Fourth Mission: Mewtwo's Anger, Amon's Passion
Agent Nemia sighed and leaned down towards her partner, who was curled up into a ball in the corner of the Response Center and rocking herself slowly. “You had to watch them again?”
“Only some of them,” Karma said weakly. “It was only a minor infraction.”
“What did you do this time?”
“I performed an unauthorized exorcism on a citizen of the metaverse.”
“You what?”
“With a Star Wars DVD box set.”
“Hold on; you mean the type of exorcism we do on missions?” Karma nodded. “Oh no.”
“I had her permission!” Karma protested. “She had an Eragon demon in her head.”
A number of questions popped into Nemia’s mind all at once, so she selected the one that she deemed least likely to make her regret asking. “If it was an Inheritance Sue, why did you use Star Wars?”
Karma looked at her partner as though there were something peculiar sprouting out of her forehead. “You’ve never read Eragon, have you?” Nemia started to reply, but was interrupted.
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
“I’ll get it,” Karma said, but by the time she was on her feet, her partner had already reached the console.
“Never mind this,” Nemia said after glancing at the display screen. “I think intelligence got the wrong RC.”
“Why, who’s it addressed to?”
“Oh, that’s not the problem. It says ‘Agents Karma Kalisutah and Nemia’ all right. But the title is ‘Mewtwo’s Anger, Amon’s Passion.’ Isn’t Mewtwo a-?”
“POKÉMON!” Karma shouted, and promptly tripped over her own shoes as she made a sudden dash for the console. Without missing a beat, she jumped back to her feet and resumed sprinting, not stopping until her momentum sent her careening into her partner.
“Have you gone utterly mad?” Nemia asked, grabbing the other agent to steady her.
The overenthused assassin got herself together enough to feel sheepish. She blinked like the sun was in her eyes as in her mind she went over her recent behavior. “Oi, inner pokéfan, get back in the closet!”
“You can’t possibly be serious.”
But Karma was already reading the briefing. “Aah! Foot fetish! The Stu has a bestial foot fetish!”
“You can’t possibly be serious,” Nemia repeated, this time less sardonic and more terrified.
“Can we kill him, Nemia? Can we? Can we, please?”
“But we’re the Doctor Who division. This is a job for the anime people.”
“But it was sent to us! If we return it, there’s no telling how long it will take for someone to kill it. You know how bad the bureaucracy can get.”
Nemia considered this. “Frankly, I’d still rather someone else dealt with it.”
“But,” Karma said, “he eats out Mewtwo’s feet!”
This news forced Nemia to hesitate. “How is that possible?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but it’s right here in the briefing.”
“Okay, fine. This I have to see.”
With a cheer, Karma began plotting the coordinates. Then, as she reached for the disguise builder, she suddenly froze up.
“What’s wrong?” Nemia asked her.
“Wrong?” she said dreamily. “Nothing’s wrong. I just realized how very many options we have.”
It took her partner a moment to catch her meaning. “Oh. Oh no. Karma, you are not going to turn me into a pokémon.”
“But you like being monsters,” Karma reminded her. “Besides, think of all of the possibilities. We could fry the Stu like a murder convict in the twenties, or roast him like a Thanksgiving turkey. We could crush his windpipe with our big steel claws, or strangle him with nothing but our minds, a la Vader.”
“Wait - pokémon can do that?”
“Sure they can. You only have to take one look at them to know that they can. They just don’t, because it’s a kids’ show, and the producers can’t have people dying.”
“Why can’t they? Doctor Who is a family program, and it’s famous for its high body counts.”
“You’ll find,” Karma said darkly, “that the term ‘kids’ show’ has a whole different meaning in the US than it does in Britain.”
“But I thought Pokémon was Japanese.”
“Believe me, you don’t want me to explain the impact of the dubbing process to you.”
“You’re right,” Nemia said. “I want you to agree not to turn me into a pikachu.”
“Fine, fine. We’ll be humans. Now get your stuff together and let’s go.”
* * *
Agent Nemia stepped out of the portal and into a nondescript room, then turned to watch her partner do the same. When she saw what Karma looked like, her jaw dropped as though she were trying to swallow a rat.
“What?” the other assassin asked. “You said you wanted humans, right? And here we are. Tada!”
“But... But...” Nemia stammered. She was not used to being out of her element. She was far more accustomed to almost instantly transmuting any world she stepped into. “Your face,” she managed finally.
Karma pretended to be insulted. “Oh yeah? Well your mom,” she replied in deadpan.
“But... I mean... it’s so big! And your eyes are... also so big!”
“They have special powers.”
“Really?”
“No. Yours are the same way.”
Nemia ran her hands over her own face in abject horror. “I hate anime,” she muttered.
“You have to admit, though, that the clothes are pretty spiffy.” Karma cocked her cap jauntily and then spun on her toes to make her black skirt go flying out.
Nemia shielded her eyes. “Karma, stop it. You can’t do that with miniskirts.”
“Sorry, wasn’t thinking. It’s not as though I wear them often.”
“Wait a minute!” Nemia pointed to the large red R emblazoned on her chest. “I recognize this insignia. Those two stupid people have it.”
“Hey! Do not insult J and J. Besides, would you rather wear a pirate outfit with a gang bandana? Or a hoodie with horns on it? Or something that looks like it came straight out of The Jetsons? Or-”
Suddenly, a phone rang. A man walked into the room and picked it up - a man who appeared to be constantly shifting back and forth between thirty and seventy years of age.
“What’s his problem?” Nemia asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s go to the Words. You read what’s happening right now to get both sides of the telephone conversation, and I’ll skim through the part we skipped over.”
"Oak?"
"Oh, hello Mr. Kale! How are you this morning?"
"Eh... I'm alright... I didn't call to make small talk with you this time Oak."
"Of course... What is it you want to tell me Kale?"
"The boy is ready... I've packed him the things he needs and sent him on his way. He left over an hour ago, so he should be arriving shortly."
"Excellent! I shall retrieve the Pokeballs and prepare for his arrival."
“Found it!” Karma announced. “Apparently, this is taking place twenty years after the anime series.”
“So?”
“So, the author needs to specify whether this is Samuel Oak, the original pokémon professor, or his grandson, Gary Oak, who, by the end of the series, is making to follow in his footsteps.”
“Ah. And since he doesn’t, it’s actually both of them at once.”
“You got it.”
Oak hangs up the phone, and suddenly, there is a knock on the door of his lab...
“Crap!” Karma said. “That’s the Stu! We'd better hide.”
“Er, where?”
The two of them looked around. The room they were in was made entirely of Generic Surface, and, except for the small telephone stand, was completely unfurnished.
“Um, how about behind that random door that Oak walked in through?” Karma suggested.
“Good plan.” They both made a break for it, just as the Stu made his entrance.
Oak opens the door... "Ah, well hello young man! I've been expecting you! You're father wants me to teach you the basics of handling various types of Pokemon, as well as help you catch one of your own. Come on into my lab and have a seat, and I'll demonstrate some things for you."
"Yes sir..." Amon said quietly with a nod.
Karma had just gotten out her notepad when the sudden tense shift knocked her reeling. Nemia grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her. “Come on, Karma,” she said. “You’re going to have to hang tough through this one; I’ve scanned the Words, and that happens a lot.” Karma nodded grimly and, without a word, began jotting down charges.
"You're an awfully quiet young man aren't you?"
"Yeah, I get that one frequently. I guess I just don't have much to say."
"Nothing wrong with that, son. At least you speak when spoken to. I was the same way when I was your age."
Karma suddenly snickered, and Nemia looked at her questioningly. “Well,” she explained, “I didn’t see the fourth movie, so I can’t speak for Sam, but if this is supposed to be Gary...” She broke off and continued snickering.
“That off?”
“You have no idea.”
Amon rolls his eyes.
“Well that’s nice,” said Nemia.
"So, your father tells me you want to be a great Pokemon trainer someday, is that correct?"
"Correct, may not be a strong enough word." Amon said with a wry smile.
"Heh heh heh heh." Professor Oak chuckled as he retrieved a Pokeball from a box and handed it to Amon.
"Take this ball, son. I want you to go out and catch a wild Pokemon. This is your first test. Good luck!"
"Thanks." Amon said in a quiet tone, once again, dashing out the front door in eagerness to catch his first Pokemon.
Nemia blinked. “Well, that was sudden.”
Karma stowed away the charge sheet, shouldered her pack, and jumped to her feet. “Come on! We have to follow him!”
The assassins burst through the front door and caught sight of their target, who was moving at a full-out run. They gave chase, but soon found themselves struggling to keep up. It was not that the boy was particularly fast, just that he seemed to have only one gait. He “raced through the shrubs of Pallet” and “sprinted farther out,” then “continued running” when he saw no pokémon, all without stopping to catch his breath once. Karma, however, whose movements were governed by the basic laws of human biology, felt her burning legs give way beneath her and collapsed to the ground panting.
Nemia, who was breathing pretty heavily herself, stopped beside her fallen partner and offered her hand. “Thanks,” Karma said simply, taking hold of her wrist. As she struggled to her feet, she could feel Nemia’s blood pumping through the veins beneath her skin. “Sweet Sophia!” she said in wonder. “How are you still standing? Your pulse is up through the roof! That’s got to be almost twice the normal-”
“That’s not important right now,” Nemia said, jerking her arm away. “Thanks to you, we’ve lost sight of our Stu.”
“Well excuse me for only having two lungs.”
“That’s no fewer than I have.”
“All right, fine. So long distance running has never been my thing. But that,” she pointed the direction the Stu had disappeared into, “is just insane. How long is he going to keep on like that?”
Nemia scanned the words. “Until he reaches some deep, dark forest that he gets lost in.”
Karma looked horrified. “In Viridian?!”
“No, here in Pallet. Why?”
Karma sighed deeply. “Great. Geographical aberrations. Why am I not surprised.” She caught Nemia giving her an odd stare. “What?”
“Something just came out of your mouth.” Nemia spoke very slowly and quietly, as though she were holding back panic.
“You mean words?”
“No, it looked like a little white mushroom. It came out of your mouth, and hovered in the air, and then just sort of... disappeared.”
“Oh, that? That was a sigh.”
“You mean sighs are visible in the animeverse?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Brilliant. So, what now?”
Karma scanned the words. “Teleport to Mewtwo’s cave, I guess.”
“Let’s hurry up and go, then. The sooner we get there, the sooner we’ll be through with it.”
“I do enjoy your special brand of optimism.”
* * *
(IN Mewtwo's Cave)
The cave is cold and there is always that annoying dripping noise you hear when you enter. Most people find it annoying, but for Mewtwo... it was soothing, it was basically the thing that lullabies him to his slumber. In the dreamscape of Mewtwo's nightmare, this is what kept flashing in his head:
Mewtwo kept seeing himself in a tube, his eyes are open, but there are wires attached to the back of his head, back and legs... kinda like something you see from the Matrix. Mewtwo looks around and he sees his clone, but their eyes... there was no eyes, because there was no life. It was just a white eye with no ounce of like inside.
"My fellow Pokemon... are you--"
Mewtwo soon realized it was a dream, because if his memories serve him well, his clone Pokemon friends all were kidnapped and he did saw most of them die.
"Is this another dream? Another illusion my mind try to play on me?"
Mewtwo's eye started to glow bright and then an aurora started to appear around Mewtwo and the tube. Mewtwo was using his psychic ability to escape from the dream, but something was wrong... unlike most of his dreams in which he can easily escape, he can't seem to break out of this dream.
"What the? What is - loss of breathe"
Mewtwo also noticed that he can't seem to breathe so much, its almost as if the air supply is going down.
"He-- gasps for a little bit of air"
Mewtwo struggles, but he only manages to move his arm a inch away from the glass tube surrounding him, Mewtwo thought to himself:
"Am I... going to die... is this my purpose!? NO, NO!!!"
Mewtwo now uses all of his power and the whole take started to become distorted and
Mewtwo can barely be seen... As Mewtwo struggles to break free from the dreamscape of his nightmare, he saw his clone Pokemon... mouthing something, but before he could see what they were mouthing... HE BROKE HIS DREAMSCAPE!!
By this point, the two assassins were rolling around on the floor of the cave with unbridled laughter. “She- gasps for a little bit of air!” Nemia declared as she took deep breaths to steady herself.
“I think I know where that comes from, actually,” Karma said.
“Do tell.”
“The first part of Mewtwo’s story is told in a radio drama as well as an anime. And since you can’t see anything, the voice actor sometimes has to say what his character is doing. Like, ‘He attacks the scientists.’ But this little git,” here she paused to wipe a few tears of mirth from her face, “must have thought it was a mannerism, despite the fact that Mewtwo doesn’t narrate his own actions in either of the movies.”
“Are you serious? That’s... I don’t even have any words for what that is.”
“I’ll just call it hil-lar-ious.” Karma sat up, got out the charge list, and leaned back against a moss-covered wall. “Out of all of the characters in this 'verse, Stuthor would choose to mess with my favorite.”
“Mewtwo?”
“Yep.”
“How come?”
“Easy. He was the only character who ever got to kill anyone on-screen. And he had cosmic angst.”
“Nuh-uh,” Nemia said. “Not cosmic angst. That’s only the rarest, most advanced subclass of angst there is.”
“Symptoms include existential crises and monologues consisting of astrology-based metaphors.”
“He did that?”
“’We are clones. We are not like the other creatures of this world. Like the moon, which reflects the light of the sun but with none of its warmth, we are a mere reflection of life.’ Only that goes on for what seems like two or three minutes.”
“Eh. I guess that sounds vaguely cosmic,” Nemia conceded grudgingly. “So how long are we going to be waiting for Foot-Boy to show up?”
“Not too long, I should think. I’ll scan the Words.” She stared straight ahead, looking right through the physical setting and at the linguistic makeup of the world.
It was then that Nemia noticed yet another oddity of the animeverse. “Uh, Karma? Is there something wrong with your glands?”
Karma’s eyes snapped back into focus and she wiped the oversized drop of sweat from the side of her head. “There’s more wrong with my brain. Our Stu suicides at the end.”
“And what’s wrong with that? Other than that it means we have to time this carefully.”
“Well...” Karma tried to pinpoint what was bothering her. “It’s just the sequence of events. It goes torture, smut, death.”
Nemia thought this over for a moment. “So what you’re saying is, not only did this guy write himself into a bestiality foot-fetish fic, he wrote himself into a bestiality foot-fetish fic with BDSM and snuff.”
“That about sums it up. Oh, and speak of the Devil!” Amon Kale had just reentered their field of vision.
Mewtwo apparently saw him also.
"What did I learn? What is it about humans that angers me? recollects of all the moments humans have hurt him and his pokemons Oh yes, they think we are noting more than there slaves. Oh, how I remember those years... all the pain they caused me and my pokemons... And now, they dare to interrupt the peace I have established for myself? I think not... NOT THIS TIME!!"
Karma frowned and wrote something down on her notepad.
Amon makes his way into the interior of the cave. It was surprisingly well lit, for a cave. He could see several yards in front of him before his vision was cut off by the darkness.
“Actually,” Nemia said, “that’s a good point.” She tapped her partner’s shoulder. “Make sure you put down ‘inexplicably well-lit cave.’”
He comes into a large room, with a body of water in the center. But he doesn't notice how big the room is, or that there's water, or even the fact that he has entered a room at all. He only notices the mighty, mysterious, yet majestic looking Pokemon floating before him...
“And I bet the author was so proud of that alliteration,” said Nemia.
"Wow! Talk about a stroke of luck! He looks strong!" He said as he took his Pokeball from his belt.
“He is strong, nitwit,” Karma said. “Which means that you won’t be able to catch him with just one pokéball, and especially not without fighting him first. Even if you don’t know who he is, you should at least know that.”
Amon threw the ball at Mewtwo, who stopped it in midair and hurled it back at the boy, hitting him in the head and knocking him out.
Karma nodded in satisfaction. “See? What did I tell you?
The assassins then had to wait an hour for Amon to wake up. During which time, according the the words, Mewtwo’s head puzzled. “Until its puzzler was sore,” Karma commented.
The two agents passed the time by listening to music on their MP3 players. At one point, Karma started giggling so hard that Nemia paused her own music to ask, “What’s so funny?”
Without a word, Karma removed her earbuds and offered them to her partner, who put them on somewhat tentatively. A moment later, Nemia tore them out of her ears and stared at them in astonishment. “What in the multiverse was that?”
“’It Will All Be Mine,’” said Karma. “Giovanni’s solo from Pokémon Live!”
“Awful music.”
“I know,” Karma said cheerfully. “Some of the worst I’ve ever heard.”
“Why do you even have that?”
“Because it makes me laugh. ‘I shall possess the awesome power in Pikachu’s rosy cheeks!’ That sounds like something from a badfic. It’s such a tremendously inappropriate thing for a big-time crime boss to be saying.” She paused. “Oooh, look! The brat’s waking up! Now we get to watch him get tortured.”
Mewtwo's eyes flashes open and he looks at Amon and floats towards him... "So... Amon, is it?"
Amon gasps and his eyes grow wide in shock as he tries to absorb the fact that this Pokemon had just spoken to him!
"You... You can talk!?" Amon asked, surprised, as well as impressed.
With Mewtwo now relatively close to him, Amon had his first, full look at Mewtwo. He gazed upon his peculiar, yet somehow intriguing figure. From head to toe, Amon marveled at him. Eventually resting his gaze at Mewtwo's feet.
"Yes, I can talk, but you still haven't answer my question... you are Amon right, human?" Mewtwo wiggles his left toes foot a bit, but he doesn't know that Amon is gazing at the wiggling action.
Karma gagged. Nemia snickered.
"I... uh... yeah." He said hesitantly, not making much sense.
"Amon... my name... My name is Amon." He said, snapping out of the trance and looking back at Mewtwo's face.
"Sorry. I guess I'm still waking up."
Even Karma had to laugh at that. “Hello? My inestimable psychic powers that can cause you unspeakable pain are up here, thank you.”
"That is not important human, I want to know... why are you here.. " Mewtwo raises his hand and an aurora started to form and somehow... Amon's mind started to tighten, as if he was having the worst migraine ever...
"Aaaahhh!!" Amon abruptly cried out in pain.
The two assassins cheered quietly as the Stu screamed, writhed, and desperately tried to explain himself, all the while wrapped in swirling, multicolored lights.
"Pathetic... you speak of becoming a master of Pokemons, but it seems this Pokemon is the only Pokemon you will never be the master of" Mewtwo closes his eyes half-shut and circulates the floating Amon who is in the position that Jesus Christ was when he died on the cross.
Karma sweatdropped and fell over. “What the..? This little perv is supposed to be some sort of Christ figure? Far be it from me to condemn blasphemy, but that’s just out-and-out offensive.”
Nemia rolled her eyes. “This coming from someone who once programmed the RC console to quote passages of the Bible in the voice of the Dalek Emperor.”
“The Bible, the Torah, and the Koran,” Karma corrected her. “I’m no bigot.”
“But that only covers the monotheistic religions,” Nemia pointed out. “You forgot about Hinduism and Buddhism and neo-Paganism.”
“Yeah, and? So does everyone else.”
“You’re a horrible person, Karma. I hope you know that.”
“I figured it out around the time I started killing people. Now shut up and enjoy the poorly-written torture sequence.”
"AAAAAAHHHH-..."
“I wish I’d brought popcorn,” said Nemia. “This is awesome.”
“But completely out of character, I’m afraid.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. FirstMovie!Mewtwo would have put him out of his misery by now, and Return!Mewtwo would have kept him out of the cave in the first place. Either way, he’s never shown any predilection for prolonged torture.” A pause. “Dear Devi, that’s really out of character! Look at the Words, Nemia!”
Mewtwo sensed that Amon was getting weaker by the minute. Mewtwo then felt something that he never felt in a long time. Hehe, he never felt it that long, he forgot what it was called. Mewtwo felt he wanted to Amon, but his basic need to hate humans contracted against what he felt.
“He wanted to do what to Amon?” asked Nemia.
“I don’t know, but I’ve never in my life been so glad for a typo.”
Mewtwo's eyes began to glow bright blue... and then aurora began to surround Mewtwo, except this aurora was white... then an aurora started to surround Amon's head. "Let me look into your mind" Amon suddenly when kinda brain dead as Mewtwo began invading Amon's mind to know the truth. Inside Amon's mind, many things began to flash:
-Mewtwo saw a picture of Amon's dad, who looked pretty tough, but weak to him.
-Mewtwo saw Amon, walking into the forest and getting lost.
A lot of things flashed into Mewtwo's mind that were in Amon's mind. Mewtwo then saw a sequence of events, leading him to the conclusion that Amon was telling the truth.
Mewtwo thought "I guess he was right, I better let this pathetic human go... he isn't worth my time and-"
Something caught Mewtwo's attention... He saw... his feet and toes. In all angles.
Karma grimaced. “Brace yourself. Here it comes.”
"What is this?" Mewtwo was confused, nothing knowing why in Amon's midn were thoughts and fantasy of his feet and toes. Mewtwo let go and broke the connection, letting go of Amon's mind.
"I just invaded your mind"
"Then you must've found out that I was telling the truth." Amon said with a smile. It was a small smile, but it was a smile of hope...
"Yes, I did found out you were telling the truth, but during my invasion... I saw something confusing and I want to know why that was in your mind, so before I consider letting you go, I want know every secret you have."
"What... do you mean?" Amon asked, but deep down, he knew exactly what Mewtwo was talking about.
"You have a secret, a secret you never told anyone but yourself... I want you to tell me"
"I... um..." Amon's heart began to beat faster, and his breathing hastened.
"All I... I only..." Amon said before having to stop and catch his breath for a second...
"I... like..."
"Yes?"
"I already know, so it doesn't matter whether you tell me or not, but I figure it is best you tell me, because... it is for the best that I hear from the human's mouth"
Amon let out a long, depressed sigh.
"Fine..."
"I like your feet..."
"I just... think they look cool."
"And..."
"I wondered what they would smell like... That's all. I swear to you, that is all."
Amon turned his head down in shame.
Karma suddenly giggled, and Nemia shot her a funny look. “What are you laughing about now?”
“You know what would be unbelievably dorky and incredibly cool?”
“Actually, I don’t. I’ve always considered those two concepts mutually exclusive.”
With a devious smile, Karma laid out the plan for her partner.
"Look at me"
Not wanting to anger the mighty Pokemon any further, Amon lifted his head to look into the eyes of Mewtwo. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, to look at his eyes after having admitted to having such a strange desire.
Mewtwo started to fly towards Amon
"Wh... What are you doing?" Amon asked.
Mewtwo floated above Amon, with his feet only a few inches away, it is so teasing "How do they look"
Amon gasped in surprise at the abruptness of the event. Mewtwo's feet were suddenly now very close to his face. Causing Amon to become aroused a bit, partly against his will. "They... Look amazing!" Amon said, not knowing what else to say at that moment.
Mewtwo is a bit struck down, but he realized that he could toy with Amon's emotions and somewhere deep inside, Mewtwo seem to enjoy that... so, with that, Mewtwo flew up a foot, causing Amon to go into disappointment that his feet are a bit far away... "Why do you like my feet?"
Amon, with whatever little pride he had now torn to pieces, and scared that the day spent in this cave may very well be his last, came out and admitted all his desires to Mewtwo. Mewtwo had already done so much to break Amon down. The immense pain was something Amon never wanted to feel again, so whatever Mewtwo wanted, Amon pretty much had to do. His pride, his dignity, they were gone... "Might as well try to enjoy this while it lasts..." Amon thought as he opened his mouth to spill his guts...
"I like your feet because they arouse me... Sexually. I don't even know why, and no matter how much you may torture me for the answer, I can never give it to you, because I honestly don't know why your feet, the arches, your toes, everything about them turn me on so much... I want so badly to smell them, and to be beneath them. To kiss them... Lick them even. It's the first thing that crossed my mind, and has been in my mind since I first laid eyes on you..." Amon said, this time not looking away from Mewtwo in shame, because he had taken away all of his pride and dignity.
Mewtwo glides down and looks at Amon, looking away at him "Look at me"
Amon obeys and looks up into Mewtwo's eyes.
Mewtwo glides back and bit and lifts his right leg and his putting his right foot a few inches away from Amon's nose "How do they smell?"
At that moment, just as Amon thought that things might finally, finally be starting to go his way, there was a soft whumph noise, and the most powerful pokémon in all of Kanto collapsed to the ground with a dart in his neck.
“Good thing he was so OOC. He never would have let something like that happen in canon. Now, little boy, prepare for trouble.” Amon turned to face the voice and saw two young women dressed as Rocket grunts emerge from the shadows. The dark-skinned one cleared her throat impatiently. “I said, ‘Prepare for trouble!’”
“And I said that I’m not going to do it,” replied the red-haired one as she crossed her arms.
“Nemia, I have the charge list, the gun, and the Remote Activator. The sooner you decide to play along, the sooner we get out of this ‘verse.”
“Oh, fine. In that case, make it double.”
Karma nodded and smiled at her. “That’s the spirit!” she said cheerfully, then turned back to the astonished Stu. “To protect the canon from devastation!” She twirled her gun around her finger and struck a cheesy pose.
“To enlighten all fanbrats within this nation,” Nemia deadpanned.
“To denounce the evils of Sue Twu Wuv!”
“And extend logic’s reach to the stars above.”
“Karma!”
“Nemia.”
“The PPC, blast off at the speed of light!”
“Somebody kill me now, please, before she makes me sing the Barney song or something.”
Karma sighed a little white mushroom-shaped thing. “Well, I guess it’s close enough.” Then she lifted the gun and shot Amon in the neck.
* * *
When Amon awoke, he hurt all over. His wrists and ankles hurt from the cords cutting into them, his shoulders hurt from being pulled back so far that their blades almost touched, his neck hurt from the dart that was still sticking in it, and his head hurt from the abuse it had taken earlier that day. If it even is the same day, he thought.
Presently, he heard voices.
“I can’t believe you made me say the motto of a couple of bad guys who went to school with Wile E. Coyote!” one of them said.
The other voice laughed. “You know, that makes sense. Do you think they get those contraptions they pick up periodically from ACME?”
Amon opened his eyes. A few stalks of grass rose like thin green towers in front of his nose. He struggled to sit up.
“Oh, look,” said the redhead. “He’s awake.” She picked him up by his shirt collar and hoisted him to his feet.
“Where am I?” he asked, blinking to keep the sun at bay while his eyes adjusted.
“By the Lake of Rage in the Johto region,” the girl with the gun told him. “Would you care to know when you are?”
“Huh?”
“Around twenty years before we knocked you out and dragged you through the portal.”
Amon shook his head. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’ve made a mistake! I don’t want to be rescued!”
“Good luck for you, then,” said the redhead.
“If we were here to rescue you,” said the gunner, “why do you think we’d have tied you up? Nemia, be a dear and stand him on the ledge.”
“Do you want him facing you or the lake?”
“Ooh, tough call! You decide.”
The redheaded woman dragged him over to a steep cliff and stopped him so that his toes were on the very edge of the lip. Amon found himself looking down into a lake. Through the clear water he could see a seething mass of blue-and-yellow serpentine monsters with white, wing-like fins and gaping red maws. They were packed so tight that their scaly bodies rubbed up against each other as they writhed beneath the surface.
“They’re hungry, the poor babies,” came the gunwoman’s voice from behind him. “The natural order has been upset, and now there isn’t enough prey to go around.” She sounded a touch bitter, but cheered significantly with her next words. “But we’re going to feed them!”
The redhead rolled her eyes. “Just read him the list, Karma.”
“Fine, fine. Amon Kale, you are hereby charged with lack of specificness; rampant tense shifts, sometimes in mid-sentence; ellipsis abuse; comma abuse; capslock abuse; exclamation point abuse; onomatopoeia abuse (Which, by the way, is a new one.); confusion of “you’re” with “your” and vice versa, along with other homophone-related bungles; confusion of words that sound absolutely nothing alike but happen to have a few letters in common; geographical aberrations; having really ridiculous stamina (No, not that kind, you perv.); making Mewtwo say things he ought to be doing; making up the word ‘pokemons’; creating an inexplicably well-lit cave; giving Mewtwo an aurora instead of an aura; fragments; run-ons; using a confusing dialogue format; tampering with Mewtwo’s character; bestiality and other perversions; and being a Marty Stu. For this, you are sentenced to death. You may not appeal. Any last words?”
Amon gulped. “But it’s not supposed to go like this! I’m supposed to die sexually fulfilled, choking on the odor of Mewtwo’s feet!”
The redhead grimaced. “And add to that list, ‘having the stupidest reason for killing off a character ever.’ Karma, I take it you’ve reloaded that thing with actual bullets.”
“Absolutely.” Amon could practically hear the smirk in her voice.
Then he heard, in quick succession, the bang of a gun, the soft thud of lead burrowing into flesh, the loud splash of something heavy hitting the lake, the silvery whisper of fins cutting through water, and, at last, silence.
* * *
“What are they?” Nemia asked, staring transfixed at the creatures swarming around the growing cloud of red haze.
“They’re called gyarados,” Karma told her as she set the Remote Activator to take them back to Response Center 500.
“They’re terrifying,” said Nemia. “Up close, I mean. I don’t imagine they’d do much on a computer screen, or-” She heard the familiar sound of the portal opening behind her.
“Are you coming or not?” asked Karma. “This fic was atrocious. I need to get back to our room so that I can throw up in the toilet.” Nemia nodded and turned away from the cliff.
Maybe there was something to be said for this universe after all.
“Only some of them,” Karma said weakly. “It was only a minor infraction.”
“What did you do this time?”
“I performed an unauthorized exorcism on a citizen of the metaverse.”
“You what?”
“With a Star Wars DVD box set.”
“Hold on; you mean the type of exorcism we do on missions?” Karma nodded. “Oh no.”
“I had her permission!” Karma protested. “She had an Eragon demon in her head.”
A number of questions popped into Nemia’s mind all at once, so she selected the one that she deemed least likely to make her regret asking. “If it was an Inheritance Sue, why did you use Star Wars?”
Karma looked at her partner as though there were something peculiar sprouting out of her forehead. “You’ve never read Eragon, have you?” Nemia started to reply, but was interrupted.
[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP!]
“I’ll get it,” Karma said, but by the time she was on her feet, her partner had already reached the console.
“Never mind this,” Nemia said after glancing at the display screen. “I think intelligence got the wrong RC.”
“Why, who’s it addressed to?”
“Oh, that’s not the problem. It says ‘Agents Karma Kalisutah and Nemia’ all right. But the title is ‘Mewtwo’s Anger, Amon’s Passion.’ Isn’t Mewtwo a-?”
“POKÉMON!” Karma shouted, and promptly tripped over her own shoes as she made a sudden dash for the console. Without missing a beat, she jumped back to her feet and resumed sprinting, not stopping until her momentum sent her careening into her partner.
“Have you gone utterly mad?” Nemia asked, grabbing the other agent to steady her.
The overenthused assassin got herself together enough to feel sheepish. She blinked like the sun was in her eyes as in her mind she went over her recent behavior. “Oi, inner pokéfan, get back in the closet!”
“You can’t possibly be serious.”
But Karma was already reading the briefing. “Aah! Foot fetish! The Stu has a bestial foot fetish!”
“You can’t possibly be serious,” Nemia repeated, this time less sardonic and more terrified.
“Can we kill him, Nemia? Can we? Can we, please?”
“But we’re the Doctor Who division. This is a job for the anime people.”
“But it was sent to us! If we return it, there’s no telling how long it will take for someone to kill it. You know how bad the bureaucracy can get.”
Nemia considered this. “Frankly, I’d still rather someone else dealt with it.”
“But,” Karma said, “he eats out Mewtwo’s feet!”
This news forced Nemia to hesitate. “How is that possible?” she asked.
“I don’t know, but it’s right here in the briefing.”
“Okay, fine. This I have to see.”
With a cheer, Karma began plotting the coordinates. Then, as she reached for the disguise builder, she suddenly froze up.
“What’s wrong?” Nemia asked her.
“Wrong?” she said dreamily. “Nothing’s wrong. I just realized how very many options we have.”
It took her partner a moment to catch her meaning. “Oh. Oh no. Karma, you are not going to turn me into a pokémon.”
“But you like being monsters,” Karma reminded her. “Besides, think of all of the possibilities. We could fry the Stu like a murder convict in the twenties, or roast him like a Thanksgiving turkey. We could crush his windpipe with our big steel claws, or strangle him with nothing but our minds, a la Vader.”
“Wait - pokémon can do that?”
“Sure they can. You only have to take one look at them to know that they can. They just don’t, because it’s a kids’ show, and the producers can’t have people dying.”
“Why can’t they? Doctor Who is a family program, and it’s famous for its high body counts.”
“You’ll find,” Karma said darkly, “that the term ‘kids’ show’ has a whole different meaning in the US than it does in Britain.”
“But I thought Pokémon was Japanese.”
“Believe me, you don’t want me to explain the impact of the dubbing process to you.”
“You’re right,” Nemia said. “I want you to agree not to turn me into a pikachu.”
“Fine, fine. We’ll be humans. Now get your stuff together and let’s go.”
* * *
Agent Nemia stepped out of the portal and into a nondescript room, then turned to watch her partner do the same. When she saw what Karma looked like, her jaw dropped as though she were trying to swallow a rat.
“What?” the other assassin asked. “You said you wanted humans, right? And here we are. Tada!”
“But... But...” Nemia stammered. She was not used to being out of her element. She was far more accustomed to almost instantly transmuting any world she stepped into. “Your face,” she managed finally.
Karma pretended to be insulted. “Oh yeah? Well your mom,” she replied in deadpan.
“But... I mean... it’s so big! And your eyes are... also so big!”
“They have special powers.”
“Really?”
“No. Yours are the same way.”
Nemia ran her hands over her own face in abject horror. “I hate anime,” she muttered.
“You have to admit, though, that the clothes are pretty spiffy.” Karma cocked her cap jauntily and then spun on her toes to make her black skirt go flying out.
Nemia shielded her eyes. “Karma, stop it. You can’t do that with miniskirts.”
“Sorry, wasn’t thinking. It’s not as though I wear them often.”
“Wait a minute!” Nemia pointed to the large red R emblazoned on her chest. “I recognize this insignia. Those two stupid people have it.”
“Hey! Do not insult J and J. Besides, would you rather wear a pirate outfit with a gang bandana? Or a hoodie with horns on it? Or something that looks like it came straight out of The Jetsons? Or-”
Suddenly, a phone rang. A man walked into the room and picked it up - a man who appeared to be constantly shifting back and forth between thirty and seventy years of age.
“What’s his problem?” Nemia asked.
“I don’t know. Let’s go to the Words. You read what’s happening right now to get both sides of the telephone conversation, and I’ll skim through the part we skipped over.”
"Oak?"
"Oh, hello Mr. Kale! How are you this morning?"
"Eh... I'm alright... I didn't call to make small talk with you this time Oak."
"Of course... What is it you want to tell me Kale?"
"The boy is ready... I've packed him the things he needs and sent him on his way. He left over an hour ago, so he should be arriving shortly."
"Excellent! I shall retrieve the Pokeballs and prepare for his arrival."
“Found it!” Karma announced. “Apparently, this is taking place twenty years after the anime series.”
“So?”
“So, the author needs to specify whether this is Samuel Oak, the original pokémon professor, or his grandson, Gary Oak, who, by the end of the series, is making to follow in his footsteps.”
“Ah. And since he doesn’t, it’s actually both of them at once.”
“You got it.”
Oak hangs up the phone, and suddenly, there is a knock on the door of his lab...
“Crap!” Karma said. “That’s the Stu! We'd better hide.”
“Er, where?”
The two of them looked around. The room they were in was made entirely of Generic Surface, and, except for the small telephone stand, was completely unfurnished.
“Um, how about behind that random door that Oak walked in through?” Karma suggested.
“Good plan.” They both made a break for it, just as the Stu made his entrance.
Oak opens the door... "Ah, well hello young man! I've been expecting you! You're father wants me to teach you the basics of handling various types of Pokemon, as well as help you catch one of your own. Come on into my lab and have a seat, and I'll demonstrate some things for you."
"Yes sir..." Amon said quietly with a nod.
Karma had just gotten out her notepad when the sudden tense shift knocked her reeling. Nemia grabbed hold of her shoulders to steady her. “Come on, Karma,” she said. “You’re going to have to hang tough through this one; I’ve scanned the Words, and that happens a lot.” Karma nodded grimly and, without a word, began jotting down charges.
"You're an awfully quiet young man aren't you?"
"Yeah, I get that one frequently. I guess I just don't have much to say."
"Nothing wrong with that, son. At least you speak when spoken to. I was the same way when I was your age."
Karma suddenly snickered, and Nemia looked at her questioningly. “Well,” she explained, “I didn’t see the fourth movie, so I can’t speak for Sam, but if this is supposed to be Gary...” She broke off and continued snickering.
“That off?”
“You have no idea.”
Amon rolls his eyes.
“Well that’s nice,” said Nemia.
"So, your father tells me you want to be a great Pokemon trainer someday, is that correct?"
"Correct, may not be a strong enough word." Amon said with a wry smile.
"Heh heh heh heh." Professor Oak chuckled as he retrieved a Pokeball from a box and handed it to Amon.
"Take this ball, son. I want you to go out and catch a wild Pokemon. This is your first test. Good luck!"
"Thanks." Amon said in a quiet tone, once again, dashing out the front door in eagerness to catch his first Pokemon.
Nemia blinked. “Well, that was sudden.”
Karma stowed away the charge sheet, shouldered her pack, and jumped to her feet. “Come on! We have to follow him!”
The assassins burst through the front door and caught sight of their target, who was moving at a full-out run. They gave chase, but soon found themselves struggling to keep up. It was not that the boy was particularly fast, just that he seemed to have only one gait. He “raced through the shrubs of Pallet” and “sprinted farther out,” then “continued running” when he saw no pokémon, all without stopping to catch his breath once. Karma, however, whose movements were governed by the basic laws of human biology, felt her burning legs give way beneath her and collapsed to the ground panting.
Nemia, who was breathing pretty heavily herself, stopped beside her fallen partner and offered her hand. “Thanks,” Karma said simply, taking hold of her wrist. As she struggled to her feet, she could feel Nemia’s blood pumping through the veins beneath her skin. “Sweet Sophia!” she said in wonder. “How are you still standing? Your pulse is up through the roof! That’s got to be almost twice the normal-”
“That’s not important right now,” Nemia said, jerking her arm away. “Thanks to you, we’ve lost sight of our Stu.”
“Well excuse me for only having two lungs.”
“That’s no fewer than I have.”
“All right, fine. So long distance running has never been my thing. But that,” she pointed the direction the Stu had disappeared into, “is just insane. How long is he going to keep on like that?”
Nemia scanned the words. “Until he reaches some deep, dark forest that he gets lost in.”
Karma looked horrified. “In Viridian?!”
“No, here in Pallet. Why?”
Karma sighed deeply. “Great. Geographical aberrations. Why am I not surprised.” She caught Nemia giving her an odd stare. “What?”
“Something just came out of your mouth.” Nemia spoke very slowly and quietly, as though she were holding back panic.
“You mean words?”
“No, it looked like a little white mushroom. It came out of your mouth, and hovered in the air, and then just sort of... disappeared.”
“Oh, that? That was a sigh.”
“You mean sighs are visible in the animeverse?”
“I’m afraid so.”
“Brilliant. So, what now?”
Karma scanned the words. “Teleport to Mewtwo’s cave, I guess.”
“Let’s hurry up and go, then. The sooner we get there, the sooner we’ll be through with it.”
“I do enjoy your special brand of optimism.”
* * *
(IN Mewtwo's Cave)
The cave is cold and there is always that annoying dripping noise you hear when you enter. Most people find it annoying, but for Mewtwo... it was soothing, it was basically the thing that lullabies him to his slumber. In the dreamscape of Mewtwo's nightmare, this is what kept flashing in his head:
Mewtwo kept seeing himself in a tube, his eyes are open, but there are wires attached to the back of his head, back and legs... kinda like something you see from the Matrix. Mewtwo looks around and he sees his clone, but their eyes... there was no eyes, because there was no life. It was just a white eye with no ounce of like inside.
"My fellow Pokemon... are you--"
Mewtwo soon realized it was a dream, because if his memories serve him well, his clone Pokemon friends all were kidnapped and he did saw most of them die.
"Is this another dream? Another illusion my mind try to play on me?"
Mewtwo's eye started to glow bright and then an aurora started to appear around Mewtwo and the tube. Mewtwo was using his psychic ability to escape from the dream, but something was wrong... unlike most of his dreams in which he can easily escape, he can't seem to break out of this dream.
"What the? What is - loss of breathe"
Mewtwo also noticed that he can't seem to breathe so much, its almost as if the air supply is going down.
"He-- gasps for a little bit of air"
Mewtwo struggles, but he only manages to move his arm a inch away from the glass tube surrounding him, Mewtwo thought to himself:
"Am I... going to die... is this my purpose!? NO, NO!!!"
Mewtwo now uses all of his power and the whole take started to become distorted and
Mewtwo can barely be seen... As Mewtwo struggles to break free from the dreamscape of his nightmare, he saw his clone Pokemon... mouthing something, but before he could see what they were mouthing... HE BROKE HIS DREAMSCAPE!!
By this point, the two assassins were rolling around on the floor of the cave with unbridled laughter. “She- gasps for a little bit of air!” Nemia declared as she took deep breaths to steady herself.
“I think I know where that comes from, actually,” Karma said.
“Do tell.”
“The first part of Mewtwo’s story is told in a radio drama as well as an anime. And since you can’t see anything, the voice actor sometimes has to say what his character is doing. Like, ‘He attacks the scientists.’ But this little git,” here she paused to wipe a few tears of mirth from her face, “must have thought it was a mannerism, despite the fact that Mewtwo doesn’t narrate his own actions in either of the movies.”
“Are you serious? That’s... I don’t even have any words for what that is.”
“I’ll just call it hil-lar-ious.” Karma sat up, got out the charge list, and leaned back against a moss-covered wall. “Out of all of the characters in this 'verse, Stuthor would choose to mess with my favorite.”
“Mewtwo?”
“Yep.”
“How come?”
“Easy. He was the only character who ever got to kill anyone on-screen. And he had cosmic angst.”
“Nuh-uh,” Nemia said. “Not cosmic angst. That’s only the rarest, most advanced subclass of angst there is.”
“Symptoms include existential crises and monologues consisting of astrology-based metaphors.”
“He did that?”
“’We are clones. We are not like the other creatures of this world. Like the moon, which reflects the light of the sun but with none of its warmth, we are a mere reflection of life.’ Only that goes on for what seems like two or three minutes.”
“Eh. I guess that sounds vaguely cosmic,” Nemia conceded grudgingly. “So how long are we going to be waiting for Foot-Boy to show up?”
“Not too long, I should think. I’ll scan the Words.” She stared straight ahead, looking right through the physical setting and at the linguistic makeup of the world.
It was then that Nemia noticed yet another oddity of the animeverse. “Uh, Karma? Is there something wrong with your glands?”
Karma’s eyes snapped back into focus and she wiped the oversized drop of sweat from the side of her head. “There’s more wrong with my brain. Our Stu suicides at the end.”
“And what’s wrong with that? Other than that it means we have to time this carefully.”
“Well...” Karma tried to pinpoint what was bothering her. “It’s just the sequence of events. It goes torture, smut, death.”
Nemia thought this over for a moment. “So what you’re saying is, not only did this guy write himself into a bestiality foot-fetish fic, he wrote himself into a bestiality foot-fetish fic with BDSM and snuff.”
“That about sums it up. Oh, and speak of the Devil!” Amon Kale had just reentered their field of vision.
Mewtwo apparently saw him also.
"What did I learn? What is it about humans that angers me? recollects of all the moments humans have hurt him and his pokemons Oh yes, they think we are noting more than there slaves. Oh, how I remember those years... all the pain they caused me and my pokemons... And now, they dare to interrupt the peace I have established for myself? I think not... NOT THIS TIME!!"
Karma frowned and wrote something down on her notepad.
Amon makes his way into the interior of the cave. It was surprisingly well lit, for a cave. He could see several yards in front of him before his vision was cut off by the darkness.
“Actually,” Nemia said, “that’s a good point.” She tapped her partner’s shoulder. “Make sure you put down ‘inexplicably well-lit cave.’”
He comes into a large room, with a body of water in the center. But he doesn't notice how big the room is, or that there's water, or even the fact that he has entered a room at all. He only notices the mighty, mysterious, yet majestic looking Pokemon floating before him...
“And I bet the author was so proud of that alliteration,” said Nemia.
"Wow! Talk about a stroke of luck! He looks strong!" He said as he took his Pokeball from his belt.
“He is strong, nitwit,” Karma said. “Which means that you won’t be able to catch him with just one pokéball, and especially not without fighting him first. Even if you don’t know who he is, you should at least know that.”
Amon threw the ball at Mewtwo, who stopped it in midair and hurled it back at the boy, hitting him in the head and knocking him out.
Karma nodded in satisfaction. “See? What did I tell you?
The assassins then had to wait an hour for Amon to wake up. During which time, according the the words, Mewtwo’s head puzzled. “Until its puzzler was sore,” Karma commented.
The two agents passed the time by listening to music on their MP3 players. At one point, Karma started giggling so hard that Nemia paused her own music to ask, “What’s so funny?”
Without a word, Karma removed her earbuds and offered them to her partner, who put them on somewhat tentatively. A moment later, Nemia tore them out of her ears and stared at them in astonishment. “What in the multiverse was that?”
“’It Will All Be Mine,’” said Karma. “Giovanni’s solo from Pokémon Live!”
“Awful music.”
“I know,” Karma said cheerfully. “Some of the worst I’ve ever heard.”
“Why do you even have that?”
“Because it makes me laugh. ‘I shall possess the awesome power in Pikachu’s rosy cheeks!’ That sounds like something from a badfic. It’s such a tremendously inappropriate thing for a big-time crime boss to be saying.” She paused. “Oooh, look! The brat’s waking up! Now we get to watch him get tortured.”
Mewtwo's eyes flashes open and he looks at Amon and floats towards him... "So... Amon, is it?"
Amon gasps and his eyes grow wide in shock as he tries to absorb the fact that this Pokemon had just spoken to him!
"You... You can talk!?" Amon asked, surprised, as well as impressed.
With Mewtwo now relatively close to him, Amon had his first, full look at Mewtwo. He gazed upon his peculiar, yet somehow intriguing figure. From head to toe, Amon marveled at him. Eventually resting his gaze at Mewtwo's feet.
"Yes, I can talk, but you still haven't answer my question... you are Amon right, human?" Mewtwo wiggles his left toes foot a bit, but he doesn't know that Amon is gazing at the wiggling action.
Karma gagged. Nemia snickered.
"I... uh... yeah." He said hesitantly, not making much sense.
"Amon... my name... My name is Amon." He said, snapping out of the trance and looking back at Mewtwo's face.
"Sorry. I guess I'm still waking up."
Even Karma had to laugh at that. “Hello? My inestimable psychic powers that can cause you unspeakable pain are up here, thank you.”
"That is not important human, I want to know... why are you here.. " Mewtwo raises his hand and an aurora started to form and somehow... Amon's mind started to tighten, as if he was having the worst migraine ever...
"Aaaahhh!!" Amon abruptly cried out in pain.
The two assassins cheered quietly as the Stu screamed, writhed, and desperately tried to explain himself, all the while wrapped in swirling, multicolored lights.
"Pathetic... you speak of becoming a master of Pokemons, but it seems this Pokemon is the only Pokemon you will never be the master of" Mewtwo closes his eyes half-shut and circulates the floating Amon who is in the position that Jesus Christ was when he died on the cross.
Karma sweatdropped and fell over. “What the..? This little perv is supposed to be some sort of Christ figure? Far be it from me to condemn blasphemy, but that’s just out-and-out offensive.”
Nemia rolled her eyes. “This coming from someone who once programmed the RC console to quote passages of the Bible in the voice of the Dalek Emperor.”
“The Bible, the Torah, and the Koran,” Karma corrected her. “I’m no bigot.”
“But that only covers the monotheistic religions,” Nemia pointed out. “You forgot about Hinduism and Buddhism and neo-Paganism.”
“Yeah, and? So does everyone else.”
“You’re a horrible person, Karma. I hope you know that.”
“I figured it out around the time I started killing people. Now shut up and enjoy the poorly-written torture sequence.”
"AAAAAAHHHH-..."
“I wish I’d brought popcorn,” said Nemia. “This is awesome.”
“But completely out of character, I’m afraid.”
“Oh?”
“Yep. FirstMovie!Mewtwo would have put him out of his misery by now, and Return!Mewtwo would have kept him out of the cave in the first place. Either way, he’s never shown any predilection for prolonged torture.” A pause. “Dear Devi, that’s really out of character! Look at the Words, Nemia!”
Mewtwo sensed that Amon was getting weaker by the minute. Mewtwo then felt something that he never felt in a long time. Hehe, he never felt it that long, he forgot what it was called. Mewtwo felt he wanted to Amon, but his basic need to hate humans contracted against what he felt.
“He wanted to do what to Amon?” asked Nemia.
“I don’t know, but I’ve never in my life been so glad for a typo.”
Mewtwo's eyes began to glow bright blue... and then aurora began to surround Mewtwo, except this aurora was white... then an aurora started to surround Amon's head. "Let me look into your mind" Amon suddenly when kinda brain dead as Mewtwo began invading Amon's mind to know the truth. Inside Amon's mind, many things began to flash:
-Mewtwo saw a picture of Amon's dad, who looked pretty tough, but weak to him.
-Mewtwo saw Amon, walking into the forest and getting lost.
A lot of things flashed into Mewtwo's mind that were in Amon's mind. Mewtwo then saw a sequence of events, leading him to the conclusion that Amon was telling the truth.
Mewtwo thought "I guess he was right, I better let this pathetic human go... he isn't worth my time and-"
Something caught Mewtwo's attention... He saw... his feet and toes. In all angles.
Karma grimaced. “Brace yourself. Here it comes.”
"What is this?" Mewtwo was confused, nothing knowing why in Amon's midn were thoughts and fantasy of his feet and toes. Mewtwo let go and broke the connection, letting go of Amon's mind.
"I just invaded your mind"
"Then you must've found out that I was telling the truth." Amon said with a smile. It was a small smile, but it was a smile of hope...
"Yes, I did found out you were telling the truth, but during my invasion... I saw something confusing and I want to know why that was in your mind, so before I consider letting you go, I want know every secret you have."
"What... do you mean?" Amon asked, but deep down, he knew exactly what Mewtwo was talking about.
"You have a secret, a secret you never told anyone but yourself... I want you to tell me"
"I... um..." Amon's heart began to beat faster, and his breathing hastened.
"All I... I only..." Amon said before having to stop and catch his breath for a second...
"I... like..."
"Yes?"
"I already know, so it doesn't matter whether you tell me or not, but I figure it is best you tell me, because... it is for the best that I hear from the human's mouth"
Amon let out a long, depressed sigh.
"Fine..."
"I like your feet..."
"I just... think they look cool."
"And..."
"I wondered what they would smell like... That's all. I swear to you, that is all."
Amon turned his head down in shame.
Karma suddenly giggled, and Nemia shot her a funny look. “What are you laughing about now?”
“You know what would be unbelievably dorky and incredibly cool?”
“Actually, I don’t. I’ve always considered those two concepts mutually exclusive.”
With a devious smile, Karma laid out the plan for her partner.
"Look at me"
Not wanting to anger the mighty Pokemon any further, Amon lifted his head to look into the eyes of Mewtwo. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, to look at his eyes after having admitted to having such a strange desire.
Mewtwo started to fly towards Amon
"Wh... What are you doing?" Amon asked.
Mewtwo floated above Amon, with his feet only a few inches away, it is so teasing "How do they look"
Amon gasped in surprise at the abruptness of the event. Mewtwo's feet were suddenly now very close to his face. Causing Amon to become aroused a bit, partly against his will. "They... Look amazing!" Amon said, not knowing what else to say at that moment.
Mewtwo is a bit struck down, but he realized that he could toy with Amon's emotions and somewhere deep inside, Mewtwo seem to enjoy that... so, with that, Mewtwo flew up a foot, causing Amon to go into disappointment that his feet are a bit far away... "Why do you like my feet?"
Amon, with whatever little pride he had now torn to pieces, and scared that the day spent in this cave may very well be his last, came out and admitted all his desires to Mewtwo. Mewtwo had already done so much to break Amon down. The immense pain was something Amon never wanted to feel again, so whatever Mewtwo wanted, Amon pretty much had to do. His pride, his dignity, they were gone... "Might as well try to enjoy this while it lasts..." Amon thought as he opened his mouth to spill his guts...
"I like your feet because they arouse me... Sexually. I don't even know why, and no matter how much you may torture me for the answer, I can never give it to you, because I honestly don't know why your feet, the arches, your toes, everything about them turn me on so much... I want so badly to smell them, and to be beneath them. To kiss them... Lick them even. It's the first thing that crossed my mind, and has been in my mind since I first laid eyes on you..." Amon said, this time not looking away from Mewtwo in shame, because he had taken away all of his pride and dignity.
Mewtwo glides down and looks at Amon, looking away at him "Look at me"
Amon obeys and looks up into Mewtwo's eyes.
Mewtwo glides back and bit and lifts his right leg and his putting his right foot a few inches away from Amon's nose "How do they smell?"
At that moment, just as Amon thought that things might finally, finally be starting to go his way, there was a soft whumph noise, and the most powerful pokémon in all of Kanto collapsed to the ground with a dart in his neck.
“Good thing he was so OOC. He never would have let something like that happen in canon. Now, little boy, prepare for trouble.” Amon turned to face the voice and saw two young women dressed as Rocket grunts emerge from the shadows. The dark-skinned one cleared her throat impatiently. “I said, ‘Prepare for trouble!’”
“And I said that I’m not going to do it,” replied the red-haired one as she crossed her arms.
“Nemia, I have the charge list, the gun, and the Remote Activator. The sooner you decide to play along, the sooner we get out of this ‘verse.”
“Oh, fine. In that case, make it double.”
Karma nodded and smiled at her. “That’s the spirit!” she said cheerfully, then turned back to the astonished Stu. “To protect the canon from devastation!” She twirled her gun around her finger and struck a cheesy pose.
“To enlighten all fanbrats within this nation,” Nemia deadpanned.
“To denounce the evils of Sue Twu Wuv!”
“And extend logic’s reach to the stars above.”
“Karma!”
“Nemia.”
“The PPC, blast off at the speed of light!”
“Somebody kill me now, please, before she makes me sing the Barney song or something.”
Karma sighed a little white mushroom-shaped thing. “Well, I guess it’s close enough.” Then she lifted the gun and shot Amon in the neck.
* * *
When Amon awoke, he hurt all over. His wrists and ankles hurt from the cords cutting into them, his shoulders hurt from being pulled back so far that their blades almost touched, his neck hurt from the dart that was still sticking in it, and his head hurt from the abuse it had taken earlier that day. If it even is the same day, he thought.
Presently, he heard voices.
“I can’t believe you made me say the motto of a couple of bad guys who went to school with Wile E. Coyote!” one of them said.
The other voice laughed. “You know, that makes sense. Do you think they get those contraptions they pick up periodically from ACME?”
Amon opened his eyes. A few stalks of grass rose like thin green towers in front of his nose. He struggled to sit up.
“Oh, look,” said the redhead. “He’s awake.” She picked him up by his shirt collar and hoisted him to his feet.
“Where am I?” he asked, blinking to keep the sun at bay while his eyes adjusted.
“By the Lake of Rage in the Johto region,” the girl with the gun told him. “Would you care to know when you are?”
“Huh?”
“Around twenty years before we knocked you out and dragged you through the portal.”
Amon shook his head. “Look, I don’t know what you’re talking about, but you’ve made a mistake! I don’t want to be rescued!”
“Good luck for you, then,” said the redhead.
“If we were here to rescue you,” said the gunner, “why do you think we’d have tied you up? Nemia, be a dear and stand him on the ledge.”
“Do you want him facing you or the lake?”
“Ooh, tough call! You decide.”
The redheaded woman dragged him over to a steep cliff and stopped him so that his toes were on the very edge of the lip. Amon found himself looking down into a lake. Through the clear water he could see a seething mass of blue-and-yellow serpentine monsters with white, wing-like fins and gaping red maws. They were packed so tight that their scaly bodies rubbed up against each other as they writhed beneath the surface.
“They’re hungry, the poor babies,” came the gunwoman’s voice from behind him. “The natural order has been upset, and now there isn’t enough prey to go around.” She sounded a touch bitter, but cheered significantly with her next words. “But we’re going to feed them!”
The redhead rolled her eyes. “Just read him the list, Karma.”
“Fine, fine. Amon Kale, you are hereby charged with lack of specificness; rampant tense shifts, sometimes in mid-sentence; ellipsis abuse; comma abuse; capslock abuse; exclamation point abuse; onomatopoeia abuse (Which, by the way, is a new one.); confusion of “you’re” with “your” and vice versa, along with other homophone-related bungles; confusion of words that sound absolutely nothing alike but happen to have a few letters in common; geographical aberrations; having really ridiculous stamina (No, not that kind, you perv.); making Mewtwo say things he ought to be doing; making up the word ‘pokemons’; creating an inexplicably well-lit cave; giving Mewtwo an aurora instead of an aura; fragments; run-ons; using a confusing dialogue format; tampering with Mewtwo’s character; bestiality and other perversions; and being a Marty Stu. For this, you are sentenced to death. You may not appeal. Any last words?”
Amon gulped. “But it’s not supposed to go like this! I’m supposed to die sexually fulfilled, choking on the odor of Mewtwo’s feet!”
The redhead grimaced. “And add to that list, ‘having the stupidest reason for killing off a character ever.’ Karma, I take it you’ve reloaded that thing with actual bullets.”
“Absolutely.” Amon could practically hear the smirk in her voice.
Then he heard, in quick succession, the bang of a gun, the soft thud of lead burrowing into flesh, the loud splash of something heavy hitting the lake, the silvery whisper of fins cutting through water, and, at last, silence.
* * *
“What are they?” Nemia asked, staring transfixed at the creatures swarming around the growing cloud of red haze.
“They’re called gyarados,” Karma told her as she set the Remote Activator to take them back to Response Center 500.
“They’re terrifying,” said Nemia. “Up close, I mean. I don’t imagine they’d do much on a computer screen, or-” She heard the familiar sound of the portal opening behind her.
“Are you coming or not?” asked Karma. “This fic was atrocious. I need to get back to our room so that I can throw up in the toilet.” Nemia nodded and turned away from the cliff.
Maybe there was something to be said for this universe after all.