dear randi
dear randi:
im sorry i was being all bitchy about how i thought u didnt want to see me. i was feeling really bad. im not tired at all, and its been 15 hours since ive slept...yet im not tired...
i was talking to sean, who had just broken up..and told him everything...he's heartbroken about his loss, but still trying...
i was thinking that u didnt love me anymore, and never did...im ugly...u said u dont wanna make time...all we do when were around each other is...y'know...
but then sean was telling me that i need 2 cry...and i said i cant...he said "u need to show her u can cry, that u have a heart and care about things" and i said "i did..once..back this summer, wehn we (censored)...and thought that (censored)...she gave me the $11 ring i bought her a couple days before, and said 'i can handle it by myself...i dont wanna bring u down.' i couldnt see for a while after that, my eyes were so full...i walkd outside. well, actually. to the next room. she followed me, and i put the ring back on her finger, and just squeezed the shit outta her...a little while later i inhaled quickly, and stoped crying and said 'i cant cry anymore, for you. i wont cry so that you can when u need to.'
i couldnt see the damn computer til just now, wehn sean got off...and i wanna just let u know, that i know u love me, and i love u...and i am gonna try my hardest to see u in november, and if i cant, ill just try to see yuo the next weekend, and the next, and the next. im willing to try to overcome 200 miles and a million discomforts for you...im over bitching..ive stopped so u can start..ill just shut up, and try to do as much 4 u as i can... caus i love u, and someday, ill wake up next to you...and a little bit of both of us will jump on the bed, wake us both up, and yell "mommy! daddy!" adn we'll have to go down and watch that little bit open a whole bunch of presents that we gave, but said were given by someone else, under a big fake pine tree with lights and balls on it, and something kicking in ur stomach, unable to join its sibling under the tree, and wishing it could. thats what i want. and im wiling to fight for it.
love you hon.
im sorry i was being all bitchy about how i thought u didnt want to see me. i was feeling really bad. im not tired at all, and its been 15 hours since ive slept...yet im not tired...
i was talking to sean, who had just broken up..and told him everything...he's heartbroken about his loss, but still trying...
i was thinking that u didnt love me anymore, and never did...im ugly...u said u dont wanna make time...all we do when were around each other is...y'know...
but then sean was telling me that i need 2 cry...and i said i cant...he said "u need to show her u can cry, that u have a heart and care about things" and i said "i did..once..back this summer, wehn we (censored)...and thought that (censored)...she gave me the $11 ring i bought her a couple days before, and said 'i can handle it by myself...i dont wanna bring u down.' i couldnt see for a while after that, my eyes were so full...i walkd outside. well, actually. to the next room. she followed me, and i put the ring back on her finger, and just squeezed the shit outta her...a little while later i inhaled quickly, and stoped crying and said 'i cant cry anymore, for you. i wont cry so that you can when u need to.'
i couldnt see the damn computer til just now, wehn sean got off...and i wanna just let u know, that i know u love me, and i love u...and i am gonna try my hardest to see u in november, and if i cant, ill just try to see yuo the next weekend, and the next, and the next. im willing to try to overcome 200 miles and a million discomforts for you...im over bitching..ive stopped so u can start..ill just shut up, and try to do as much 4 u as i can... caus i love u, and someday, ill wake up next to you...and a little bit of both of us will jump on the bed, wake us both up, and yell "mommy! daddy!" adn we'll have to go down and watch that little bit open a whole bunch of presents that we gave, but said were given by someone else, under a big fake pine tree with lights and balls on it, and something kicking in ur stomach, unable to join its sibling under the tree, and wishing it could. thats what i want. and im wiling to fight for it.
love you hon.