update time
Yep it's funny how when i can't sleep, which isn't very often, i resort to updating my livejournal. Damn, it already feels good to just start writing again. Okay Julie, here's the skinny. Get ready to be caught up!
So spring term has been an interesting few months to say the least. I am at a very strange point in my life and i don't really understand what's going on. Thing just keep moving faster and faster and my new friendships are blossoming and yet i feel like i am missing something. lots of things really. Since spring break i have thought more and more on myself as an individual and have decided i will be backpacking across australia and new zealand next winter instead of endure the lovely oregon drear. That makes me being gone 6/12 months of the year next year which is a really strange thing for me to think about. The closer the summer gets the more and more freaked out i have been getting. I leave in just over 5 weeks for another summer selling books and the excitement/nervousness is starting to kick in once again. I have set high goals for myself and yet i haven't really been doing much to work towards them and prepare myself. It seems like i have so much stuff to do and yet i find myself wasting a lot of time doing nothing. I just hang out so often that i feel like i am being productive but i never am. I haven't done real homework in like 2 weeks and have been sick and on cold medicine the last full week which has totally gotten me behind. I feel like i need to just cut the bullshit and stop making excuses but somehow i keep justifying my suckyness. Maybe me just acknowledging it here will help me to buck up and get my shit done. I know that when i smoke pot that i am dumb and unproductive and yet somehow i keep doing it. The strangest thing is it is pretty much only when Kels is around. She always says "i don't want to be the friend who is making you smoke" but she kind of is. I don't want her to feel bad but for some reason it is just more appealing with her. Pish posh, again i need to remember that my decisions are mine and i need to be less influenced by those around me. I feel like i have kind of lost touch of myself recently as i spread myself thinner and thinner. I haven't had some quality alone time in forever, and living in this house guarantees the lack of sanctity at all times. I am not sure what my living situation is going to be next year but i know that i will be happy in an apartment where my shit doesn't get moved or used or broken unless it is by me. Don't get me wrong, chateau villard has harbored many good times and great memories but when it comes down to it, the people here just don't pull their fair share of maintaining a house of 7 people.
Okay new tangent. I went home for mother's day and surprised my mom. I started working at DQ on campus a few weeks ago and i do truly love working there. The people are so super fun and we have the best times. It's such a lax work environment that it seems like it isn't work at all but chillin' with my homies. Anyway, i was going to have to work on mother's day but got it covered and showed up in salem. My mom was stoked. It's interesting how much i adore my mom. I feel like men who have a strong connection and relationship with their mom have the best chance for being a good man for a woman later in life. I mean, there's nothing i wouldn't do for my mom. She's the frickin' best and has always been there whenever i needed her. I love visiting home and seeing my family, but i really need to help John get his shit together. I know i can be of influence i just haven't taken the time. I really just need to stop partying in my "spare time" and start being more productive more often. That is my new goal. Stop being irresponsible, because i really don't have the time. Though it is fun to drink and party, really it's the same old thing every time. Growing up is so strange.
Yeah this is really all over the place and that may be because of late-ness, or something else, but now i'll talk about a new friend i've made. Her name is allie and i met her in my TV Genre's class last term. Essentially we kept laughing at the same dumb things from tv shows we'd watch and eventually i was just like "Hey, we need to be friends." The rest was pretty much history. Strangely enough she was really cool and happens to be in a sorority, so my exposure to greek life has occurred through my friendship with her. She's a KKG which is cool i guess, and i learned that not all sororities are full of dumb bitches like i had always previously thought. Anyway, her house is a great escape when i need to get away from my house and my house is an equally glorious escape for her when she is overwhelmed with females. Last weekend we worked at the Eugene Marathon representing Nestle' Nesquik which is a job she got from someone she knows. She hired me and we got paid to hand out free chocolate milk for 3 straight days. It was really super fun. The friday night she also took me to her spring fling sorority function which was at Taboo (ghetto club in Eugene) which they rented out. We shared a fifth so drunken antics ensued. The theme was "at your service" so we went as missionaries. Backpack and all. Pictures soon on facebook. Anyway, that was a fun little shindig, and i really have a lot of fun with her. She's been talking about doing southwestern possibly so we'll see how that goes.
Tracey's birthday was on saturday. That was a strange day. It's weird how different my day would have been if she was around. Bar hopping, drunken love, who knows. It is weird how it's been almost 2 years since i saw her last. There still isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about her. I have been more and more convinced of her presence as a protective spirit recently for some reason. I dunno. I miss you tracey. I still love you forever. I really need to see jenni. WIth such a "full" schedule it's been difficult and now with work my weekends are pretty much tied up. One of these days jenni i promise.
My reunion with matt and ruby will be going down at sasquatch! I still need to secure tickets for sure but i'm not worried. Things always seem to work out for me. Call it positive karma or luck, but whatever it is i have it. I have only seen matt like 2 times this whole year. that is mind blowing to me. maybe that's why i have such a disconnect from myself. Besides Kels i really don't have many people who know me on an intimate level anymore. It's strange when i feel like i try to get to know people and it just simply isn't reciprocated. People don't care why i am the way i am. it's kind of a shitty feeling. it's difficult to care when you try and try and try and still people just don't care. I have some good friends don't get me wrong, but things just aren't the same as they used to be. Not back when the crew was around, or in the days of high school. It will never be the same again, but that's life. Accept it and move on.
I think i kind of touched on all the stuff i wanted to. I'll probably write more later. it's very therapeutic for me. hopefully next time it won't be because i can't sleep. fuck i have to get up in 4 hours. please god bring me glorious sleep.
see you all around. i need to see you before i leave for nebraska for another 3 months.
love love love.
karl
So spring term has been an interesting few months to say the least. I am at a very strange point in my life and i don't really understand what's going on. Thing just keep moving faster and faster and my new friendships are blossoming and yet i feel like i am missing something. lots of things really. Since spring break i have thought more and more on myself as an individual and have decided i will be backpacking across australia and new zealand next winter instead of endure the lovely oregon drear. That makes me being gone 6/12 months of the year next year which is a really strange thing for me to think about. The closer the summer gets the more and more freaked out i have been getting. I leave in just over 5 weeks for another summer selling books and the excitement/nervousness is starting to kick in once again. I have set high goals for myself and yet i haven't really been doing much to work towards them and prepare myself. It seems like i have so much stuff to do and yet i find myself wasting a lot of time doing nothing. I just hang out so often that i feel like i am being productive but i never am. I haven't done real homework in like 2 weeks and have been sick and on cold medicine the last full week which has totally gotten me behind. I feel like i need to just cut the bullshit and stop making excuses but somehow i keep justifying my suckyness. Maybe me just acknowledging it here will help me to buck up and get my shit done. I know that when i smoke pot that i am dumb and unproductive and yet somehow i keep doing it. The strangest thing is it is pretty much only when Kels is around. She always says "i don't want to be the friend who is making you smoke" but she kind of is. I don't want her to feel bad but for some reason it is just more appealing with her. Pish posh, again i need to remember that my decisions are mine and i need to be less influenced by those around me. I feel like i have kind of lost touch of myself recently as i spread myself thinner and thinner. I haven't had some quality alone time in forever, and living in this house guarantees the lack of sanctity at all times. I am not sure what my living situation is going to be next year but i know that i will be happy in an apartment where my shit doesn't get moved or used or broken unless it is by me. Don't get me wrong, chateau villard has harbored many good times and great memories but when it comes down to it, the people here just don't pull their fair share of maintaining a house of 7 people.
Okay new tangent. I went home for mother's day and surprised my mom. I started working at DQ on campus a few weeks ago and i do truly love working there. The people are so super fun and we have the best times. It's such a lax work environment that it seems like it isn't work at all but chillin' with my homies. Anyway, i was going to have to work on mother's day but got it covered and showed up in salem. My mom was stoked. It's interesting how much i adore my mom. I feel like men who have a strong connection and relationship with their mom have the best chance for being a good man for a woman later in life. I mean, there's nothing i wouldn't do for my mom. She's the frickin' best and has always been there whenever i needed her. I love visiting home and seeing my family, but i really need to help John get his shit together. I know i can be of influence i just haven't taken the time. I really just need to stop partying in my "spare time" and start being more productive more often. That is my new goal. Stop being irresponsible, because i really don't have the time. Though it is fun to drink and party, really it's the same old thing every time. Growing up is so strange.
Yeah this is really all over the place and that may be because of late-ness, or something else, but now i'll talk about a new friend i've made. Her name is allie and i met her in my TV Genre's class last term. Essentially we kept laughing at the same dumb things from tv shows we'd watch and eventually i was just like "Hey, we need to be friends." The rest was pretty much history. Strangely enough she was really cool and happens to be in a sorority, so my exposure to greek life has occurred through my friendship with her. She's a KKG which is cool i guess, and i learned that not all sororities are full of dumb bitches like i had always previously thought. Anyway, her house is a great escape when i need to get away from my house and my house is an equally glorious escape for her when she is overwhelmed with females. Last weekend we worked at the Eugene Marathon representing Nestle' Nesquik which is a job she got from someone she knows. She hired me and we got paid to hand out free chocolate milk for 3 straight days. It was really super fun. The friday night she also took me to her spring fling sorority function which was at Taboo (ghetto club in Eugene) which they rented out. We shared a fifth so drunken antics ensued. The theme was "at your service" so we went as missionaries. Backpack and all. Pictures soon on facebook. Anyway, that was a fun little shindig, and i really have a lot of fun with her. She's been talking about doing southwestern possibly so we'll see how that goes.
Tracey's birthday was on saturday. That was a strange day. It's weird how different my day would have been if she was around. Bar hopping, drunken love, who knows. It is weird how it's been almost 2 years since i saw her last. There still isn't a day that goes by without me thinking about her. I have been more and more convinced of her presence as a protective spirit recently for some reason. I dunno. I miss you tracey. I still love you forever. I really need to see jenni. WIth such a "full" schedule it's been difficult and now with work my weekends are pretty much tied up. One of these days jenni i promise.
My reunion with matt and ruby will be going down at sasquatch! I still need to secure tickets for sure but i'm not worried. Things always seem to work out for me. Call it positive karma or luck, but whatever it is i have it. I have only seen matt like 2 times this whole year. that is mind blowing to me. maybe that's why i have such a disconnect from myself. Besides Kels i really don't have many people who know me on an intimate level anymore. It's strange when i feel like i try to get to know people and it just simply isn't reciprocated. People don't care why i am the way i am. it's kind of a shitty feeling. it's difficult to care when you try and try and try and still people just don't care. I have some good friends don't get me wrong, but things just aren't the same as they used to be. Not back when the crew was around, or in the days of high school. It will never be the same again, but that's life. Accept it and move on.
I think i kind of touched on all the stuff i wanted to. I'll probably write more later. it's very therapeutic for me. hopefully next time it won't be because i can't sleep. fuck i have to get up in 4 hours. please god bring me glorious sleep.
see you all around. i need to see you before i leave for nebraska for another 3 months.
love love love.
karl