Fic: After the war, the fighting never really stops (Sanctuary)
Title: After the war, the fighting never really stops
Author: karlamartinova
Pairing: Helen/James, Helen/James/John (mentioned)
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: I don't own Sanctuary or this characters, just playing for no other reason than fun.
AN: Post "Normandy", so spoilers, because really, how could I not?
Summary: They both know that John just wants to come back.
...
James expected the nightmares to come back. But it doesn’t mean he is prepared for them. They were a part of his life for almost 50 years now but they still leave him gasping, sweating. The dark in the room is much darker and even though Helen is lying just an inch from his hand, he feels so alone.
Those horrible images are slowly leaving his troubled mind but James could still remember them, the bodies, the blood and John’s half-insane smile. “You really didn’t know, James? How unfortunate,” he told him just before he disappeared.
His nightmares always end like this.
Cold air from the opened window touches his sweaty skin and James shivers standing from the bed. Helen is deep asleep and he picks his shirt slowly not to wake her up, his skeleton makes a lot of noise sometimes and he really doesn’t want to face her right now.
She would know immediately. No one reads him better than Helen Magnus, maybe only John.
James crosses their bedroom and closes the door before he makes his way to the terrace. He can hear the soft hum of waves and the first fishermen loading their ships. The villa is just few metres from the pier but despite that, they have as much privacy as they need. It’s almost a paradise and it’s a perfect place for them to forget.
Helen had tried to persuade Nikola to come with them but he refused. “Not going to play the third wheel,” he had said and smiled because his words weren’t bitter for once and James secretly wondered what have changed.
Nigel stayed in France, the reason more than obvious and James hoped that his friend finally found someone worth his affection. It was a good end, they’re alive, the German danger was stopped but James doesn’t feel calm or happy. His skin again doesn’t fit him and when Helen touches him, pushes his lips against him; he misses another set of hands on his back, hot breath behind his ear, a throaty voice saying “James” all over again.
The bar is near the wall and James goes there because memories are too good to be remembered, too many horrible things happened after them and he knows that no matter how many glasses of brandy he drinks tonight, nothing, nothing ever changes it.
When a soft whoosh sounds behind him, James isn’t even surprised.
“You always did have the perfect timing,” he says and turns. “Brandy?”
John nods. He is still dressed in his Nazi uniform and James finds it disturbing. It’s difficult to grasp that it all happened just five days ago, it feels like ages and he feels older like he did days before Helen persuaded him to go to France.
“It’s the advantage of my ability, I can surprise you whenever I want,” John whispers and James hears too much of his friend. He drinks his glass in one gulp and refills it immediately along with another for John. He accepts and without looking back, James makes his way closer to the railing, the darkness that surrounds him tries to invade his soul.
He isn’t sure he can stop it.
“What are you doing here, John? Playing more games or just coming to see how messed up we are?” James spits into the nothingness. He is angry, so very angry. For missing what they had, for being so very weak. James had wanted John to be there for other reason than just to torment him, he had wanted him to not be what everyone said he is, and James had wanted him to kiss him.
He wants it still.
“You miss it,” John whispers and James realizes he is closer, much closer than he anticipated. He can feel the coldness of the glass pressed against his back. He shivers and tries to pretend it’s from the cold.
“No,” he says as persuasively as he can muster.
“You are lying,” John´s words are even closer know, delivered right into his ear and James swears he could tell is him just from the feel of his breath on his skin. The glass falls to the floor and another one ends the same after a beat.
“Tell me you miss me, miss us,” those words feel like a curse to James. He knows that John is just playing him, wants to break him. He circles his wrists and pushes. It hurts but James doesn’t say anything, he closes his eyes and whispers “This isn’t him” all over again in his mind. It’s that damn madness that possessed him and James knows it’s a sign of his weakness that he still hopes that one day it will just simply go away.
That one day it will be again the three of them against the world.
“John,” there is a gasp behind them. It’s not in Johns plan and he vanishes leaving James to Helen´s questions.
But they don’t come, instead she moves slowly, quietly, materializes on his side and takes him into her arms. They all know it, that James is the weakest of them. That only through him, John keeps coming back and when James buries his face in Helen´s hair, breathes her scent in, he hopes that once, once he will be able to send him away.
Author: karlamartinova
Pairing: Helen/James, Helen/James/John (mentioned)
Genre: Angst
Rating: PG 13
Disclaimer: I don't own Sanctuary or this characters, just playing for no other reason than fun.
AN: Post "Normandy", so spoilers, because really, how could I not?
Summary: They both know that John just wants to come back.
...
James expected the nightmares to come back. But it doesn’t mean he is prepared for them. They were a part of his life for almost 50 years now but they still leave him gasping, sweating. The dark in the room is much darker and even though Helen is lying just an inch from his hand, he feels so alone.
Those horrible images are slowly leaving his troubled mind but James could still remember them, the bodies, the blood and John’s half-insane smile. “You really didn’t know, James? How unfortunate,” he told him just before he disappeared.
His nightmares always end like this.
Cold air from the opened window touches his sweaty skin and James shivers standing from the bed. Helen is deep asleep and he picks his shirt slowly not to wake her up, his skeleton makes a lot of noise sometimes and he really doesn’t want to face her right now.
She would know immediately. No one reads him better than Helen Magnus, maybe only John.
James crosses their bedroom and closes the door before he makes his way to the terrace. He can hear the soft hum of waves and the first fishermen loading their ships. The villa is just few metres from the pier but despite that, they have as much privacy as they need. It’s almost a paradise and it’s a perfect place for them to forget.
Helen had tried to persuade Nikola to come with them but he refused. “Not going to play the third wheel,” he had said and smiled because his words weren’t bitter for once and James secretly wondered what have changed.
Nigel stayed in France, the reason more than obvious and James hoped that his friend finally found someone worth his affection. It was a good end, they’re alive, the German danger was stopped but James doesn’t feel calm or happy. His skin again doesn’t fit him and when Helen touches him, pushes his lips against him; he misses another set of hands on his back, hot breath behind his ear, a throaty voice saying “James” all over again.
The bar is near the wall and James goes there because memories are too good to be remembered, too many horrible things happened after them and he knows that no matter how many glasses of brandy he drinks tonight, nothing, nothing ever changes it.
When a soft whoosh sounds behind him, James isn’t even surprised.
“You always did have the perfect timing,” he says and turns. “Brandy?”
John nods. He is still dressed in his Nazi uniform and James finds it disturbing. It’s difficult to grasp that it all happened just five days ago, it feels like ages and he feels older like he did days before Helen persuaded him to go to France.
“It’s the advantage of my ability, I can surprise you whenever I want,” John whispers and James hears too much of his friend. He drinks his glass in one gulp and refills it immediately along with another for John. He accepts and without looking back, James makes his way closer to the railing, the darkness that surrounds him tries to invade his soul.
He isn’t sure he can stop it.
“What are you doing here, John? Playing more games or just coming to see how messed up we are?” James spits into the nothingness. He is angry, so very angry. For missing what they had, for being so very weak. James had wanted John to be there for other reason than just to torment him, he had wanted him to not be what everyone said he is, and James had wanted him to kiss him.
He wants it still.
“You miss it,” John whispers and James realizes he is closer, much closer than he anticipated. He can feel the coldness of the glass pressed against his back. He shivers and tries to pretend it’s from the cold.
“No,” he says as persuasively as he can muster.
“You are lying,” John´s words are even closer know, delivered right into his ear and James swears he could tell is him just from the feel of his breath on his skin. The glass falls to the floor and another one ends the same after a beat.
“Tell me you miss me, miss us,” those words feel like a curse to James. He knows that John is just playing him, wants to break him. He circles his wrists and pushes. It hurts but James doesn’t say anything, he closes his eyes and whispers “This isn’t him” all over again in his mind. It’s that damn madness that possessed him and James knows it’s a sign of his weakness that he still hopes that one day it will just simply go away.
That one day it will be again the three of them against the world.
“John,” there is a gasp behind them. It’s not in Johns plan and he vanishes leaving James to Helen´s questions.
But they don’t come, instead she moves slowly, quietly, materializes on his side and takes him into her arms. They all know it, that James is the weakest of them. That only through him, John keeps coming back and when James buries his face in Helen´s hair, breathes her scent in, he hopes that once, once he will be able to send him away.