The Art Of Letting Go
Title: The Art Of Letting Go
Author: Karevsanatomy
Rating: PG
Characters/Pairing: Mark, Callie, and Mark/Callie
Premise: Grief brings Mark and Callie even closer.
Anger. It was still there. After three long months it was still there. Still coursing through Callie’s veins, horrified by the travesty of it all. A small twist of fate and a life was over. It wasn’t just any life, she was use to seeing those pass by; no this was the life of the person who meant everything to her.
Her fingers trail lovingly over the thick, decorative box that housed a life time of memories. Just stuff Callie had kept that meant nothing to the casual person but everything to her. Test results with the confirmation that she was going to become a mother. A sonogram with the word’s It’s A Girl emblazed across the top. Finally, a tiny pink blanket that had held a sweet little girl with her light hair and his chin for all of five seconds; and a wristlet that said Baby Girl Sloan.
Callie blinked back tears, opening the lid of the box. It was time to place one final object into her box of memories. A letter. Nobody would ever read it, but she had to write it. Putting her anger down on paper had seemed to make it valid, like she didn’t have to ask him if it was alright for her to want to randomly scream at the injustice of it all. It had taken so much out of her, that letter. She was glad it was done though, because he was wanting to move on. He wanted them to try again, and even though she wasn’t ready she had to pretend to be; for his sake.
Mark had come into her life at a time when she had needed him the most. Oh she hadn’t known that, hadn’t even thought he would be the one to melt the block of ice that had formed around her heart. On again, off again. Through an experimental relationship that was never meant to work. He had been there through it all. A man whore trying to turn over a new leaf.
Who would have thought she would be the new leaf, that she would tame Mark Sloan into the sort of man who longed to be a father. He would have made a wonderful one, of that she was sure. She would try her hardest to give him that opportunity; he deserved that.
“Callie,” Mark said softly from the doorway of their bedroom. She smiled sadly and looked up. Her finger still hovered on the box lid, and she couldn’t quite bring herself to drop the letter inside. She wanted to hold onto the anger, and she knew that once she put the letter inside it would be time to let it go. “Are you sure you want to do this?”
She nodded, all the while uncertain. They hadn’t been out in months, and the invitation to Meredith’s and Derek’s fifth wedding anniversary had seemed like a sign from Heaven. Now that they were about to go, she wasn’t sure she was ready. Alex and Izzie would be there. Alex wasn’t so much the problem as was Izzie. Izzie with her pregnant belly and the promise of a healthy little girl. Even worse, Lexie and George would be there with their new son, who was the exact age her little girl would have been if she had just waited and been born on time.
“We don’t have to go.” Mark reminded her. He had offered this out many times, and each time she had told him she was fine. “In fact, why don’t we stay in. We could try for another Annie.”
Blurry vision obscured her view of him. There could never be another Annie. Whoever came next would be their own person, not a replacement. He seemed to sense the direction her thoughts had taken, and he sat next to her. “I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I know we can’t replace her Cal, but I don’t think she would want us to put our lives at a stand still.”
“I know,” Callie choked out, closing her eyes. She did know, but it was too hard to let it go. In letting go, she would be letting go of Annie. At least that was how her mind was making it all out.
She leaned into him, her fingers finding the soft blanket. She hated how empty it was. It needed a baby. If she was stronger she would give it to Izzie, but she wasn’t that strong and she wasn’t so sure Izzie was deserving of the little girl she was due to have at any time. I
t seemed so unfair at times, that everyone else could have a baby but her little angel had died. Her beautiful little Annie. The image of her sweet baby girl, so still and pale, would be forever imprinted in her mind. Even so, she knew it was time to release the past and embrace the future; and that meant putting the letter in the box and going to Meredith’s and Derek’s party. It meant hearing people offer up their condolences still, or worse someone telling her that something good would come out of it.
“I want to go, Mark. I think we should go.” Callie forced herself to let the letter fall into the box. Mark took the lid and put it where it belonged, knowing she wasn’t able to. He cupped her face in both hands and kissed her sweetly on the lips. For the first time in three months, she kissed him back like she meant it. She threw herself fully into the whole experience, let her body feel it all.
And eight and a half months later, when she wrapped the tiny, soft pink blanket around another beautiful little girl she couldn’t help but feel awe. Something good had come out of something so sad after all.