chris agostini
last night i felt like my heart was being wrenched from my body. its strange how certain people can walk into your life and change everything you've known in an instant. thats chris. i have had this massive barrier on my heart since the day i found out my ex was cheating on me. it tore me up inside for a long long time, and i was recently beginning to feel like i'd never know true love again. but then i met chris, and things changed. i opened up to him, and i couldn't even tell you why. i knew that he would be leaving soon on the eisenhower, from october 3rd until may 4th. so how, even with that factor pushing me away, did he manage to work his way into my heart and peel away this wall that has been torturing me for a year and a half?
i came home from school today in tears. all day, actually, has been rough, imagining the next several months, including thanksgiving, christmas, my 21st, new years.. without him. paul approached me about my sadness and i let him in on everything i'd been holding back from him. i told him all about this relationship that had been building without him even knowing, and instead of his usual reaction to criticize, he comforted me and encouraged me. "this deployment could be a good thing for your relationship with him kari. it will give you plenty of time to get to know him without it being sexual." and he is so right. erica talked to me too.. she thinks this is god's way of blessing me, and giving me time to put him number one in my life before i can give a man my heart. all of this is true.. i need to be right with god before i have a healthy relationship, and sex tends to complicate things. without it we will get to know each other's hearts, not body parts, right?
he asked me before he left if i would be willing to move with him in case he got orders to california or washington. and i told him i would.. if he's the one im supposed to be with, god will guide us to be with each other.. im not worried about school. there are schools all over the country. and if he chooses not to re-enlist then he'll be out of the navy in november of 2007.
last night we stayed up with each other until four in the morning. i woke this morning at 8 to go to school, and so this afternoon i took a nap. i dreamed that he picked me up from work and told me to wear something other than jeans because we were going to shop for rings. it was so real. so right.
i came home from school today in tears. all day, actually, has been rough, imagining the next several months, including thanksgiving, christmas, my 21st, new years.. without him. paul approached me about my sadness and i let him in on everything i'd been holding back from him. i told him all about this relationship that had been building without him even knowing, and instead of his usual reaction to criticize, he comforted me and encouraged me. "this deployment could be a good thing for your relationship with him kari. it will give you plenty of time to get to know him without it being sexual." and he is so right. erica talked to me too.. she thinks this is god's way of blessing me, and giving me time to put him number one in my life before i can give a man my heart. all of this is true.. i need to be right with god before i have a healthy relationship, and sex tends to complicate things. without it we will get to know each other's hearts, not body parts, right?
he asked me before he left if i would be willing to move with him in case he got orders to california or washington. and i told him i would.. if he's the one im supposed to be with, god will guide us to be with each other.. im not worried about school. there are schools all over the country. and if he chooses not to re-enlist then he'll be out of the navy in november of 2007.
last night we stayed up with each other until four in the morning. i woke this morning at 8 to go to school, and so this afternoon i took a nap. i dreamed that he picked me up from work and told me to wear something other than jeans because we were going to shop for rings. it was so real. so right.