(no subject)
Alright, i know i haven't posted in... like... FOREVER, but i just wanted to post tonight for a couple of reasons...
Reason #1. Happy Birthday Jamie Conn! :) I know you get on lj often, but i don't know if you still read mine.
Reason B: My hamster died... I mean, i had only had her... for like... 2 weeks. But she was bad ass. :( RIP Duckie.
Reason *: I just heard today that my first SERIOUS boyfriend... the guy that i was TOTALLY in love with, thought i was going to marry, spend my life with, the whole shabang... anyways, heard he's getting married next week. I expected it to hurt. I mean, It hurt when i heard he was dating again. Maybe because i was still in love with him. Then it hurt when i heard he was getting serious with -get this- the same girl he was dating! lol I was jealous. Then it hurt when i heard they were engaged... in part because we were both moving on and it was finally done (i was dating Chris when i heard, so its not like i was still sitting there) I think i missed a lot of what we had, the feelings, the love that i thought was between us. It just made me realize that i don't really know what love is. I mean. I feel like I love Tom now (which is why this whole thing doesn't hurt) But who really knows what love is until you can look at it from a different perspective. I mean, a lot of what me and Will had was physical attraction, He was a big part in the time of my life where i was having the most fun that i've ever experienced thus far. Maybe that has something to do with it too. I associated him with that fun. It wasn't him. it was the freedom, the joy in that final summer before we all had to grow up, Before we had to go to college, or get jobs... I don't know. Hmm... thoughts to ponder while i force myself to go to sleep at 6:30. *sigh* gotta be at work at 4!
Reason #1. Happy Birthday Jamie Conn! :) I know you get on lj often, but i don't know if you still read mine.
Reason B: My hamster died... I mean, i had only had her... for like... 2 weeks. But she was bad ass. :( RIP Duckie.
Reason *: I just heard today that my first SERIOUS boyfriend... the guy that i was TOTALLY in love with, thought i was going to marry, spend my life with, the whole shabang... anyways, heard he's getting married next week. I expected it to hurt. I mean, It hurt when i heard he was dating again. Maybe because i was still in love with him. Then it hurt when i heard he was getting serious with -get this- the same girl he was dating! lol I was jealous. Then it hurt when i heard they were engaged... in part because we were both moving on and it was finally done (i was dating Chris when i heard, so its not like i was still sitting there) I think i missed a lot of what we had, the feelings, the love that i thought was between us. It just made me realize that i don't really know what love is. I mean. I feel like I love Tom now (which is why this whole thing doesn't hurt) But who really knows what love is until you can look at it from a different perspective. I mean, a lot of what me and Will had was physical attraction, He was a big part in the time of my life where i was having the most fun that i've ever experienced thus far. Maybe that has something to do with it too. I associated him with that fun. It wasn't him. it was the freedom, the joy in that final summer before we all had to grow up, Before we had to go to college, or get jobs... I don't know. Hmm... thoughts to ponder while i force myself to go to sleep at 6:30. *sigh* gotta be at work at 4!