Is playing the part of the Masochist tonight...
So the 14th was the wedding I was supposed to go to of Jesse's friends. Had a dream the night before about him. Woke up sad that I wasn't going to this wedding (after pouring $300 into it between the bridal shower and bachelorette party) and then 20 minutes into my morning got a message from Jesse. He said his piece, I said my piece.
Later that night I'm at Claudia's birthday dinner and I get a text from... Jesse. Telling me that everything looks great but he can't have a good time because all he can think about is how I should have been there with him at this wedding and how he can't believe he just threw our relationship away.
Even later that night, I'm at Tehyma's drunk off my ASS (half a big bottle of wine) and I decide its time to get into a texting conversation with Jesse. Come to find out Shaina is not even a current resident of NJ. She lives in South Carolina. He told me she plans to move up asap to be with him. He also told me that it sounds crazy to him and that he's not sure about that. He told me he might just go through with it and that it will probably show him what he ruined. We then got to talking about how we parted ways was so wrong in the way that it was done. I told him we should have a proper goodbye and not leave it at him driving away with me thinking I'll have a bf the next day and come to find out I don't. He told me I was drunk and that that's something we might not agree on when sober. And how its not a good idea but it might be... blah blah blah.
So I slept.
Woke up this morning and decided I wanted to do it after all. Sober thinking here, people. So before going to Dee's Divorce Party, I headed up to North Arlington for the final farewell. We caught up on the past month with what's been going on. I gave him a birthday card for his Grandmother and a wedding card for Dan & Lindsay. I also returned his Yankees t-shirt he had lent me. He was fidgety and I could tell he wanted to hug me or something. I didn't mind the thought of it but I wasn't going to initiate that. I mean, I was the one wronged! Then out of nowhere he practically collapsed in my arms. I think he even smelled me... Then he started crying. Apologizing for what he did. We hugged more. I told him we would be fine and that this will probably pan out for the best to make us better people. He said he was gonna go and so I kissed him goodbye.
Everything was very sweet, comfortable, and perfect.
I later texted him and said that I was glad we did this. And I am. I feel much more at peace with this break up. Sure he was a douche about everything. And I currently hate what he did. But unfortunately I loved him too much to hate him forever. He texted me to tell me that he would not text me for a while to give me the space that I deserve.
With space will come room to grow. And now that I have a real sense of closure, I will be moving ahead with Project 2011. Everything needs to turn around and I get the feeling that THIS is MY year!!!
Later that night I'm at Claudia's birthday dinner and I get a text from... Jesse. Telling me that everything looks great but he can't have a good time because all he can think about is how I should have been there with him at this wedding and how he can't believe he just threw our relationship away.
Even later that night, I'm at Tehyma's drunk off my ASS (half a big bottle of wine) and I decide its time to get into a texting conversation with Jesse. Come to find out Shaina is not even a current resident of NJ. She lives in South Carolina. He told me she plans to move up asap to be with him. He also told me that it sounds crazy to him and that he's not sure about that. He told me he might just go through with it and that it will probably show him what he ruined. We then got to talking about how we parted ways was so wrong in the way that it was done. I told him we should have a proper goodbye and not leave it at him driving away with me thinking I'll have a bf the next day and come to find out I don't. He told me I was drunk and that that's something we might not agree on when sober. And how its not a good idea but it might be... blah blah blah.
So I slept.
Woke up this morning and decided I wanted to do it after all. Sober thinking here, people. So before going to Dee's Divorce Party, I headed up to North Arlington for the final farewell. We caught up on the past month with what's been going on. I gave him a birthday card for his Grandmother and a wedding card for Dan & Lindsay. I also returned his Yankees t-shirt he had lent me. He was fidgety and I could tell he wanted to hug me or something. I didn't mind the thought of it but I wasn't going to initiate that. I mean, I was the one wronged! Then out of nowhere he practically collapsed in my arms. I think he even smelled me... Then he started crying. Apologizing for what he did. We hugged more. I told him we would be fine and that this will probably pan out for the best to make us better people. He said he was gonna go and so I kissed him goodbye.
Everything was very sweet, comfortable, and perfect.
I later texted him and said that I was glad we did this. And I am. I feel much more at peace with this break up. Sure he was a douche about everything. And I currently hate what he did. But unfortunately I loved him too much to hate him forever. He texted me to tell me that he would not text me for a while to give me the space that I deserve.
With space will come room to grow. And now that I have a real sense of closure, I will be moving ahead with Project 2011. Everything needs to turn around and I get the feeling that THIS is MY year!!!