Public Letter
Hey.
If you are currently reading this, this means you are important to me. You, whoever you may be; boy or girl, woman or man, gay or straight, friend or enemy, you have made my life the way it is, and I want to say thank you.
As you probably know by now, and if you do not, then now you know, I am moving to the U.S. I tell you now as I told all those who found out before - there's nothing I can do. I have to go. I know, heck, GOD knows, that leaving was the last thing I ever wanted. You don't seriously think I'd enjoy leaving my friends, my family and all the people I have been blessed to meet here in the Philippines while I'm flown to some unknown country that I have no idea whether it will accept me or not? I said once, "I would give the world to stay," and I still mean it with every word. Every day that remains is both joy and death to me. I am ecstatic to able to spend my time here while I can, but I'd wish for it to never end because it would only mean that there was limited time left.
I'm over it. I'm through wondering what crime I must have committed to possibly deserve this. Believe me or not, I've already come to accept that I won't be able to spend my sophomore year in the Philippines, let alone graduate from my senior year in my alma mater. The last day that we had assembly, I sang the school song with all my heart.
To you, the people whose lives have made such a difference in my life, I say thank you. Thank you for the memories, whether good or bad; for the emotions shared and for just having been blessed to have come upon you all, thank you. I know that you would never truly understand just how much you have done for me. I pray that somehow, you will at least get a gist of your importance to me.
I don't know what to say to make up for not being there when I could have. I suppose, the only words left to say are, "I'm sorry," because I really am. I am human, nowhere near perfect. I am neither exceptionally bright nor even moderately physically attractive so as to have been someone to look forward to. For all my flaws, I apologize. For all the times I may have offended you, I am sorry. I never know what to say or what to do and I am about as undecisive as one can get. Would you, knowing my imperfections, knowing that I probably may never say the right words again nor do what you need me to do, forgive me for all that I have done? I have sinned greatly, and even now, I being the coward I truly am, I could never tell my sins. Do I deserve friends like you? To be honest, I don't know. But one thing's for certain - I must've done something right in my impossibly messed up life to have met, and in other cases, befriended people like you. Time for departure will soon come, and I take full opportunity to tell you just how lucky I am, just how much you mean to me, and just how sorry I am that it must end this way.
But this isn't really the end, right? I am fully confident that one day in the future, our paths will cross once more. One day, we shall meet again, whether it be for or against the cause of the universe's higher power.
It goes without saying, I will miss you all. And I know that you will neither be thinking of me 24/7 nor wishing that I were still here. Life will go on and I know you all will do just fine, even if I am not in the Philippines anymore. Rest assured that you will never be forgotten.
And, whether you choose to believe me or not, I love you. I love you all. Love, being the vague word it is, could never possibly encompass all the gratitude, appreciation, and other emotions I feel, but it is the closest and the only one I know that could at least give justice to such emotions. Know that I love you, because you are you, because you were there.
And so, I say, I'll see you all later. There is never a goodbye, not with people like you, for if this friendship ended, then maybe there wasn't a friendship in existence to begin with.
-AJ Gam
If you are currently reading this, this means you are important to me. You, whoever you may be; boy or girl, woman or man, gay or straight, friend or enemy, you have made my life the way it is, and I want to say thank you.
As you probably know by now, and if you do not, then now you know, I am moving to the U.S. I tell you now as I told all those who found out before - there's nothing I can do. I have to go. I know, heck, GOD knows, that leaving was the last thing I ever wanted. You don't seriously think I'd enjoy leaving my friends, my family and all the people I have been blessed to meet here in the Philippines while I'm flown to some unknown country that I have no idea whether it will accept me or not? I said once, "I would give the world to stay," and I still mean it with every word. Every day that remains is both joy and death to me. I am ecstatic to able to spend my time here while I can, but I'd wish for it to never end because it would only mean that there was limited time left.
I'm over it. I'm through wondering what crime I must have committed to possibly deserve this. Believe me or not, I've already come to accept that I won't be able to spend my sophomore year in the Philippines, let alone graduate from my senior year in my alma mater. The last day that we had assembly, I sang the school song with all my heart.
To you, the people whose lives have made such a difference in my life, I say thank you. Thank you for the memories, whether good or bad; for the emotions shared and for just having been blessed to have come upon you all, thank you. I know that you would never truly understand just how much you have done for me. I pray that somehow, you will at least get a gist of your importance to me.
I don't know what to say to make up for not being there when I could have. I suppose, the only words left to say are, "I'm sorry," because I really am. I am human, nowhere near perfect. I am neither exceptionally bright nor even moderately physically attractive so as to have been someone to look forward to. For all my flaws, I apologize. For all the times I may have offended you, I am sorry. I never know what to say or what to do and I am about as undecisive as one can get. Would you, knowing my imperfections, knowing that I probably may never say the right words again nor do what you need me to do, forgive me for all that I have done? I have sinned greatly, and even now, I being the coward I truly am, I could never tell my sins. Do I deserve friends like you? To be honest, I don't know. But one thing's for certain - I must've done something right in my impossibly messed up life to have met, and in other cases, befriended people like you. Time for departure will soon come, and I take full opportunity to tell you just how lucky I am, just how much you mean to me, and just how sorry I am that it must end this way.
But this isn't really the end, right? I am fully confident that one day in the future, our paths will cross once more. One day, we shall meet again, whether it be for or against the cause of the universe's higher power.
It goes without saying, I will miss you all. And I know that you will neither be thinking of me 24/7 nor wishing that I were still here. Life will go on and I know you all will do just fine, even if I am not in the Philippines anymore. Rest assured that you will never be forgotten.
And, whether you choose to believe me or not, I love you. I love you all. Love, being the vague word it is, could never possibly encompass all the gratitude, appreciation, and other emotions I feel, but it is the closest and the only one I know that could at least give justice to such emotions. Know that I love you, because you are you, because you were there.
And so, I say, I'll see you all later. There is never a goodbye, not with people like you, for if this friendship ended, then maybe there wasn't a friendship in existence to begin with.
-AJ Gam