Colorado Day 3
I did a lot of activity today. A workout DVD and a run. It felt good. If I'm going to stay here for a bit I'm going to have to know when I need space. Today I did a great job of saying, I'm going to go do this because I want to.
I have to admit I don't like the situation at my sister's house. As this is public, I'm not going to say anymore than that. I guess I might be more judgey than normal because I'm reeling from the pain from relationship.
I talked to Brian today. For over and hour and half. It didn't make me feel great to hear him talk about how he's finding happiness. That's what I wanted. That's one of the reasons why I left... because he wasn't trying to be happy.
It was painful to hear him say he thinks I'm so negative. Anyone else in my life would say the absolute opposite. It also bugs he that he thinks counseling isn't going to change or help me, but reading this book he read is. Sometimes I think I shouldn't talk to him at all. But it does help to talk to someone. It is also upsetting that he thinks I should have communicated and then maybe he wouldn't have treated me so badly. I'm not really sure that's how it works. I shouldn't have to say, hey, please stop treating me badly. You shouldn't have treated me that way in the first place.
I really do need to embrace living by myself. I really appreciate what my parents are doing, but being surrounded by them all the time will wear on everyone. I need to find a counselor.
Brian has completely moved on for the most part. He doesn't want to talk about what happened. He just wants to talk about how he's changed. I guess that's a good thing. Why dwell? It's time to move on. What am I doing for myself today, tomorrow, and 3 months from now? Good fucking point. What happened, happened. He apologized. Move on. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
Someone someday will never let it get to where Brian did because they'll know right away that's not the right thing. I'll be able to stand up and say, hey, you're making me feel x, y, and z.
He said he loves me for who I am, but I don't think he knows who that is because I don't even know. I need to spend more time listening to my heart. What do I like? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What do I want from life? What makes my heart sign from the mountain tops?
I know deep down, I'm going to be ok. I perhaps just need to breathe and remember, this too shall pass. I am learning from it and I will be a better person when all is said and done.
I have to admit I don't like the situation at my sister's house. As this is public, I'm not going to say anymore than that. I guess I might be more judgey than normal because I'm reeling from the pain from relationship.
I talked to Brian today. For over and hour and half. It didn't make me feel great to hear him talk about how he's finding happiness. That's what I wanted. That's one of the reasons why I left... because he wasn't trying to be happy.
It was painful to hear him say he thinks I'm so negative. Anyone else in my life would say the absolute opposite. It also bugs he that he thinks counseling isn't going to change or help me, but reading this book he read is. Sometimes I think I shouldn't talk to him at all. But it does help to talk to someone. It is also upsetting that he thinks I should have communicated and then maybe he wouldn't have treated me so badly. I'm not really sure that's how it works. I shouldn't have to say, hey, please stop treating me badly. You shouldn't have treated me that way in the first place.
I really do need to embrace living by myself. I really appreciate what my parents are doing, but being surrounded by them all the time will wear on everyone. I need to find a counselor.
Brian has completely moved on for the most part. He doesn't want to talk about what happened. He just wants to talk about how he's changed. I guess that's a good thing. Why dwell? It's time to move on. What am I doing for myself today, tomorrow, and 3 months from now? Good fucking point. What happened, happened. He apologized. Move on. I can't change the past. I can change the future.
Someone someday will never let it get to where Brian did because they'll know right away that's not the right thing. I'll be able to stand up and say, hey, you're making me feel x, y, and z.
He said he loves me for who I am, but I don't think he knows who that is because I don't even know. I need to spend more time listening to my heart. What do I like? What do I want to do? Where do I want to go? What do I want from life? What makes my heart sign from the mountain tops?
I know deep down, I'm going to be ok. I perhaps just need to breathe and remember, this too shall pass. I am learning from it and I will be a better person when all is said and done.