence. Ryo’s face is twisted into a snarl. “Fuck, Jin that is not Yamapi’s thigh!”
Ryo slams his hands down and dives over the table, aiming for Jin’s neck.
*
Click.
“Hello?”
“What are you wearing?”
“Jin, I’m still at the office.”
“Then leave. I’m waiting for you.”
“I… alright, damnit. I’m in the bathroom. But we have to make this fast.”
“Whatever you want, Pi.” A pause. “I’ve been thinking about you all morning, you know. Everything I want to do to you-”
“Jin.”
“-and I can’t take it anymore.” A sharp breath. “I want you now.”
“God, Jin, what are you doing?”
“What do you think I’m doing? I need to hear you say my name, Pi. I want you to scream it so loud so that everyone knows you’re-”
Beep.
“-mine and no one else can touch you except for me, understa-Hello? Pi?”
“...you little bitches.”
“Oh, shit.”
“Pi, what did you do?”
“I don’t know, I think I might have pressed something-”
“You did not just answer the phone while you guys were-were having sex-”
“We’re not having sex!”
“You always get mad whenever I don’t answer your calls!”
“That’s not the point! What the hell, Yamapi, I thought you were still at the office!”
“I am at the-”
“You mean you’re having phone sex?”
“Well, we were going to until you interrupted us.”
“I am going to kill you. Slowly. With my bare hands. Your blood will be dripping off the walls once I’m through with y-”
“Ryo! Stop it! He’s just-Geez. Can I just call you later, because now isn’t a very good time and-”
“Yeah, aren’t you still in Osaka? Are you getting lonely? Not getting any ass over there?” A pause. “Hey Ryo, what are you wearing?”
“…you’d better run and run fast because when I see you tomorrow-”
“Okay, bye Ryo, nicetalkingtoyou!”
Beep.
“What the hell, Jin. Don’t you know when to shut up?”
“Why don’t you come over here and make me?”
Click.
*
“I said I was sorry!”
“Sorry does not make everything alright. Sorry will not take away the scars. Sorry will not pay for the amount of therapy I will have to go through to make yesterday go away.”
“It was Pi’s fault!”
“What?”
“It’s both of your faults!” Ryo shrieks, marching into NEWS’ dressing room with Jin’s ear in one hand and Yamapi’s hood in the other. He drags them both to the couch.
“Apologize properly. I want you to grovel, damnit.”
Jin rubs at his ear and whimpers, then turns to Yamapi. “I’m sorry, Pi. I didn’t mean to say it was your fault because it wasn’t all really, and I love you a lot and I’m sorry.” He sticks his tongue out at Ryo.
Yamapi throws his arms around Jin’s neck. “Aw, I love you a lot, too!” Jin squeals, and they move back from each other far enough to secret handshake. Ryo’s entire torso starts to twitch.
“Give me your keys, Jin.”
“What, why?”
“I’m going to go puke in KAT-TUN’s bathroom.”
“But-”
“Give me your keys.”
“Um, okay, but just don’t touch Uebo’s stuff to the left of the sink. He doesn’t like it when people mess with his products.” He rummages in his back pocket for his keys and starts counting them off, holding one out for Ryo to remove.
Ryo smirks and grabs Jin’s entire keychain. The door slams, and Yamapi and Jin are left in the room by themselves.
“Why did you tell him that?”
“Tell him what?”
Yamapi sighs wearily. “Nothing. Nevermind. Can we just make out now?”
“Finally,” Jin huffs as he straddles Yamapi’s hips.
*
“Your car,” Yamapi breathes into Jin’s neck, arching forward with a gasp when Jin trails his hand down Yamapi’s chest. Jin grabs Yamapi’s belt loops, pulling their hips flush against each other. “We need-”
“In my pocket,” Jin says before letting out a small whine from the back of his throat. Yamapi smirks and bites down on the hollow above Jin’s collarbone. His hands move slowly from Jin’s ass to his thighs, massaging slowly up his hips. Jin hisses. “Not that pocket-shit!” Jin throws his head back.
“You don’t have any other pockets,” Yamapi sounds annoyed. Suddenly he straightens, making Jin stumble against him. “The hell are your keys?” he growls, and Jin blinks up at him.
“They’re not in my…” Jin trails off, patting his jeans and looking around wildly. Yamapi groans and covers himself with his hands, pouting at Jin’s back. Jin whines and bounces on his toes around the cars. He turns his head to look at Yamapi pathetically. “Oh my god, how are we going to get home?”
Yamapi sighs. Something buzzes, and Yamapi pokes Jin on the side. “Your ass is vibrating.”
Jin narrows his eyes. “Are you trying to talk dirty? ‘Cause this isn’t really-”
Yamapi smacks his head and pulls Jin’s hand phone out from the depths of his jeans pocket. He snaps it open, and Jin leans over Yamapi’s shoulder to see.
--
From: Nishikido Ryo
good luck at the train station. rush hour’s a bitch. ♥
--
Yamapi blinks, hanging his head. Jin looks up, tucking his chin into Yamapi’s neck.
“You know,” he starts, “we’ve never done it on the shinkansen before.”
Yamapi growls and snaps the phone shut before stalking away, pulling Jin by the wrist.
“Ooh, feisty,” Jin says, sliding his hands into Yamapi’s back pockets.
*