:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :'(
Today was really really bad. i had to work from 9-9:30 on props and it was really depressing and i didn't even get to drive the big van this time. jeff was an idiot and i def could have left for good by 7 at the latest, but he made me come back just so that i could drive back out to the shop in irvington (30 mins away) with him so that he wasn't alone. there was NO POINT in me going back out there...we didn't have many props at all to unload and i was so mad that he was wasting my time that ridiculously. so then i came home, bitched to molly and nick and poopy for a bit, and cried in the shower. (ok pretty much i was crying because today just sucked and i'm so torn being here, but i honestly think that the straw that broke the camel's frickin back was how much our shower HATES ME. honestly, it's terrible - i'll turn UP the cold because it's too hot (but if you turn the hot DOWN it doesn't do anything) and i get SCALDED!!! in what crazy, mixed up world does cranking up the cold dial make the water hotter?!?!??!!? so then i turn up the cold more, it doesn't do anything, so i turn down the hot by like 1/2 a millimeter and it's ice cold. i. hate. my. life.)
i was supposed to have rehearsal tonight at 11:15, but my director cancelled it...thank you god...i don't know how i would have gotten through that rehearsal. i was not at all in the mood to work on anything too in-depth-ly. yay. :)
so i realized today as i was standing outside waiting for jeff that it's frickin the middle of august already. i am not going to have any summer break at all...i want to be able to sit out on the hammock and read and listen to music and have water fights and watch movies and go for walks and go to the beach and stuff!!! and i realized that it's just not happening for me in the next year. that's sad. i mean, i'm really really broken up about it...i can't believe i gave up my summer and my ability to make money to come here and work my ass off - and the kicker is that i'm not working on acting as much as i'm working on crew stuff! that makes me SO MAD.
ok and i hate to go back to the jeff/props situation, but i'm also really broken up about that. i keep hearing from different people that crews are not supposed to keep apprentices past 5:30 - if they do, we have the right to leave unless it's tech week or load in or strike. i, however, am often there past 5:30, and sometimes it goes until late, like tonight. the thing is though, michelle (who i thought controlled everything - she's the production manager - but i guess she doesn't? so i hear?) relayed the message to me from jeff that i shoudl get some dinner and then come back to work more. if we're not supposed to work past 5:30, wouldn't she have said something? or did she only not say something because she didn't know that i had been working since 9 AM? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!! everyone's telling me that i should write letters and complain about how things are going with him, but i honestly feel bad doing that. i know that he deserves it. he's a jerk and a bad worker and he makes inappropriate comments, but then again, i just feel like he gets so much shit from everyone else, maybe he doesn't need one more person. is that totally ridiculous? yeah, i guess it is...i just feel like it could go either way: either he's the kind of person that will only realize what he's doing wrong if a person sticks with him and doesn't rat him out OR he's the kind of person that needs EVERYONE telling him what's wrong with him in order for him to realize that something actually needs to change. i don't know what to do. i feel better not "stabbing him in the back," because he tells me a LOT of stuff and i don't want to just blow that off and make him lose all trust in me (and other people...cuz i think he might...he trusts almost noone as it is...) BUT then again - is it worth me taking all this shit from him? cuz i do...take a lot...of shit...from him...
on a brighter note, we rented "wet hot american summer" and i am PUMPED to watch it because a lot of my friends here LOOOOVE it and i haven't seen nor heard of it yet...should be a good time...good times in jersey...speaking of, katie and kristi and i went to nautilis again tonight and i had a good ole vanilla shake and some toast. :) and kristi ordered mozarella sticks for us all (you bitch...my thighs hate you...) and we complained. a lot. :)....overall, a good time. we listened to some Rhett Miller...he rocked...and sort of hit home a little bit with his song "Come Around." want some lyrics? ok!
"Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around so come around"
****(skip this part if you don't wanna hear my bitch about my love life...or lack thereof...) I AM SO SICK OF BEING ALONE. i am SO PAST the being happy with myself part. i am READY to be happy with ANOTHER person! i like myself plenty, i really really want to be with someone else now. not that my life depends on it or anything, i just am sick of being lonely. and i might be a little horny, i'm not gonna lie. oops, did i just say that??? wow...i never ever thought i'd ever say that in a lj entry...o well...****
time to go work on my scene for acting before going to bed...g'night all, have an awesome night and rest of the week! sorry for the long, drawn out entry...i needed to complain a bit. :)
i was supposed to have rehearsal tonight at 11:15, but my director cancelled it...thank you god...i don't know how i would have gotten through that rehearsal. i was not at all in the mood to work on anything too in-depth-ly. yay. :)
so i realized today as i was standing outside waiting for jeff that it's frickin the middle of august already. i am not going to have any summer break at all...i want to be able to sit out on the hammock and read and listen to music and have water fights and watch movies and go for walks and go to the beach and stuff!!! and i realized that it's just not happening for me in the next year. that's sad. i mean, i'm really really broken up about it...i can't believe i gave up my summer and my ability to make money to come here and work my ass off - and the kicker is that i'm not working on acting as much as i'm working on crew stuff! that makes me SO MAD.
ok and i hate to go back to the jeff/props situation, but i'm also really broken up about that. i keep hearing from different people that crews are not supposed to keep apprentices past 5:30 - if they do, we have the right to leave unless it's tech week or load in or strike. i, however, am often there past 5:30, and sometimes it goes until late, like tonight. the thing is though, michelle (who i thought controlled everything - she's the production manager - but i guess she doesn't? so i hear?) relayed the message to me from jeff that i shoudl get some dinner and then come back to work more. if we're not supposed to work past 5:30, wouldn't she have said something? or did she only not say something because she didn't know that i had been working since 9 AM? I'M SO CONFUSED!!!! everyone's telling me that i should write letters and complain about how things are going with him, but i honestly feel bad doing that. i know that he deserves it. he's a jerk and a bad worker and he makes inappropriate comments, but then again, i just feel like he gets so much shit from everyone else, maybe he doesn't need one more person. is that totally ridiculous? yeah, i guess it is...i just feel like it could go either way: either he's the kind of person that will only realize what he's doing wrong if a person sticks with him and doesn't rat him out OR he's the kind of person that needs EVERYONE telling him what's wrong with him in order for him to realize that something actually needs to change. i don't know what to do. i feel better not "stabbing him in the back," because he tells me a LOT of stuff and i don't want to just blow that off and make him lose all trust in me (and other people...cuz i think he might...he trusts almost noone as it is...) BUT then again - is it worth me taking all this shit from him? cuz i do...take a lot...of shit...from him...
on a brighter note, we rented "wet hot american summer" and i am PUMPED to watch it because a lot of my friends here LOOOOVE it and i haven't seen nor heard of it yet...should be a good time...good times in jersey...speaking of, katie and kristi and i went to nautilis again tonight and i had a good ole vanilla shake and some toast. :) and kristi ordered mozarella sticks for us all (you bitch...my thighs hate you...) and we complained. a lot. :)....overall, a good time. we listened to some Rhett Miller...he rocked...and sort of hit home a little bit with his song "Come Around." want some lyrics? ok!
"Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Am I gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
I'm gonna be lonely for the rest of my life
Unless you come around so come around"
****(skip this part if you don't wanna hear my bitch about my love life...or lack thereof...) I AM SO SICK OF BEING ALONE. i am SO PAST the being happy with myself part. i am READY to be happy with ANOTHER person! i like myself plenty, i really really want to be with someone else now. not that my life depends on it or anything, i just am sick of being lonely. and i might be a little horny, i'm not gonna lie. oops, did i just say that??? wow...i never ever thought i'd ever say that in a lj entry...o well...****
time to go work on my scene for acting before going to bed...g'night all, have an awesome night and rest of the week! sorry for the long, drawn out entry...i needed to complain a bit. :)