So much has happened...
Well, first of all, I put in a 30 day notice at the apartment in Emeryville on the 11th of August. Things were crazy then. I was evaluating my life and the role I had assumed, and it rather disappointed me.
Also, after that, I purchased Burning Man tickets for both KJ and I @ $250 ea. Ouch. I was hoping to find a group living situation while we were there. It's not that I didn't, I found one, but KJ was not really into the idea as much as me.
The experience at Burning Man would have been more full if I had not been a wuss and participated how I wanted to instead of behaving as was expected of me. I am angry at myself for that. I have to tell you though, I would have paid more. I am getting my ticket in January this year. I am going by myself if I must.
So KJ and I get back from BM on the 7th and have three days to get out of the apartment. We moved everything into storage in Emeryville and came out to Sacramento. MC Mike was nice enough to let us stay.
On Sunday, September 12th, I was served divorce papers. There was a rush of unexpected emotion. I was sad and scared. I didn't want to have to fight. I have always hated fighting though my emotionality often goads arguing. I know I have a battle ahead, even if it is just with myself.
I thought everything was going OK with KJ and I but all it took was one argument and we broke up Sept 17th. He said that the relationship was too hard. I don't know what to think, yet.
Something about it all made me feel as if releasing the financial burden of the relationship also released KJ from his perceived obligation to me and vice-versa. I miss him and love him still. I'm mad at myself for allowing his disapproval to effect me so much.
Now, I start a new temp job tomorrow. I am staying at a friend's house:(916) 441-2285. I have most of the response for the divorce paperwork complete. I spoke with Preston about it. He doesn't really want a divorce in the first place. I really think I need to start fresh. I have made too many decisions without consideration of the effects it may have on my future. I have been dishonorable in the past, been mislead and confused, let my heart drive for too long until my mind punched it's lights out and drove - again for too long. I need to find a good communication line for my heart and mind to speak to me equally.
I have a whole heck of a lot of things to clean up - I've made some pretty bad messes and am pretty ashamed of myself for not giving myself the time and energy I need. I let everything fall apart. NO MORE!
I am going to take care of shit from here on out. I am going to stop pondering and start acting on what I need to do. On that note...
Also, after that, I purchased Burning Man tickets for both KJ and I @ $250 ea. Ouch. I was hoping to find a group living situation while we were there. It's not that I didn't, I found one, but KJ was not really into the idea as much as me.
The experience at Burning Man would have been more full if I had not been a wuss and participated how I wanted to instead of behaving as was expected of me. I am angry at myself for that. I have to tell you though, I would have paid more. I am getting my ticket in January this year. I am going by myself if I must.
So KJ and I get back from BM on the 7th and have three days to get out of the apartment. We moved everything into storage in Emeryville and came out to Sacramento. MC Mike was nice enough to let us stay.
On Sunday, September 12th, I was served divorce papers. There was a rush of unexpected emotion. I was sad and scared. I didn't want to have to fight. I have always hated fighting though my emotionality often goads arguing. I know I have a battle ahead, even if it is just with myself.
I thought everything was going OK with KJ and I but all it took was one argument and we broke up Sept 17th. He said that the relationship was too hard. I don't know what to think, yet.
Something about it all made me feel as if releasing the financial burden of the relationship also released KJ from his perceived obligation to me and vice-versa. I miss him and love him still. I'm mad at myself for allowing his disapproval to effect me so much.
Now, I start a new temp job tomorrow. I am staying at a friend's house:(916) 441-2285. I have most of the response for the divorce paperwork complete. I spoke with Preston about it. He doesn't really want a divorce in the first place. I really think I need to start fresh. I have made too many decisions without consideration of the effects it may have on my future. I have been dishonorable in the past, been mislead and confused, let my heart drive for too long until my mind punched it's lights out and drove - again for too long. I need to find a good communication line for my heart and mind to speak to me equally.
I have a whole heck of a lot of things to clean up - I've made some pretty bad messes and am pretty ashamed of myself for not giving myself the time and energy I need. I let everything fall apart. NO MORE!
I am going to take care of shit from here on out. I am going to stop pondering and start acting on what I need to do. On that note...