Fic: Gift From God- Olivia/Natalia
Title: Gift From God
Author: Karjens40
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG (not much going on except some kissage)
Spoilers: Episodes from April 2008-present
Summary: Natalia’s thoughts about the gift she’d received.
A/N: This isn’t a story per se. For some reason, these days I seem inclined to write “thought” stories instead of stories with dialogue or plot. I don’t know. This idea came to me after watching a slew of 2008 clips and then wondering how these two ladies ever fell in love. Also, this is a one shot.
I have always believed that one shouldn’t question a gift from God. Well, once they finally realize they’d received one, that is. Up until recently, I had been pretty good at living by that little rule, but then God sent me Olivia Spencer.
I smile as I fix a cup of coffee and retreat to the bench outside to look at the stars. With every day that passes, the obstinate woman takes up more and more of my thoughts and surprisingly, that doesn’t bother me at all.
Olivia is such an amazing person. I’ve never known anyone like her. Strong and fierce, she takes what she wants and refuses to be bullied or walked over. But beneath that tough as nails, sarcastic exterior, there lies a mushy, passionate side that thrills and yet still surprises me.
God, to be loved by such a woman is a truly remarkable and humbling experience. Olivia loves like she does every thing else; with a single minded focus and intensity that turns the recipient of that love into a giant puddle of goo. She doesn’t love halfway and she gives her whole heart in the process.
Her heart. Gus’s heart. As I sit outside and listen to the sounds of the crickets, I find myself thinking back over the last year. God I hated her then. No, that’s not true. Sure, Olivia took Gus from me which hurt me unbearably, but honestly, how could I hate her for that when didn’t I do the same thing to Harley?
I’ve never once regretted giving Olivia Gus’s heart. True, it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life but there was simply no other choice for me, despite how I felt about her. Now, I can’t help but wonder if that was my first hint.
I battle tears and a stabbing pain in my heart when I remember how close I came to killing Olivia because of my fear and Jealousy. There is nothing in my life that I’ve ever done or will do that I will regret more than locking her in that bathroom. “You left me to die.” Olivia doesn’t know it, but those words and her gaunt appearance continue to haunt me to this day. The perverted twist is that if I hadn’t done that, I would never have been given the opportunity to realize that she was the one true love destined for me.
I suddenly laugh as I continue to remember. No, I certainly didn’t like her then, but a lot of that had to do with that charming personality of hers. She was so arrogant, obnoxious and cold. Even when I tried to help her, she snapped, hissed and fought like a trapped kitten. Truth be told, those qualities are still there but instead of finding it infuriating, now I find it a bit exciting.
I suppose the turning point for me, the point where I first began to suspect there was more to her than she showed people, was the day she lied to my son. The day she told Rafe some spectacular lie about Gus’s final words. Oh sure, she tried to blow it off as simply wanting him to leave her alone, but she didn’t fool me. I heard what she said initially. She didn’t want him to suffer. She really blindsided me with that and I think it was that one instant that forced me to start looking deeper into the things she said and did. When I was able to do that, I was eventually able to see the good woman that she tried so hard to keep hidden.
It took a few months, but Olivia finally started to let her guard down with me and finally let me help her. I got to know her. The real Olivia. She grew comfortable with calling me for help and she seemed to go out of her way to do little things for me and Rafe. Things that I often didn’t know about until she’d already done them. She let me become even closer with little Emma, the sweetest little girl in the world. The way Olivia trusted me with her daughter was probably one of the first things that opened my heart to her.
I sigh, feeling the familiar warmth wash through me as I think of Olivia. I’ve never felt this …yearning for anyone before. Even Gus. I don’t really know when I began to understand that my love for Gus was that of a school girl. A love that I couldn’t bring myself to let go of. Not until I fell for her.
I once told Olivia that I didn’t know when I realized I loved her, but I wasn’t really telling the whole truth. I think I finally understood her importance to me the day she almost died outside of Company. Hearing Remy say there wasn’t a pulse, I felt my own heart stop for a moment. I still see her sometimes in my dreams, lying on the ground, so helpless and not breathing. I didn’t know why, but I knew then I couldn’t bear the thought of my world without her in it. My hand goes straight to my heart as I begin to ache just thinking about it and wondering if it would happen again.
When the pain recedes, I let my mind drift to the day that I think I truly began to fall in love with her. The day she got my money back from Larry Decker. Never once did she belittle me for my stupid, stupid mistake. She didn’t announce any grand schemes to earn my gratitude. She just quietly made a deal that cost her something she truly loved as well as her dignity, given the announcement she was forced to give to the press . Then she strolls into Company and casually gives me back my money, all the while denying she had anything to do with it.
Her earnestness and sincerity as she talked about what happened, the way she seemed almost desperate to escape my questions opened my eyes. I realized then how much she was willing to do for me. To give up for me. I didn’t understand enough to recognize it as the beginnings of love, but looking back, the feelings that nearly caused my knees to buckle couldn’t have been anything else.
The day she kissed me all but sealed the deal. It took every ounce of strength I had to finally push her away. In just those few seconds, I became addicted to the feel of her lips on mine and though I fought it desperately, I craved that feeling again. Still, I denied it. I refused to acknowledge the gift that God had given me. I couldn’t accept that Olivia was the one He had in mind for me. No, I instead I assumed it was Frank, despite the fact that there wasn’t a single ounce of chemistry between us. When Frank kissed me all I felt was panic, not the overwhelming fire that consumed me when it was Olivia’s lips against mine. Frank’s hands holding my face felt like a prison. Olivia’s were a caress.
I close my eyes to ward off the desire that shoots through me. Not now.
There were so many signs over the last twelve months. So many clues that we are meant to be together and I completely ignored them. It’s a wonder that God didn’t just give up on me all together. It’s so clear to me now that everything that has happened to us this year, only served to bring us closer and closer together. Any time we tried to move apart, something else would happen and we’d once more wind up in each other’s orbit.
Through it all, Olivia supported me. She believed in me. She loved me, like I’d never been loved before. Maybe that’s why it took me so long to recognize my own feelings. I’ve never felt like this for anyone before, nor have I ever had anyone love me as unconditionally as she does. Dear God, the things she did for me during that travesty of an engagement and near wedding. Her pain was palpable and broke my heart and yet she pushed it aside only wanting my happiness. Honestly? Who does that? I never would have thought it would be Olivia Spencer.
So, here I sit in the darkness, working myself into a frenzy thinking about the beautiful, wonderful, irritating woman that pushed her way into my heart. Suddenly I see headlights as a car pulls up to the house. I hear a door slam and my heart jumps into my throat. My body automatically knows who it is, even if my mind doesn’t.
I get to my feet and move to stand against one of the pillars by the house. I smile as I remember Olivia telling me about the night she came home after running into Doris Wolfe at Ladies’ Night. She said she walked up the walkway and saw me standing there and she wanted to cry. I teased her about that comment, but she didn’t laugh. She just touched my cheek in that tender way that always gets to me. She said she wanted to cry for the sheer enormity of the emotions that filled her when she saw me there. She wanted to cry believing that I would accept Frank and she’d lose me forever.
That of course had me crying and she wrapped me in her arms and simply held me. To my frustration, she didn’t kiss me. The damned woman has yet to kiss me. We’ve been together for over a month now and we haven’t even kissed.
My heart starts to race as the familiar figure makes her way toward me. I lean against the pillar like I did that night so long ago. I fight a laugh as Olivia falters briefly before continuing. It thrills me to no end that I’m the one person who can effect her this way. My amusement fades instantly when I see the intent look on her beautiful face. I swallow as she draws near.
Olivia stops a hairs breath away from me, her unique and gorgeous eyes raking over me in a way that always turns my insides to jelly. Before I can even squeak out a hello, I find myself pressed against the pillar by a taller, warm, firm body. Strong hands cup my face and Olivia’s lips are on mine like they were only once before. This time I didn’t pull back. My addiction was now being fed in the best possible way.
The coffee cup drops to the ground, but I am unaware of the sound of broken ceramic as I slide my arms around Olivia pulling her close. She started this kiss but I was now a full participant as I reach up to remove her hat so that my fingers could slide through the silky hair.
As Olivia’s soft lips caressed my own, I said a silent thank you, because with what little ability to think I had left, I finally accepted that she was God’s gift to me and I vowed never to question it again.
End.