scared
OMG. I hate life i realllly do. right when I think it cant get any worse, my great grandmother is put in the hospital. This is the 2nd time in 3 weeks. I know she's old i mean she 90! But I am not ready to loose her. Today i went to visit her. I had the hardest time holdin back the tears. She had bruises all over her arm and hand from the I.V. All I could do was just lay on the bed next to her and hold her hand. And on top of that I cant help but feel its my fault she is there. See the other day I heard her tellin my mom that she was ready to go. She called the pastor and told him that she wanted to know why god was holding her here and that what ever it was that he wanted her to do she wanted to know so she could do it. Shes tired, she cant see, she can barley hear, and she cant move the left side of her body b/c she had a stroke about 2 years ago. she has sores all over the back of her from sittin and layin down 24/7. And i cant stand seeing her this way. When went to bed that night i started prayin that god would make her feel better then I started feeling really bad b/c i was prayin for her to live and she was ready to go home. I felt like I was be selfish. So I prayed that god would take her home. Now I feel soo bad cause she is dying and I caused it to happen. And on top of it School has gotten worse. I feel like if I was to die no one but my family would give a rip. I dont understand why all of this is happening to me i dont understand what I did to deserve this. I dont know i am soooo very tired of life. I'm going to bed.