Deactivated Facebook
Happy New Year. I deactivated Facebook today. It wasn't nearly as hard as I thought it might be.
I have been feeling lonely. Especially tonight. My parents went to bed before 12am and I feel rather alone. Cried a little, but seriously, I need to understand this is a new exciting adventure. I'm just not part of team anymore. It's me.
I don't have a lot to look forward to at the moment. I have to find a job and go back to work, but I don't know if I want to live here in Colorado permanently. I guess I can go talk to a placement agency and see if I can find something for the next 6 months. Problem with that is no health care. I have none as of today. :(
So many people are telling me to take baby steps with this change in my life. I wish I could, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of baby steps when it comes to moving to another state and starting over again at age 36. Part of me feels like I just need to jump in and do this for the next 6-7 months. If I really don't like it, then I gave it a good effort (for the second time). But then I have to find a place to live, a job, and so many other things just to leave again if I don't like it. I guess I need some kind of sign. I'm at a loss.
It's been bitterly cold here. In the teens and single digits. I'm really glad it's going to be back up in the 50s by Wednesday. I'm going to give our local gym a test run. Go see how their classes are. It will get me out of the house, which is a really good thing.
My mom said she wants to make bread, so we might give that a try once it's not 2 degrees.
Anyways, New Year, New Me. I deactivated my Facebook account this evening. Happy about it. I need to spend less time on social media and more time focused on me. Besides, Facebook is going to remind me every day about something I did with Brian. Don't need that right now.
If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be starting all over again I would have told them they were crazy. I mean, I guess I knew at some point I'd be alone again based on how miserable my marriage was, but I never thought I'd actually build up the courage to say enough is enough. I am proud of myself for that. I'm sad that I'm learning how hard relationships really are. So many of my friends are going through rough times in their relationships. Some of experiencing things worse than I have and they stay. :( I guess I really don't know what a healthy relationship is. I certainly don't know how to argue/fight.
In 2019 I want the following:
To live alone and love it
To love myself
To go to a movie by myself and not feel weird about it
To be a better friend
To go outside my comfort zone
To share my story
To write more
To teach my parents something new
To find true happiness
To stop holding back my feelings
To laugh uncontrollably for no reason without judgement
To get butterflies in my stomach
To see new places and meet new people
To heal
To forgive
To be me
I have been feeling lonely. Especially tonight. My parents went to bed before 12am and I feel rather alone. Cried a little, but seriously, I need to understand this is a new exciting adventure. I'm just not part of team anymore. It's me.
I don't have a lot to look forward to at the moment. I have to find a job and go back to work, but I don't know if I want to live here in Colorado permanently. I guess I can go talk to a placement agency and see if I can find something for the next 6 months. Problem with that is no health care. I have none as of today. :(
So many people are telling me to take baby steps with this change in my life. I wish I could, but unfortunately there aren't a lot of baby steps when it comes to moving to another state and starting over again at age 36. Part of me feels like I just need to jump in and do this for the next 6-7 months. If I really don't like it, then I gave it a good effort (for the second time). But then I have to find a place to live, a job, and so many other things just to leave again if I don't like it. I guess I need some kind of sign. I'm at a loss.
It's been bitterly cold here. In the teens and single digits. I'm really glad it's going to be back up in the 50s by Wednesday. I'm going to give our local gym a test run. Go see how their classes are. It will get me out of the house, which is a really good thing.
My mom said she wants to make bread, so we might give that a try once it's not 2 degrees.
Anyways, New Year, New Me. I deactivated my Facebook account this evening. Happy about it. I need to spend less time on social media and more time focused on me. Besides, Facebook is going to remind me every day about something I did with Brian. Don't need that right now.
If someone would have told me a year ago that I would be starting all over again I would have told them they were crazy. I mean, I guess I knew at some point I'd be alone again based on how miserable my marriage was, but I never thought I'd actually build up the courage to say enough is enough. I am proud of myself for that. I'm sad that I'm learning how hard relationships really are. So many of my friends are going through rough times in their relationships. Some of experiencing things worse than I have and they stay. :( I guess I really don't know what a healthy relationship is. I certainly don't know how to argue/fight.
In 2019 I want the following:
To live alone and love it
To love myself
To go to a movie by myself and not feel weird about it
To be a better friend
To go outside my comfort zone
To share my story
To write more
To teach my parents something new
To find true happiness
To stop holding back my feelings
To laugh uncontrollably for no reason without judgement
To get butterflies in my stomach
To see new places and meet new people
To heal
To forgive
To be me