Not the holiday season my mother had planned
As some of you may remember, my mother lives in Seattle with my sister, her husband, and their two daughters. This year my sister and her family had decided that it was time to spend the holidays in Oaxaca, Mexico, with his family, but my mother opted not to join them on that trip (mom can handle very basic Spanish, but can't follow a conversation that is actually interesting). Instead she planned to spend her birthday (19 December) in San Francisco with my step-sister and then return to Seattle for the rest of the year.
I am told that she had a fabulous birthday party in San Fran, involving foods from pretty much everywhere she has ever lived and lots of singing and playing of both guitar and banjo (yay for musical guests, one of whom went to high school with me--his mother and mine used to be really close, but, sadly, she died some years back). However, before flying back to Seattle, she got the call that her little sister in Milwaukee had suffered a stroke. After consultation with various family members it was decided that her big sister would fly from Alaska to Seattle, mom would fly back to Seattle (and pack warmer clothes than she had taken to California), and then the two of them would fly back to Wisconsin more or less together (I think they actually got different flights, but close enough to the same time to share transport to and from the airport).
Sadly, such plans take time to enact, and it turns out that while mom and her big sister made it to Milwaukee safe and sound, they got there about an hour after their little sister had died. This is at least twice now that someone in my family wasn't able to hang on until the people flying there to say good bye were able to arrive. When my step-dad died he did so while two of my sisters were flying to Australia to see him. But death happens when it will, and while we can do things to bring it sooner, it is damned hard to deny or put off, never mind that we have a medical industry dedicated to learning more and more ways to do just that. Then again, quality of life matters--while "not dead" is an amazingly awesome goal in and of itself, one also needs to be able to enjoy living in the body--what we really need is to get to the point that we can deny death in such a way that the survivor has a body which will let them do everything they would wish to be alive to do...
So, now my mom is in Wisconsin, with her one remaining sibling (they lost their brother to a brain tumor many years ago) and I don't know how many nieces, nephews, etc. (mom's little sister had three kids, all of whom have lots of kids each, and Wisconsin is also where her brother's son and his large family live, and where one of her big sister's five kids lives). I hope that the visit turns out to be one that is full of joy and laughter amid the shared grief and mourning, and that the visit becomes a treasured memory for her.
I really want to go post a "good bye" note on my Aunt's FB wall, but her kids haven't shared anything publicly yet--right now there are only "good luck" and "heal well" kind of notes on her wall, and I don't want to say anything in public till her kids are ready to do so. Which, given the time zone difference won't be for many hours anyway--it is still the middle of the night there.
Really puts this cold that has been bothering me into perspective--I may be low energy and coughing out ick, but my brain works, and I am not likely to die. This doesn't stop me from wanting to be back to 100% already, mind you.
I am told that she had a fabulous birthday party in San Fran, involving foods from pretty much everywhere she has ever lived and lots of singing and playing of both guitar and banjo (yay for musical guests, one of whom went to high school with me--his mother and mine used to be really close, but, sadly, she died some years back). However, before flying back to Seattle, she got the call that her little sister in Milwaukee had suffered a stroke. After consultation with various family members it was decided that her big sister would fly from Alaska to Seattle, mom would fly back to Seattle (and pack warmer clothes than she had taken to California), and then the two of them would fly back to Wisconsin more or less together (I think they actually got different flights, but close enough to the same time to share transport to and from the airport).
Sadly, such plans take time to enact, and it turns out that while mom and her big sister made it to Milwaukee safe and sound, they got there about an hour after their little sister had died. This is at least twice now that someone in my family wasn't able to hang on until the people flying there to say good bye were able to arrive. When my step-dad died he did so while two of my sisters were flying to Australia to see him. But death happens when it will, and while we can do things to bring it sooner, it is damned hard to deny or put off, never mind that we have a medical industry dedicated to learning more and more ways to do just that. Then again, quality of life matters--while "not dead" is an amazingly awesome goal in and of itself, one also needs to be able to enjoy living in the body--what we really need is to get to the point that we can deny death in such a way that the survivor has a body which will let them do everything they would wish to be alive to do...
So, now my mom is in Wisconsin, with her one remaining sibling (they lost their brother to a brain tumor many years ago) and I don't know how many nieces, nephews, etc. (mom's little sister had three kids, all of whom have lots of kids each, and Wisconsin is also where her brother's son and his large family live, and where one of her big sister's five kids lives). I hope that the visit turns out to be one that is full of joy and laughter amid the shared grief and mourning, and that the visit becomes a treasured memory for her.
I really want to go post a "good bye" note on my Aunt's FB wall, but her kids haven't shared anything publicly yet--right now there are only "good luck" and "heal well" kind of notes on her wall, and I don't want to say anything in public till her kids are ready to do so. Which, given the time zone difference won't be for many hours anyway--it is still the middle of the night there.
Really puts this cold that has been bothering me into perspective--I may be low energy and coughing out ick, but my brain works, and I am not likely to die. This doesn't stop me from wanting to be back to 100% already, mind you.