Growing Choice
growing up, i was always into space. ever so in love with the idea of anything outside the atmosphere. the difference between gravity. the moon. stars. possible life on other planets.
it's always astounded me, how things work. how we even know about things enough to know how they work. or to make them work. yay for smart people talking about stuff ... but seriously, it's always been a subject of much interest to me. not so much these past couple of years, but it's like it's starting to come back to me.
i was never into traditional cowboy and indians, or all that much, since that always felt like my pops thing. he was very much into old westerns on the boob tube and really never paid attention. i was usually off in my own little world or trying to become a social butterfly of some kind. and oh, the let downs, maybe that's why i'm starting to be the way i am today. lame excuses piled on top of failed attempts to be. not just be anything, but to just be. to exist as a social scientist, partaking when the moment seemed right. ugh. all the things wrong with this...
the thrill of staying up all night has really lost meaning. the shape of my thoughts feel unsafe. like i'm just a little left of control and flirting with the mythical romance of my own taboos.
my head is junk and there is no one to blame. not that blame needs anything to do with anything. it's like a parsnip on dish at a semi-expensive restaurant. or a well known actress filling in on a couple episodes of Gossip Girl. i thought all this sleep was making up for something, but i think i was mistaken.
i've almost been in 3 car accidents in the past two days. all 3 took place in under 8 minutes. on average, that's the worst i think i've ever done. i've only been in a handful of road skirmishes. none have been all that horrendous, but the ones with williams would have to be the best. he and i drove the shit out what inevitably became my first true car. dumb ford tempo. i believe it was like a 94 or so. only cool thing besides it usually, getting me around, was the four wheel drive. and even that didn't always help. but it sure was fun.
sneaking out and falling asleep like a babe in the woods also comes to mind. and the old eerie woods next to the red river. along the ominous bike paths. across from the el zego (or how ever it's spelled) golf course. that area was always so great when it flooded. poor home owners. elm street. my world used to be so small. not that it's really grown much. fuck, i don't even bother learning the names of streets around. seems like such a poor choice.
it's always astounded me, how things work. how we even know about things enough to know how they work. or to make them work. yay for smart people talking about stuff ... but seriously, it's always been a subject of much interest to me. not so much these past couple of years, but it's like it's starting to come back to me.
i was never into traditional cowboy and indians, or all that much, since that always felt like my pops thing. he was very much into old westerns on the boob tube and really never paid attention. i was usually off in my own little world or trying to become a social butterfly of some kind. and oh, the let downs, maybe that's why i'm starting to be the way i am today. lame excuses piled on top of failed attempts to be. not just be anything, but to just be. to exist as a social scientist, partaking when the moment seemed right. ugh. all the things wrong with this...
the thrill of staying up all night has really lost meaning. the shape of my thoughts feel unsafe. like i'm just a little left of control and flirting with the mythical romance of my own taboos.
my head is junk and there is no one to blame. not that blame needs anything to do with anything. it's like a parsnip on dish at a semi-expensive restaurant. or a well known actress filling in on a couple episodes of Gossip Girl. i thought all this sleep was making up for something, but i think i was mistaken.
i've almost been in 3 car accidents in the past two days. all 3 took place in under 8 minutes. on average, that's the worst i think i've ever done. i've only been in a handful of road skirmishes. none have been all that horrendous, but the ones with williams would have to be the best. he and i drove the shit out what inevitably became my first true car. dumb ford tempo. i believe it was like a 94 or so. only cool thing besides it usually, getting me around, was the four wheel drive. and even that didn't always help. but it sure was fun.
sneaking out and falling asleep like a babe in the woods also comes to mind. and the old eerie woods next to the red river. along the ominous bike paths. across from the el zego (or how ever it's spelled) golf course. that area was always so great when it flooded. poor home owners. elm street. my world used to be so small. not that it's really grown much. fuck, i don't even bother learning the names of streets around. seems like such a poor choice.