Hernia Repair
So, when Mom was a brand new baby, she had a hernia repair done. Now 53 years later, she has another one that the doctors are keeping a close eye on in the same spot. I don't know much and I don't know why....my siblings and I are continuing such juvenile behavior. My sister flat out lied to Mom's face about a fight she and 2-bro had this afternoon. I clearly heard him yelling at her and calling her a "fucking bitch" - which is the truth.
It's always a constant, she opens her mouth and she's a mean snake with fangs down to her knees just to cut a person apart. I realy despise her on levels that a Human isn't supposed to know. Levels that are probably gonna send me to hell in a handbasket.
I wonder if I will go to Hell, even though my name is in the Book of Life. I mean....I know she's just 14, but sometimes I seriously odubt that I even want to be her sister. I really don't like the job, nor do I want it. Our other Brother left the house in early April and just now has he sent us word - but he called Mom by her name and didn't even address Dad in the letter.
Tony did drinking and shit behind our backs and was a real asshole. He's changed though by going to a prayer meeting at Church and stuff. My sister thinks everything should be handed to her. If she yells at you or gets upset, you have better do what you're told or else it gets messy. I usually ignore this because I don't give a rats-arse about the shit they're doing. I doubt they care about the shit I do online.
I guess I'm more upset about the way I handled things - is it wrong of me to feel angry that Kat thinks she can just bash me and say shit about me that I would never do? How am I supposed to squash this down. I know that today isn't the time or place to take care of this - however - I do know that if I talk to Mom about it later, she'll still take Kat's side over mine.
And JUST few months ago - Mom told me, to my face, that out of all her children I am the most trustful and that. Shit, that made me happy. I was so glad to hear it and now....is it a false hope?
I don't know and it makes me hurt.
It's that sort of hurt that claps your heart in a vice like grip and just squeezes till you think it'll bust and blood will gush outof your mouth seconds later. How do you stop it? how do you make this anger go away. How do you enjoy life again?
I don't know.
- - -
My brother and I have had this amazing talk, and I feel happier now than I have in weeks.
It's always a constant, she opens her mouth and she's a mean snake with fangs down to her knees just to cut a person apart. I realy despise her on levels that a Human isn't supposed to know. Levels that are probably gonna send me to hell in a handbasket.
I wonder if I will go to Hell, even though my name is in the Book of Life. I mean....I know she's just 14, but sometimes I seriously odubt that I even want to be her sister. I really don't like the job, nor do I want it. Our other Brother left the house in early April and just now has he sent us word - but he called Mom by her name and didn't even address Dad in the letter.
Tony did drinking and shit behind our backs and was a real asshole. He's changed though by going to a prayer meeting at Church and stuff. My sister thinks everything should be handed to her. If she yells at you or gets upset, you have better do what you're told or else it gets messy. I usually ignore this because I don't give a rats-arse about the shit they're doing. I doubt they care about the shit I do online.
I guess I'm more upset about the way I handled things - is it wrong of me to feel angry that Kat thinks she can just bash me and say shit about me that I would never do? How am I supposed to squash this down. I know that today isn't the time or place to take care of this - however - I do know that if I talk to Mom about it later, she'll still take Kat's side over mine.
And JUST few months ago - Mom told me, to my face, that out of all her children I am the most trustful and that. Shit, that made me happy. I was so glad to hear it and now....is it a false hope?
I don't know and it makes me hurt.
It's that sort of hurt that claps your heart in a vice like grip and just squeezes till you think it'll bust and blood will gush outof your mouth seconds later. How do you stop it? how do you make this anger go away. How do you enjoy life again?
I don't know.
- - -
My brother and I have had this amazing talk, and I feel happier now than I have in weeks.